Table 3.

Indicative quotes: hope as relational: from hope as ‘work’ to obligation

Participant*	Indicative quote
Sister, F, 51–70, brain cancer	You just have to be hopeful that he’ll have this treatment again and he’ll deal with it quick, if that’s what it was. So yeah, hopeful. Otherwise it’s shit. So you’ve got to be hopeful.
Spouse, M, 51–70, lung cancer (a)	(W)hen your friends and acquaintances hear you’ve got cancer, they all tend to say, “Oh look, she’s a strong girl. You’ll get through this. She’s strong. We’re praying for you. You’ll get through this.” And a few people said that, and I didn’t say anything, but I found it really irritating. That really bugged me because what I thought was, “No, we’re not walking off into the sunset hand in hand to fight the good fight. This is a bloody ugly street fight.” There’s nothing nice about it. There’s nothing noble about it. It’s not Joan of Arc on a horse with a shield and a sword and, “We’re going to slay this cancer dragon.” It’s nothing like that. It is totally devastating.
Daughter, F, 51–70, lung cancer	It was the unknown. We hadn’t been down this path before. We hadn’t experienced this. So, she wasn’t frightened, but she was concerned, and I guess her concern was loss of independence and becoming reliant on ongoing medical care for the rest of her life. So we talked about it and, I said, “Give it a go. Just give it a crack and just see.” And I’m glad we did, because she tolerated it really well and hasn’t had any problems.
Spouse, M, 51–70, lung cancer (a)	The last meeting she was a bit disappointed with because there was no reduction. So she was a little bit down about that. But as I said to her, “It’s better than spreading.”
Spouse, M, 51–70, breast cancer	You have to be realistic about it, but you can’t let what might happen overwhelm what is happening. So, projecting to the future and saying, “Well, what if they find more?” Yet again, it’s those techniques of being positive, keeping things normal, not changing routine. Changing as little as possible, because you’ve got to establish family routine. (…) I can’t see the value in being negative or dwelling on a negative outcome. It will take you back into that depressive state. You become a burden, for want of a better word. And you don’t need that when your partner’s battling such a serious illness, you don’t want to be a burden there.
Spouse, M, 51–70, lung cancer (a)	And this one doctor confused a question and she mentioned something about the side-effects and the medication and the doctor just blurted out in front of everybody, the whole family, “Oh no, there’s no [remission]. You will be on medication for the rest of your life.” (…) Now, that was not what she needed to hear (…). And it was just blurted out so matter of factly by a doctor.
Spouse, M, 51–70, lung cancer (b)	He [oncologist] probably rubbed [her] up the wrong way immediately because he presented a very negative outcome immediately(…). Reading the notes at the time, they obviously hadn’t been pre-prepared and it caught him by surprise. And because it caught him by surprise, he probably spoke in a way that he probably wouldn’t have otherwise done, but that’s where he killed a lot of hope in [her] because that’s when he said, “You have stage four and there’s no such thing as remission.”(…) It really took a lot of positivity out of her response to the disease initially. So, yeah, it was quite devastating for us both.
Spouse, M, 51–70, lung cancer (b)	They don’t understand how hurtful some of the stuff they can say is, and the effects it has on their patients. Almost like it’s unconscious, I suppose. But anyway, as I said, in a social context he’d be probably very personable, people would like him. But as far as [she] was concerned, she would prefer someone to be a little bit more positive.
Mother, F, 70+, neuroendocrine cancer	Give them the facts, sure. But in a way that it’s not just all death and destruction. That there is maybe some light at the end of the tunnel with some research or something that’s going to go on. “We’re progressing all the time,” and talk like that, I think. It’s a better way of talking.

*Participants are identified in data tables by their relationship to the patient, sex (M/F), age range and patient cancer type. Participants with same information are distinguished by the addition of, for example, (a).