Table 3.

Comments illustrating selected themes from message board discussion.

Major Theme	Participant Description	Discussion Questions and Illustrative Comments
		Can you see yourself asking consent questions like the ones in this article? Can you see yourself making “slow down” or “stop” statements like the ones in the article?
Adolescent could apply the article’s examples	White female adolescent, 18 years	(The examples provided) are not so formal or awkward as I might have expected when thinking about ‘getting consent.’ They are things that people actually say, that I myself have said.
Adolescent could not apply the article’s examples	Multi-racial female adolescent, 16 years	I can’t ever imagine saying something like, ‘I don’t want to go any further than kissing.’ What would make saying no hard for me would be what do you do after you say no? Where are you supposed to go? I would feel like that would be so awkward. Do you leave the house? Do you leave the room? Do you stay? It seems I would just try not to put myself in a position where I would need to say no, but that’s just me.
		Appreciation for article (emergent theme)
Appreciation for article	Multi-racial female adolescent, 16 years	I’ve been in a lot of awkward situations. A lot of weird situations that weren’t good at ALL. Seeing this article makes things a lot more clear to me on just how bad these situations could have gone… Rape is serious, and consent is serious. I’m so glad this article was posted.
		How to refuse requests for sexual behavior (emergent theme)
How to refuse requests for sexual behavior	Black female adolescent, 14 years	While you’re “in the moment” it sometimes seems like it’s all going too fast. I think a good tip for everyone is too slow down, analyze the situation and discuss what’s happening with your partner. Instead of just assuming and going ahead with everything. One time, my back and forth boyfriend and I had been making out, and he wanted to do more. I had to stop him, and help him realize that he doesn’t think as clearly and for the future when he’s horny and that we needed to make sure we didn’t regret it. I think it was a big step in our relationship, and I would definitely use that strategy again.
	White female adolescent, 18 years	I personally have always made it very clear to the person that i don’t want them to go any further. Usually by placing their hands in a different place thats more comfortable to me. As well as telling them what i want to do with them. By doing that, they usually understand that thats all I want to do.
		Beliefs about sexual consent (emergent theme)
Endorsement of sexual consent	White male adolescent, 16 years	Consent is such a clear-cut part of sex. Quite honestly, if you have the faintest doubt in your mind of whether or not your partner is giving consent, you should just treat it as if they did not. And verbal communication is of course never inappropriate.
Consent is verbal	Asian female adolescent, 15 years	Consent is verbal, and I really want that to be a well known fact.
Consent can be nonverbal	White female adolescent, 17 years	I cannot see myself asking questions like that, me and my boyfriend have been together for a long time and verbal asking has never been a thing that is done – its more the nonverbal…
Body language can be used to withhold consent	White female adolescent, 18 years	If you’re used to having sex regularly and all of the sudden you say no or the other says no, it can be difficult to go with. What I usually do is turn facing the other way on the bed or even get out of bed and walk way.
		Timing and frequency of communication (emergent theme)
*Communicate before sex	White female adolescent, 17 years	I feel as though it can be hard to say yes or no in sexual situations because a person could be swept off their feet by the situation. They might not know what to say or how to feel about the situation. Some of the phrases listed in the article are simple and would be helpful, but I personally feel as though it would be hard to get any of it out. A lot of sexual situations are spontaneous, so I feel these conversations should happen before a couple becomes sexual. I know sometimes that may not work, so when it can’t be planned for then a person has to be prepared to set their boundaries on the spot.
Communicate in the moment	White female adolescent, 15 years	its really important to always make sure your partner is okay with everything, regardless of how often it happens. my ex boyfriend and i had sex pretty frequently, but even after we grew used to each other and how we react to things, he still always asked me if i was okay with everything at least twice everytime things started getting fired up.
		What makes it difficult to say “yes” to sexual activities?
Underlying reluctance or unwillingness to have sex	White female adolescent, 18 years	It makes it difficult to say ‘yes’ to sexual activities when you don’t feel comfortable with your partner or the situation.
Absence of a request for consent	White female adolescent, 18 years	The first time I had sex, my partner didn’t ask if I was okay with it, and it turns out I wasn’t. We had been together for a long time, but I didn’t want to go farther, and I really had wished that they had asked if I wanted to. I ended up stopping them after a few seconds.
Fear of being judged	Multi-racial female adolescent, 17 years	Sometimes it can be hard to say yes because you may feel what your doing will be seen as bad by someone else or that you think people will judge you…
		What makes it difficult to say “no” to sexual activities?
Underlying desire to nurture or preserve a relationship	White female adolescent, 18 years	When you’re in a relationship for a long time, and you’ve been sexually active, it’s hard to look at you’re partner and say you’re not in the mood if they’re all over you. You look at them and you kinda rationalize it and say well, I love them so I guess I can show them by sleeping with them, or giving in. Nobody really wants to admit that, but it does happen.
	Black male adolescent, 17 years	I think what makes telling someone no you’re not ready for sex (difficult) is the fact that they may feel like you don’t love them or you don’t like them. Someone could also be scared that if they say no that the other person may want to break up with them.
Involvement in a potentially unhealthy relationship	Black female adolescent, 16 years	…you don’t want to then you’ll feel pressured to do it so you HAVE to say yes…
Belief that sexual consent can be assumed after saying “yes” once	White female adolescent, 17 years	I feel like once it has happened once then it just feels like it should be okay.
Being caught up in the moment	Multi-racial female adolescent, 15 years	I think it is sometimes (difficult) to say no for some people because there are some situations where things sexual are starting to happen and you could get distracted with it feeling good and not really thinking about the fact that you don’t particularly want this to be happening because of the person or situation or just your own morals.
Lack of skills to determine sexual boundaries or deny sexual consent	White male adolescent, 16 years	I’ve always been pretty good at knowing my boundaries when it comes to sexual acts. People haven’t always with me, and most of the time I just let it happen.
Intoxication	Asian female adolescent, 17 years	It’s always hard to say no when you’re caught up in the moment, and it’s especially hard when under the influence of alcohol… be aware of how alcohol effects you with others.
		Is it more difficult to set clear boundaries with a new person or with someone you’ve been dating for a while? What things make it easier or harder to do?
More difficult with new partners	White female adolescent, 16 years	I think saying no can be difficult with anyone really. If you’re with someone new, it could be hard because you don’t want to turn them away from you. You want to keep the new person. But it’s also hard with someone you’ve been with for a while, especially if you’ve already had sex. They may think you’re trying to break up with them or they did something wrong. Saying no can be hard, especially if you’re worried about hurting them… (also categorized under “more difficult with established partners”)
Easier with new partners	Multi-racial female adolescent, 17 years	With a new person, you can stop them from going too far by simply stating that you barely know each other and don’t feel like it’s right to go too far yet. But with someone you’ve been dating for a while, certain sexual behaviors are expected and it can be hard to say no when the other person really wants it. (also categorized under “more difficult with established partners”)
More difficult with established partners	White female adolescent, 18 years	I think it would be more difficult to set clear boundaries with someone I’ve been dating awhile because they will be so used to one thing and not the new boundaries and will be harder to say yes or no.
Easier with established partners	White female adolescent, 17 years	I think that it is way easier to set boundaries with someone you have been with for a long time because there [is] more understand[ing].
		Other factors affecting the ease of setting boundaries (emergent theme)
Closeness to partner/overall relationship quality	Latina female adolescent, 18 years	I think it depends on how comfortable or close you are with the person you’ve been dating for a while, i feel like for me it would be easy for me to talk to my boyfriend about setting different or new boundaries but at the same time it becomes like a habit and it may be harder to set new boundaries with the other person because then they’re like well we’ve done this or that before and maybe begin to question if you feel comfortable still with them. It would all depend on how close and easy it is for the both of you.
Age	White female adolescent, 18 years	When I was younger it was more difficult to set boundaries with a new person just because I felt embarrassed or awkward. But now that I’m older I feel comfortable setting boundaries.
Self-efficacy for setting boundaries	White female adolescent, 18 years	I personally have always made it very clear to the person that i don’t want them to go any further. Usually by placing their hands in a different place thats more comfortable to me. As well as telling them what I want to do with them. By doing that, they usually understand that that’s all I want to do.
Perceived benefits of conversations about boundaries	White female adolescent, 18 years	I think it is important to know how to say to someone that this is how far you want to go with them and that you don’t want to go farther. It is important to make that clear to the other person so that there is no confusion. (emphasis added)