“My Mom Would Always Say Pussy Rules the World”

Abstract

Exploring southern Black women’s sexual messaging is important for appropriately contextualizing their sexual experiences. This study advances the literature on southern Black women’s sexuality by analyzing the valence, content, and sources of sexual messages using #HotGirlScience. Twenty-five Black women’s semi-s tructured interview responses were analyzed using thematic analysis. Thirteen women reported mixed messages, followed by positive messages (n = 10) and negative messages (n = 2). Seven major content themes were constructed: 1) sex is taboo, 2) sex is painful, harmful, and/or violent for Black women, 3) sex prioritizes male partner’s pleasure, 4) consent and safety, 5) agency and sexual pleasure, 6) pleasure expansiveness, and 7) sexual communication.

The year 2021 marked a historic time for southern rap artist and “Black feminist baddie” (Jennings, 2020, p. 54) Megan Thee Stallion, who performed her feature on Cardi B’s hit single Wet Ass Pussy (W.A.P.) at the 64th Grammy Awards. In addition to being the first woman rapper to receive the Best New Artist Award since Lauryn Hill, Megan’s performance was one of the few public demonstrations of Black women’s positive sexual expression on a platform of its kind. Freely twerking in a crystal bodysuit, Megan rapped about sex as a pleasurable and empowering experience. She described the vulva as “something to believe in” (Owens et al., 2020, 1:59). Megan’s lyrics, image, and public platform exemplified the expansiveness of Black women’s sexuality.

Megan represents a positive sexual messaging source for southern Black women whose sexual lives are often viewed narrowly through a deficit-based lens, particularly in empirical research (Hargons et al., 2021; Jennings, 2020; Thorpe et al., 2022). Existing research tends to focus on STI prevention and individual sexual risk behaviors among Black women (Jones, 2019; Opara, 2021; Thorpe et al., 2022). Indeed, researchers are encouraged to concentrate on southern Black women’s sexualities specifically because they are disproportionately affected by numerous sexual health conditions like sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) (Barlow & Smith, 2019; Prather, 2018). However, these health conditions do not present a complete and contextualized story about Black women’s sexuality.

The South was the primary location of U.S. chattel slavery. Accordingly, over half of the U.S. Black population remains in the South on the land of their enslaved ancestors (Tamir, 2021). It comes as no surprise that sexual stereotypes rooted in slavery that represent Black women in racist, sexist, and classist ways (Johnson, 2018) pervade existing beliefs and assumptions about Black female sexuality in popular media and research. These stereotypes should be reexamined using liberatory approaches like the #HotGirlScience paradigm (Hargons & Thorpe, 2022) to understand their contemporary relevance better. However, despite identifying Black women as a priority population in sex research, few studies venture outside of a sex-negative scope (Hargons et al., 2021; Thorpe et al., 2022). As a result, studies on other aspects of Black women’s sexuality are few (see Thorpe et al., 2021 and Thorpe et al., 2022, for exceptions), which contributes to the limited sexual messages they may receive.

A lack of research on southern Black women’s sexual messages is concerning, considering sexual messages, like those in Megan’s lyrics, impact Black women’s sexual views, communication, and decision-making (Opara, 2021). Studying Black women’s sexual messaging is critical for developing comprehensive, intersectional, and sex-positive education. Further, interventions targeting Black women facilitate an understanding of how Black women view and engage in sex through their unique sociocultural lens (Serrant, 2020). In response to calls to center Black women’s sexual experiences in research (Hargons et al., 2021; Thorpe et al., 2022), this study explored the sexual messages received by a sample of Black women in the U.S. South. We examined three parts of their received messages: valence (i.e., if the message was positive, negative, or mixed), content, and source. By conducting this study, we provide novel insight into the salient sexual information Black women recall. The following sections review relevant theories and literature on southern Black women’s sexual development and sexual messaging.

Guiding Theories

The transformational theory of becoming a Black queen and valence theory guide this study. According to Evans and Dyson’s (2015) transformational theory of becoming a Black queen, the presence or absence of sexual information plays a significant role in how Black women view sex and sexuality. This Black feminist-informed theory described Black women’s sexual development from girlhood (princess phase) to adulthood (queen phase). Beginning in girlhood, the authors described Black women as active learners who learn about sex through modeling, experience, personal value, and relationships.

Throughout their sexual development, Black women may receive sex information from family, peers, the media, or community ideologies that are asset- (e.g., pleasure, agency, desire) or deficit-based (e.g., sexual risks, sexual silence, and repression). Positive sexual messages, particularly from “queens” in their community (i.e., mothers, aunts, sisters), may facilitate Black women’s development into sexually healthy beings. Alternatively, negative messages like sexual stereotypes may cause Black women to struggle with sexual agency and decision-making. The former is crucial for Black women to experience sexual freedom, including optimal sexual health—particularly as they become Black queens or women viewed by their younger counterparts with warmth and adoration for their knowledge and life experience (Evans & Dyson, 2015).

Valence Theory.

Lewin (1951) first introduced valence and described it as the emotional value or worth of an object, event, or experience based on its desirability and risks. The value assigned to an object by an individual influences whether she moves toward or away from the object. Since its conception, researchers determined that valence is not a unidimensional construct. Instead, multiple valence dimensions influence human emotion and decision-making (Shuman et al., 2013). Shuman and colleagues (2013) articulated a valence framework for two dimensions: micro-valence and macro-valence. Micro-valence account for humans’ small evaluations of an object that ultimately informs their choice and affect (the macro-valence) related to an object. In this paper, the object refers to sex.

Valence theory applied to southern Black women’s sexual messaging contends that Black women receive positive, negative, or mixed messages about sex. The micro-valences or small evaluations relevant to Black women’s sexual messaging are moral goodness and pleasantness. Moral goodness evaluates the goodness or badness of sex based on Black women’s sociocultural context. Pleasantness evaluates Black women’s hedonic experience of sex. The moral goodness and pleasantness micro-valences combined contribute to how Black women view sex broadly (i.e., macro-valence) and decide to engage in it.

Southern Black Women’s Sexual Messaging

As noted by Johnson’s (2018) work documenting the oral histories of Black queer southern women, regional history deeply influences an individual’s experience, including her sexuality. Black women scholars (Collins, 2002; Hammonds, 1997; Owens, 2017) extensively detailed the implications of U.S. enslavement on Black women’s ability to both interpret and shape messages about their sexuality. For example, Collins (2002) describes how sexual stereotypes dangerously dichotomize Black women’s sexuality as promiscuous (i.e., the Jezebel) or sexless (i.e., the Mammy). These stereotypes communicate implicit and explicit messages about what Black women’s relationship with sex should be. One method Black women used to combat stereotypes that still exist today is respectability politics. Religious communities, peers, educational systems, and family values and beliefs communicate messages about respectable Black women’s behaviors, appearances, verbiage, and relationship dynamics (Higginbotham, 1994). Notably, many of these messages disregarded positive aspects of sex, like sexual pleasure and desire in attempt to demonstrate Black women’s piety and purity, among other characteristics associated with “acceptable Eurocentric womanhood” (Morgan, 2015). While some Black women endorse respectability politics for survival and livelihood, the politics still minimally serve them due to the intentional othering of Black female sexuality (Cooper, 2018).

On the contrary, not all messages about Black women’s sexuality are negative. Black queer women’s literature provides ample messaging about sexual pleasure, agency, and exploration (Harris, 1996; Jones, 2021; Lorde, 1984). Beginning with the Blues, music remains a source of sex-positive messaging for Black women (Glover & Glover, 2019). To date, southern hip-hop and R&B artists like the City Girls and Beyonce join Megan Thee Stallion in using lyrics and mainstream stages to spread unapologetic and positive messages about Black women’s sexuality (Coleman, 2021; Jennings, 2020). While it is likely Black women receive different types of sexual messaging from these and other sources, no studies have directly asked them about the messages they receive.

Current Study

The current study explores the sexual messages received by 25 southern Black women. First, we present the sources of Black women’s sexual messaging and themes regarding the content of messages. Last, we assign valences to women’s messages – specifically whether messages are positive, negative, or mixed.

Methods

Participants and Procedure

Participants were from Phase 2 of the Pain and Pleasure Study, an IRB-approved mixed-methods study investigating sexual pleasure, pain, and anxiety among Black, cisgender, premenopausal women under 50 years of age living in the southern region of the United States. In Phase 1, women completed an online survey of questionnaires and open-ended questions. Those who reported a sexual pain disorder or reproductive health diagnosis, high levels or no experience of sexual anxiety, or never having an orgasm were invited by email to participate in a qualitative interview for Phase 2 of the study. The women who participated in these interviews (N = 25) served as our study sample. Participants were between the ages of 23 to 44, primarily heterosexual (n = 21; 84%), single (n = 15; 60%), and had a bachelor’s degree (n = 8; 32%) or graduate/professional degree (n = 17; 68%) (see Table 1). According to Malterud and colleagues (2016), qualitative studies with a narrow aim, targeted sample specificity, applied theory, in-depth interview responses (i.e., strong dialogue), and single case analysis hold enough information with a smaller sample size. This study meets the criteria for adequate information power.

Table 1.

Participant Demographics

Name	Age	Sexual Orientation	Relationship Status	Education
Zeena	24	Heterosexual	Single	Bachelor’s Degree
Brittany	32	Heterosexual	Dating	Graduate/Professional Degree
Nicole	35	Queer	Married	Bachelor’s Degree
Keisha	25	Heterosexual	Cohabitating	Graduate/Professional Degree
Serena	28	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Rita	44	Heterosexual	In a relationship	Graduate/Professional Degree
T	26	Pansexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Nia	33	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Denise	35	Heterosexual	Dating	Graduate/Professional Degree
Amina	29	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Naomi	25	Heterosexual	In a relationship	Bachelor’s Degree
Butta P	44	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Black Velvet	28	Heterosexual	Married	Graduate/Professional Degree
Kris	23	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Tori	27	Heterosexual	Single	Bachelor’s Degree
Regina	41	Pansexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Nikki	23	Gay/lesbian	In a relationship	Bachelor’s Degree
Janelle	31	Heterosexual	In a relationship	Graduate/Professional Degree
Candy	26	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Michelle	27	Heterosexual	Single	Bachelor’s Degree
Jhene	35	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree
Lola	24	Heterosexual	Single	Bachelor’s Degree
Pea	23	Heterosexual	Single	Bachelor’s Degree
Alexandra	25	Heterosexual	In a relationship	Graduate/Professional Degree
Kayla	30	Heterosexual	Single	Graduate/Professional Degree

We conducted 60-to 90-minute interviews with the 25 women via the Zoom web-conferencing platform. We used a semi-structured protocol that allowed participants to elaborate on their experiences and provide more detail, thus enriching their responses. Women received various questions about sexual pleasure, sexual anxiety, and sexual pain, in addition to sexual messaging from and experiences with partners, providers, and other Black women. This study focused on participants’ responses to two questions from the interview: (1) What have you learned about sexual pleasure? and (2) Who taught you these things? After each interview, the interviewers (first, second, fourth, and seventh authors and one biracial woman postdoctoral researcher) completed a researcher memo. We discussed memos during weekly lab meetings with the primary investigator. All interviews were audio-recorded and transcribed in preparation for data analysis.

Research Paradigm

This study used the #HotGirlScience research paradigm (Hargons & Thorpe, 2022). This liberatory framework contends that knowledge is shaped by an individual’s context and access to power (ontology) and gathered from intuitive and authoritative sources (epistemology). Methodological approaches most aligned with #HotGirlScience are qualitative, mixed methodology, and participatory action because they facilitate more comprehensive access to Black women’s sexual lives. Regarding axiology, #HotGirlScience values a love ethic (hooks, 2000), meaning communalism, emotion, joy, and pleasure are priorities of studies using this paradigm.

#HotGirlScience emphasizes four tenets for research execution. The first tenant, having fun, means data analysis should be enjoyable. We invited joy into data analysis by laughing, providing constructive and encouraging feedback, affirming each other, and expressing gratitude for each author’s contributions. #HotGirlScience is sex-positive; thus, we centered sex-positivity through a focus on sexual pleasure for a historically marginalized group. Doing me unapologetically meant that we, as a team of Black women researchers, asked ourselves, “Am I authentic to my values and love ethic, even when the academy scrutinizes Black women’s ways of being?” (Hargons & Thorpe, 2022 p. 6). Operating in our authenticity allowed us to approach data analysis in a way that aligned with our participant’s authenticity. For example, we welcomed the emotions we experienced while reviewing the data instead of distancing ourselves from it. We discovered that leaning into our emotions brought us closer to the participants. In other words, we felt the shock value when a participant (Kris) aimed to express by mentioning “having a wig pulled off” during sex. In support of the final tenant, hyping up my friends, we supported and amplified the work of Black women by citing their research in this paper and the work and actions of those who support Black women.

Data Analysis

We conducted a deductive secondary data analysis using Braun and Clarke’s (2006, 2021) six steps for thematic analysis. Data analysis began with a reflective process in which the coders (first and second authors) answered this study’s research questions (i.e., What have you learned about sex? Who taught you?). Next, we familiarized ourselves with the data by reading transcripts multiple times and documenting our initial reactions and salient quotes in memos. During data familiarization, we realized that although we asked participants specifically about sexual pleasure, most participants responded by telling us what they learned about sex. Some responses included sexual pleasure, and some did not. This realization informed our decision to analyze these data based on messages about sex instead of sexual pleasure. Next, we completed three rounds of coding. Initial coding included identifying message sources (step one), followed by examining message content (step two) and valence (step three). We met weekly to review and refine themes (steps four and five). The sixth and final step consisted of developing this paper.

Data Trustworthiness

The criteria for establishing data trustworthiness in qualitative research are reflexivity, transparency, credibility, transferability, dependability, and confirmability (Stahl & King, 2020). Regarding credibility, we are confident in the truth and quality of these findings based on our intuitive and authoritative knowledge as a team of queer and heterosexual Black women researchers (Hargons & Thorpe, 2022). Other identities we hold that are relevant to our research process include being cisgender, premenopausal, and highly educated. Our active commitment to conducting liberatory sex-positive research and clinical work with Black women helped our independent and collective reflexivity process to ensure our privilege does not prevent us from misconstruing our participant’s reports. We also established credibility through prolonged engagement with the transcripts and triangulating multiple data sources (e.g., transcripts and memos) (Nowell et al., 2017). Our prolonged engagement with the data facilitated our ability to develop thick descriptions (Nowell et al., 2017) as we accounted for southern Black women’s behavior, experiences, and sociocultural context in our themes (transferability). Last, we kept an audit trail for dependability and confirmability (Carcary, 2020).

Results

Women identified the following sources: media (i.e., porn, music, television, magazines, social media), family, peers, sexual partners, church/religion, and Black women sex educators. The most reported source was the media. All sources communicated mixed sexual messaging except for Black women sex educators, who were positive sources. Two women reported negative messages, 10 reported positive messages, and 13 reported mixed messages. Below, we present the content of participants’ sexual messages based on their assigned valence.

Negative Messages about Sex

SEX IS TABOO

“Sex is Taboo” captured messages southern Black women received that positioned sex as a prohibited or forbidden topic or activity. Most women received these messages from family members, church, and religious doctrine. While reflecting on her childhood, Brittany said, “I wasn’t taught about [sexual] pleasure or anything like that. And, I just remember finding stuff around the house, like my dad had a porno magazine or something.” The lack of messages Brittany received during childhood could imply that Black girls and women should not discuss sex with others and sexual items, like pornographic magazines, should be hidden (i.e., sexual silence). Brittany also shared what her mother taught her about how “respectable” Black girls should orient themselves to sex:

“I wasn’t supposed to [have sex] growing up. You’re not supposed to touch yourself or think about little boys in that way. We don’t do this; we don’t do that. And that’s just what it was.”

In addition to sexual silence, Brittany learned that respectable Black girls did not have sex, masturbate, or think sexual thoughts. These messages from her mother mimic southern Black women’s respectability politics and emphasize purity.

Regina shared a memory of her mother’s reaction to her asking about sex during girlhood. Regina said, “My mother was like, ‘Wow!’ You can’t even say sex to her. She’ll be like, ‘Ugh, gross, ew.’” Although Regina’s mother did not make a direct statement about sex, her comments communicated to Regina that sex was dirty or unacceptable. Denise and Keisha also received messages about sex. Denise stated, “Growing up, sex was frowned upon.” Although Keisha did not directly state that sex was bad, her reflection on how she perceived children she attended school with who talked about sex is revealing: “Bad kids would come to school talking about sex, and I’m like, ‘I don’t know about that yet.’” Hearing “bad” kids talk about sex was a jarring experience for Keisha, given her limited discussion about sex during her youth. She associated sex with wrongness or immorality that then extended to the children or “bad” kids.

Jhene’s upbringing in the church informed messages she received about sex as taboo. She said, “I didn’t have a lot of information and grew up very conservative in my church. I kind of felt like I couldn’t ask those kinds of questions.” Jhene also recalled uncomfortable feelings associated with her sexual debut that stemmed from her religious upbringing: “I lost my virginity right before my 25^th birthday, so I held on for a while because of religious reasons and also being anxious and scared and everything.” The indirect messages about sex that Jhene received from religion were so unabating that they ultimately contributed to psychological distress when she decided to have sex—particularly as an unmarried woman. Keisha received misconstrued messages about sex from her religious parents:

I came home, and I asked my mom. It wasn’t a deep conversation for an eight- or nine-year-old. Super surface-y. She always told me I was a blessing from God, and literally, I believed that. I didn’t know my parents had sex, and when I found that out, I was like, “What? I thought I was a gift from God!”

When Keisha had this conversation with her mom, she separated sex from Godliness, which may have communicated to Keisha that sex was unholy.

SEX IS PAINFUL, HARMFUL, OR VIOLENT FOR BLACK WOMEN

Women learned from family, peers, and the media (e.g., music, porn, and social media) that sex could be painful, harmful, or violent. These messages were direct for some women, like Jhene, who heard from her peers during college that “there might be some pain” during sex. For others, like Brittany, these messages were communicated through imagery or videos. Brittany shared, “Sex looked super painful. Everything looked so degrading. So that’s what I thought sex was, ‘Oh, he’s just going to like rape you.’” Brittany’s use of the word “rape” captures the sexual violence she expected from sex and insidious nature of rape culture in contemporary society (Miller, 2019). Regina discussed working through general beliefs about consent after learning about sex from her grandmother:

My grandmother told me that she did not enjoy sex with my grandfather and that she was only awake for the conception of two of her five children. From what I’m understanding of the way that she’s phrasing it, because she doesn’t have the language, I don’t believe that she consented to sex all the time.

Kris discussed how the media perpetuates harmful messages about sex:

Media is a big one. You can kind of have this misshapen idea of pleasure from watching porn. You see their experiences, and you’re like, “Oh, that must be what sex is. That’s what feels good.” Because she looks like she’s having a good time. And on socials, they’re talking about everything that women “need” and “want.” It has a lot of wrong messages.

Kris went on to describe how the media communicates harmful sexual messages about Black women specifically:

Blanketing of desires is something that’s harmful. You’ve been hearing, “Touch the dangly thing in the back of my throat,” and hair pulling. I’m like, “If you pull this wig off, we’re both going to be upset!… I think that’s harmful messaging. “Oh, girls like this,” or those big statements like, “Women need you to knock their walls out.” That’s dangerous!

Here, Kris communicates common messages from the media that position Black women as hypersexual and animalistic sexual beings (i.e., the Jezebel stereotype). The pervasiveness of these messages results in what she describes as a “blanketing of desires” that assumes sex with Black women should be aggressive and that they find rough sex to be pleasurable. It is important to note that Kris does not mean to imply that aggressive sex is problematic. The problem lies in the general expectation that all Black women want aggressive sex.

Prioritizing Male Partner’s Pleasure

“Prioritizing Male Partner’s Pleasure” captured how some women learned to prioritize a male partner’s pleasure, needs, and desires above their own. Nicole, for example, focused on her male partner’s perception of her during sex instead of her own pleasure, stating:

I’m also very expressive. And so just wondering if those expressions are too much. If my partner thinks that I am faking it, do they think I’m enjoying it? And so, wondering if I should scale it back; sometimes, feeling like I’m too loud.

Nicole was concerned with being perceived by her male partner acceptably despite being naturally expressive. Serena discussed not knowing about sexual pleasure, viewing sex as a chore, and allowing her male partners to use her for sex, sharing:

My sexual experience for all those years was just like basically letting someone have sex with me, is what it felt like. And I didn’t realize that till later. I didn’t realize that until I started having better sex, but it was just like more of a… chore seems too harsh of a word, but I would go somewhere along that line. It felt more like a chore.

This theme was especially salient among women who had sex with men. T stated, “I’m a child of the 90s. I was taught that men are kind of selfish. They’re going to do it anyway.” T’s quote is meaningful in that it identifies her generation as one communicating explicit messages about how Black women should expect men to act during sex.

To conclude, Naomi talked about the knowledge gap in sexual pleasure for men versus women: “When it comes to pleasuring guys, of course, you get a million tips from whoever’s done it first in the group, but women’s pleasure? I didn’t really get a one-on-one course.” In this quote, Naomi communicates an over-emphasis on messages about men’s pleasure at large.

Positive Messages about Sex

CONSENT AND SAFETY

Women received messages that sex should be consensual and safe. T heard from peers that sex should end whenever one person no longer wants to engage in it. She said, “When I was in my twenties, I very much learned that it does not matter how far into it you are, you can be like, ‘get off of me.’ You expect that person to get off of you, and that’s it.”

Related to safety, Keisha learned from her mother that being aware of her and her partner’s bodies helped ensure consent. She said, “[Sex] is about being informed and being knowledgeable about your body, the people you’re encountering, their bodies, and how to be safe.” For Keisha, body awareness was an embodied tool for recognizing whether she and her partner felt safe, experienced pleasure, and desired to continue having sex.

AGENCY AND SEXUAL PLEASURE

Some women received messages related to sexual agency and Black women’s right to sexually pleasurable experiences. Jhene said,

You should be experiencing pleasure during sex. It’s my right to be able to climax, and if my partner can’t do it, I should be able to tell them how to do it or be able to do it myself and be comfortable enough to do that.

She elaborated on how the media, specifically Megan Thee Stallion’s music, communicated to her the importance of prioritizing her sexual pleasure:

Some of the songs, like Megan Thee Stallion, she’ll say stuff like, “If it wasn’t good sex if I didn’t have any pleasure, it didn’t happen, it doesn’t count, doesn’t matter. I’m going to get mine first, or I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely going to get mine.” I’m hearing more of those empowering messages where, yes, you want your partner to be pleased, but your pleasure is also a priority.

Like Jhene, Rita discussed prioritizing her pleasure and being okay with ending sex if her needs were not being met:

I think for many years, I felt like, okay, well, I own my sexual pleasure, and if I don’t like something, or maybe it’s the partner, I don’t need to continue that because I want to make sure my needs are met. And so, I think that’s the main thing, is that my needs are important.

Only one participant, Nikki, reported receiving messages about sexual agency and pleasure from a mother figure. Nikki remarked happily on this message, stating:

My mom would always say, “Pussy rules the world.” And she would always tell me, “You hold it, you hold power.” My mom has always been like you should be empowered by your femininity, even though her mother was the exact one that kind of taught us the opposite.”

PLEASURE EXPANSIVENESS

Per Candy, pleasure expansiveness “allows us [Black women] to define sexual pleasure outside of the box.” Women who received messages about pleasure expansiveness learned that sex was more than penetration and orgasm. For example, Nia reported that “Penetration does not have to be the star of the show.” Kris heard from a sexual pleasure workshop that “Orgasm does not have to be the end of it, of a pleasurable experience.” In other words, pleasurable could be eudemonic or directed toward the goal of orgasm or hedonic and extend beyond orgasm to different pleasurable experiences for pleasure’s sake. Women heard that non-penetrative sexual activities and intimacy could be just as pleasurable as penetration or orgasm. Pea shared, “Love, touching, the affirmations. I want all of that and not just the sex because that makes it better. Sex is just like, okay, that’s cool. What else?”

Women also received messages that sex could be varied and still pleasurable. Rita captured this, saying, “It doesn’t have to be the same experience every time and it’s okay to not be bouncing or hanging upside down or whatever.” Rita felt free to explore sex in expansive ways that departed from stereotypical representations of sex and declared that all Black people should have the same freedom, noting that “Women and men should be free to explore the different ways that they could experience pleasure.” Related to freedom, women identified queer sex as a space where Black women learned pleasure outside of heteronormative bounds. Lola reflected on the messages she received from Black women with other women-identified and nonbinary sexual partners:

I’d say with Black women having sex with women or nonbinary people. They report so much more pleasure. Once they leave men, they seem like they have a way better time. I’ve had friends who had mainly male partners, and then now they solely have female partners, and they express having like a better time. Their needs are met more. They learn more about their bodies more, and things like that, so that has been really interesting to see.

SEXUAL COMMUNICATION

Many women discussed messages about sexual communication, specifically the importance of communicating their sexual likes and dislikes. Brittany received sexual communication messages from her partner who shared with her that sex “Is about communicating your thoughts, what you like, and what you don’t like.” She went on to describe how her partner helped her become more communicative, stating, “I think with him being so much older than what I was, it’s just the way that he verbalized himself. [He] helped me open up and verbalize more too, which was nice.” Her partner’s wisdom with age and ability to practice effective sexual communication improved their sexual interactions. Regina received messages that she should share her likes and dislikes with partners before sex to determine if someone is a suitable partner: “To not be ashamed to talk about what I like and what I don’t like, because if the person is turned off by what I like and what I don’t like, then that’s not the person I need to have sex with anyway.” Candy shared that defining what felt pleasurable for her during sex was key to sexual communication. She said, “Knowing how people define their own sexual pleasure, because yes, I don’t like that. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not going to find a woman that does enjoy that and does like that, you know?” Candy’s decision to follow this message seemed to benefit her and demonstrated her attentiveness to her potential partner’s sexual likes. Instead of dismissing a person for having different sexual preferences than her, Candy regarded other men’s desires as worthy of attention and being fulfilled by another woman.

Most of these messages were about sexual communication before sex. However, women also received messages about the benefit of sexual communication during sex to increase their and their partner’s pleasure. Black Velvet talked about communication during sex, stating, “Be more confident and just speak out and say, ‘Hey, this hurts,’ and I’m not going to beat myself up about it.”

Mixed Messages

Most women reported receiving mixed messages comprised of the themes previously presented. Two participants, Nia and Jhene, provided salient examples of mixed messages. Nia reflected on the surprise she felt when her male partner asked her what she wanted during sex: “I was touching him, and he asked me if I wanted to come. And I was like, ‘Huh?’ Because I was just so used to men just doing whatever they want to do.” In this example, it is evident that sex for Nia focused on her partner’s desires, which aligns with “Prioritizing Male Partner’s Pleasure.” However, Nia’s partner provided a positive sexual message about her pleasure worthiness, which supports the “Agency and Sexual Pleasure” theme. Jhene discussed a similar experience:

The last partner I had, he was very nice, and he asked, “Do you like this? Is this nice?” and all that. He tried, but there are some things I wanted to just tell him, like, “Look, you need to do this,” but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or be too dominating or anything either.

Jhene prioritized her male partner in expressing her desire to protect his ego (Prioritizing Male Partner’s Pleasure theme). Yet, her partner demonstrated sexual communication and an investment in her pleasure (Agency and Sexual Pleasure theme).

Black Women Sex Educators

A salient source among participants was Black women sex educators. We highlight this source separately as the only source that did not communicate mixed messages about sex. Women reported a variety of platforms educators used for sex positive messaging. These included social media (e.g., Afrosexology Instagram page), podcasts, conferences (e.g., Sex Down South), and workshops (e.g., Noirerotica: Sexual Pleasure Workshops for Black Womxn). Lola said, “I follow Dr. Shemeka and all the other Black sexuality educators on Instagram. So that’s been one. I listen to sex-positive podcasts.” Butta P named Afrosexology.com, a business and movement founded by Dalychia Saah and Rafaella Fiallo that promotes sex positivity and Black sexual liberation. Some women, like Janelle, expressed a commitment to only consuming sexual messaging from sources that promoted Black women’s pleasure and sexuality:

Doing my self-research within just platforms that promote positive pleasure and sexuality. There’s so many amazing sex-positive, very Black sex-positive sexual pleasure. I don’t want to call them influencers because they’re really trendsetters within sexual health on Instagram. And also, going to conferences like Sex Down South by Marla Renee Stewart and people who are trying to dismantle the purity culture like Brittney (The Intimacy Firm). And amazing, oh, my good, good friend Tanya Bass in North Carolina.

Kris and Jhene also sought Black women sex educators. They both attended sexual pleasure workshops developed by Black women. Kris shared how the workshops “Encouraged exploration,” and Jhene spoke about how she participated to “Try to get tips on how to have a better experience.” Overall, it seemed that Black women sex educators were fundamental for introducing or shifting the existing messaging that southern Black women received about sex.

Discussion

According to Black feminist-informed theories like the transformational theory of becoming a Black queen, Black women’s sexual socialization process includes the attainment of knowledge, attitudes, and values about sex that are sex-positive. Additionally, Black feminist-informed theories situate Black women’s sexuality within their sociocultural context. Conceptual literature explores Black women’s sexual socialization process (Crooks et al., 2020; Evans & Dyson, 2015). Yet, few empirical studies examine the sexual messages that inform southern Black women’s sexual socialization. To address this literature gap, we determined the sources, valence, and content of sexual messages reported by 25 Black women living in the South.

Consistent with previous studies (Avery et al., 2021; Crooks, 2020; White, 2013), women received messages from various sources (e.g., family, peers, and partners). However, the media was a significant messaging source about sex for participants. Media sources included music, television, magazines, social media, and porn. Research indicates that media components like imagery, language, and themes inform how Black women navigate their sexual experiences beginning in girlhood (Gordon, 2008). To add, most studies identify the media as a sex-negative messaging source for Black women. For example, Avery and colleagues (2021) found that the frequency of Black women’s consumption of Black media sources (e.g., Ebony magazine, Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta, hip-hop music) was associated with their endorsement of heteropatriarchal beliefs. Similarly, our participants reported messaging rooted in heteropatriarchy, like prioritizing men’s pleasure. It could be that southern Black women with male partners feel a need to protect their partner’s ego and ensure his pleasure over their own (Dogan et al., 2022).

Women also reported receiving messages from the media and family members aligned with sexual stereotypes and respectability politics. For instance, some women associated hip-hop lyrics and porn with the hyper-sexualization and objectification of Black women. This finding is in line with studies that cite the socio-historical impact of U.S. slavery on Black women’s sexuality (Cheeseborough et al., 2020), which is especially relevant for southern Black women considering enslaved people were one-third of the southern population (Inter-University Consortium for Political and Social Research, 2005). Historically, hypersexualization and objectification served as justification for men’s sexual violence toward Black women (Collins, 2002). Interestingly, sexual objectification and violence intertwine with Black women’s endorsement of sexual stereotypes. Cheeseborough et al. (2020) found that Black women were more likely to experience frequent sexual objectification and justify violence when their Jezebel stereotype endorsement was high. Thus, the proliferation of stereotypes like the Jezebel present in sexual messaging from the media and family members could contribute to the sex-negative content evident in our findings.

Higginbotham (1994) asserts that Black women historically engaged in respectability politics to combat sexual stereotypes and negative sexual beliefs about them. This history may inform the content of the “Sex is Taboo” and “Sex is Painful, Harmful, or Violent for Black Women” themes. Some participants’ narratives featured sexual silence or messaging from church, religion, or women in their families about how proper southern Black women should engage in sex. Their reports of sexual silence, purity, and sex as immoral could reflect respectability politics. These findings mimic themes identified in Higginbotham’s (1994) analysis of Black women’s movements in Baptist churches and highlight how respectability, as a resistance strategy, can adversely impact southern Black women’s sexuality (Morgan, 2015).

The negatively valenced content captured by the “Sex is Painful, Harmful, or Violent for Black Women” theme may lay the groundwork for Black women’s negative sexual expectations and reinforce stereotypical beliefs about Black women’s strength. A recent study by Dogan and colleagues (2022) found that Black women minimally disclosed sexual pain to their male partners. The women also felt it was their responsibility to manage their pain. As part of the Superwoman Schema (Woods-Giscombé, 2010) and Strong Black Woman stereotype (Beauboeuf-Lafontant, 2009), Black women may endorse emotional suppression, embodying strength and persistence despite limited resources. Others may endorse these beliefs about Black women, too. As a result, Black women may receive messages from numerous sources that normalize sexually painful, violent, and coercive experiences and encourage them to persist through them despite discomfort, lack of consent, and suffering.

Notably, some participants connected negative messages with their childhood, possibly implying that as southern Black women get older, they have access to more sex-positive information. This assertion supports previous findings by Evans and Dyson (2015). Still, based on over 52% of our sample receiving mixed messages, most participants simultaneously received positive messages from the previously mentioned sources. For instance, southern Black women hip-hop artists like Megan Thee Stallion sent messages related to sexual agency and pleasure, which aligns with Black women’s tradition of using music to share sexually liberating messages (Coleman, 2021; Jennings, 2020). Additionally, some women, like Nikki, had mothers (referred to as Queens in the transformation theory) who shared sex-positive messages. Queens reminded participants of the power inherent in the body and provided sexual guidance and knowledge. Having Queens in one’s pleasure lineage—a term concerned with identifying the individual(s) who taught one to feel good (Brown, 2019)—likely helps southern Black women combat sex-negative messaging. This finding also benefits the literature and demonstrates that there are sex-positive sources inherent to some communities of southern Black women. Of note, these sex-positive sources may not use terms like sexual pleasure, hence why some participants may have reported on sex rather than sexual pleasure in response to the interview question selected for this study.

Black women in our study received sex-positive messages related to consent and safety, which challenges sociocultural norms captured by the “Sex is Painful, Harmful, or Violent” theme. They also received positive messages about sexual communication. Some participants, like Brittany, received positive messages about sexual communication from male partners. Brittany and Candy’s remarks demonstrated that southern Black women are receiving messaging, communicating about, and participating in heterosexual sex in ways that challenge dominant stereotypes and beliefs. Thorpe and colleagues (2022) found that partnered interactions and liberation facilitate Black women’s peak sexual pleasure. Southern Black women’s receipt of sex-positive messages related to pleasure expansiveness, communication, and agency may improve their sex lives and facilitate liberatory pathways that help them divest from oppressive sexual messaging.

Participants received messages about the expansiveness of sexual pleasure. Unlike dominant messaging that limits sex to penis-vaginal or penis-anal penetration (Willis et al., 2018), women shared that numerous activities outside penetration could be pleasurable during sex. For example, they shared that non-penetrative sexual activity (e.g., kissing) and intimacy were sexually pleasurable, which matched findings in Thorpe et al.’s (2021) study on Black women’s erotic maps. Additionally, participants received messages that sex did not have to end with an orgasm. Our findings on pleasure expansiveness may indicate that southern Black women receive messaging that departs from traditional sexual scripts and prioritizes a spectrum of sexual behaviors Black women find pleasurable.

Finally, this study found that Black sexuality educators were the only sources exclusively communicating positive messages about sex. The positively valenced messages from Black sexuality educators positioned sexual experiences as pleasurable, safe, explorative, liberating, and involving open communication. Existing research shows that Black women sex educators have unique intersectional views about sexuality that benefit Black women (Flowers, 2018). Southern Black women may prefer sexual messaging from Black women sexuality educators because of shared identities (Flowers, 2018). Additionally, interacting with and learning from Black women sexuality educators may be a corrective experience for southern Black women who may have internalized negatively valenced sex messages.

Limitations

This study has several limitations. First, we utilized secondary data analyses from interviews conducted during a larger study on Black women’s experiences of sexual pain and pleasure. Secondary data analysis of qualitative data presents some concerns about methodological rigor (Ruggiano & Perry, 2019). Second, our sample consisted only of college-educated Black women, many of whom received information from sexuality educators. Their educational background may have increased their access to a variety of sexual messages as well as their ability to critically consume messages about sex from different sources and environments.

Further, all participants reported experiencing a sexual or reproductive health diagnosis, sexual anxiety, or never experiencing orgasm—all conditions that could shape the messages they received. Future research could consider the valence of sex messages among Black women without sexual or reproductive health diagnoses and fewer years of education to determine if any socioeconomic differences exist. Third, because participants were only recruited from southern U.S. states, our results may be limited in transferability to Black women in other geographic locations. Last, our findings are solely based on participants’ perceptions of sex messaging. As communication is a two-way process, we only had access to one party’s interpretation of sex messages (i.e., the receiver) but not information from the messaging sources.

Implications

The collective findings of this research specify that there are healthy, positive, pleasurable effects that result from southern Black women receiving sex-positive messages and knowledge. Implications are suggested for Black Sexuality Professionals (BSP), including educators, counselors, therapists, coaches, researchers, sexologists, emerging BSP, and other sexuality professionals. Implications are further offered for other mental health professionals and health providers. Due to the nature of niche-based sexuality content, BSPs should increase genuine collaboration efforts with each other to help Black women identify sex-positive role models who encourage Black women’s sexual development and well-being. Additionally, BSPs must seek to create additional curriculums, conferences, courses, programs, and products to advance Black women’s sexual development and well-being.

Findings show that Black women sex educators and other BSPs are trusted sources of sexuality education via social media, podcasts, and online platforms. To continue assisting Black women in accessing and prioritizing their pleasure, BSPs must continue disseminating quality, asset-based sexuality educational content highlighting Black women’s sexual experiences. Based on participant’s reports, mass media is one outlet BSPs can use to disseminate educational content.

BSPs must also collaborate with mass media sources, including digital, print, radio, television, and other sources, to reconstruct images and portrayals of Black women’s sexuality in more asset-based perspectives. The researchers in the study highlight the concern regarding a lack of research centered around the sexual experiences of southern Black women. Sexuality researchers must advance this research area and create standardized measures and holistic sex-positive assessment tools, utilizing a culturally relevant research paradigm like #HotGirlScience (Hargons & Thorpe, 2022).

Finally, sex-positive sexuality education promotes healthy social and emotional development, contributing to overall well-being. Historical and current deficit-based messages of sexuality toward southern Black women continue to oppress and marginalize them. Therefore, mental health professionals and other health providers must obtain sex-positive sexuality education, consultation, and supervision. Receiving sex education can equip these professionals with the skills to assess, treat, and teach Black women the relationship between sexual self-exploration, sexual development, and overall well-being. All BSPs and other health professionals are needed to advance Black women’s sexuality education issues from a micro or individual level to more macro and systemic levels. Listening to the lived experiences of Black women is a start.

Conclusion

The sexual messages Black women inform their viewpoints of sex and their sexual experiences. Negative messages can often lead to feelings of sexual shame, increase sexual anxiety, and prevent Black women from engaging in pleasurable activities despite pleasure being their birthright. Black women deserve to have pleasure-filled and liberatory sex lives. This study highlights the importance of BSPs in spreading sex-positive messages that encourage Black women to embrace their deepest desires, engage in sexual exploration, and prioritize their pleasure as much as they prioritize their partners’.

Biographies

Natalie Malone, MS, is a counseling psychology doctoral candidate at the University of Kentucky. In addition to study Black women’s holistic and sexual health and wellness, her research prioritizes culturally tailored healing for Black people. Correspondence mailing address: 251 Scott St., Lexington, KY 40508

Dr. Shemeka Thorpe is an award-winning sexuality educator, researcher, and international speaker. Her research focuses on the sexual well-being of Black women using sex-positive and pleasure-centered frameworks. Correspondence mailing address: 1512 University Dr., Lexington, KY 40502

Praise Iyiewuare, MA MPH, is a clinical psychology doctoral candidate. Praise’s research focuses on pleasure as central to healing for Black women, particularly as related to sexual and reproductive health and experiences of trauma and mood disorders. Correspondence mailing address: 3535 Market St. Suite 660, Philadelphia, PA 19104

Jardin Dogan-Dixon, Ph.D. is a licensed counseling psychologist currently working in the criminal justice system. Her intersectionality-informed research and practice have a three-pronged focus: 1) Black identity, racial trauma, and mental health; 2) Black sexualities, sexual pleasure, and intimate relationships; and 3) drug and incarceration-related health disparities. She has extensive experience working with Black people to improve their mental, physical, and sexual health, and seeks to break down barriers and stigmas for Black communities to access culturally-affirming treatment. Correspondence mailing address: 880 William Blvd Apt. 507, Ridgeland, MS 39157

Jermisha Frazier, M.Ed, is a human sexuality doctoral candidate at the California Institute of Integral Studies. Her research focuses on Black sexuality, systems of power, and pleasure. Correspondence mailing address: 3725 Princeton Lakes Parkway Apt 3302, Atlanta, GA 30331

Dr. Shamyra Howard holds a Doctorate in Social Work and is an International award-winning Sexologist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist who exposes people to what they’re missing from intimacy so that they can have a great relationship and better sex. She founded On The Green Couch, where she helps people manage sexual issues, create their best relationships, and have amazing sex.

Jasmine K. Jester, MS, is a fourth-year counseling psychology PhD student at the University of Kentucky. She is a two-time graduate of Tennessee State University, receiving her bachelor’s degree in psychology and Africana Studies and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. Jasmine’s research interests include Black religiosity/spirituality, drug use disorders, mental health, and substance use treatment. Correspondence mailing address: 251 Scott St., Lexington, KY 40508

Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning associate professor of counseling psychology at the University of Kentucky, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. Correspondence mailing address: 251 Scott St., Lexington, KY 40508