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. Author manuscript; available in PMC: 2024 Mar 1.
Published in final edited form as: Sex Res Social Policy. 2021 Oct 15;20(1):216–229. doi: 10.1007/s13178-021-00656-w

Parents’ perspectives on talk with their adolescent and emerging adult children about sex: A longitudinal analysis

Jennifer M Grossman 1, Amanda M Richer 1
PMCID: PMC10062697  NIHMSID: NIHMS1810891  PMID: 37007536

Introduction

Adolescents’ and young adults’ sexual behavior puts them at risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancies, which show higher rates than any other age groups (CDC, 2019; Finer and Zolna, 2016). Emerging adults (18-25 years old), categorized as in-between adolescence and full-fledged adulthood, are particularly at risk, as this developmental stage is characterized by exploration of intimacy and sexuality (Arnett, 2000). This exploration contributes to high rates of sexual risk-taking, including casual sex reported by 50-80% of college students (Gute & Eshbaugh, 2008; Jonason & Marks, 2009), and over 20% reporting 6 or more sexual partners (Caico, 2014).

Family sexuality communication during early (10-13 years old) and middle (14-17 years old) adolescence can be effective in reducing teen sexual risk behavior and increasing comfort with family talk about sex (Bastien, Kajula, & Muhwezi, 2011; Padilla-Walker, 2018; Santa Maria, Markham, Bluethmann, & Mullen, 2015). However, despite the ongoing role of parents in supporting their children’s health in emerging adulthood (Koepke & Denissen, 2012) less is known about the influence of family conversations about sex during this developmental period or the role of emerging adults’ gender in shaping these conversations. Further, no longitudinal studies of family talk about sex track parents’ communication with their children from adolescence into emerging adulthood. Investigation of family talk about sex over time is key to understand how parents’ communication adapts to address changing needs and developmental processes over these life stages. If talk with parents continues to support health during emerging adulthood, it is important for parents and health educators to understand how parents can support their children’s health during this developmental stage. The current study adds knowledge to the field of parent-child sexuality communication by 1) focusing on family communication during emerging adulthood, a time of little investigation for family talk about sex, and 2) assessing change over time in parent-child communication using three time points: early adolescence, middle adolescence, and emerging adulthood and 3) exploring patterns of sexuality communication based on teen and emerging adult gender across three waves of data. This paper can guide parents regarding talk about sex with their emerging adult children and inform policy related to sex education programs.

Each stage of adolescence brings distinct developmental and relational processes (Kirby, 2007), which have implications for family sexuality communication. For example, early adolescence often entails exploration of dating, whereas middle adolescents typically become more involved in romantic relationships and sexual activity. During late adolescence/emerging adulthood more serious romantic relationships and sexual activity become normative, as well as exploration of different types of sexual activity, including one-night stands, which increase teens’ risk for STDs and teen pregnancy (Oswalt, 2010).

Parents’ talk with their children about sex and relationships must be understood in the larger context of change in parent-child relationships in adolescence and emerging adulthood. Theorists describe interplay between individuality and attachment during adolescence which involves interactive dynamics of teens’ growing separation from parents as well as the development of mutuality and connection with them (Grotevant & Cooper, 1985). Early adolescence is characterized by high parental authority and increasing teen separation from parents, which further develops during middle adolescence, bringing more self-direction and distance from parents. Many emerging adults experience increased autonomy and importance of peer relationships, often associated with leaving home for school or work (Furman & Buhrmester, 1992), although many emerging adults continue to live at home with a parent during this period, primarily due to financial constraints (Fry, Passel, & Cohen, 2020). Emerging adulthood is also a time of increased mutuality and connection with parents, when “reliance on parents and self-disclosure become possible again” (Koepke & Denissen, 2012). Therefore, despite often having physical separation from their children at this time, parents’ potential to serve as trusted resources to support emerging adults’ health should not be dismissed. This developmental framework for parent-child relationships fits with findings that teens can be reluctant to talk with parents about sex when they first become sexually active (Crohn, 2010; Golish & Caughlin, 2002). In our previous analysis of qualitative data from participants in the current study, we found that parents perceived teens as more uncomfortable and avoidant of talk with parents about sex in high school than in middle school (Author, 2018). However, developmental change during emerging adulthood may allow for increased openness in family communication (Morgan, Thorne & Zurbriggen 2010). The unique developmental tasks of emerging adulthood (e.g., increased intimacy and exploration of sex and relationships) and this stage of parental-child relationships (showing both separation and growing mutuality) require different parenting messages and strategies than earlier adolescent stages.

Few studies assess parents’ talk with their emerging adult children about sex and relationships. Quantitative studies in this area suggest that conversations about sex and relationships with parents can be protective for emerging adults’ sexual health (Fletcher et al., 2015) and for sexual self-esteem among college women (Riggio, Galaz, Garcia & Matthies, 2014). A qualitative study of college students found that participants’ wanted parents to have more frequent and open conversations with them over time about sex, addressing topics such as dating and relationships, protection methods and sexually transmitted diseases (Pariera & Brody, 2018). Another qualitative study assessing emerging adults’ talk about sex with their parents in their first and last year of college found that participants described their communication with parents as more reciprocal and focused on relationships over time and reported increased openness and comfort with talk at the end of college compared to their first year (Morgan et al., 2010). With few exceptions (e.g., Fletcher et al., 2010) most studies of family sexuality communication during emerging adult include primarily White samples. Recent research identifies variation in how families from different racial/ethnic backgrounds talk with adolescents about sex and relationships (Flores & Barroso, 2017; Widman, Choukas-Bradley, Helms, Golin, & Prinstein, 2013). Research is needed to includes racially/ethnically diverse emerging adult samples.

While the timing of adolescents’ development varies, to be effective in reducing adolescent sexual risk, sexuality communication needs to adapt to each stage to fit teens’ social, emotional, and sexual development (Kirby, 2007). For example, messages about delaying sex are protective for early adolescents (Author, 2014), but are likely to be ineffective for older teens who are already sexually active. A quantitative study of college students found that parents’ messages about sex changed after teens become sexually active, becoming more focused on issues such as how to choose a birth control method and recognizing symptoms of STDs (Beckett et al., 2010). However, this study only followed students for one year. A longitudinal quantitative study which followed families from when adolescents were 14-18 years old found little change over time in parent-teen talk about sex, but family talk during adolescence was predictive of safer sex behaviors at age 21. However, this study was not able to assess quality or nuanced variation within this communication (Padilla-Walker, 2018). A further longitudinal study found low levels of parent-teen communication over time (Padilla-Walker, Rogers, & McLean, 2020). A paper based on earlier data from this same sample found change over three years in parents’ talk with their teens about sex and relationships from early to middle adolescence. For example, when teens were in middle school, parents’ talk with their teens focused on limit-setting and restrictions on dating, whereas when teens were in high school, parents focused on how to engage in healthy relationships (Author, 2018a). However, no studies of family talk about sex include data which spans adolescence and emerging adulthood.

Throughout adolescence, gender plays an important role in family sexuality communication (Ritchwood et al., 2017; Widman, Choukas-Bradley, Noar, Nesi, & Garrett, 2016), although less is known about its role during emerging adulthood. Both teens and parents may be more likely to talk with same sex family members about sexual issues (Caughlin et al., 2000; Wright, 2009). During adolescence, the content of parent-teen talk about sex and its associations with teens’ sexual behavior are shaped by the teen’s gender (Deutsch & Crockett, 2016; Ritchwood et al., 2017; Widman et al., 2016). The content of parent-teen communication often reflects gender-specific messages about sexual behavior (Heisler, 2014; Manago, Ward, & Aldana, 2015; Shtarkshall, Santelli & Hirsch 2007; Ward, 2003), such as parents’ greater likelihood to talk with daughters than sons about postponing sex and avoiding boys’ sexual advances (Kuhle et al., 2015). Parents are also more likely to perceive their early adolescent daughters than sons as not ready to talk about sex (Author, 2018a). Research is needed to explore whether and how the role of gender in family communication about sex changes over time and whether gender differences in communication during adolescence extend into emerging adulthood.

Despite the critical changes in development, sexual behavior, and parental relationships during this period, little research investigates continuity and change in parents’ communication with their children about sex. To our knowledge, this is the first study to qualitatively explore parents’ experiences of sexuality communication with their children over three time points: early adolescence, middle adolescence, and emerging adulthood. All analyses are exploratory. A prior paper used data from this sample to assess similarities and differences in parents’ perceptions of sexuality communication when teens were in middle school and high school (Author, 2018a). The current paper focuses on a new wave of parent interview data (after high school) and compares parents’ perceptions of family talk about sex when their children are emerging adults with early and middle adolescence. It also explores the role of teen/emerging adult gender in family talk about sex.

Methods

Recruitment and Participants

This longitudinal interview sample consisted of parents of adolescents recruited from three schools who were participating in a sex education evaluation study when the students were in middle school. Get Real: Comprehensive Sex Education That Works is a three-year comprehensive sexuality communication program developed by Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts which emphasizes delaying sex while providing medically accurate information about protection. Researchers interviewed participating parents at three time points: when the teen was in 7th grade (Time 1, age=13-14 years old), when the teen was in 10th grade (Time 2, age=15-16 years old), and after high school (Time 3, age=21-22 years old) (see Author, 2014 and 2016 for more information about school recruitment and consent). Parents completing interviews at Time 1 and Time 2 were contacted again four years later by phone, text or email and asked to complete an active consent form to participate in a Time 3 interview. Outreach to parents included multiple contacts at different times of day and included all available contact information provided by parents at previous waves of data collection. Of the original 29 parents interviewed at Time 1, 18 parents completed the interview at Time 3, 8 families were unreachable, and 3 families declined to participate. The analysis sample for this paper only includes parents with an interview at all three waves, 15 parents met this requirement. While the sample is small, it is comparable to that of other qualitative longitudinal studies of adolescents and families (e.g., Lipstein & Britto, 2015). Three parent interviews were excluded from this sample since they did not have interviews at all three time points.

At all three time points, the research team conducted interviews over the phone. For the final sample who had data at all three waves (N=15), 14 participants completed interviews in English and one was conducted in Spanish. Interviews took 45-60 minutes and were translated, when needed, and transcribed. Parents were given $25 at Time 1 and Time 2, and $40 at Time 3 for their participation in the study. Each parent was asked to create a code name at Time 1 to protect confidentiality; those pseudonyms are used here. At the end of each interview parents were provided with a resource list with contact information for organizations supporting youth and family social, emotional, and sexual health. Human subjects’ approval was granted from The Institutional Review Board at (list university) to conduct this work at each time point (January 2011, December 2013, August 2018).

This current sample includes thirteen mothers and two fathers who completed interviews at all three time points. Close to half of this sample self-identified as Black/African American (47%) or as White/Caucasian (47%), and 7% as Hispanic. Over a third of parents (38%) had graduated from college or received more training after college, 27% had some college education and 33% had graduated from high school or had some high school education. Participants described their children as 8 male and 7 female identified. At Time 3, parents described their emerging adult children as either working (56%) in jobs such as food service and retail, or in college (44%), which included trade school and 4-year colleges.

Interview Protocol

Prior to interviews, participants were reminded of the purpose of the study and told that they may feel a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable, and that they could choose not to answer any questions. Interview questions addressed parents’ communication with their teens and emerging adults about sex and relationships at each time point. Specifically, we asked parents about the content of their communication with their teens/emerging adults, their comfort with this communication, and their understanding and experiences of talking with their teens/emerging adults about sexual issues.

Analysis

We used thematic analysis to systematically identify themes in the interview transcripts (Braun & Clark, 2006). The first author summarized the preliminary reflections on each interview code and identified themes and subthemes. These were then discussed, revised, and named by the first and second author. To ensure coding trustworthiness, the first and second authors conducted reliability checks for coding, in which reliability equals the number of agreements divided by the total of codes (Miles & Huberman, 1994). The researchers coded data in groups of five participants, discussing inconsistencies after comparing each round of coding. The final intercoder reliability of 95% represented a high-level agreement between the two coders. Time 3 themes were compared with themes from parents’ Time 1 and Time 2 interviews to explore continuity and change in parents’ perceptions of sexuality communication when their children were emerging adults, compared to when they were in middle school and high school. The themes were not mutually exclusive, in that one participant’s responses could generate more than one code. NVivo 10.0 (QSR International, Melbourne, Australia) was used to facilitate coding.

Results

The first three themes reflect parents’ experiences of and approaches to talk with their children about sex and relationships: Reasons for sexuality communication, Comfort (or discomfort) talking about sex, and Perceptions of children’s engagement with family sexuality communication. The final three themes focus on whether and how parents talk with their teens about specific content areas, namely Talk about dating and relationships, Talk about sexual risk and protection, and Talk about sexual behavior. The results focus primarily on how Time 3 interviews compare with earlier interviews. See Author, 2018a for a more in-depth examination of interviews from Time 1 and Time 2. Table 1 includes the overall percentages for each theme and subtheme across each time point and Table 2 includes the comparisons by gender.

Table 1.

Percentages of Themes across Three Waves of Interviews for All Parents

Time 1 Time 2 Time 3
N All N All N All
Reasons for Talk
Why Talk 11 73% 10 67% 2 13%
Why Not Talk 6 40% 6 40% 11 73%
Parent Comfort
Parent Comfort 11 73% 13 87% 12 80%
Parent Discomfort 5 33% 1 7% 4 27%
Teen/Emerging Adult Engagement in Talk with Parents
Positive teen/emerging adult engagement 10 67% 10 67% 13 87%
Negative teen/emerging adult engagement 6 40% 8 53% 8 53%
Talk about Dating and Relationships 15 100% 14 93% 15 100%
Talk about Pregnancy and STIs 14 93% 15 100% 14 93%
Talk about Sexual Behavior 11 73% 9 60% 10 67%
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Table 2.

Percentages of Themes across Three Waves of Interviews by Teen/Emerging Adulthood Gender

Time 1 Time 2 Time 3
N Male
Teens		 N Female
Teens		 N Male
Teens		 N Female
Teens		 N Male
Teens		 N Female
Teens
Reasons for Talk
Why Talk 6 75% 5 71% 7 88% 3 43% 2 25% 0 0%
Why Not Talk 1 13% 5 71% 3 38% 3 43% 6 75% 5 71%
Parent Comfort
Parent Comfort 4 50% 7 100% 7 88% 6 86% 5 63% 7 100%
Parent Discomfort 4 50% 1 14% 0 0% 1 14% 2 25% 2 29%
Teen/Emerging Adult Engagement in Talk with Parents
Positive teen/emerging adult engagement 6 75% 4 57% 7 88% 3 43% 6 75% 7 100%
Negative teen/emerging adult engagement 3 38% 3 43% 5 63% 3 43% 3 38% 5 71%
Talk about Dating and Relationships 8 100% 7 100% 8 100% 6 86% 8 100% 7 100%
Talk about Pregnancy and STIs 8 100% 6 86% 8 100% 7 100% 8 100% 6 86%
Talk about Sexual Behavior 7 88% 4 57% 6 75% 3 43% 6 75% 4 57%
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Reasons for Talk

In the Reasons for sexuality communication theme, parents described why they talked with their children about sex and relationships. At Time 1 (73%, n=11) and Time 2 (67%, n=10), many parents described why they talked frequently with their teens about sex and relationships compared to fewer parents at Time 3 (13%, n=2). Parents’ descriptions for why they talked with their children about sex had common themes across all three time points, often relating to protecting teens from risk. However, parents’ descriptions at Time 1 of their reasons for talk with their teens were often focused on preparing their children for future relationships compared to addressing current relationships at Time 2 and Time 3. For example, Susan shared about her daughter at Time 1, “She’s a teenager now, so I try to talk to her. Yeah, I think that was the best time to talk to her. She’s not a young lady yet, but it is soon. So I’m trying to prepare her.” At Time 2, parents described the importance of talk about sex and relationships since their teens and their friends were exploring relationships. For example, Kevi shared, “Just recently we had a conversation because a few of his friends are starting to date openly, like the girls are coming to the house with his friends. And so I just asked him how he felt about dating now, at his age, and was he ready or not?” At Time 3, parents’ explanations for conversations with teens often involved concrete and specific issues related to teens’ relationships and sexual behavior. Jean at Time 3 shared her emphasis to her son on avoiding having a second child, “This baby was planned and that’s what bothers me. You were in no position to have a baby. If you’re going to—first of all, if you’re going to sleep around—don’t. But if you do, start wearing condoms.”

At Time 3, parents often described reasons they had little or no talk with their children about sex or relationships (73%, n=11) as compared to Time 1 (40%, n=6) or Time 2 (40%, n=6). At Time 1 and Time 2, parents’ explanations for no talk or little talk with teens about sex or relationships focused on perceptions that teens lacked readiness to have these conversations or were not interested or involved in sex or relationships. For example, Rose at Time 1 said about her daughter, “Definitely when she does start getting her period and more interested in boys or whatever, I’ll talk to her about you have to really like a person and it can’t be with anybody—I mean make sure it’s someone you love type-of-thing.” Jasmine shared at Time 2, “I’ll say little things to her like, you know, but I don’t think she’s ready. I think when she’s ready or when she’s at that point, she’ll come at me.”

In contrast, parents’ primary explanations at Time 3 for not talking or low levels of talk with their children related to their growing maturity and experience, relationships status, and lack of opportunities for talk. For example, Susan shared why she rarely talks with her daughter about sex or relationships, “She’s more mature now. She takes more responsibility of things than when she was in high school…she knows what she wants in life.” Other parents suggested that talk about sex was not necessary given their children’s involvement in long-term relationships. Rose described why she rarely talks with her daughter about these issues, “I took her to get the birth control pill and I’ll text her to say, ‘It’s here.’ But I don’t really ask her too much—since it is kind of a serious relationship, it’s like I don’t…I think if it was more of a casual—you know, just kind of starting dating and this and that, I would be more inquisitive.” Other parents described lack of time with their young adult children as impeding talk about sex. A father, Rian, talked about how he has fewer opportunities to talk with his daughter than he did when she was younger, “I think that there’s not a whole lot of dialogue, just because of the hours. Like you know, when I leave she’s sleeping and then, you know, when she gets back, I’m on my way to sleep or I’m already asleep.”

Parent Comfort

This theme addresses parents’ comfort and discomfort in talking with their teens about sex and relationships. At all three time points, most parents described feeling comfortable talking with their children about sex and relationships (Time 1: 73%, n=11, Time 2: 87%, n=13, Time 3: 80%, n=12). At Time 1, many parents described relative ease in talking with their teens about sex. For example, Maria described talking with her son, “I feel fine because it’s something normal. I want my son to learn from me before he learns from one of his friends in school.” At Time 2 and Time 3, many parents described ways their comfort increased over time, often due to their teens’ development and shifting parent-child relationships. At Time 2, Kevi shared about her son, “I feel like he is more mature and I’m more ready to talk about it, so it’s not so much of a shock to me.” At Time 3, Susan described her growing comfort talking with her daughter about sex, “She’s opened up and I opened up to her too. I think when she was in high school, she was more shy or more—more private. She’s more opened up now.”

Some parents at Time 1 and Time 3 described discomfort in talking with their children about sex (Time 1: 33%, n=5, Time 3: 27%, n=4) but only one parent at Time 2 described discomfort (7%). Parents’ descriptions of discomfort at both Time 1 and Time 3 often related to gender. At Time 1, Ana talked about her discomfort talking with her son, “I think it’s because he’s a male, you know what I’m saying? Like females are easy. We know females, we are females. It’s easier, it’s more comfortable for me as a mom.” Similarly, at Time 3, Jada talked about her experience with her son, “I think I pulled back more…It was definitely a gender thing. Because with my daughter I still talk to her about things like that.” Parents at Time 3 also discussed discomfort talking about sex due to their children’s relationships status. For example, Rose described her discomfort talking with her daughter about sex now that she is in a serious relationship, “I would say a little uncomfortable, just because it’s been a relationship for a couple years. I don’t think I would ever bring up, like ask any questions about their sex life.”

Teen/Emerging Adult Engagement in Talk with Parents

The third theme, Perceptions of children’s experiences of sexuality communication, explores how parents view their children’s responses to talking with them about sex and relationships. It includes subthemes of Positive Engagement and Negative Engagement. Most parents at all 3 time points described their children’s Positive Engagement in conversations about sex (67%, n=10 at Time 1, and 67%, n=10 at Time 2, 87%, n=13 at Time 3), particularly at Time 3. Time 1 parent responses often focused on teens expressing positive engagement by asking questions. For example at Time 1, Jada talked about her son, “He was very inquisitive. Like, ‘Well okay Mommy, you know, I know there’s the sperm and I know there’s the egg, but how does it get there?’” At Time 2 and Time 3, parents often commented that their children seemed open and comfortable with conversations about sex.. At Time 2, Lynn shared, “My son comes home and said, ‘I’m in trouble.’ And I said, ‘Why are you in trouble?’ And he’s like, ‘Because I like this girl.’ And I said, ‘So why are you in trouble?’ And he’s like, ‘Because I don’t think she likes me.’ So he brought the whole thing up, and as that was happening, I was coaching myself silently. I was saying, ‘Just react, don’t lecture, ask short questions, appear interested.’…And I thought that that was very cool that he came home, sat down next to me, and told me what was going on with him.” At Time 3, Lynn shared about her son, “[We] talk about relationships in general and I think he’s open to all of it…. I think we use humor a lot. It helps…it doesn’t take away from the seriousness of the topic, but it helps to—it helps with comfort.” In addition, several parents at Time 3 described ways their teens became more open talk about sex than when they were younger. Alex described her son’s response when she talks with him about sex, “He got comfortable as he got a little older. But when he was about, say, 15/16, it was like, ‘Aw Ma,’ you know?” Similarly, Cara said, “In high school, you know, hanging with her friends and whatever, I felt like it went in one ear and out the other…But I feel that’s all like changed. I feel like she looks for um advice from the older people, whether it be me, her sisters, or—and she listens. I really believe she does.” .

Parents’ descriptions of their children’s Negative Engagement with conversations about sex and relationships were similar over time, with close to half of parents describing negative engagement from their children (Time 1: 40%, n=6, Time 2: 53%, n=8, Time 3: 53%, n=8). At all three time points, parents’ descriptions of their children’s disengagement often included avoiding conversations, eye-rolling and perceived embarrassment. At Time 1, Cara described her daughter’s response when she raises sexual topics, “She just gives me a look.” At Time 2, Kevi shared, “It went alright. I mean he just said, ‘Ma, I know. I know. We hear about it at school.’…he didn’t want to go into further conversation.” At Time 3, Mary talked about her distress at her son’s avoidance of talk with her about sex, “He always says, ‘I know. I know, Mama. I know.’ But I don’t think you know. You don’t know nothing…. because he don’t let me be open like before…He always tries to run away.”

Talk about Dating and Relationships

The first content theme, Talk about dating and relationships, showed high levels of talk at all three time points (Time 1: 100%, n=15, Time 2: 93%, n=14, Time 3: 100%, n=15). However, the focus of conversations shifted at each time point. At Time 1, conversations centered on rules for dating and relationships, such as Ana shared her guidance to her son about when it’s okay to start dating, “I just tell him he’s not old enough. We don’t have an age limit, you know what I mean? Like as far as it goes, I try to tell them to focus on school, get your career together, you know, and then you know, you can think about family afterwards.” At Time 2, communication often addressed teens’ interest or involvement in dating and relationships. For example, Marie described how she talks with her daughter about interest in boys, “I speak to them often about boys, I hear them talking to each other about, ‘Did you see in the hallway today when blah blah blah?’ And I’ll be like, ‘Oh who’s that? Who’s that?’…that kind of opens the door for me to ask them, ‘Well is there anyone that you like?’ You know, ‘Is there anyone that tries to talk to you in a way to let you know that they like you?’ So it just kind of opens the door for a further conversation about the opposite sex.”

At Time 3, conversations often focused on actual relationships, rather than waiting for their children to date or exploring new relationships. Parents often described conversations that address their children’s current relationships, how to manage them, and giving advice about what is healthy and unhealthy within those relationships. Some parents described checking in with their children about how relationships are going. For example, Mary shared, “[her son] said, ‘Oh yeah, I love her.’ I said, ‘Are you sure? Is she the one you want to spend your life with?’” Other parents described conversations where they expressed concern about their children’s relationships. For example, Cordelia shared her response when her daughter wanted to move in with her boyfriend, “And I tell her, you know, ‘If you get yourself into this situation where you’re living with this guy and he’s abusive but you have nowhere to go and you have no economic choices, then you’re going to be screwed.’”

Talk about Pregnancy and STIs

This theme showed high levels of communication across all three time points, with Time 1 at 93% (n=14), Time 2 at 100% (n=15) and 93% (n=14) at Time 3. Some aspects of talk were similar across all three time points, with a consistent focus for many parents on delaying pregnancy and avoiding STIs. Conversations about delaying pregnancy were similar across all three time points. At Time 1, Stephen’s mothers described a conversation with her son, “‘If at this age you reach puberty and you get a girl pregnant. How hard it’s going to be for you, because you’re too little for that. You know? Because at that age, how are you going to find a job? And you’re in school?’” Similarly, at Time 2, Cara describes a similar focus in talking with her daughter, but also shares parts of her own experience, “I talk to her about teenage pregnancy. I tell her how hard it is and, you know, how much she would miss in life as far as like experiences like college, meeting friends. And you know, I talk to her about that because I was young when I had my first child so I’m trying to tell her what she could miss out on.” At Time 3, Mary shared what she said to her son, “If you have children now you have to leave school and go to work. And what kind of job are you going to get now?…McDonald’s is a job and Star Market is a job, but you’re not going to have time to go to school because you have responsibility.”

Parents at all three time points addressed avoiding STIs. However, at Time 1 and Time 2, parents’ conversations with their teens were often more hypothetical and focused on preparation for future relationships. At Time 1, Marie shared her conversation with her daughter, “I told her not that she’s ready yet, but I said when that time comes, she has to protect herself even if a boy says that, ‘Oh it’s fine, you know, you won’t get pregnant.’ It’s not just only about getting pregnant, it’s about sexually transmitted diseases.” At Time 2 Rose described a conversation when she took her daughter to get her HPV vaccination, “She wanted to know why she had to get it, so I went over, how it can cause diseases and it helps prevent, you know, ovarian cancer in the future and you just have to be careful of, you know, sex with different people and a lot of different people and people carry diseases and that type of thing.” In contrast, some conversations at Time 3 were more closely related to the teens’ actual experiences. For example, Jean described a response to her son’s behavior, “‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ You know? I said, ‘Why are you sleeping with this girl unprotected?’ And he was like, ‘I don’t know. It just happened.’ I’m like, ‘Now you have to go get tested.’ And he did. He did bloodwork to make sure he didn’t have any diseases or anything.”

A new focus in Time 3 was conversations exploring and planning for parenthood. For example, Maria shared about her son, “He asks me what is the most appropriate age to have children, we talk a lot about that, and he tells me that in three or four years, he says he has to have his first son. He wants to be stable, wants to get married first and then have a child.” Jada described asking her children whether they want children of their own, “I always tell my kids, you know, ‘One day you’ll have kids, you know, and you’ll understand things that I say and why I say it. (Laughs)’ I said, ‘And it’s okay.’ So that might be the conversation. You know, we have had conversations on do you want to have kids and, you know, sometimes it’s yes, sometimes it’s no, sometimes it’s hell no. (Laughs).”

Talk about Sexual Behavior

The final content theme, Talk about sexual behavior, addresses how parents talk with their children about sexual activity, such as conversations about delaying sex or talk about teens’ sexual relationships. The majority of parents at all three time points addressed sexual behavior (Time 1: 73%, n=11, Time 2: 60%, n=9, Time 3: 67%, n=10), but as with talk about STIs, parents’ discussions with teens at Time 1 and Time 2 were often more hypothetical and future-based than their conversations at Time 3 as well as more focused on delaying sex. Parents at Time 1 and Time 2 often talked with their teens about educational and emotional reasons to delay sex. For example, at Time 1 Marie shared about how she talks with her daughter, “I’m trying to teach her that having sex—you have to be mentally prepared for that and you have to be responsible. It’s more than just, ‘Oh you lay down and you have sex with a boy.’ And you know, a lot of girls, a lot of women cannot handle the emotions that come behind that. So I’m trying to teach her based on that, we would like for her to focus on herself, get to know herself, pay attention and do her best in school, focus on some things that she would like to—some goals that she would like to achieve for herself as far as going on to college and, you know, getting a degree.” At Time 2, Jada shared, “There’s some talk now about not rushing, because it’s really not anything much that they’re missing…So, you know, you’re better off waiting until you’re—waiting until everything’s all, you know, perfect, and you really love the person, you really want to be with this person, you’re feeling like you’re responsible, um, and not just doing it because “Well, what do I do next?” or “That’s what my friends are doing.”’ At Time 3, parents focus more on how to manage sex within the context of relationships. Kevi described a conversation with her son about taking time before re-engaging in sex in a new relationship, “When he and his girlfriend broke up this year, I just said to him, ‘All I ask is that you don’t jump right into a relationship—you take some time. And when you are jumping into it, take every consideration into waiting to have sex.’” Maria described how her son talked with her about his sexual relationship with his girlfriend, “This is your house and I respect that. I will never bring my girlfriend to sleep here because I think that is disrespectful to you.”

Role of teen/emerging adult gender in family talk

This section provides preliminary findings for the role of teen gender in family communication about sex, both qualitatively (parents’ responses which reflected on the role of gender) and quantitively (frequency of responses based on parents with male and female teen/emerging adult children). Given small numbers of parents of male and female emerging adults in this sample, results address tendencies rather than statistical differences. Only one theme, Parent Comfort, showed responses where parents consistently addressed gender as playing a role in their experience of talk about sex. At Time 1 and Time 3, many parents’ explanations for their own discomfort with talk about discussing sexual topics with their children addressed discomfort talking with their children who have a different gender, with a focus on mothers’ reported discomfort talking with their male children. Interestingly, parents did not raise these gender issues at Time 2.

For themes focused on the process of family communication about sex, the percent of parents who addressed different themes often varied based on their children’s gender (see Table 2) as well as by time point. For Reasons for Talk, patterns suggested that at Time 2 and Time 3, parents more often described why they talked with their male than female children, while parents appeared more likely to share why they did not talk with female teens at Time 1. For Parent Comfort, parents tended to report comfort talking with their female compared to male children about sex, which was evident at Time 1 and Time 3, but not at Time 2. Parents also tended to express more discomfort taking with male than female teens at Time 1. For Teen/Emerging Adult Engagement in Talk with Parents, parents tended to describe both positive and negative engagement with talk for male teens at Time 2. This contrasted with Time 3, when parents seemed more likely to discuss their female children’s positive engagement with talk and their male children’s disengagement with talk. Parents’ frequencies of describing their teens’ engagement and disengagement appeared more similar for male and female children at Time 1.

Themes focused on content of talk with parents showed more consistency than process themes across parents of male and female children. The likelihood of parents’ reported talk with male and female children seemed similar for Talk about Dating and Relationships and Talk about Pregnancy and STIs. However, parents seemed more likely to report talk with their male than female children about sexual behavior at all three time points.

Discussion

Findings across the three waves of data suggest that parent-child talk about sex and relationships is not limited to adolescence. While each stage brings shifts to the content and process of sexuality communication, the communication continues. These results fit with an understanding that emerging adulthood can be a time of connection and mutuality with parents, who continue to be key sources of support for their children (Koepke & Denissen, 2012).

However, parents also described less need to talk with their emerging adulthood children about sex, based on their children’s growing maturity and knowledge, as well as reduced time together, reflecting an awareness of their children’s development. Parents’ reasons for talk also shifted with each time point, moving from preparation for relationships, to relationship exploration, to concrete issues and decisions-making in more serious relationships. These changes in how parents talk with their children about sex and relationships reflect developmental stages of adolescent and emerging adult relationships (Arnett, 2000; Kirby, 2007), suggesting that parents’ communication with their children adapted to reflect their children’s changing needs and relationships contexts.

Most parents described comfort talking with their children about sex and relationships, particularly at Time 2 and Time 3. Parents described growing comfort with talk as their teens matured and they got used to their own roles in addressing sexual issues, which may reflect strengthening parent-child relationships during emerging adulthood (Koepke & Denissen, 2012). More parents described discomfort at Time 1 and 3 than Time 2. Discomfort at Time 1 may reflect parents’ perceptions that it is more difficult to talk with younger than older teens about sex (Coffelt, 2010) and parents’ concerns that younger children may not be mature enough for these conversations (Pluhar, DiIorio, & McCarty 2008; Tobey, Hillman, Anagurthi, & Somers, 2011). Emerging adulthood marks the end of adolescence, which may lead to less clarity about parents’ roles in talk with their children about sex. In contrast, parents may feel clear about the importance of their roles in talk about sex during middle adolescence. Parents’ explanations for discomfort also tied to their children’s gender, with some mothers describing discomfort talking with their male children about sex and relationships. It may be that times of transition raised more questions for parents about how to talk with children from a different gender about sexual issues.

Parents described their children’s ongoing positive engagement in talk about sex over time. At Time 1, parents described teens’ engagement in the form of asking questions, while their descriptions at Time 2 and Time 3 focused on their children’s increasing openness and comfort in talking about sex and relationships. Parents described their children’s negative engagement in similar ways over time, including eye rolls, verbal push-back, and avoidance. Overlap in parents’ descriptions of their children’s positive and negative engagement at each time point suggests that children’s responses to talk about sex is not monolithic. Their disengagement may reflect discomfort in discussing sexual issues, while their engagement may reflect a wish to understand and discuss these topics. These findings suggest that a teen’s avoidance of talk in one moment does not necessarily signal a lack of interest in talking about sex or suggest that a teen will not respond to a conversation at another time. Parents need to show persistence and tolerance of their teens’ mixed messages about these conversations, looking for opportunities when their teens may be open to talking about sexual issues.

Parents’ reports showed that conversations with their children often addressed topics of sex and relationships at all three time points, suggesting that issues of sex and relationships remain a focus of conversations across multiple stages of adolescent and emerging adult development. However, the content of conversations shifted over time, with a growing focus on specific relationships and situations as children got older. This shift occurred across all three content areas: dating and relationships, STIs and pregnancy, and sexual behavior. At Time 1 and Time 2, parents described a focus on preparing their children for sex and relationships, laying our ground rules, and exploring hypothetical situations. In contrast, at Time 3 parents talked about discussions with their emerging adult children about how to address specific relationship and sexual situations. At Time 3, parents also described a new focus on planning for parenthood, such as discussing when to have children, rather than a sole focus on delaying pregnancy at earlier time points. The focus on planning for parenthood suggests a major transition in parenting roles as they shift from a risk prevention focus to one that involves support for navigation of new developmental roles. The changes in parents’ talk about sex and relationships suggest that parents adapt their talk to fit the developmental issues facing their children at different time points, consistent with findings that parents’ sexual messages shift after teens became sexually active (Beckett et al., 2010). They also suggest the ongoing relevance of parents in providing support and feedback to their children into early adulthood.

As found in multiple studies (Bulat, Ajduković, & Ajduković, 2016; Deutsch & Crockett, 2016; Widman et al., 2016 2015), gender plays a key role in the content and process of talk about sex and relationships. This study suggests that the role of teen and emerging adult gender is not static over time and may be particularly relevant for how and why parents and their children engage with each other about sexual topics. While parents’ explicit focus on gender was limited to their descriptions of comfort and discomfort talking with their children about sex, the data suggest some gendered patterns in communication processes over time. Parents’ focus on reasons for not talking with teens at Time 1 largely reflected their lack of talk with daughters. This likely relates to gendered ideas about girls’ readiness to talk about sexual issues and a perceived need to protect them from talk about sex and relationships Author, 2018b). Parents reported higher comfort with female children at Time 1 and Time 3, but not Time 2 may reflect parents’ clarity described earlier in the discussion at the importance of talking with all teens during middle adolescence. Perceptions of risk for their male children at this developmental period and their need to actively address sexual issues may over-ride their discomfort in talking with opposite gender teens. Consistent with this reasoning, parents were most likely to describe both positive and negative engagement from their male teens at Time 2, suggesting that middle adolescence may be a time when parents are actively reaching out to talk with their sons about sex and relationships, with a mixed reception. Content of communication was relatively consistent across teens’ and emerging adults’ gender, although parents were more likely to describe talk about sexual behavior with male than female children across all three waves, which may reflect traditional gender role socialization, as studies show that parents often focus more on sexual behavior with their sons while avoiding talk about sex or focusing on abstinence messages with their daughters (e.g., Kuhle et al., 2015).

The vast majority of research on parents’ talk with their children about sex and relationships and its effect on sexual risk behavior focuses on adolescence e.g., Guilamo-Ramos, Bouris, Lee, McCarthy, Michael, Pitt-Barnes & Dittus, 2012; Widman et al., 2016). However, this paper adds to a growing body of research which indicates that parents’ roles in talk about sex extend beyond adolescence (Fletcher et al., 2015; Morgan et al., 2010; Pariera & Brody, 2018). This study suggests that at least from parents’ perspectives, communication continues into emerging adulthood. Further, parents’ changing descriptions of conversations over time suggest parents’ capacities to change and adapt to fit the changing needs and developmental stages of their children. Rather than ending communication about sex and relationships after adolescence, parents may have potential to support and guide their children beyond this period. Quantitative studies are needed to assess whether and how these conversations continue to support health and reduce risky sexual behaviors into emerging adulthood. In addition, future research which includes matched pairs of parents and their emerging adult children would bring a more holistic picture of family communication, and could investigate whether emerging adults view family communication about sex differently than their parents, as findings show for adolescents (Author, 2017; Atienzo, Ortiz-Panozo & Campero, 2015). Regardless of the approach, assessment of talk with parents about sex and relationships with emerging adults’ health must reflect the changing content of talk with parents and expectations for emerging adult health and development.

There are several limitations of this paper. First, this sample largely consists of parents who are highly engaged in conversations with their children about sex. These families’ participation in a comprehensive sex education programs when their teens were in middle school, which included activities to support parent-teen communication, may have increased parent-teen talk about sex and relationships. Future research would benefit from inclusion of parents in longitudinal research who talk less or do not talk at all with their teens about sex and relationships during adolescence. This is also a small sample, particularly when split by teen gender, so results should be considered preliminary. However, this longitudinal sample’s unique data, covering communication over eight years of adolescent and emerging adult development suggests that it contributes to our understanding of family communication, despite the small sample size. Several parents from our original sample did not complete interviews at all 3 time points, largely because family contact information had changed, and some families were unreachable at later waves of the study. These parents showed some demographic differences from parents who completed all three waves of interviews. In order to explore family communication longitudinally, only parents who completed all three waves of interviews were included in the current analysis. In addition, there were only two fathers in this study.

Mothers are more likely to talk with their teens about sex and relationships and are the focus of most research on sexuality communication (Widman et al., 2016). However, research suggests that fathers can play an important role in this communication (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012; Wright, 2009), and future studies would be strengthened by a greater focus on father-teen sexuality communication. This study consists of a sample that is diverse in terms of participants’ racial/ethnic background and education background and achievement, which is a strength of this research. However, given variation in family sexuality communication across racial and ethnic groups (Malacane & Beckmeyer, 2016; Wright, 2009), future research would benefit from following individual racial/ethnic groups over time or comparing communication across groups. Further, with few exceptions (Flores & Barroso, 2017), little research investigates the role of social class in family sexuality communication, which would be a useful area of exploration in future research. Despite these limitations, this in-depth exploration of parents’ experiences of and perspectives on family sexuality communication over three time points provides a unique window into parents’ perspectives on family sexuality communication over different stages of adolescent and emerging adult development.

Research on family talk about sex has documented the importance of ongoing parent-child conversations beyond “the talk” to support teens’ sexual health (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012; Widman et al., 2016), although most parents report only one or few conversations with their teens about sex (Padilla-Walker, 2018). This study’s findings extend that framework to suggest a continuing role for parent-child talk throughout young people’s development. However, parents may face challenges when their comfort or lack of it, and their children’s engagement in conversations about sex and relationships, may not always fit together smoothly. Research suggests that parents struggle with both teens’ resistance to talking about sex and their own discomfort with these conversations (Elliott, 2010). For parents, this may require patience as their children may show avoidance of or negative responses to parents’ efforts to talk with them about sex and relationships as well as tolerance of their own discomfort with these conversations, which may vary over the course of development.

On a policy level, most school-based sex education programs which include parent involvement focus on middle school or high school-age youth (Marseille et al., 2018; Santa Maria et al., 2015). Whereas programs for emerging adults which support family engagement may not be realistic, existing sex education programs would benefit from a focus on the changing needs of adolescents and emerging adults as they develop, and the ongoing role of parents in supporting their children’s health beyond adolescence. Programs which provide online guidance for parent-teen communication could add a component that addresses an ongoing role for parents beyond adolescence. While the health benefits of teen-parent communication are clear (Author, 2014; Secor-Turner, Sieving, Eisenberg, & Skay, 2011; Widman et al., 2016), more resources are needed that recognize health-promoting roles that parents can play across their children’ development. Specifically, parents may need guidance as to how to understand family sexuality communication as a process that spans their child’s development, and to adapt the content and process of family sexuality communication as their children develop.

Conclusion

This study’s findings support an understanding of ongoing parenting roles during emerging adulthood as most families continued to talk about sex and relationships. Parents adapted their communication with teens to reflect their development over time. Overall, they suggest that emerging adulthood may provide new opportunities for parents and their children to talk in open and connected ways about sexual topics. Our findings for ongoing family sexuality communication suggest that supports for parent-child talk about sex and relationships should not be limited to adolescence. This study can encourage parents to maintain their health promoting role by continuing to talk and engage with their teens into emerging adulthood and inform sex-education programs as to the need to continue health education beyond adolescence and into early adulthood.

Funding

This work was supported by the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development: R03 HD095029 and by Wellesley Centers for Women.

The authors are grateful for the families who were part of this project for many years.

Footnotes

Conflicts of interest/Competing interests

The authors declare that there is no conflict of interest.

Availability of data and material (data transparency)

Data are available upon request.

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