Table 3.

Overview of themes and key components.

Theme	Summary of key components	Condensed exemplar quotes
Kindred spirits: we just sort of work	Connection and closeness	“we were kind of glued together at that point”,
	Reciprocity	“we … seem to have built a closeness that we can both be happy with”
	Learning about partner's pain	“I think the longer we've been going out, it feels a bit more of a shared experience and a shared kind of condition in a way”
	Respecting limitations	“I think it [pain] makes us prioritize what we do want to do, even from just an energy standpoint”.
Loving in everyday acts: it's not above and beyond, it's concerned supportiveness	Living with pain is reciprocal work	“[pain creates] more work, and yet, we're really happy to do [the work]”
	Accommodating pain through everyday acts of loving	“[I’m not] going above or beyond [but] just doing what I feel any partner would or should do”
	Concerned supportiveness	“it was just it was a really sweet action… and it was kind of a dark time…. definitely uplifting”.
	Asking for help and asking to help	“[the] best way to find out what you can do to support your partner with pain is just to ask”
It's OK to be vulnerable with each other: we can talk it through	Being (repetitively) vulnerable	“romance comes [with] a lot of vulnerability and stuff”
	Being open and talking about pain	“[we’re] more confident to share things with each other, …nothing else seems as big as an issue [as pain]”
	Disclosing pain	“how do I go about telling somebody I’ve got all these illnesses and how do I go about saying that the pain I’m in”
You can’t see over the horizon: hopes and fears for the future	Hope for the future as a couple	“[we’re] in a new kind of [exciting] phase of life
	Fears of being a burden	I wouldn’t want anything that you have to deal with to get worse… [although] we [would] be able to deal with as we go”.
	Fears about employment	“making enough money to actually survive while also not wearing myself into the ground”
	Fears about fertility	“if we have to go through IVF we will go through IVF…as a team”