“My meemaw is a Cool Ass Person”: Family Members as Role Models of Resilience for Sexual and Gender Diverse People of Color

Abstract

The families of people of Color and indigenous people (POCI) are often analyzed as hostile institutions for sexual and gender diverse (SGD) adults. Using 58 interviews with SGD POCI from the Strengthening Colors of Pride 2018 Interview Study, we argue that Black and Latinx SGD adults gain resilience from family role models, mostly resilient mothers and othermothers. These resilient family members model three things: 1) how to overcome adversity and trauma, 2) being providers, and 3) emotional strength. This resilient modeling facilitates the adult resilience of SGD POCI who are navigating the complexity of intersections of race, sexuality, gender, poverty, and childhood trauma.

When we asked Jackson, a 22-year-old Black non-binary queer person who they considered to be a role model for resilience, they responded almost immediately “I’d say my meemaw … she’s just like a really cool-ass person and she really inspires me.” For Jackson, their grandmother or “meemaw” is a source of inspiration regardless of her support of their gender or sexuality; they learned from their grandmother throughout their childhood how to be resilient and strong.

This article analyzes the way family members serve as role models for resilience for sexual and gender diverse people of Color and Indigenous people (SGD POCI) using semi-structured interviews with 58 Black, Latinx, and American Indian SGD adults in San Antonio, Texas. For SGD POCI people, families can be a source of stress, particularly with negative reactions after coming out and lack of support (Ghabrial, 2017; Singh, 2013). While there is sizeable amount of literature addressing issues related to stigma, discrimination, and adversity experienced by sexual and gender diverse people, knowledge about resilience among LGBTQ individuals is limited (Meyer, 2015). Resilience is the capacity to recover from life difficulties (Tugade, Fredrickson, & Barrett, 2004). Research has consistently shown that resilience has a positive impact on the health of individuals (Tugade et al., 2004), but there is less scholarship on how SGD adults and youth cultivate resilience, or the process by which they manage and persist in spite of obstacles (Colpitts & Gahagan, 2016). Most studies of SGD resilience emphasize the connections with other members of the SGD community (de Lira & de Morais, 2018; Singh, 2013). For example, Singh (2013) describes how transgender youth of Color use social media, community connections, and the development of stronger racial and gender identities to be resilient.

On the basis of our research, we argue that Black and Latinx SGD adults learn models of resilience from female family members, particularly mothers and othermothers, like grandmothers or sisters (Collins, 1987). Mothers and othermothers model resilience through overcoming adversity and trauma, being providers, and modeling emotional strength. These three facets of resilience provide Black and Latinx SGD adults with protective factors that help them navigate childhood adversity, poverty, and marginalization including racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.

The current study extends beyond limited understandings of POCI families as hostile for SGD adults and youth and analyzes the protective factors of POCI families that may cultivate resilience in family members. We build on Patricia Hill Collins (1987) classic work on the relationships between Black mothers, othermothers, and daughters to understand the protective factors of maternal figures and other family members for people of Color. The interviewees for this paper are SGD POCI people who have low incomes and/or experienced childhood adversity, two factors which may enhance their need to develop resilience (Singh, 2013). The interviews for this study are from the Strengthening Colors of Pride 2018 Interview Study, a study of SGD resilience in San Antonio, Texas. This paper focuses on the protective aspects of POCI families, even in families with histories of childhood trauma.

First, we give an overview of the existing work on role models within POCI families and for SGD adults and youth. Second, we provide details on the methods of the Strengthening Colors of Pride study. Third, we explore findings about the ways that mothers, othermothers, male family members, and couples serve as models of resilience for SGD POCI adults. Finally, we analyze the ways in which these family members model overcoming adversity, having emotional strength, and being a provider. We emphasize how these traits facilitate resilience for SGD adults.

Role models in POCI families

Family plays an important role in the resilience of youth (see Masten, 2018 for an overview; Silberberg, 2001). Studies across several disciplines have demonstrated the importance of families for the resilience of POCI adults and youth including for American Indian youth (Feinstein, Driving-Hawk, & Baartman, 2009; LaFromboise, Hoyt, Oliver, & Whitbeck, 2006; McMahon, Kenyon, Carter, 2013), Black youth and adults (Hardaway, Sterrett-Hong, Larkby, & Cornelius, 2016; Logan, 2018), and Latinx youth and adults (Hardaway et al., 2016; Spees, Perreira, & Fuligni, 2017). While there is a literature on fathers as role models that stresses the impact of involved fathers on the health of POCI youth (Caldwell et al., 2004; Thomas, Krampe, & Newton, 2008), most of the literature on families and resilience in POCI families focuses on the role of female family members.

Motherhood is a site of resistance and resilience in POCI families (Collins, 1987; Udel, 2001) and mothers are role models for resilience for POCI youth (Feinstein et al., 2009). For example, mothers play a central role in family strength for Black and Latinx families. In her classic piece “On the Meaning of Motherhood in Black Culture and Black Mother/Daughter Relationships” Collins (1987) details an Afrocentric ideology of motherhood that includes fluid boundaries between biological mothers of children and other women who care for those children, relying on “organized, resilient, women-centered networks of blood mothers and othermothers” (p. 5). Black motherhood is a source of providing, activism, and empowerment. For Collins, Black motherhood models being an economic provider to the family. Black mothers empowered daughters to navigate racial oppression through teaching their daughters to tread “the delicate balance between conformity and resistance” to oppressive systems.

Other scholars have echoed the important of mothers as role models for POCI adults. Méndez-Morse (2004) in her research on Latinx educational leaders found that the most powerful role model for her participants were their parents, but specifically their mother. In this study, mothers provided models for how to interact with the world and display competence as a woman. In addition, in a study with aspirant Latinx teachers, Gomez (2010) argued that Latinx women use “mother stories” to narrate their own competencies as Latinx woman. Latinx mothers provided their daughters with discourses to rebut mainstream devaluation of Latinx competence. Mothers are also important for the development of masculinity and resilience in young Black and Latinx men (Bush, 2000; Lawson Bush, 2004). Black mothers teach sons about masculinity, including how to protect themselves from racism (Lawson Bush, 2004).

For Collins, this focus on mothers extends to what she refers to as othermothers, which includes both relatives and other female adults in children’s lives. Extended family members provide more resources and support in low-income Black, Latinx, and American Indian families (Gerstel, 2011). Grandparents, aunts, and other extended family members may play a more involved role in child rearing in these families (Goodman & Silverstein, 2005; Hunter, 1997; Oberlander, Black, & Starr, 2007). Less is known about the way that othermothers are role models for Black, Latinx, and American Indian adults and youth. This study analyzes the way family members operate as role models with a particular emphasis on the way mothers and other-mothers fill this role.

POCI fathers and social fathers—uncles, grandfathers, and other kin who serve as fathers (Connor &White, 2006)—play an important role in teaching sons masculinity and racial identity (Allen, 2016; Coles, 2009). The contributions of Black fathers to their children’s well-being is often obscured by longstanding discourses of Black fathers as invisible or absent (Coley, 2001), ignoring the ways that both Black and Latinx fathers becomes involved and influential in their children’s lives (Parra-Cardona, Wampler, & Sharp, 2006). Social fathers, nonresidential fathers, and father figures play important roles in children’s lives (Connor &White, 2006; Roy & Burton, 2007).

Role models for SGD POCI adults and youth

The study of the SGD families has expanded dramatically in the past two decades (Moore & Stambolis-Ruhstorfer, 2013). Most research on the relationship between SGD people and their families of origin focus on negative or ambivalent family experiences (LaSala, 2002; Reczek, 2016; Robinson, 2018; Savin-Williams & Dubé, 1998; Scherrer, Kazyak, & Schmitz, 2015; Schmitz & Tyler, 2018). For example, this research extensively explores family rejection as the main pathway to homelessness for LGBTQ youth (Robinson, 2018). This scholarship focuses on the experiences of White SGD people, youth, and people with negative relationships with families of origin. Work on families in the South is even direr. In her book Pray the Gay Away, Bernadette Barton (2012) documents patterns of abuse and neglect inflicted by parents of Bible Belt gay men and lesbian women, including physical violence and religious condemnation. One of the many challenges to Bible Belt parents is the way homosexuality is a “sticky stigma” (Barton, 2012; Goffman, 1963), in which the disreputability of children affects their parents’ or family members’ reputations as well.

Scholars often frame POCI families as more hostile or ambivalent to SGD family members than their White counterparts, especially focusing on religiosity and norms of respectability in families. This ambivalence may be linked to the historical imperialist alignment of Blackness with heterosexuality (Collins, 2004), but also ignores cultural values that are resources for Black and Latinx parent figures to support their SGD children (Abreu, Riggle, & Rostosky, 2019; Przeworski & Piedra, 2020). Acosta (2013) notes that some Latinx parents of sexually nonconforming women engage in “tacit compliance” (p. 109) in which their children’s sexuality is neither spoken against nor openly accepted. Moore (2011) analyzes how Black families of origin adjust to the visibility of their adult lesbian children at public and family events; open lesbianism challenges discourses of sexual respectability, expectations of sexual conformity and the conflation of this conformity with being a person worthy of respect. Research also shows that Black lesbian women engage in “covering”—the obscuring of non-conformity in presentation of self–(Goffman, 1963; Yoshino, 2007) with their families of origin by minimizing public expression of their lesbianism to reduce “sticky” stigma associated with that identity (Moore, 2011, p. 194). This covering may include the production of gender-normative appearance (Acosta, 2010, 2013), not demanding relationship acknowledgment (Acosta, 2013; Moore, 2011), or stifling same-sex affection (Acosta, 2013). Other scholars have focused on the ways that POCI families have rejected SGD children and how chosen family and alternative kinship is common in Black SGD communities specifically (Arnold & Bailey, 2009).

General research on the importance of role models for SGD POCI adults and youth often focuses on role models that share gender identity and sexuality with the adult or youth in question, such as media role models (Gomillian & Giuliano, 2011). One study found that sexual minority youth were less likely to have family as mentors than heterosexual youth (Johnson & Gastic, 2015). However, some research suggests that parents and mothers operate as role models for SGD POCI youth. In a study of racially diverse sample of LGBT youth, 8% mentioned parents and 9% mentioned other family members as role models (Bird, Kuhns, & Garofalo, 2012). Women were more likely to have gender congruent role models than young men (Bird et al., 2012). Young Black men who have sex with men (MSM) often use family as mentors, and 37% of them think of their mother as a mentor (Reed, Strzyzykowski, Chiaramonte, & Miller, 2018). This work suggests the dominance of female family role models, as young Black men selected mentors who share racial identities, are successful and “exemplify strength” (p. 7). Relationships with fathers are often more fraught, especially between fathers and gay sons (see Gottlieb, 2014). Latinx cultural values both support and challenge father’s support of their gay children; for example, Latinx fathers may prioritize membership in the family over sexual identities (Abreu, Gonzalez, Capielo Rosario, Pulice-Farrow, & Domenech Rodríguez, 2020).

Research on SGD adults in general often neglects the role of extended family members, such as aunts and grandmothers, focusing almost exclusively on parents (see Scherrer, 2010). This research extends both studies on POCI family role models and SGD families to incorporate a stronger analysis of othermothers and extended family to our understanding of the protective factors of POCI families for SGD adults. This study was guided by the following research question: how are POCI family members role models for resilience for SGD adults and youth?

Methods

This study analyzes 58 semi-structured interviews with SGD POCI adults that were part of the 2018 Strengthening Colors of Pride Interview Study. Strengthening Colors of Pride is a community-based participatory research (CBPR) project aimed at better understanding the development and activation of resilience among LGBTQ individuals living in South Texas. The project was approved by the IRB of Trinity University and funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation Interdisciplinary Research Leaders Program. This project began as a three-year study of resilience among SGD individuals in San Antonio, Texas, as a response to an open call for studies on resilience. The project leaders, two faculty members and a community organizer, all LGBTQ + identified, wrote the grant and reworked the project methods in consultation with a diverse community advisory board (CAB). The CAB shaped the interview questions and assisted with recruitment methods, along with helping the project leaders with dissemination of prescreener survey to community members.

Participants

This study focuses on an analysis of the 58 SGD POCI individuals, the majority of whom identify as Black or Latinx (see Table 1). Twenty-eight interviewees identified as Latinx or Hispanic, and 15 interviewees identified as Black or African-American. The remaining 15 interviewees had multiracial identifications that are described in Table 1; the most common multiracial identity was Latinx/Hispanic and White (five interviewees). Eight interviewees identified as American Indian, often in combination with other racial or ethnic identities. Interviewees were relatively evenly divided between gay (n = 17), lesbian (n = 16), and bisexual/pansexual (n = 15) adults, with the exception of ten interviewees who identified as queer or some other identity. These interviewees range in age from 16 to 71 years old with an average age of 34 years old, and standard deviation of 13.4. Eighteen of the interviewees identify as transgender, non-binary, or gender non-conforming. Most interviewees did not have a college degree and made less than $40,000 a year.

Table 1.

Race, Sexuality, and Gender Identity of Interviewees (N = 58).

Identity	Frequency	Percent
Race/Ethnic Identity
Latinx/Hispanic	28	48%
Black/African American	15	26%
Latinx/Hispanic and White	5	9%
American Indian and White	3	5%
Black and American Indian	3	5%
Black, American Indian, and White	2	3%
Black and Asian	1	2%
Black and White	1	2%
Sexual Orientation
Gay	17	29%
Lesbian	16	28%
Bisexual/Pansexual	15	26%
Queer	5	9%
Other identities	5	9%
Gender Identity
Cisgender woman	23	40%
Transgender, non-binary, gender non-conforming	18	31%
Cisgender men	17	29%

Recruitment

The Strengthening Colors of Pride research team conducted interviews with 82 LGBTQ adults 16 years and older between the months of May and September, 2018 in San Antonio, Texas. San Antonio is a city with a high poverty rate and a thriving LGBTQ community. Based on Census data, 64% of San Antonio residents identify as Hispanic, 25% identify as non-Hispanic White, 7% identify as Black or African American, and .7% identify as American Indian. The poverty rate is 18.6% and the median income is $56,000. There is a history of gay and lesbian bar culture, political organizing, and public visibility in the city that dates back to the 1950s (Gohlke, 2012; Stone, 2017). San Antonio has limited protections against discrimination in public accommodations, employment, and housing, which did not get passed until 2013.

Interviewees were recruited through an online screening survey. We employed a diverse recruitment strategy that included online recruitment through study social media sites, our CAB networks on- and off-line, community outreach events, table tents at local gay-owned businesses, and during the annual LGBTQ + PRIDE event in San Antonio. The online screening survey asked basic demographic information, measures of community connectedness, questions about LGBTQ health, the Brief Resilience Scale (BRS), and ten questions to measure Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (Dube et al., 2003). The ACEs questions were added due to growing evidence that adult LGBTQ health differences may be a consequence of family trauma rather than adult LGBTQ experiences (Austin, Herrick, & Proescholdbell, 2016; Schnarrs et al., 2019). ACEs questions captured childhood neglect, abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) and household dysfunctions, including having an adult family member in prison, who has been diagnosed with a mental illness, or with a substance abuse problem. Respondents received one point for each childhood experience with scores ranging from 0 to 10. An ACEs score of four or more has been associated with negative health outcomes in adulthood (Dube et al., 2003).

Interviewees were selected from the online survey based on race and gender demographics, a moderate or high score on the BRS, along with either having a personal income of less than $30,000 a year or an ACEs score of four or more. These interviews captured a sample of LGBTQ individuals who may have needed to develop resilience due to childhood trauma or economic disadvantage. Through purposive sampling, the research team tried to recruit from the prescreener survey 30 people from the three largest racial and ethnic groups in the city—non-Hispanic White (Anglo), Hispanic/Latinx, and Black/African American. Each group of thirty was divided into gender recruitment goals of 10 cisgender men, 10 cisgender women, and 10 trans or non-binary people of any gender. This sampling strategy was an attempt to capture varying experiences of resilience based on race, ethnicity, gender, and sexuality rather than generalizing about resilience strategies and role models from a more homogenous sample.

Researchers’ reflexivity

The research team included nine interviewers: four undergraduate research assistants, two faculty members, one graduate student, and two community members. The team included two Latinx bisexual cisgender women, one Latinx cisgender gay man, one Black cisgender gay man, one Anglo lesbian cisgender woman, one Anglo non-binary queer person, one Anglo cisgender gay man, and an Anglo cisgender bisexual woman. We were reflective throughout the research process about the racial diversity of our team, our preconceptions about what we would find in our interviews, and the themes about family as they arose throughout the interviewing process. For example, we discussed several times the ways race may impact how people understand being recruited for interviews, especially the over recruitment of men of Color for HIV research. Before undergraduates began their interviews, they were trained in research protocols, practiced interviews with a racially diverse group of SGD participants who gave them feedback on the questions and their technique, and read academic works on topics about race, family, faith, and gender identity that demonstrated the complexity of these relationships. We reflected frequently in team meetings about the complexity and diversity of SGD experiences with family members, from SGD interviewees who were completely estranged from their families to those who were well supported by family networks.

Interview methods

All interviewees used the same interview protocol to facilitate semi-structured interviews, which included questions about resilience with an emphasis on how personal relationships facilitate resilience during hard times. One interview question was, “Some people have life challenges but are able to move past these challenges and cope in a healthy way. Do you have any role models or people in your life who are resilient like this?” The answers to this question are the focus of this paper. All interviews lasted between 45 and 120 minutes and were conducted in person with one or two research team members. Participants received a $40 VISA check card to compensate them for their time. All interviews except one were conducted in English (Table 1).

Analysis

All interviews were transcribed by a professional transcriptionist and entered into NVivo. The Spanish survey was transcribed by a professional transcriptionist and then translated by the research assistant who conducted the interview. A third party who is bilingual and not involved in the project read through the Spanish interview and English translation to verify the translation was accurate.

All participants were given a pseudonym. For cisgender respondents, these pseudonyms were based on the most common baby names for their race and gender. For transgender and non-binary respondents, these names reflect trends in the respondents’ original names, as these names reflect aspects of respondents’ identity they want to emphasize. For example, respondents with gender neutral names were given gender neutral pseudonyms.

The first and second author analyzed the transcripts using thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Initially, the second author coded all mention of role models of resilience as one theme: role models. Then, the second author analyzed within this theme for the types of role models that interviewees mentioned. Both first and second authors reviewed and refined themes and subthemes about the different types of role models, analyzing whether or not these themes were consistent and verifying if there were thematic patterns in the data on certain kinds of role models. It was clear at this juncture that Black and Latinx interviewees answered these interview questions differently than Anglo interviewees. The first and second author organized existing codes into new themes about what kinds of models of resilience were mentioned by interviewees. Next, the first and second author read through the data to make sure the themes were consistent, along with refining some of the themes. Both authors then analyzed these themes, reading through them closely and paying attention to nuances in language and commonalities and differences between speakers.

Findings

When asked who is a role model for resilience, Mario, a 54-year-old Latinx and White transgender man stated firmly “my mom and my sister and my aunt. I guess, just the strong women that are in my family… they’re just real big role models for me because they really made something out of themselves.” Like many Black and Latinx interviewees, Mario learned about resilience from strong female family members. Black and Latinx interviewees mostly described family members as role models for resilience; non-Hispanic White and American Indian interviewees rarely described family as a role model. According to Table 2, 17 interviewees mentioned that their mother was their role model for resilience. Female extended family members and sisters accounted for 11 additional responses. Interviewees were three times more likely to mention a female family member as a role model for resilience rather than a male family member, such as a father or grandfather. These differences were consistent across age, gender, and sexual orientation.

Table 2.

Most common role models for all interviewees (n = 58), multiple responses possible.

Type of role model	Frequency	Percent
Mothers	17	29%
Community members or mentors	13	22%
Female extended family (e.g., grandmother, aunt)	6	10%
Fathers	6	10%
Sisters	5	8%
Public figures	5	8%
Male extended family members (e.g., uncle, grandpa)	3	5%

The most common trend in this interview study is that female maternal figures—mothers and othermothers (e.g., grandmothers and aunts) —along with sisters provided models for resilience for Black and Latinx SGD people. American Indian adults rarely mentioned family members as models of resilience, with the exception of two interviewees who described their father as a role model. The section below demonstrates the different reasons why mothers, othermothers, and male family members were models for resilience. Then, we discuss three common themes for these role models—overcoming adversity and trauma, being a provider, and emotional strength.

Role models Mothers

Seventeen Black (n = 8) and Latinx (n = 9) interviewees described their mother as a model for resilience regardless of the participant’s gender. Specifically, Black and Latinx mothers were role models for resilience due to their histories of trauma, gendered violence, and their role as family providers and supporters. No interviewees with American Indian participants mentioned their mother as a model for resilience.

Many interviewees related their mothers’ resiliency to specific events that occurred in their mothers’ pasts, particularly difficulties in childhood or intimate relationships. Several participants connected their mothers’ resiliency to her experiences with domestic violence. Darnell, a 48-year-old Black and White cisgender gay man, recalled, “[My father] was not a kind or gentle person when I was younger, and a lot of his frustrations were taken out physically on my mother and me.” Despite these abusive conditions, he noted, “She has the ability to see the light, see the positive in any situation.” In this way, Darnell understands his mother’s perseverance through this experience as an example of both overcoming adversity and emotional strength. Like Darnell, Jazmine, a 34-year-old Black cisgender bisexual woman, spoke of her mother’s resilience despite being exposed to domestic violence. Jazmine’s mother worked two jobs to support her. Though these circumstances made life both emotionally and physically difficult, Jazmine recalled her mother’s way of dealing with difficulty:

She’d take a deep breath and she would look at me and she says, “We’re beautiful. We’re not gonna let those tears fall. We’re gonna make it, we’re gonna be fine and we’re gonna move on.” And then she’d hug me and then we’d go on about our day.

Like Darnell, it is not only her mother’s ability to get through adversity that signals Jazmine’s mother’s resilience, but her determination to maintain a sense of positivity while doing so.

In addition to experiences of intimate partner violence, stories of overcoming childhood neglect were often used as examples of a mother’s ability to persevere. This proved particularly true when the participant’s mother had bettered her situation after experiencing difficulties. Tyrone, a 29-year-old cisgender gay Black man, spoke about specific hardships that illustrate his mother’s resilience:

My mom kind of grew up … poor. The man that my grandmother is married to was a pedophile. So dealing with being in bed at night and a grown man getting drunk is sneaking into your room. You know, all that kind of stuff … She had my sister when she was 18. She then went on to put herself through college, now has a master’s degree, two professional certifications and has been in corporate America for over 20 years. That’s the stuff I come from.

Tyrone drew on specific examples of adversity as a testament to his mother’s strength. Tyrone’s mother’s education and ability to provide in spite of her history of trauma was what made her a strong role model. By adding, “That’s the stuff I come from,” Tyrone suggests his mother’s strength is reflected in his own experience. Like Tyrone, many participants described their mothers as models of resilience because of how their mothers bettered their situations for the sake of their children, providing both economic and emotional support. Sebastian, a 20 year-old transgender pansexual Latinx man, spoke about the sacrifices his mother made to ensure he and his siblings were successful, even after a difficult divorce:

We ended up moving in with my grandma right after the divorce because we couldn’t afford to live on our own. We lived in a little house on the north side because [my mother] wanted us to have one of the best educations we could get, as far as public school is concerned. I know it was really hard on her, but she just kept going. She always kept going. She worked from home. She worked in her office. She still found a way to pick us up from practices, from school, from everything. She found a way for me to play club basketball when I was younger, too. That is resilience to me, like keep going even if you’re not sure it’s going to work out. You just got to keep going.

For Sebastian, his mother’s resilience was a confluence of her role as provider, her resourcefulness as a mother, and her perseverance. A mothers’ ability to provide in this way despite difficult financial circumstances was frequently used as testament of resilience. Shanice, a 30-year-old cisgender Black lesbian woman who, like Sebastian, referenced her mother’s roles as “breadwinner” and “caregiver” and said that she “learned resilience” from her mother’s determination to provide.

Mothers’ attitudes and demonstration of emotional strength were often an important part of their modeling of resilience. For Natalia, a 59-year-old Latinx lesbian, her mother’s resilience was about how she dealt with adversity.

My mother was a very strong woman. I mean, no matter if she had several health issues, but she would always bounce back, and not just that, she was a very, very affirmative and blunt person. So that’s where we were taught not to be afraid to ask questions and not to be afraid to be ourselves ‘cause it was our life and for us to be the better person. Unless they really kept messing with us. Then [she would] put ‘em in their place but not violently, but, we were … in an educated and affirmative way.

For Natalia, her mother would “bounce back”, and her tenacity in being authentic and assertive were an important way that she modeled resilience. Natalia describes the balance between being assertive when faced with adversity and how to navigate challenging moments.

A few interviewees emphasized the emotional support their mother would provide for themselves and others. Three interviewees spoke about how their mothers not only cared for themselves materially and emotionally, but also took care of others’ emotions during trying times. For example, although Tiara’s, a Black 25-year-old bisexual woman, family in Haiti was affected by the earthquake of 2010, she noted that her mother “kept it together” and comforted Tiara when she was upset. These elements of emotional support seemed secondary to more concrete kinds of provision and support for Black and Latinx adults, such as providing financially for the family.

Othermothers

Eleven participants identified othermothers, or female family members who served in a maternal role for children of Color, as influential role models. The three most common kinds of other-mothers were grandmothers, aunts, and sisters. Daniel, a 70-year-old Latinx cisgender gay man who considers his sisters to be othermothers. He described his resilience as “I have four sisters. They have been very supportive, very strong. In that sense, I have five mothers, because they look to me as a son and a brother. I would say that I’d look to my sisters.” He considers his sisters to also be his mothers due to their support and strength. Twenty-nine interviewees mentioned either a mother or othermother as a role model for resilience.

Interviewees often described othermothers in similar ways as mothers, as individual who have overcome adversity and trauma and have served in provider roles to children. Jackson described his grandmother or “meemaw” as a good provider, parent, and “cool older person”:

I’d say my meemaw. She pretty much raised three girls by herself, because my grandpa died whenever my mom was like 10. So raised them by herself and worked all the time. And I don’t know, she’s just like a really cool-ass person. And she just, yeah, I don’t know, she really inspires me. I know she’s been through a lot through her life and now she’s just a really cool older person.

Sisters and aunts were also mentioned as good providers and people who have overcome adversity. In these accounts, interviewees described good providers as able to balance childrearing, often as a single parent, with economically providing for a child. Being a “good provider” in this way was an important type of resilience. Both Adia and Roberto described their sisters as good providers and parents. For Adia, a 25-year-old Black lesbian, her sister balances raising a young child mostly alone with a busy job as a teacher. Roberto, a 30-year-old Latinx gay man, has a sister who is a dedicated parent and is “very family-oriented … even when times get rough … She walks around with this positive energy about her.” For Mario, he mentioned the strength of his mother but also his sister “going to work sick all the time … I think that women just have a core strength that men do not.” In this way, Mario’s experience growing up with strong women has influenced the way he understands women’s tenacity more generally.

Jazmine admired both her grandparents, but for different reasons. Jazmine’s grandmother had a personality that was direct and also controlled:

My grandmother, we always called her a whippersnapper because she would snap at you and put you in your place before you ever saw her get completely upset and lose her cool. She wouldn’t completely lose it, she was kind of like sprinkle it with kindness … You know she was really insulting you but she was saying it in such a sweet way with her legs crossed and her hands crossed in her lap.

The directness of Jazmine’s grandmother combined feminine body positions (e.g., her legs crossed, her hands crossed in her lap) with insults. This style may have reflected Southern or Texas norms of directness, in which phrases like “bless your heart” point out idiocy and incompetency, combining sweetness with insults.

Sometimes othermothers played a direct role in raising Black and Latinx children, and a few interviewees mentioned living with aunts or grandmothers at some point as a child, often as part of an economic strategy for working mothers. Only two interviewees described family members who were gay or lesbian, one of whom was Isabella’s aunt who raised her. Isabella, a 31-year-old Latinx cisgender bisexual woman, said that her aunt “has been through a lot and for a little while, her mother didn’t accept her. Yeah, I’ve always kind of looked up to her because she brought me up pretty much. I grew up around her, and she’s always, no matter what, came through everything.” Isabella’s aunt is one of the few examples of family resilience specific to the SGD experience, including family rejection. Her aunt’s perseverance through family difficulty is what made her a role model for Isabella.

Male family members

Some interviewees did mention fathers (n = 6) and male family members (n = 3) like grandfathers, uncles, and brothers as models of resilience. For example, American Indian participants mentioned fathers as models of resilience.

Male family members were often admired for their emotional strength and ability to overcome childhood adversity rather than their role as provider. One exception was that Eddy, a 23-year-old Latinx trans man, emphasized that his grandfather, “got a job at a really young age just to help support him and his siblings and his family members.” Eddy stressed the young age at which his grandfather had to work and how he became a provider for so many family members.

Mostly, interviewees emphasized the emotional toughness of their male family members as a source of resilience, using aspects of traditional masculinity. These male role models were disproportionately veterans. Natalia described the prejudice and racism her father experienced in the Army and how he “stood up to his beliefs and his grounds…he stood up. He was a man that was very very blunt, very honest.” Jazmine described her grandfather as never, “[letting] anyone see him sweat… he never let anyone see him upset, he never let anyone see him cry.” Jesus, a 27-year-old Latinx cisgender gay man had a grandfather who was also a veteran. He described his grandfather as, “a strong [man], very stubborn…. he’s going to tell you like it is, whether it hurts your feelings or not.” The combination of military service, bluntness, and stoicism are related to norms of traditional masculinity.

Participants mentioned unconventional masculinity as a model for resilience. Santiago, a 53-year-old Latinx cisgender gay man, was the only interviewee to describe a gay family member. Santiago’s oldest brother was an early victim of the AIDS epidemic in the early 1980s. Santiago found him to be a role model due to his emotional toughness:

When he had [Kaposi’s Sarcoma] KS, you know, and it was on his face and he was living in Houston and we were walking down the street and at that time it was just like so abrasive and intrusive the way that people reacted. And my brother just went about his business, and he goes, “the way I look is not their problem. So I’m going to do it, no one ever said that I can’t do this stuff.”

By going about his daily life and asserting that “the way I look is not their problem”, Santiago demonstrated how to be resilient when confronted with discriminatory interactions. Individuals with visible signs of AIDS in the 1980s faced extreme stigma and discrimination, which Santiago’s brother dismissed.

Masculinity could also provide a role model and support for gender non-conformity. For Andie, a 61-year-old American Indian and White trans man, his father was “my champion”:

He was just the kind of guy that didn’t really care much what other people thought. He was my champion growing up. I was less than two years old when I first told my older sister that I was not a girl. I was a boy. I grew up in a family where my mother was Catholic and never really understood that. She was always trying to force me into a female role, where my father was part Native American and very much my champion and would always try to help ease that and make my way a little bit easier for me … I’m a lot like him in that. I could be the last person on Earth and I’d still be fighting to survive. That’s just who I am. That’s really what I think of. I think I learned most of it from him.

For Andie, his father demonstrated not just a resilient attitude but acceptance of his gender identity. He associates his father’s acceptance of his gender expression as a child with his father being “part Native American.” His father was a “survivor” and gave Andie a survivalist attitude, including encouraging him to be self-sufficient in the wilderness that the family lived in. Andie’s account was also the only one to mention parents’ support of interviewees’ gender or sexual variance as part of their role modeling.

The accounts of male role models for resilience were sometimes halfhearted and conditional. Raven, a 22-year-old Black queer woman, described her father as “not like this super, he doesn’t have all healthy coping mechanisms, but some of them are healthy.” Megan, a 35-year-old Italian and American Indian cisgender bisexual women, described the economic adversity in her father’s childhood: “[My grandfather] was very abusive. He kicked [my father] out when he was 18 without warning. My dad was living on the streets, eating pigeons.” Megan emphasized the health problems her dad had, including losing his eye:

He gave me this speech that ‘Sometimes life doesn’t go the way you want it. You just have to take the bull by the horns.’ The unfortunate thing is he survived it, but he wasn’t truly living. Between the pain and emotional stuff, I don’t think he was truly having a life.

For Megan, her father was resilient in that he survived dramatic health problems and poverty, but he did not thrive or overcome these obstacles. However, he still did provide a role model for his ability to “take the bull by the horns”, or persevering even when facing dire circumstances.

Couples

Three interviewees described a parenting couple as their role model without differentiating between the male and female figures. These couples were longtime married relatives who played a central role in raising the interviewees. Some of the themes from other role models resonated for couples as well, including couples as economic providers. Interviewees mentioned new models of relationship stability as well.

Willie, a 31-year-old Black cisgender gay man, lived with his aunt and uncle in the country as a child while his mother worked in a nearby city so that he could attend better schools. As a couple, his aunt and uncle were his role models for resilience, “They were married for 45+ years and I guess that’s what I’ve always wanted. I strive to have what they had.” The relationship longevity of his aunt and uncle were most important to Willie, as a model of a resilient relationship.

Tiara, a 25-year-old Black cisgender bisexual woman in her 20 s, has parents who are immigrants, and she described them as the most resilient people she knows. Specifically, she described how her parents stick together to survive in the U.S. economically and to raise their children. She sees their emotional support for her and their economic success in a new country as resilience. Darius, a 57-year-old Black, Latinx, American Indian and White gay man, says his parents together are his model for resilience, “So their ability to have their own businesses independent of each other, raise seven kids.” For Tiara and Darius, their parents as economic providers and their parenting skills made them a model of resilience as a couple.

Discussion

Resilience through adversity, providing, and strength

Black and Latinx SGD adults both emphasized the importance of family role models, particularly mothers and othermothers, highlighting traits like mothers’ ability to provide financially and overcome adversity. Throughout these accounts of family members as models of resilience, there were three themes that emerged about why these family members were role models. Black and Latinx interviewees stressed the importance of overcoming adversity, being a provider, and having emotional strength as key characteristics that made them a role model. The most common theme was that family members were role models due to the way they have overcome or worked through adversity and past traumatic experiences. The second most common theme was family members as providers. Additionally, interviewees mentioned the way that their role models were emotionally resilient.

Regardless of the family member’s gender, the experience of hearing about or watching someone overcome adversity was a critical component of identifying role models. Participants referenced many forms of adversity, including poverty, chronic illness, and childhood abuse. Gendered experiences of adversity, including domestic violence and sexual abuse, were mentioned only in relation to female family members, while other more general experiences such as poverty and childhood neglect were noted for both male and female relations. It is important to note that participants discussed family experiences as more than merely difficulties, but often traumatic events like domestic violence.

These experiences of adversity resonated for Black and Latinx SGD adults regardless of gender, income, or history of ACEs. Individuals with both high and low ACEs scores mentioned the importance of knowing that their family member had experienced adversity. These narratives speak to the importance of the ability to navigate – and overcome – tough times as an important trait for role models for POCI. More specifically, modeling resilience in the face of family trauma may be most relevant for SGD people working to overcome similar traumatic experiences themselves.

In addition to showing emotional and physical perseverance by overcoming adversity, family members also modeled resilience by materially providing for their children in the face of economic precariousness. As explained by Collins (1987), we found that mothers and othermothers modeled being providers and having emotional strength. Nearly all mentions of being a provider referenced a mother or othermother, specifically those women heading single parent households. Providing for one’s family was most frequently mentioned by Black participants – nearly twice as often as their Latinx counterparts – and, for Black mothers in particular this theme often manifested as women holding multiple jobs to support their children. Importantly, participants noted that their mothers not only ensured they were cared for materially, but were also emotionally present in their children’s lives despite the time constraints and emotional toll of being a sole provider.

When discussing the emotional strength of their role models, participants spoke emphatically about the role models’ ability to not only withstand difficulty but to maintain a sense of positivity despite difficult circumstances. This theme often came up as a component of overcoming adversity; role models were either emotionally strong because of or despite difficulties they faced in life. This emotional strength was part of how family members modeled a resilient approach to everyday life.

For our interviewees, these family members provided models for how to overcome traumatic experiences, navigate earning an income, and having emotional strength in trying circumstances. The intersections of race, gender, sexuality, income, and childhood history for our interviewees shaped their understandings of role models for resilience. Even for people with high family trauma, family role models were important. And for interviewees with less childhood trauma, watching family members overcome adversity demonstrated resilience. We learned from the stories of our participants, that protective factors in POCI families extend to SGD members.

This work is an important intervention into understanding the protective factors of POCI families for SGD individuals. Although it is established that mothers and other family members are important role models for POCI youth and adults (Bush, 2000; Collins, 1987; Feinstein et al., 2009; Gomez, 2010; Lawson Bush, 2004; Méndez-Morse, 2004) and that family acceptance is a protective factor for SGD youth (Ryan, Russell, Huebner, Diaz, & Sanchez, 2010; Simons, Schrager, Clark, Belzer, & Olson, 2013), the literature on SGD POCI individuals rarely highlights the supportive and protective aspects of POCI families. Black and Latinx SGD family members, especially mothers and othermothers, are more important models for resilience than celebrities and SGD adults, findings that are contrary to existing studies (Bird et al., 2012; Gomillian & Giuliano, 2011; Grossman & D’Augelli, 2004; Johnson & Gastic, 2015).

This study echoes existing literature on the importance of mothers and othermothers in Black and Latinx families for modeling resilience (Collins, 1987; Feinstein, Driving-Hawk, Baartman, 2009; Udel, 2001). This study shows that fathers, male relatives and couples are also role models for resilience. Male relatives at times modeled resilience strategies of emotional toughness and couples modeled being a provider and relationship stability.

Just as Collins (1987) describes the importance of strong Black mothers for helping their daughters navigate a racist society, these traits of Black and Latinx family members prepare Black and Latinx SGD adults for navigating racist, homophobic, and transphobic environments. Although these trends of family role models were consistent across age groups, these strategies of resilience may be particularly important for SGD POCI youth. Family protection and role models may reduce the impact of school violence (Grossman et al., 2011) and increase resilience for LGBT youth (Grossmen et al., 2011; Simons et al., 2013; Singh, 2013).

Although less frequent, American Indian SGD adult also shared stories that emphasized the importance of family role models; specifically fathers. For Megan and Andie, their American Indian fathers were important models for resilience and ways of handling challenging circumstances. In the Hispanic-majority city of San Antonio with both a strong settler colonialist and slavery history, Black and American Indian multiracial individuals occupy an intensely racially marginalized position (Mason, 1998). This difference may reflect different patterns of racial marginalization that impact family dynamics, understandings of good role models, or pathways to resilience.

Future directions

This analysis does not address whether or not POCI families support their SGD family members or SGD family members have ongoing positive relationship with family members but instead focuses on how POCI families provide role models for resilience in SGD adults lives as described by POCI SGD. Regardless of whether SGD adults have experienced family trauma, estrangement, or support, these family role models may still provide protective factors for adults by demonstrating resilience in adversity and trauma, how to be a good provider for themselves and dependents, and emotional strength and toughness. Future research should address the impact of these protective factors on the daily lives of POCI SGD adults and youth.

These findings are limited by the sample and study parameters. Although the sample of this study is large and recruited intentionally from a prescreening survey, the selection criteria for this study was that individuals had to score moderate to high on the BRS. This sample may not fully represent the experiences of all LGBTQ individuals as it represents individuals who are both resilient and have had either economic or traumatic reasons that might have facilitated developing this resilience. Thus, this study disproportionately represents resilient SGD POCI experiences, who may be more likely than other SGD POCI adults to have family role models or to have models for resilience.

Future research could investigate whether or not having resilient family role models is a critical component in developing resilience in SGD POCI adults and youth. Research could examine other ways that POCI families can be protective of SGD family members and the broader ways that families may prepared SGD people for adult life. Additional research should also be conducted on family models of resilience for American Indian SGD adults. This research should actively recruit American Indian SGD adults into their study to get a more diverse sample of indigenous SGD adults, along with asking more culturally relevant questions about family and family dynamics.