Table 3.

Zunin’s and Zunin’s⁹⁶ Elements of a Letter of Condolence or Condolence Note. Modified with permission D. J. Wilkie, © 2001, D. J. Wilkie and TNEEL Investigators.²²

Element	Example Language
1. Salutation.	Dear John,
2. Acknowledge the loss.	I was saddened when Troy called this evening to tell me the news of Bobbie’s death. Even though I had been expecting it, the final word was still difficult.
3. Express your sympathy.	Words are so inadequate, but with this letter comes my deep sympathy on the loss of your beloved wife. I, too, cared deeply for her.
4. Note special qualities of the deceased.	Bobbie was a vibrant, talented, caring, and funny woman. Everyone cherished her, but for me, she was even more. She was a rare and treasured friend.
5. Recount a memory about the deceased.	As I write, I recall the precious memories of the day when Bobbie and I were driving to the lake for what we thought would be a lazy afternoon of fishing. Instead, our car broke down and the two of us had quite a time trying to fix it. We were covered in grease and laughing like little girls, but we fixed it! And we made it to the lake just in time to catch the biggest fish either of ever caught.
6. Note special qualities of the bereaved.	I know you will miss her so very much, but I also know that you will find strength remembering the beautiful years you shared. Bobbie loved you so and you were always a source of strength and courage to her. I recall her once saying that your love of life and enduring optimism gave her much peace. I hope that these same qualities will help support and guide you during this difficult time.
7. Offer assistance.	Please know that you have my sympathy and my friendship. I would appreciate if you would turn to me for any help I might give. I’ll call soon to see if there’s anything I can do.
8. Close with a thoughtful word or phrase.	My thoughts are with you, Or I send you my deepest sympathy, Or My prayers are with you,