Table 4.

Admiration

APRN Inspiration and Admiration for the Patient

“But just an amazing woman that always came to clinic looking beautiful and smiling. Her husband was amazing and so caring.” (16a) “I cared for one older gentleman who has since passed. He was in and out of remission and always took it in stride. What I remember most was that every time he came in, he told me a joke. I always knew if he, wasn’t feeling well because he wouldn’t tell a joke” (25a) “This patient accepted her initial diagnosis and eventually her poor prognosis with grace. She never failed to ask about our well-being as we strived to manage her advanced symptoms. Her concern was always focused on others (her spouse of 50 years, a daughter, and our infusion team). We often say we love our patient’s and she very aware of how we felt about her.” (38b) “A young woman diagnosed ... at 26, died at 30. She was an old soul. She expressed disappointment and worry infrequently, and most often showed joy and gratitude. She expressed gratitude for everything, and often, and spoke about how lucky she was for this or that, pets, parents, friends, travel, education, everything. We remember her not as a sad or tragic case but as an extraordinary human.” (41a) “My wonderful beautiful 12 y/o patient. He just recently passed away. I have known him since he was 4 and newly diagnosed Neuroblastoma. So many treatments he endured, all with a smile and the best hugs I will ever have. He was an important part of my life, I miss his hugs and that beautiful smile.” (48a) “This patient inspired me. She had clear goals at diagnosis. She poorly tolerated chemotherapy and decided no more treatment. This was the first goals of care conversation I led as a NP. I will never forget this special person.” (63c) “She had a good support system, but having a SINGLE young child myself I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been for her to juggle everything. Yet she had the most positive person I had ever met, nearly never complained, and had a can do attitude, and was always grateful and gracious. She really pushed through terrible GI side effects before allowing us to finally dose reduce her medication because she wanted to try to tolerate the full dose. I was getting married and might have mentioned it in passing to her. One Christmas she gave me personalized ornaments she had made with photos she must have found online from our wedding website. She has since passed, and every year when I put up the ornaments I think about her.” (69a)