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. Author manuscript; available in PMC: 2025 Mar 1.
Published in final edited form as: J Fam Psychol. 2023 Nov 30;38(2):260–269. doi: 10.1037/fam0001176

The ‘what’ and ‘how’ of father-teen talks about sex and relationships

Jennifer M Grossman 1, Amanda M Richer 1, Lisette M DeSouza 1, Jacqueline Brinkhaus 1, Cody Ragonese 2
PMCID: PMC10922493  NIHMSID: NIHMS1940879  PMID: 38032651

Abstract

For adolescents who have a father in their lives, father-teen conversations about sex and relationships can protect teens from risky sexual behaviors. However, little is known about the content and process of these conversations. This study explored topics of and approaches to fathers’ talk with their teens about sex and relationships in interviews with a diverse sample of 43 fathers of high school-aged adolescents from across the U.S. Interview data were analyzed using content analysis. The results showed how fathers talked with their adolescent children about topics of sexual behavior, risks of sex, dating and relationships, as well as less studied areas of diverse sexual and gender identities and consent, and how these conversations differed with male and female teens. Findings also showed that fathers took multiple approaches to talk about sex, including personal talk, talk about friends and family, and use of media and other distal contexts to start conversations. These findings show how fathers contribute to the sexual socialization of their adolescent children and suggests points of access for fathers who are unsure how to approach talk with their teens about sex and relationships.

Keywords: adolescence, fathers, family communication, sexual health, sexual communication

Risky sexual behaviors make teens vulnerable to sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy (Szucs et al., 2019). In the U.S., rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis are increasing and nearly half of new STIs occur in young people ages 15–24 (Kreisel et al., 2021). While teen pregnancy has declined in the U.S., only half of teen mothers complete high school by age 22 (Martin et al., 2021) incurring educational and economic costs for themselves and their offspring (Wright et al., 2021), which disproportionately impact Black and Hispanic/Latinx teens (Martin et al., 2021). Parental communication about sex can protect against adolescents’ risky sexual behavior (Widman et al., 2016). However, most research focuses on mothers’ conversations or does not distinguish which parent is speaking (Widman et al., 2016). While not all adolescents have a father in their lives, exploring the nuances of fathers’ communication, or lack thereof, with teens, can offer insight into how to support teens’ health.

Fathers’ talk with teens about sex and relationships can protect teens from risky sexual behaviors (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012; Wright, 2009), but the positive impact of these conversations is limited as many fathers do not talk with their teens about sex (Grossman et al., 2021; Sneed et al., 2013). Fathers are often uncomfortable talking about sex and many lack language and information to have these conversations (Grossman et al., 2022; Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2021; Scull et al., 2022), which helps explain low levels of father-teen talk. Despite this, fathers identify their roles in talk with their teens about sex as meaningful and express interest in gaining tools to support these conversations (Grossman et al., 2022; Guliamo-Ramos et al., 2021). However, most parent-based sexual health interventions focus on mothers (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012). To develop programs which are targeted for fathers, research is needed to understand father-teen talk about sex and relationships and how fathers approach these conversations.

Research suggests similarities and differences in mothers’ and fathers’ talk with their teens about sex and relationships. Frequent topics of mothers’ and fathers’ talk with teens include delaying sex, dating and relationships, condom use, and delaying pregnancy (Kapungu et al., 2010; Sneed et al., 2013). Mothers are more likely than fathers to talk with their teens about sex and relationships (Scull et al., 2021; Wright, 2009). However, both teens and fathers view fathers as uniquely contributing to these conversations (e.g., acting as role models for teens and sharing their own experiences)(Grossman et al., 2022; Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2021).

Some topics of parent-teen talk about sex and relationships are rarely studied with fathers or mothers. Consent has gained visibility as a key issue in recent years with the onset of the #MeToo movement (Regulska, 2018) and is identified by adolescents as important to discuss with their parents (Pariera & Brody, 2018). However, many parents see this topic as taboo to talk about with their children (Padilla-Walker, 2018). A study using the same sample included in the current paper found that fathers identified consent as an important topic to discuss with their teens (Grossman et al., 2022). Parents often assume their children’s heterosexuality in talk with them about sex and relationships (Harkness & Israel, 2018), and avoid talking with teens about sexual orientation (Sneed et al., 2013). Parental anti-sexual minority bias can be particularly harmful for teens with minoritized sexual identities (Hubachek et al., 2022). Research is needed to investigate whether and how fathers talk with their teens about these under-studied topics.

Fathers are more likely to discuss sex and relationships with their cisgender sons than daughters (Evans et al., 2020; Wright, 2009). This may in part reflect fathers’ discomfort in talking with their daughters about sexual issues as well as a belief that fathers are more responsible for educating sons than daughters about sex (Wyckoff et al., 2008). Studies show that parents are more likely to talk with daughters than sons about delaying sex (Flores & Barroso, 2017), consistent with stereotypical expectations of girls to maintain their virginity and resist boys’ sexual advances (Evans et al., 2020; Flores & Barroso, 2017). One study found that over half of daughters reported no communication with fathers about risks of pregnancy, preventing HIV and STIs, or using condoms (Stewart et al., 2019).

Quantitative studies often assess whether a parent has talked with a teen about a sexual topic (e.g., teen pregnancy), but not how they approached the conversation. The approach is important because fathers identify not knowing how to start a conversation with their teen about this topic as a barrier to talking with teens about sex (Grossman et al., 2022; Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2021). Most studies which assess talk about sex focus on whether a certain topic has been discussed (direct communication) (Widman et al., 2016), while some studies describe less straightforward communication about sexual values (indirect talk), such as alluding to sexual behavior without naming it (Raffaelli & Green, 2003). A quantitative study of parent-teen talk about sex found that 56% of participants reported indirect talk with their fathers about sex compared to 45% who reported direct communication (Grossman et al., 2021). This suggests the need to explore different approaches fathers use to talk with their teens about sex and relationships.

Sexual socialization provides a framework to understand how talk with parents about sex can shape teens’ sexual health. It posits that children develop beliefs and values about sex through messages parents share with them (Shtarkshall et al., 2007). Sexual socialization constitutes messages from talk about protection or advice on a teen’s relationships, to setting rules and expectations for sexual behavior. Studies show that parents are an important source of teens’ sexual socialization (Shtarkshall et al., 2007).

Little research assesses the content and process of father-teen conversations about sex and relationships or how teen gender shapes them. While our prior research using this sample focused on fathers’ experiences and attitudes about talk with their teens about sex and relationships (Grossman et al., 2022), the current paper addresses fathers’ reports of talk with their teens about sex and relationships. This research can help tailor interventions to support fathers’ health-promoting talk with their teens. Using a sexual socialization framework, this qualitative study investigated how fathers perceive communication with their adolescent children about sex and relationships among a sample of 43 fathers of high school teens from across the U.S. The U.S. focus of this study is important to recognize. While attitudes towards sex and sexual communication vary across regions, cultures, and families, U.S. attitudes tend to be less open and comfortable with sexual issues than many other parts of the world (e.g., Brugman et al., 2010). Our research questions and interview protocols were developed within this context. Because this study was exploratory, we did not generate hypotheses. Research question 1: How do fathers perceive the content of their conversations with their adolescent children related to sex and relationships? Research question 2: How do fathers approach conversations with their teens about sex and relationships? Research question 3: What role does adolescent gender play in fathers’ talk with teens about sex and relationships?

Methods

Forty-three fathers in the U.S. were interviewed between February 2021 and June 2021. Most father participants (81%) were biologically related fathers, 12% were stepfathers, and 7% were adoptive fathers (Table 1). All fathers identified as cisgender. Fathers’ self-identified racial/ethnic background was 37% White, 33% Black, 23% Latino, 5% Asian, and 2% Middle Eastern. Twenty-one percent of fathers identified as 51–60 years old, 44% as 41–50, 30% as 31–40 and 5% as 30 or younger. Twenty-eight percent of fathers received a degree after college, 21% finished college, 19% completed some college, 21% finished high school, 9% of fathers did not finish high school and 1 father did not provide a response. Most fathers (81%) reported they worked full time, 7% worked part time, 10% did not work and 1 father did not provide an answer. All fathers identified as heterosexual. Most fathers were born in the U.S. (74%). Forty percent of fathers were located in Western U.S., 33% were located in the Midwest, 26% were in the South and 2% were in the Northeast. Most fathers lived with their high school aged teen (79%). Teens of the fathers interviewed had an average age of 15.53 years (SD=1.37), with 47% in 9th grade, 23% in 10th grade, 12% in 11th grade, and 19% in 12th grade. Teens were 51% cisgender male, except one teen who identified as transgender, and 49% were cisgender female. To contextualize fathers in this sample, the first time a father is quoted, we include a brief description of his background.

Table 1.

Father Sample Descriptives

Number Percent
Region
 West 17 40%
 Midwest 14 33
 South 11 26
 Northeast 1 2
Father Relation
 Biologically related 35 81
 Step 5 12
 Adoptive 3 7
Race/Ethnicity
 White 16 37
 Black 14 33
 Latino 10 23
 Asian 2 5
 Middle Eastern 1 2
Born in the U.S. 32 74
Work status
 Full time 35 81
 Part time 3 7
 Not working 4 10
 Prefer not to answer 1 2
Education
 Less than high school 4 9
 Completed high school 9 21
 Some college 8 19
 Completed college 9 21
 Degree after college 12 28
 Prefer not to answer 1 2
Lives full-time with teen 34 79
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This study was approved by the IRB of record. We collaborated with three community partners to recruit fathers across the U.S. These organizations focus on promoting gender equality and social justice, and building families’ capacities, particularly in communities of color. Recruitment materials invited fathers to join a study on how fathers and teens talk (or don’t talk) about dating and relationships. Interested fathers were asked to complete an online survey to determine study eligibility and provide contact information. We aimed to include at least 30 fathers in the sample. Fathers were eligible if they identified as a father (biologically related, step, adoptive, or foster) of a high-school aged teen and had regular contact with the teen. Sixty-four fathers completed a screener survey, with 21 fathers who were not eligible (e.g., not a father of a high-school aged teen) or decided not to participate. Interviews averaged about 1-hour and were conducted and audio recorded via Zoom. Forty-three fathers were interviewed, with 38 interviews completed in English and five completed in Spanish. Interviews were translated, as needed, and transcribed. Fathers were given $50 for their participation.

Four members of the research team, including the PI (the first author of this paper), conducted interviews. The research team included individuals with diverse backgrounds related to gender, race/ethnicity, age, and parenting identities. The research team discussed aspects of these identities and their potential impact on the study related to interviewing (e.g., engagement with male and female participants) and analysis of study data (e.g., how identification with parent-focused versus teen/young adult identities shapes analysis). The PI discussed the protocol and interview content and process with the group and followed up with individual meetings as needed to discuss questions based on specific participant scenarios (e.g., interviewing a participant who reports no talk with their teen). Interview guides were developed based on parent interview protocols from the team’s prior studies and research on father-teen talk about sex (Grossman et al., 2018; Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2021) and were modified based on team feedback and pilot interviews. Interviewers were asked to review each father’s responses to the online survey prior to the interview. Interviewers reminded fathers that the study purpose was to understand how fathers and teens talk about sex and relationships. Based on expectations from our IRB interviewers reminded fathers that it would be normal to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed talking about these topics. Each father was asked to create a pseudonym to protect his confidentiality; those pseudonyms are used in this paper. Fathers were told they could choose not to answer any questions. The following questions were asked “I’m going to ask you about some things that parents and teens sometimes talk about. For each one, tell me whether you’ve talked about this topic with (teen’s name). Then I’ll ask you to tell me about a conversation about this topic.” Topics addressed were: dating, condoms, sexually transmitted infections, having sex, teen pregnancy, healthy or unhealthy relationships, consent, and diverse sexual and gender identities. To understand how fathers talk with teens, we asked the following questions, “Have things like a movie, tv show, or music that you listen to ever jumpstarted a conversation with (teen’s name) on dating, relationships, or sex? [If yes] tell me about an example” and “Can you think of a time you and (teen’s name) talked about their friends’ experiences with dating or relationships? [If yes] tell me about an example.”

Content analysis was used to systematically identify themes in the interview transcripts (Patton, 2015), given our focus on comparing the frequency of different themes (Vaismoradi et al., 2013). We used a deductive process to develop primary themes, based on topics of fathers’ talk with teens included in interview protocols. First, overarching themes were identified. These were discussed, revised, and named by the first and second author, who both have experience analyzing qualitative interview data related to family communication about sex and relationships. After each theme was identified, additional examples were sought in other interviews. To ensure coding trustworthiness, the first and second authors conducted reliability checks for coding, in which reliability equals the number of agreements divided by the total of codes (Miles & Huberman, 1994). To minimize bias, reliability checks included a team member who did not conduct any project interviews. The researchers coded data in groups of five to ten participants and discussed inconsistencies after each round. The final intercoder reliability of 91% represented high-level agreement between the two coders. The themes were not mutually exclusive, in that one father’s response could generate multiple codes. Only themes that fit with at least 10% of participants’ responses were included. Nvivo 12.0 (QSR International, Melbourne, Australia) was used to facilitate coding.

The data presented in this study are available on request from the corresponding author. The data are not publicly available due to concerns about privacy of participants’ responses. We report how we determined our sample size, all data exclusions (if any), all manipulations, and all measures in the study. This study was not preregistered.

Results

We describe six themes. The first five themes reflect the content of fathers’ descriptions of talk with their teens about sex and relationships. Content themes include: Sexual behavior, Risks of sex, Dating and relationships, Consent, and Diverse sexual and gender identities (see Table 2). The final theme addresses how fathers approach these conversations with their teens.

Table 2.

Father talk with teens

All Fathers (N=43) Fathers of Female Teens (N=21) Fathers of Male Teens (N=22)
Number Percent Number Percent Number Percent
Sexual behavior 34 79% 16 76% 18 82%
Risks of sex 35 81% 17 81% 18 82%
Consequences of teen pregnancy 21 49% 9 43% 12 55%
Consequences of STIs 11 26% 3 14% 8 36%
Condoms 24 56% 6 29% 18 82%
Dating and relationships 40 93% 20 95% 20 93%
Advice to teen 34 79% 18 86% 16 73%
Heathy and unhealthy relationships 31 72% 17 81% 14 64%
Consent 24 56% 10 48% 14 64%
Navigating consent 19 44% 8 38% 11 50%
Assault and harassment 14 33% 7 33% 7 32%
Diverse sexual and gender identities 30 70% 13 62% 17 77%
Approaches to talk
Personal 38 88% 18 90% 19 86%
Friends and family 31 72% 17 81% 14 64%
Distal 30 70% 16 76% 14 64%
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Sexual behavior

The theme Sexual behavior includes talk about having sex and was addressed by most fathers (79%, n = 34). These conversations largely focused on delaying sex, including talk about readiness for sex and reasons to delay sex, often related to the family’s values and religious beliefs. Jeff (White, Midwestern father who does not live with his daughter) described a conversation with his daughter, “When I bought her the purity ring, I explained to her what it was for…I explained to her, ‘My desire is for you to wait until your wedding night to have sex. You know, this is what this ring is about.’” A father who called himself Tiger (Black, Western father who lives with his son all of the time) talked about a conversation with his son, “I’ve talked to him just, saying, sex is not something you just do. I think looking at videos and social media, it glorifies it. I talked to him a lot about sex is something that you do with someone that’s really special. I really would hope that you would wait till you’re married. I do say that if you are in a committed relationship and you feel like you love this person, and both of you are ready for this huge step, then you know, you take the precautions.”

Risks of sex

The theme Risks of sex, addresses conversations about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or teen pregnancy and was addressed by most fathers (81%, n = 35). The first subtheme, Negative consequences of teen pregnancy (49%, n = 21), includes talk about potential missed opportunities due to teen pregnancy and responsibilities and burdens of teen parenthood. Tiger shared a conversation with his son, “We were watching a movie and it was a story of a young girl who got pregnant in high school. And she ended up dropping out of high school and the guy left her and, just showed that she had a really tough life…So he said, ‘Dad, so does that mean I had to drop out of high school?’ I said, ‘No, but it just means that you might have to get a job. You might have to do some things to take care of your child and that’s not necessarily the path that I want for you.’” Roger (Black, Southern father who lives with his daughter some of the time) shared what he told his daughter, “I’ll tell her the realities of being a parent. You are now second for the rest of your life. Like if you want to have the babies…You sacrifice the world for your children, but at the end of the day, you have to make sure that your child eats. You have to make sure that your child has clothing, shoes, health insurance.”

The second subtheme, Negative consequences of STIs (26%, n = 11), includes talk about negative impacts of contracting an STI, such as getting sick or dying, having an incurable disease, or getting someone else sick. Mickey (Latino, Western father who lives with his son all of the time) talked about conversations with his son, “I’ve showed him pictures like on Google, like what sexually transmitted diseases can look like on a man’s genitals – the looks, the feel, the pain, the you know and all the other stigma that comes along with it…I had an uncle who died – he had AIDS. So, as a teenager we learned about sexually transmitted diseases. And so, I, in turn, shared that with my children, like sex is real serious, you know. If you’re not responsible sexually, you can potentially lose your life.” Michael (Latino, Western father who lives with his daughter all of the time) described talk with his daughter, “There’s a lot of STDs out there and you gotta be careful and you know, maybe I’m bringing something that a friend got, when they did something and they got something and now they have to take a pill for the rest of her life.”

The third subtheme, Condom use (56%, n = 24) includes talk about using condoms, including teens’ questions and fathers providing condoms for their teens. Al (White, Southern father who lives with his son all of the time) discussed a conversation with his son, “It does feel better without a condom, but no, not acceptable. I need you to understand this. If you ever want me to just give you one, so you can have it in your pocket to blow it up like a balloon at a party or something. I would rather you be protected in a situation that might come up surprisingly or suddenly.” Vic (Black, Midwestern father who does not live with his daughter) talked about what he told his daughter about condoms, “I told her it’s a necessity. Hey, when dealing with sex with somebody, it’s just something you just got to do (use condoms), not just about getting pregnant. It’s also about the idea of protecting her wellbeing.”

Dating and relationships

The theme Dating and relationships includes both general talk (e.g., when is a good age to start dating) and specific talk (e.g. teen’s interest in someone). This theme was addressed by almost all fathers (93%, n = 40). The first subtheme was Father gives advice (79%, n = 34) and includes fathers’ rules and guidelines about how to manage dating. For example, Derek (Black, Midwestern father who lives with his son all of the time) shares what he tells his son, “I tell him he’s too young to be dating. I just tell him to take it easy and make sure that’s what he wants and make sure school comes first before anything else.” Roger described what he says to his daughter on how to take care of herself, “It kind of goes back to me just telling her like, ‘Make sure whatever you do, you’re doing it because that’s what you want to do, not because you’re trying to do it to keep a guy, not because you’re trying to do something to please somebody. You do things on your time and on your terms.’”

The second subtheme, Healthy and unhealthy relationships (72%, n = 31), included fathers’ general talk with their children about qualities of a healthy relationship. For example, George (White, Western father who lives with his son all of the time) described how he talks with his son, “Just how important it is to be able to communicate and be friends with somebody when you’re in a relationship, whether it’s sexual or not… and also by modeling our behavior, showing respect for somebody that you are in a relationship with. When there’s bumps in the road, like how do you get through it? And it’s, you know, through communication and through respect.” James (White, Midwestern father who lives with his daughter all of the time) described how he talked with his daughter about concerns about her relationship, “She was dating a boy and he was on the phone with her and said some very nasty things to her, called her like very bad words. I talked to her about how that was unhealthy and that’s not appropriate. He shouldn’t be doing that and that’s not good.”

Consent

The theme Consent includes conversations about agreeing or not agreeing to sex and setting or respecting boundaries for physical or sexual contact (e.g., kissing, touching, sex). This theme was addressed by half of fathers (56%, n = 24). Descriptions of talk about consent were closely tied to teens’ gender. The first subtheme was Guidance to navigate consent (44%, n = 19), which focused on setting boundaries and listening to and respecting those expressed by others. Michael shared his message to his daughter, “Just don’t let anybody push you and always make sure that you give the okay. If you feel uncomfortable then just say no and that’s it. Don’t ever let someone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do when you’re not ready too.” Dewater (Black, Southern father who lives with his son some of the time) described what he said to his son, “Each and every person, simply because they’re human beings, have a right to make decisions for themselves. You should not force them in any kind of way, especially not when it comes to engaging in a sexual way…It doesn’t matter where you are in the process. The point is to respect their wishes and stop.”

The second subtheme addresses Sexual assault and harassment (33%, n = 14), often related to specific incidents, with a minority of participants talking about concerns about false accusations. James shared his discussion with his daughter about unwanted sexual activity, “One of her friends didn’t consent to a sexual activity and she was really upset about it. And so, we talked about the importance of making sure you’re in a safe environment, having a safety plan that you’re not alone with someone you don’t necessarily trust.” One topic, only discussed by Black fathers with their sons, addressed concerns about potential false accusations of assault. Felix (Black, Southern father who lives with his son all of the time) shared, “I was listening to Tribe called Quest in the car and they got a song called Date Rape…So I just asked him, after we listened to the song, I was like, ‘So what was that about?’ And he was like, ‘It sound like he was being framed for rape and you know, didn’t know how to get out of it.’ And I was like, ‘okay, well, you know, how did he even end up in that situation?’ And so it just, it gave us opportunity where he could kind of just think about ways to keep himself from getting in that type of situation.”

Diverse Sexual and Gender Identities

The theme Diverse sexual and gender identities includes talk about sexual orientation or gender identity, such as values and beliefs, experiences, and expectations for how to treat people with minoritized sexual identities including talk about the teen’s own identity and about identities of friends and family members. This theme was addressed by most fathers (70%, n = 30). This topic often came up when teens made comments about their own sexual identities or identities of their friends. For example, Alief (Latino, Southern father who lives with his daughter all of the time) shared, “My daughter asked, ‘Dad, if I would ever tell you that I like girls, that I identify as a lesbian,’ or she even will use the example of my son, ‘or if your son ever said he was gay, what would you say, dad? How would you act?’ And I told her honestly, I would accept you for who you are. I love you.” Some fathers expressed mixed sentiments about this issue, addressing the importance of treating all people respectfully, but noting that their personal beliefs conflict with LGBTQ identities. For example, Dewater explained, “We’ve discussed this as an ancillary issue. The consensus is that although we may not agree with it because of our religious background, that does not mean that we mistreat in any way someone who either agrees with it or who has…made a choice and they’re engaging in that kind of behavior.”

Approaches to talk

The Approaches to talk theme addresses contexts of father-teen conversations, including entry points to discuss sex and relationships. Subthemes ranged from focusing on their own experiences (Personal talk), to talk about people they know (Friends and family talk) to more distant sources, such as media or politics (Distal talk). In Personal talk (88%, n = 38), fathers often discussed their own relationships as models for healthy relationships. Deondre (Black, Southern father who lives with his daughter all of the time) explained, “I would tell her - you see how I’m treating your mum, see how she treats me, this is normal. But at the same time she does hear us argue or disagree and I tell her it’s normal for people to disagree but you don’t see any physicality here.” Other fathers talked about their teens’ relationships. Pan (White, Midwestern father who lives with his son all of the time) described a conversation with his son, “He got into a fight with his girlfriend just recently. I knew they were going to get back together. So I just explained, well, let’s look at it through her eyes. Let’s look at it through, you know, your eyes. You know what I mean? And we just discussed a bit. We’re very real with each other and honest.”

The Friends and family talk subtheme (72%, n = 31) includes conversations among family, friends, or people they know. Some fathers talked about people who struggled with issues related to sex and relationships. Ted (Black, Midwestern father who lives with his daughter some of the time) shared how he talks with his daughter, “One of my nieces had a child when she was 17. So, you know, just kind of using her as an example. We’ve talked about it and like, ‘Hey, that makes life hard.’ And you know, you definitely should be avoiding that. And her response is, ‘I know, of course, duh,’” Alief described conversations with his daughter about her friends’ struggles related to sex and relationships, “She’s shared with us experiences of her friends having sex or getting pregnant, experiencing domestic violence by the boyfriend beating her or um, verbally abusing her, emotionally abusing them. And when she talks about it, we just–we listen, we listen. We talk to her and we ask her, you know, ‘Why do you think that happened? Well, what do you think went wrong?’”

Distal talk (70%, n = 30) includes conversations that address politics or media. Many fathers discussed how they used distal sources to start conversations about topics they weren’t sure how to bring up. César (Latino, Western father who lives with his son all of the time) talked about how a commercial opened up a conversation with his son, “I already knew that more or less it was his time when his body was going to change. There was a commercial I think, and a girl came by and I said, ‘Look, she look’s gorgeous, right?’ And it just made him laugh. And I started to bring it up little by little like that…like I didn’t know how to start the talk, and I saw that on TV and it came to me to tell him like this and we started the topic like that.” Another father, Marcus (Black, Western father who lives with his daughter all of the time) talked about how he takes opportunities to talk with his daughter about relationships, “Watching other people, watching movies, then on social media, TikTok, you know, like there will be people having fights over their girlfriends and you know, and you’re telling her like, ‘Babe, that’s not how you do that. You know, nobody should be in a situation like that and if they are, you literally should just leave that be. Like, if they want another person like that, then let them. You’re more of a gift than they are.’”

Comparison of themes for fathers’ sons vs. daughters

Initial comparisons (Table 2) suggest fathers are more likely to describe talk with their sons (82%, n=18) than daughters (29%, n=6) about Condom use. Fathers often described these conversations as brief and directive. For example, Derek talked about his conversations with his son, “I always tell him to use them, don’t ever not use them.” In contrast, many fathers expressed reluctance to discuss condoms with their daughters, such as Pedro (Asian, Western father who lives with his daughter all of the time) who shared, “Our cultural background, it just stops us, makes me uncomfortable talking about [condoms]. I might be comfortable, you know, talking to her about her relationships, dating, and everything. But talking about sex and condoms, that might be a little too much.” While most fathers did not describe talking with their teens about Negative consequences of STIs, they reported these conversations more with their sons (36%, n=8) than daughters (14%, n=3). For example, Enrique (Latino, Western father who lives with his son all of the time) shared how he talks with his son, “All the time we had talks about if one day you have a disease, what symptoms were they or what did you need to do. Well, of course you have to go to the doctor, right?” Miles (Latino, Western father who lives with his daughter all of the time) shared how he talks with his daughter about consequences of STIs, “I know her mom’s talked to her about this a lot more than I have. I talked to her more superficially about that stuff—I usually make movie references, like, remember when this kid went to the bathroom and tried to go pee.” Fathers were more likely to describe talk about Healthy and unhealthy relationships with daughters (81%, n=17) than sons (64%, n=14). For example, Billy (White, Southern father who lives with his daughter all of the time) shared how he talks with his daughter, “If it’s unhealthy in any way for you and they think it’s not, that might be a disagreement, but you have to get out of it…if it puts you down and either a physical or emotional road and people get used to that. And are scared to get out of it. I think that’s been a problem for a long time in-in this world.” Jerry (Black, Southern father who lives with his son all of the time) talked about his messages to his son, “As humans, we always try and see past the red flags because we just want to have that pleasure of being with somebody. But I tried to teach him, look at those signs, look at those red flags. If you already seen it, most likely, it’s trying to let you know don’t do it.”

The theme of Consent showed gender differences in both likelihood and content of talk. Fathers were more likely to describe conversations with their sons (64%, n=14) than daughters (48%, n=10). With sons, talk often focused on treating girls and women with respect, while talk with daughters often focused on self-protection. For example, Julio (Latino, Western father who lives with his son all of the time) talked about a conversation with his son, “I told him that, when let’s say, if he gets to have his girlfriend, right? As long as the girl gives him the consent to go further, go ahead. But if the girl calls him a stop, he has to know about that too, because we can’t force a person who doesn’t want to.” In contrast, fathers described conversations with daughters about how to protect themselves from unwanted sexual contact. For instance, Marcus talked about what he tells his daughter “Don’t leave the group. Stay within sight, you know? You get in a situation where it’s just you and them, and they want it, they may take it.” Fathers were also more likely to report talking with their sons (77%, n=17) than daughters (62%, n=13) about Diverse sexual and gender identities. For example, Mickey talked about a conversation with his son, “I actually just flat out ask my kids like ‘hey, like so…like what’s up dude, like are…you gay? You straight?’ You know (laughs), I ask him and he’s like ‘no, I’m straight.’ I’m like, okay… and he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, like whether he’s gay or straight I’m gonna love him anyways. He’s still my son.” Jesus (White, Midwestern father who lives with his daughter all of the time) talked about discussions with his daughter about how to view people with minoritized sexual identities, “That’s how those people are. That’s the relationship. We’ve said that we’re not gonna judge people by their choices like that. It’s not something that impacts us directly. It’s a choice that they’ve made that perhaps makes them happy.”

Discussion

This study explored how fathers describe their experiences talking with their teens about sex and relationships, including topics of consent and diverse sexual and gender identities, which are rarely investigated for father-teen communication. The results suggest that some fathers contribute to the sexual socialization of their adolescent children. A higher proportion of fathers talked with their teens about sex and relationships compared to prior studies (Scull et al., 2022; Sneed et al., 2013). This may in part reflect how these constructs are measured, with a need for assessments that cover a broader range of topics than typically assessed (e.g., talking about consent, diverse sexual and gender identities) as well as high engagement of fathers’ who agreed to participate in this study, although other studies of this topic may show similar selection bias.

Topics of father-teen communication

Dating and relationships were discussed by almost all fathers in this study, perhaps due to their relevance in most teens’ lives and because it may be easier for fathers to bring up than issues like sexual behavior. Talk about relationships is also a topic many fathers identify as important to discuss with their teens (Grossman et al., 2022; Sneed, 2013). Many fathers talked with their teens about their values, beliefs, and experiences about healthy and unhealthy relationships. They often shared extensive descriptions of their conversations, including explanations of what makes a healthy relationship and discussions of teens’ relationships, suggesting that this topic is meaningful for fathers. A related study with the same sample found that fathers viewed healthy relationships as a key topic to address in a father-teen sexual health intervention, given the potential of relationships to impact trajectories of teens’ lives (Grossman et al., 2022).

Many fathers expressed a wish that teens delay sex for a range of reasons, including religious beliefs, adolescents’ developmental readiness, and risk avoidance. Some fathers described tensions between their hopes for teens to delaying sex and their beliefs that this may be unrealistic, combined with a desire for teens to have tools to protect themselves if they do have sex. Fathers’ perceptions that many teens are sexually active fits research findings that over half of teens have had sex by the end of high school (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2019), although many parents under-estimate their teens’ sexual behavior (Mollborn & Everett, 2010). In discussions about risks of sex, fathers were more likely to focus on consequences of teen pregnancy than STIs. Teen pregnancy may seem like a more urgent concern to fathers, who often described teen parenthood as a threat to teens’ education and freedom to make future choices (Grossman et al., 2022).

Over half of fathers discussed consent with their teens, more than identified in prior research with parents (Grossman et al., 2022). Fathers’ messages addressed saying no to unwanted sexual activity and respecting others’ boundaries. Conversations with daughters focused more on saying no and protecting themselves, while talk with sons focused on listening to and respecting a partners’ boundaries. This difference fits with how fathers may perceive their children’s roles and vulnerabilities, and key information needed to support their health. Fathers’ talk with their sons about consent may be a new development, which may reflect a shift toward thinking that all teens have responsibility for consent, rather than a sole focus on girls protecting themselves (Manago et al., 2015), which may be in part tied to the #MeToo movement (Regulska, 2018). Formal analyses by race were outside the scope of this study. However, we believe it is meaningful to note the pattern of talk about consent described in the results section in responses of fathers of Black sons, several of whom described conversations with their sons about potential for false accusations of abuse. Fathers’ perceptions of their Black sons’ vulnerability fits with growing societal awareness of Black boys’ disproportionate risk of incarceration in the U.S. (Sickmund et al., 2021) and mistrust of the legal system to provide fair treatment of Black men and boys (Harris & Amutah-Onukagha, 2019). The diversity of fathers’ conversations with their teens about consent, particularly along gender and racial lines, suggests that talk about consent has layers of complexity that have been rarely documented in prior research.

Many fathers reported talk with their teens about diverse sexual and gender identities, in contrast with prior research, which identified parental avoidance of this topic (Harkness & Israel 2018; Sneed et al., 2013). However, some fathers’ responses showed ambivalence about sexual minority identities or expressed conflicts with their religious beliefs. In these situations, while fathers’ engagement in discussing this topic may have increased, they may not reflect growing openness to LGBTQ identities. Participants’ conversations were typically brief and fathers often described discussions as initiated by teens and related to their own lives and experiences or those of their friends. In this case, a shift may be more reflective of teens’ perspectives than fathers, as younger generations are more supportive of people with minoritized sexual identities (Gallup, 2021) and more likely to identify with minoritized sexual identities compared to their parents’ generation (Machi & Jackson, 2021). In addition, all fathers in this study identified as heterosexual, which likely shaped their beliefs and values about diverse sexual and gender identities. Future research would benefit from inclusion of fathers from diverse sexual and gender identities in order to explore variation in fathers’ perspectives and communication.

Approaches to talk with teens about sex and relationships

Fathers described many approaches to talk with their teens, including talk about fathers’ and teens’ personal experiences, talk about friends and family, and distal talk (e.g., tv, movies, politics). This study found that most fathers had direct and personal conversations with their teens about sexual topics, often discussing their own relationships and history as well as their teens’ current relationships, in contrast with prior findings (Widman et al., 2016). Several fathers described how a tv, movie, or song provided an opening to address an issue they wanted to discuss. Talk about media and popular culture can provide relevant examples for fathers to share with teens can provide an accessible way for parents to talk with their children about difficult or taboo topics (Walker, 2014). Fathers’ approaches may also vary depending on the topic, with more direct and personal approaches for topics that are easier to discuss. A multi-prong approach may help to overcome fathers’ discomfort or anxiety in talking with their teens about sex and relationships (Baker et al., 2018) and encourage more frequent conversations. Tips for fathers on how to use distal prompts, such as pop culture references, may help to address fathers’ concerns about not knowing how to start these conversations (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2021).

Role of teen gender

For the most part, this study’s findings are consistent with prior research identifying differences in how fathers(and mothers talk with their sons and daughters about sex (Evans et al., 2020; Stewart et al., 2019). The gender split in fathers’ talk with their sons and daughters about condoms suggests that stereotypical perceptions remain about boys as sexual beings, while girls are expected to avoid sexual behavior rather than plan for safer sex (Widman et al., 2016). This may also reflect the lack of interview questions about other protection methods used by female teens, such as birth control or intrauterine devices (IUDs). Given that over half of high school girls are sexually active by their senior year (YRBS, 2019), talk with girls about condoms may provide key information for self-protection, which fits with fathers’ focus on critical issues to support their daughters’ health (Grossman et al., 2022). Fathers greater likelihood to talk with their sons than daughters about diverse sexual and gender identities may reflect fathers’ reinforcement of sons’ heteronormative values and expectations (Harkness & Israel, 2018). Findings from a study of gay, bisexual, and queer sons identified teens’ wish for parental affirmation, openness, and support (Flores et al., 2021) that was largely missing from fathers’ responses in the current study.

Fathers’ greater likelihood of talk with their daughters than sons about healthy and unhealthy relationships was surprising, given prior research found that fathers are more likely to talk with their sons than daughters about sexual topics (Evans et al., 2020; Wright, 2009, Tobey et al., 2011). Research suggests that mothers talk more than fathers with both daughters and sons (Flores & Barroso, 2017), although both fathers and mothers tend to talk more with their same-sex children (Kapungu et al., 2010). One quantitative study (Sneed, 2013) found that fathers talked more with sons than daughters about dating and relationships, although significance of this difference was not assessed, while another found similar likelihood of talk about dating and romantic relationships with sons and daughters (Evans et al., 2020). Most studies do not specifically investigate fathers’ talk with their sons and daughters about relationships, so they may miss nuances in gender differences across topic. The current study’s finding may relate to fathers’ concerns about their daughters’ vulnerability to poor treatment in romantic relationships, which ties to prior findings that fathers traditionally feel responsible to protect their daughters from men’s advances (e.g., González-López’s, 2004). In contrast, fathers’ focus on talk with their sons about consent may reflect fathers’ growing awareness of the harm of non-consensual actions and the importance of boys’ and men’s accountability for their own behavior. There is a need for research that includes in-depth exploration of fathers’ messages to their sons and daughters about different topics, including how they fit with stereotypical gender expectations.

Limitations and areas for future research

Limitations of this study include a sample of highly engaged fathers, who likely talk more with their teens about sex than most fathers. It would be useful to assess fathers’ talk with teens about sex and relationships in a more representative sample, but this may face recruitment challenges (Davison et al., 2016). Future research would benefit from quantitative assessment of associations between different approaches to talk (e.g., personal, distal) and teens’ sexual behavior, to investigate whether parent-based programs to support adolescents’ sexual health should prioritize some types of talk over others. Initial research shows mixed effects of indirect talk on teens’ sexual behavior (Grossman et al., 2021; Alcalde & Quelopana, 2013), but studies are limited by assessment concerns, as measures of indirect communication include both distal talk (e.g., talk about a movie or tv show), and vague talk (alluding to sexual issues) which teens may not understand (Raffaelli & Green, 2003). Future research would also benefit from more open-ended exploration of how fathers talk with their teens about different forms of protection methods, including birth control, IUDs, etc. The current study was limited by a sole focus on condom use. Similarly, future studies could address fathers’ talk with teens about positive aspects of sex. Participants’ lack of reported discussion about positive aspects of sex likely reflects a larger focus of parent-teen talk about sex in U.S. studies on risks of sex, while positive aspects of sex is often seen as taboo to discuss (Elliott, 2010). Future research would be strengthened by analyses that emphasize teen gender, age, and racial/ethnic background, including a targeted, intersectional approach (Rice et al., 2019). Fathers’ age and generation as well as their geographic region and social class background may shape fathers’ beliefs about sex and approach to communication. Further assessment of family talk about consent and diverse sexual and gender identities also needs further investigation. Finally, not all adolescents have a father or father figure in their lives, which limits the application of this research to these families.

Conclusions and implications

High father engagement in talk with teens about sex and relationships in this study is encouraging, given the protective role fathers can play in teen’s sexual health (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012; Wright, 2009). The range of topics fathers discussed with their teens, including topics of consent and diverse sexual and gender identities, highlights the key roles fathers can play in talk with their teens about sex and relationships. This study’s findings suggest that fathers may play an important, yet often unrecognized role in their teens’ sexual socialization. Sexual socialization frameworks which posit that parents’ communication with their children about sex (Shtarkshall et al., 2007) combines with empirical data showing protective effects of father-teen talk about sex for teens’ sexual behaviors (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012; Wright, 2009) to suggest the importance of exploring fathers’ roles in family sexuality communication. The variety of approaches participating fathers used to talk with their teens can inform programs to support fathers’ talk with their teens about sexual issues. Identifying accessible approaches for fathers to talk with their teens about sex and relationships is important, as many fathers describe avoiding talk with their teens about sexual topics due to their own discomfort or perceived discomfort of their teens with these conversations (Grossman et al., 2022; Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2021). Programs that provide guidance on multiple approaches to talk with teens about sex and relationships may help fathers step into these conversations with their teens. Quantitative research is needed to provide detailed assessment of father-teen talk and determine which types of talk are associated with teens’ health-promoting attitudes and behaviors. Taking fathers’ perspectives into account is critical for successful interventions, as most existing programs to promote parent–teen communication about sex are based on mothers (Guilamo-Ramos et al., 2012). Interventions which consider fathers’ attitudes toward and approaches to talk with teens about sex can encourage fathers to participate in interventions, which have historically low rates of father engagement (Santa Maria et al., 2015; Widman et al., 2019), and have potential to increase fathers’ talk with their teens about sex and relationships.

Acknowledgements

The authors are grateful for the fathers who shared their experiences and perspectives for this project. They also wish to thank Dr. Johnson at The National Partnership for Community Leadership for his support and guidance.

Footnotes

The data presented in this study and analysis code are available on request from the corresponding author. The data are not publicly available due to concerns about privacy of participants’ responses. Some of the data included in this paper were presented at a roundtable discussion at the annual conference of the American Public Health Association (2022). The ideas and data appearing in the manuscript have not been previously disseminated.

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