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. Author manuscript; available in PMC: 2024 Jan 1.
Published in final edited form as: Sex Educ. 2022 Apr 7;23(4):449–463. doi: 10.1080/14681811.2022.2062591

“I put it all out there. I have nothing to hide. It’s my mom”: Parents’ and Emerging Adults’ Perspectives on Family Talk about Sex

Jennifer Grossman 1,*, Charnell Jones 1, Amanda Richer 1
PMCID: PMC10281721  NIHMSID: NIHMS1799723  PMID: 37346469

Abstract

Protective effects of talk with parents about sex, for delaying sex and reducing young people’s risky sexual behaviour may extend from adolescence to emerging adulthood. However, little is known about the content and process of this communication, or how parents and their emerging adult children perceive their conversations about sex and relationships. This study offers a novel exploration of family talk about sex during emerging adulthood and addresses topics that are not typically assessed as part of communication research, such as consent and positive talk about sexuality. This study uses thematic analysis to investigate perceptions of family talk about sex in a qualitative sample of 16 pairs of parents and their emerging adult children in the USA, and includes talk about protection, sexual behaviour, pregnancy and parenting; the positive aspects of sex; consent; and sexual orientation. Findings identified variation across topics in terms of 1) similarities and differences in parents’ and emerging adults’ comfort in talking with each other about sexual topics; and 2) how they perceive this communication across a range of sexual issues. Findings can inform the development of resources to support parents on how to talk with their emerging adult children about sexual issues in a developmentally appropriate way.

Keywords: emerging adult, family communication, sexuality communication, qualitative

Introduction

Parents’ talk with adolescents about sex can protect teenagers from risky sexual behaviours (Padilla-Walker 2018; Widman et al. 2016) and some research suggests that these protective effects may extend beyond adolescence into early adulthood (Fletcher et al. 2015; Flores, Meanley, Wood, and Bauermeister 2020). High sexual risk during emerging adulthood (Caico 2014), a period from ages 18–25, makes it important to understand whether and how family communication about sex may play a protective role. The term emerging adulthood describes a developmental stage between adolescence and adulthood (Arnett 2000). It may be conceptualised as time of identity exploration, with less dependence on parents/caregivers than in adolescence, but not yet fully taking on adult roles and responsibilities (Arnett 2000). Despite a focus on independence during emerging adulthood, parents remain important influences during this period (Manago, Ward, and Aldana 2015). This study explores family communication about sex during emerging adulthood and extends existing research on family talk about sex to include the positive aspects of sex, consent and parenting among other issues.

Emerging adulthood brings opportunities for increased mutuality, reciprocity and connection with parents (Koepke and Denissen 2012) and reflects an acknowledgment of differentiation from parents (McGoldrick, Preto, and Carter 2016). These changes may allow for increased openness in family communication (Morgan, Thorne, and Zurbriggen 2010) with opportunities for more open and comfortable talk about sex, in contrast to adolescence, when parents and teenagers are often uncomfortable talking with each other about sexual development and intimacy (Crohn 2010; Malacane and Beckmeyer 2016). Comfort with family talk about sex is also shaped by gender, with US parents reporting greater comfort in talking with children of the same gender about sex (Flores and Barroso 2017). It is unclear whether these gendered patterns extend to parents’ communication with their emerging adult children.

Studies suggest that emerging adults value talk with their parents about sex and relationships. One study of college students found that they reported greater openness and comfort in talking with their parents at the end of college, compared to their first year (Morgan et al. 2010). Another study found that college students expressed interest in frequent and open conversations with parents about sex (Pariera and Brody 2018). However, to our knowledge, no studies to date have addressed both parent and emerging adult perceptions of family talk about sex. Hearing perspectives from both parents and emerging adults’ is important as parents and their adolescent children may recall communication about sex differently, with parents typically reporting more talk than teenagers about sex (Atienzo, Ortiz-Panozo, and Campero 2015; Scull, Carl, Keefe, and Malik 2021). This discrepancy can reduce the protective effects of parent-teenage communication about risky sexual behaviour (Kapungu et al. 2010), and suggests the need to investigate emerging adults’ talk with their parents about sex.

Furthermore, few studies to date have investigated consent, sexual orientation, and positive aspects of sex, which parents may see as especially difficult to discuss (Grossman, Nagar, Charmaraman, and Richer 2020). A study of college students found that emerging adults want parents to talk with them about sexual orientation and sexual assault (Pariera and Brody 2018). Issues of consent have gained greater visibility in recent years with the onset of the #MeToo movement in the USA (Regulska 2018), but little is known about whether this is a topic for family communication. Parents may talk more about related issues with daughters than sons, consistent with traditionally gendered scripts (e.g., Manago et al. 2015), especially when it comes to avoiding boys’ sexual advances (Kuhle et al. 2015). A recent study of non-parental family members’ talk with teenagers about sex found that extended family members identified consent as an important topic to discuss, and one which they believed was not sufficiently addressed as part of sex education (Grossman et al. 2020). In recent years, the USA has experienced major shifts in public opinion about sexual orientation, moving from 31% to 61% acceptance of gay marriage in the past 15 years (Pew Research Center 2019). However, parents still often assume their children’s heterosexuality (Harkness & Israel 2018) and may avoid discussing this topic (Sneed, Somoza, Jones, and Alfaro 2013). Finally, few studies have assessed whether parents talk with teenagers about the positive aspects of sex (Meier and Allen 2009) for fear that discussing these issues may encourage teenagers’ sexual behaviour (Pariera 2016).

In the light of these findings, this cross-sectional study investigated perceptions of family talk about sex in a qualitative sample of 16 pairs of parents and their emerging adult children from across the USA. This study explored 1) similarities and differences in parents’ and emerging adults’ comfort talking with each other about sexual topics, and 2) how participants perceived communication across a range of sexual issues. It extends current research by including both parents and their emerging adult children’s perspectives on family talk about sex, and by investigating consent, sexual orientation and the positive aspects of sex.

Methods

Recruitment and Participants

Background

The interview sample was initially drawn from adolescents in three schools who participated in Get Real: Comprehensive Sex Education that Works, a comprehensive middle school sex education curriculum developed by Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts. For Time 1 interviews (2012), the teenager was invited to participate, along with one parent, selected by the family. Twenty-nine parents and 29 adolescents participated in interviews at Time 1 (when teenagers were in middle school, aged 11–13). Time 1 participants were then contacted by telephone, text or email and asked to participate in later waves of interviews. Time 2 interviews were conducted in 2015, (when teenagers were in the 10th grade, aged 15–16 years).

The current study

At Time 3 (the data for this study) in 2019, 18 parents and 17 emerging adults (aged 21–22 years) completed interviews. Sixteen parent-child pairs were included in analysis; 2 parents and 1 emerging adult were excluded as their matching family member did not complete a Time 3 interview. Participation required active consent, and all participants consented for their own participation as they were 18 years old or older. Human subjects’ approval was granted from The Institutional Review Board at Wellesley College to conduct the work in August 2018. All emerging adult participants completed interviews in English and one parent interview was conducted in Spanish. Interviews were translated as needed and transcribed. Parents and emerging adults were each given $40 for their participation. Participants were asked to create code names to protect confidentiality (for clarity, only emerging adult participants’ pseudonyms are used here). All participants were provided with a resource list with contact information for organizations supporting youth and family health.

Sixteen parent-child pairs were interviewed about their conversations regarding sex and relationships. Among parents, fourteen (88%) identified as female, while two (12%) identified as male, consistent with the role of mothers as the primary family sexuality educators (Widman et al. 2016). Parents’ self-identified racial/ethnic backgrounds were: nine (56%) Black, five (31%) White, one (6%) Latino/a, and one (6%) multiracial/multiethnic. Three (19%) parents reported having some high school education, three (19%) finishing high school, four (25%) completing some college, and six (38%) completing college. Among emerging adult participants, eight (50%) identified as female, and eight (50%) identified as male. Emerging adults’ self-identified racial/ethnic backgrounds were: eight (50%) Black, three (19%) White, two (12%) Latino/a, and three (19%) multiracial/multiethnic. Among emerging adults, seven (44%) were working, five (31%) wre in college, and four (25%) were both working and in college. Thirteen (81%) self-identified as heterosexual, two (13%) identified as bisexual, and one (6%) identified as lesbian.

Interview Protocol

Interviews were conducted separately over the telephone with parents and their emerging adult children. Prior to interviews, participants were reminded of the purpose of the study and were told that they could choose not to answer any questions, especially if a question made them feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. Interviews were semi-structured and took 45 minutes to 1 hour.

Interview questions addressed participants’ experiences of and attitudes toward communication with each other about sex and relationships. Specifically, participants were asked about the content of their communication, their comfort with this communication, and their understanding of talking about sexual issues. Interviewers asked participants, “How comfortable are you talking about sex and relationships with [emerging adult child/parent]? Interviewers suggested response options of “Not comfortable at all, a little uncomfortable, somewhat comfortable, very comfortable,” then asked, “What do you think makes it [comfortable/uncomfortable]?” Interviewers stated, “For each topic, tell me whether you’ve talked about it with [emerging adult child/parent]. Then I’ll ask you to try to remember a conversation you had about each topic.” Topics included: protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), sexually transmitted diseases, having sex, having children, religious values or beliefs about sex, consent, sexual orientation, and positive things about sex. In Time 3 interviews, participants were encouraged to answer questions about family talk for the period since the emerging adult child finished high school.

Participants in the larger study were each interviewed three times over a period of eight years. The PI trained all interviewers to understand the protocol and sample. Interviewers were trained to follow a semi-structured format. There was some overlap in interviewers across time points, while other interviewers were unique to this wave of data collection. To minimise bias, such as social desirability effects related to interviewing participants over multiple time points, the research team discussed bias in interview training. Reliability checks also included a team member who did not conduct any of the project interviews.

Analysis

Thematic analysis was used to identify themes in the interview transcripts (Braun and Clark 2006). The first and second authors summarised preliminary reflections on each interview code and identified themes and subthemes. They then discussed, revised and named them. Themes were not mutually exclusive in that one participant’s responses could generate more than one code. To ensure coding trustworthiness, the first, second and third authors conducted reliability checks, in which reliability was assessed in terms of the number of agreements divided by the total of codes (Miles and Huberman 1994). The researchers coded data in groups of five participants, discussing inconsistencies after each round of coding. After several rounds of reliability coding, discussion, and adjustment of thematic definitions, the final intercoder reliability of 90–94% for parent and emerging adult themes represented a high-level agreement between coders. NVivo 12.0 (QSR International 2018) was used to facilitate coding.

Results

We describe seven themes. The first reflects parents’ and emerging adults’ comfort in talking with each other about sexual topics. The remaining six themes focus on whether and how parents and emerging adults talked with each other about specific content areas, namely: planning for parenthood; protection against pregnancy and STIs; sexual behaviour; positive aspects of sex; consent; and sexual orientation.

Comfort and Discomfort

Many participants described comfort talking about sex. One parent, Leila’s mother, indicated that she felt “comfortable” talking “because I’m a very blunt person and a very open person. I speak what’s on my mind.” Similarly, Leila described talking with her mother about sex, “I’m pretty open with stuff, so I don’t ever like think to not say anything.” Chris’ mother also described her ease at talking with her son about sex, “I’m very comfortable… So, I always felt like I would try to be—not be their friend, but just be the parent that would explain things a little bit more so they would understand why not to do certain things or maybe to do certain things.” Her son Chris described too feeling “very comfortable” talking with his mother about sex. He said, “I put it all out there. I have nothing to hide. It’s my mom. She’s going to take care of me no matter what.” Lily’s mother talked about her comfort talking about sexual topics with her daughter, “That’s my daughter. She’s open and I open up to her too. I think when she was in high school—she was more shy or more—more private. She’s more open now.” Lily described why she was comfortable talking with her mother, “I’m pretty comfortable with it. It never bothered me. I think because it’s my mom…what she’s been through in her life because she doesn’t want to see it happen to us… so I’m going to teach you about it before it happens and stuff like that.”

Rather more emerging adults (n=10) than their parents (n=4) described discomfort with talk about sex and relationships, often related to concern about their parents’ reactions, feeling awkward, or reluctance to talk about sex or the specifics of sexual issues. For example, McLovin described feeling uncomfortable and apprehensive when talking with his mother because “she’s very graphic. And I’m just like, ‘Ma, stop. Please stop.’” He “expected it to get awkward because [his mom] would try to embarrass [him].” In contrast, his mother said she felt “very comfortable” with these conversations and stated, “We have that open discussion.” Steven Smith talked about how he avoided talking about his “sexual history and sexual partners” with his mother, “Just because she’s my mom and that feels like it’s crossing a boundary. I think she would be willing to talk, but I certainly don’t want to.” His mother shared, “I’ve always been very comfortable talking about sex.”

Some parents described feeling uncomfortable because of their children’s discomfort. Tony’s mother shared, “It was actually kind of uncomfortable for me, you know, not because I couldn’t have done it—but just you know, not wanting to make it too weird for him.” Tony described conversations with his mother about sex as “uncomfortable” because “sometimes like parents will be like oh, like they’re just trying to look out for their child and stuff, or take things like out of like proportion and just make quick judgements.” Stephen’s mother explained that she feels “not too comfortable,” because her son always says, “‘I know. I know, Mama. I know’… He always tries to run away.” Stephen confirmed his mother’s experience of conversation with him as uncomfortable, describing himself as “barely” comfortable, “because that’s my mom and I’m her child… I don’t say too much—like get too much into details, because you know, that makes me a little bit uncomfortable.”

Planning for Parenthood

Most parents (n=14) and their emerging adult children (n=14) described talking about options for future parenting. Responses comprised two subthemes: delaying parenthood and exploring options for parenting. Many parents’ (n=10) and emerging adults’ (n=12) conversations addressed delaying parenthood, including a focus on financial stability and career beforehand. McLovin described talking with his mother thus: “Like I should have one career, maybe some residual income here and there, and a peaceful life. Not stressing, trying to get myself on my feet and having a kid.” Similarly, his mother said, “I’ve always stressed, you know, ‘We’re not going to have babies at a young age.’” Sasha’s mother described her messages to her daughter about not having a second baby, “I told her, ‘If you want good things—’ I said, ‘If you want her to have things, if you want her to be able to join things like cheerleading or anything—dancing school and this and that—you’ve got to really, you know, not have a baby. Because you can’t give—you can’t take care of two babies at once. You can’t—you can’t have the best life for both of you.’” Sasha echoed her mother’s message, “Well, don’t get pregnant again, for sure.”

Many parents (n=7) and emerging adults (n=9) reported discussing whether and when to have children. For example, David’s mother said this about her son: “He asks me what is the most appropriate age to have children, we talk a lot about that, that if at 27 and he tells me that in three or four years, he says he has to have his first son, he wants to be stable, wants to get married first and then have a child.” David shared a similar account, “I tell my mom, honestly, I want to have kids at the same age she had me. She was 23. She was turning 24, and honestly I think that’s not bad because after that I feel that you start slowing down so that’s why I’m trying to prepare myself and do things the right way now because when I get to that time, I want to be prepared.” Lily also described how she talked with her mother about having children, “I don’t want children… She’s like, ‘It’s your choice. It’s up to you. It’s whatever you want to do. But I’m okay—like I support you with whatever decision you make.’” Lily’s mom shared about discussing having children, “She (Lily) says she don’t want any… It’s hard [for me] because I said that too.”

Protection

Most parents (n=12) and emerging adult participants (n=11) described conversations about using protection against pregnancy and STIs. The topic of preventing STIs, which included discussion about protection methods, was mentioned by both parents (n=9) and emerging adults (n=11). Jack’s mother described one conversation with her son, “I explained to him, ‘Even if you hold off [having sex], you’ve got to be careful. You know, always use protection because you don’t know who that person is that they’ve slept with.’” Jack described his mother’s message as follows: “Well the first thing is definitely always, you know, wear a condom. That’s the first thing no matter who you’re with, whether it’s a four-year relationship or someone you just met.”

David’s mother too talked about STIs: “We talk a lot about that subject. That’s why he says he also uses protection to protect himself from diseases.” David described conversations with his mother as follows: “Yeah she tells me to be careful. You know now I am in a relationship so I’m not talking to a bunch of females, but when I was single, she always told me to be careful that I could get something.”

Less than half of participants (n=7 of emerging adults, n=7 of parents) described talking about preventing pregnancy, however. Daswanya and her mother described conversations about birth control pills: “She wants to know if I’m being—like using protection…She wants to know if I’ve been making sure I take my pill and stuff.” Her mother similarly reported asking Daswanya, “‘You taking your birth control pills?’” Tony’s mother described talking with Tony about pregnancy prevention, “‘Well if you’re going to be having sex, use a condom… You’re just as responsible, even though you can’t get pregnant.’” Tony shared a less detailed account of a conversation with his mother, “we definitely had a conversation about .. um .. just making sure I wrap it up and stuff like that.”

Sexual Behaviour

The theme of Sexual Behaviour addressed whether and when to have sex. Over half of parents (n=9) compared to fewer (n=9) emerging adults described conversations about this. Accounts of talk (or lack of talk) within family pairs were often inconsistent, however. For instance, Brittany’s mother described a conversation she had with her daughter about sex: “She told me that she wasn’t ready, and he [her boyfriend] was okay with that…she goes, ‘I’m not ready for it but he understands.’” In contrast, Brittany described sex as “something she really hadn’t talked to me about.” One participant who called herself Student said about her mother: “She’s obviously curious to know like what her children are doing and stuff like that. She’ll ask like, ‘Are you guys having sex?’ or something along those lines. And then we’ll just start a conversation based off that.” Student’s mother, however, had a different perception of their talk: “Unless we’re making reference to like a movie, you know, that we’ve seen, or something like that. We don’t talk about like her father and I, and I don’t ask her.”

Positive Aspects of Sex

This theme referenced talking about sex in an affirmative or healthy way. Few parents (n=2) compared to more than half of emerging adults (n=9) reported talking about the positive aspects of sex. Some described sex as a way to feel close with a partner or as an activity that feels good. For example, Student’s mother explained, “it brings you closer together—if you’re already close, it will bring you closer. It can be done in a loving—in such a loving way that you definitely feel closer.” Student described having received a similar message from her mother, “like how it’s supposed to be like an intimate moment like between you and the partner and things like that. Like sex isn’t always a bad thing.”

In some families, the young person described talking with a parent about positive aspects of sex, but the parent did not. Brittany described her mother’s comments, “She said sex was like um .. something that um … like keeps you guys closer. Like it strengthens the relationship more,” while her mother stated that they did not discuss this topic. Daswanya described her mother’s comments about sex, “So she’ll be like, ‘Oh, you know, it feels so good when they do this and this,’” while Daswanya’s mother commented, “I don’t talk like that.” In contrast, Sarah’s mother explained why she did not talk with her daughter about positive aspects of sex, “No. (laughs). I’m not trying to encourage things.” Sarah confirmed that her mother did not talk with her about positive aspects of sex, “Not sex, but positive things about relationships.”

Consent

Discussion about consent included conversation about whether and how people agree to have sex, pressuring someone or feeling pressured to have sex or sexual contact, and experiences and impacts of sexual assault. Less than half of parents (n=7) and emerging adults (n=6) reported talking about consent. A few participants described talk about the importance of giving and getting consent and concerns related to mixing alcohol and sex, particularly at college parties. For example, Jack’s mother described talking to her son before he went away to college: “That’s one thing I would always do—like if something was on the news about, you know, a girl getting raped in college or somebody videotaping it, I’d always make sure my kids saw this and I’d always say, ‘What would you do if you were in this situation? You were at a party, and you’d seen a girl being treated like this, what would you do?’” Jack also described his mother’s focus on consent: “That’s something she hammered into my head. Just always make sure you have it. I mean just—that’s a whole another world of pain that I think I’d rather have—I think I’d rather get a girl pregnant than have sex with a girl that I don’t have consent with.”

Other parents described conversations related to the media and #MeToo movement. Raven’s father, for example, described talking with his daughter about current events: “Definitely with the times, with the #MeToo movement and different things going on, with the Kavanaugh hearing, I think we had a discussion about um just in terms of like, you know, boundaries and grey areas and things that go on and judgement.” However, Raven herself reported that her father did not talk with her about this topic.

Several parents and emerging adults described why they did not talk about consent. Some participants said there was no need to talk about consent as the issus was self-explanatory. For example, Leila’s mother said, “We’ve never talked about it, but I think that they are old enough to know that no means no, and if you want to, then you go ahead.” Leila also reported that she and her mother did not talk about consent. Other parents expressed the belief that consent was not a concern for their children. For example, Sasha’s mother said about her daughter, “I don’t believe that she would allow someone to force her to have—that’s just not her personality. And she sees—I mean there’s too many women in the family that she knows that they—you know, that were strong women and, you know, that wouldn’t happen to her.” Sasha reported that her mother too did not talk with her about consent.

Sexual Orientation

Most parents (n=10) and emerging adults (n=10) described conversations about sexuality and sexual orientation, including talk about their own or others’ orientation or their perceptions or opinions about this issue. Conversations often focused on LGBTQ family members or friends. For instance, Chris’ and his mother described having conversations about Chris’ brother: “I have and we have because my oldest son is gay… So [Chris] has lived with it many years now with his brother… just feeling comfortable enough to—to talk about sexual orientation.” Chris shared how this topic came up on a regular basis: “Yeah. I have a gay brother, so I mean that’s a conversation we talk about… we were just having a conversation about him and his relationship like with his boyfriend and stuff like that. Like they’re—like right now they’re going their ups and downs I guess.”

Tony’s mother shared that she often talked to Tony about sexual orientation: “We’ve had lots of conversations, particularly because he does have a gay uncle and I have quite a few gay friends actually. And I said, ‘You know, people don’t always choose the bodies that they’re in.’” Tony shared, “We were talking about—my uncle is gay. We were just talking about like how he was growing up and like how it was for him and stuff—and just like how it was for him when he came out and stuff like that.”

Some participants held negative views about sexual minorities, typically tied to religious beliefs. David’s mother described her thoughts: “We believe a lot in God, and he tells me that he likes women, that he does not like men, because that is another thing that youth face today and we think that Biblically it is not right. God did not create homosexual people…” David described one conversation with his mother about a cousin who identified as a lesbian: “It was kind of in between because we are not negative about it and we’re really not positive about it, but it’s like, we tried to figure out why she became gay.”

Discussion

This study explored family talk about topics such as consent and the positive aspects of sex, which have seldom been investigated and is one of few to include both parents’ and emerging adults’ perspectives. The study found that parents were involved in talking with their children about sex and relationships, even as they became young adults, suggesting that parents of emerging adults may continue to provide important support in this respect.

Many parents and emerging adults described feeling comfortable talking about sex and relationships, although several young people described discomfort with these conversations. This reported mixture of comfort and discomfort suggests nuanced experiences of comfort. It may be that emerging adults, like adolescents, are uncomfortable discussing specific issues related to sex due to concerns about parental judgement or disappointment (Crohn 2010), while they may have fewer worries about more general conversations, which can give them opportunities for advice, connection, and support.

Parents and emerging adults were largely consistent in reporting talk about protection and planning for parenthood. This suggests that discussion of these topics may be more comfortable, frequent or in-depth compared to other topics. In contrast, views differed when it came to talk about sexual behaviour and the positive aspects of sex. Inconsistent reports of talk about sexual behaviour fit with prior research showing that parents are more likely than teenagers to report parent-teen talk about these issues (Atienzo et al. 2015; Padilla-Walker 2018). Parents may talk with their children in vague or unclear ways (e.g., Aronowitz and Agbeshe 2012) due to discomfort discussing sexual issues (Guilamo-Ramos Jaccard, Dittus, and Collins 2008; Malacane and Beckmeyer 2016).

Study findings suggest there is considerable variation in 1) the topics families discuss and 2) whether and how parents and emerging adults view these conversations. Conversations about sexual behaviour and the positive aspects of sex were less common and were often perceived differently by parents and emerging adults. Conversations about consent tended to be viewed in similar ways but were infrequent and limited in scope. Less than half of parents and emerging adult participants reported talking about consent. While issues of consent have gained a higher profile in the last several years, under the impact of the #Metoo movement (Regulska 2018), this topic is not common in parents’ communication with their children (Padilla-Walker, McLean, Ogles, and Pollard 2020). Consent is particularly important for families to discuss since most school-based sex education programs do not address it (Shapiro and Brown 2018).

Consent in this study primarily referred to interactions with strangers at parties, rather than within ongoing relationships or in relation to family abuse. This fits with the myth that sexual assaults are committed by strangers rather than known people (Merken and James 2020). Future research would benefit from exploration of gender and racial differences in family talk about consent, particularly given silence around women’s experiences of sexual assault in Black communities (Tillman Bryant-Davis, Smith, and Marks 2010).

High levels of reported talk about sexual orientation in this study may reflect changing times and the shifting of taboos across generations, consistent with rapid change in how US residents view sexual minorities (Pew Research Center 2019). These findings contrast with those in prior studies which find that families rarely talk about this topic (Harkness and Israel 2018; Sneed et al. 2013). Many of the conversations about sexual orientation in this study related to significant people in participants’ lives, such as friends and family, which suggests that the topic may become more accessible when there is a familiar LGBTQ person to discuss.

Overall, the study’s findings suggest that communication about sex and relationships can and does continue beyond adolescence, although further research is needed to assess the impact of these conversations on emerging adults’ sexual risk behaviour. Developmental changes during emerging adulthood may provide opportunities for increased openness between parents and their emerging adult children (Morgan et al. 2010), which can enhance family talk about sex and relationships. However, family engagement is not consistent across topics. Some topics, like the positive aspects of sex, may remain difficult for parents to talk about with their children, in part due to fears that these conversations may encourage sexual behaviour (Grossman et al. 2018; Pariera 2016).

Variation in parents’ and emerging adults’ descriptions of whether and how they talked about different topics was also striking, with high congruence in some areas, such as protection and planning for parenthood, but lower congruence in sexual behaviour and positive aspects of sex. This variation in parents’ and emerging adults’ perceived talk across topics adds nuance to prior findings of discrepancies between parents’ and their children’s reports of talk with one another about sexual issues (Atienzo et al. 2015). These discrepancies matter since adolescents are more likely to delay sex and to use protection when parents and adolescents agree on whether they have talked about sexual issues (Kapungu et al. 2010). It may therefore be useful to explore the match between parents and their children’s reports of talk about sex in context-specific, rather than more general ways.

Limitations

This sample of highly engaged parents may talk more with their children about sexual topics than a more representative group of parents. Social desirability bias may also lead participants to describe family talk about sex and relationships in ways they perceive the interviewer to view as positive. Families’ participation in a school-based sex education programme when the emerging adult participants were in middle school may have increased family sexuality communication, although these effects may be limited more than five years later. Repeat interviews (three in eight years) may have also increased participants’ comfort in talking about sexual topics. Furthermore, the sample size is small, so findings should be viewed as preliminary rather than definitive.

In order to compare responses across parents and their emerging adult children, the interview protocol asked consistent questions about content of talk across interviews. This may have led to participants to omit reference to some topics of family communication which were not raised directly by interviewers. Research is needed to assess talk between fathers and their emerging adult children, which cannot be fully addressed in this study given the small number of participating fathers. Furthermore, given the complexities of family talk across gender about sexual issues (e.g., Flores and Barroso 2017), future research would benefit from examining gender match (or mismatch) in parent-child talk about sex (i.e., father/daughter versus father/son), which we were unable to explore in this small-scale study. This may shed light on under-represented topics in this study such as consent, the positive aspects of sex or the role of comfort in family talk about sex, as family conversations about these topics tend to differ based on parent and child gender (Flores & Barroso, 2017; Manago et al. 2015;). Finally, although the study sample was racially diverse, additional research is needed to clarify possible differences in communication based on racial/ethnic background.

Implications

This study’s findings carry implications for factors that may enable parent-child conversations about sex and relationships to be sustained into emerging adulthood. For example, parents could work to increase their comfort in talking with their children about sex. It may be useful for parents to observe their emerging adult children’s reactions to discussions of different sexual topics; to gauge their receptivity to these and other conversations.

Parents may not know how to address topics of consent or positive aspects of sex. Practical resources on how to talk about these sensitive issues may provide useful strategies. For conversations about consent, resources such as Raising Children with Healthy Boundaries (Hambrick 2020) and How to Have a Sex Positive Talk With Your Kids (Wisner 2022) aim to offer actionable advice on talking about consent and positive sexuality. While few resources directly address talking with emerging adult children, the tips they offer extend beyond childhood.

Conclusion

Beginning to talk early with children about sex and relationships (i.e. before adolescence) may set parents and children on a path of communication, which may continue even as the child reaches emerging adulthood. Participation in educational programmes and accessing supportive resources for family talk about sex early in parent-child relationships may help begin this process. Many health education programmes that focus on family communication address the parents of middle or high school-aged youth (Santa Maria et al., 2015) but fail to provide support to parents with emerging adult children. Since parents may remain a key resource for emerging adults when it comes to sex and relationships, it is important to provide them with support in how to talk honestly and openly with about sexual issues in an appropriate way, adapting conversations about sex and relationships to a child’s age and developmental stage (Malacane and Beckmeyer, 2016).

Table 1.

Parents’ and emerging adults’ communication about sex (N=16)

Parents Emerging Adults
N N
Comfort talking about sex (parents out of 15)
 Comfort 13 13
 Discomfort 4 10
Planning for Parenthood 14 14
 Delaying parenting 10 12
 Exploring options for parenting 7 9
Protection against pregnancy and STIs 12 11
 Preventing STIs 9 11
 Preventing pregnancy 7 7
Sexual Behaviour 9 5
Positive Aspects of Sex (parents out of 15) 2 9
Consent 7 6
Sexual Orientation (parents out of 15) 10 10
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