Table 2.
Themes and subthemes (themes in bold) | Illustrative examplesa |
---|---|
1) People see me as an unfit parent |
‘I have been made to feel inadequate as a parent.’ |
‘There's immediate suspicion from people you're not capable of looking after a child.’ | |
‘The psychiatrist was talking about bringing in social services-that was unfair to assume I can't look after my children.’ | |
People assume I am not safe or trustworthy |
‘I'm classed as depressed so people won’t let me look after the children. I'm treated like a leper. They assume I'm unsafe or not trustworthy.’ |
‘Because of my mental illness social services thought I'd burnt my daughter but I hadn't.’ | |
‘When my daughter was a toddler and fell off her space hopper onto a concrete floor, the hospital staff kept asking me 'all these questions', because I was 'a single mother and a mental health parent'. They put my daughter on the ‘at risk’ register and missed the fact that my daughter had a heart problem.’ | |
They come in guns blazing |
‘People watch me too closely.’ |
‘Social services are always involved, coming in guns blazing.’ | |
‘I always feel that people are checking up on me and my children because of my diagnosis.’ | |
‘I was kept in hospital for an extra week after having my children because the staff felt they needed to contact social services.’ | |
I am judged |
‘I feel people were judging me when I was pregnant and having my baby. The midwife for example seemed to jump to conclusions because of my diagnosis.’ |
‘My son has ADHD, when he's struggling, teachers immediately ask about my mental health and I feel I am being judged’. | |
‘I feel that other parents judge me.’ | |
Others make decisions |
‘My mum recently took my son to Sweden (which was good) but she didn't ask me, and I didn't know about it, and I'm his mother after all.’ |
‘They [social services] take your power to make decisions because they think you aren't thinking straight.’ | |
2) People are not understanding or sympathetic |
‘Mental health staff said I should pull myself together because I have a family’. |
‘My daughter’s college made me feel like an irresponsible as they did not understand that I could not speak to them at that time.’ | |
‘The school has not been sympathetic when my son is late to school or not handed things in (e.g. money).’ | |
‘She was not understanding of my situation and was making inappropriate demands of me.’ | |
3) I am stopped from having children |
‘We were basically told don't even go there by the hospital and a psychiatrist and that we wouldn't be considered for adoption.’ |
‘A doctor advised me not to have children, it was the worst thing I could do.’ | |
‘My family said I should never marry or have children.’ | |
I am not helped to come off or change my medication to have children |
‘Nobody wanted to help me to get off tablets to enable a pregnancy.’ |
‘I've been told I have to stay on the medication I've been given and also told that the medication causes birth defects’. | |
‘I can’t conceive because of medication.’ | |
‘I have a fiancé and we would like to get married and have children but again the medication interferes and I don't want to have a disabled baby.’ | |
I was told I wouldn’t be able to adopt |
‘I have children and I'm trying to adopt another but mental health could be an issue apparently, even though I've got children of my own and brought them up.’ |
‘We considered adoption but I was told that with my mental health issues, it would be unlikely.’ | |
They didn’t want to give me IVF |
‘My fiancé could not have children so we looked into IVF. My doctor was funny about supporting me and discouraged me from having children.’ |
‘I've been told I'll find it hard to conceive because of my medical problems and mental health problems and that adoption/IVF treatment is out of the question.’ | |
People discourage me from having children because they think I will relapse |
‘I feel my psychiatrist is frightened I will become ill again.’ |
‘I can’t conceive because of my medication and I’m not able to have children because my illness would get worse.’ | |
If I have a baby it would be taken away |
‘I was told if I had a baby I would be taken.’ |
‘If I want a family I am likely not to be able to keep any children and am worried about it’ | |
4) I am not allowed to see my children |
|
My children have been taken away |
‘My children have been taken away and I can't put my point across 'cause no one believes me.’ |
‘Police took my kids away from me when they were young.’ | |
‘I had two babies, one was taken away.’ | |
‘After my divorce my children were taken by my ex-husband one by one.’ | |
I am not allowed to be alone with my child |
‘I am not able to see my children unsupervised.’ |
‘I’m not allowed to have my children while my husbands at work.’ | |
My ex-partner makes it difficult to see my child |
‘I have access to my son but the mother has taken him to live in Glasgow-she knows it’s difficult for me to go on a train so I can’t see him very often.’ |
‘I gained access to my 10 year old son 3 or 4 weeks ago. My wife took him away from me 2 years ago because of my mental health.’ | |
‘I have 4 children-they are very young. My ex wife doesn't want me to see them. I saw a solicitor but they said I had no chance. It’s unfair on me and the children.’ | |
I am not allowed to be a grandparent |
‘I am never allowed to babysit my grandchildren and I am very much withheld from seeing them.’ |
‘I’m not allowed to have my grandson on his own.’ | |
I’ve had problems getting my children back |
‘I put my children in voluntary care and now I’m having difficulty getting them back.’ |
‘I had to fight to get one back after hospital, it took about three months’ | |
People used my mental health against me |
‘Social services would take my baby away if I had another. They took my son at 4 months old, even though I was a good mother. They used my history of mental health against me.’ |
‘Social services have not given me a chance and are using my mental health problems against me.’ | |
5) I am not getting the support I need |
‘I have had no social services support in maintaining my family.’ |
‘I have had to accept that I will never have children, but there has been no support offered in dealing with this very difficult thing.’ | |
‘I feel I'd have benefitted from a little more support. There's no back up if I can't take care of my children.’ | |
6) My children are affected |
‘When I was last ill I upset my son’s friend’s mother and he hasn't been invited to events because of that.’ |
‘My daughter was bullied a school because of my diagnosis.’ | |
7) My children avoid me |
‘My daughter tended to avoid me and kept saying 'be happy'.’ |
‘They don't ring me or keep in touch, they just ignore me’ | |
‘They don't involve me in any of their decisions and never ask me for advice/opinions any more.’ | |
8) My children’s difficulties are blamed on my mental health |
‘We're currently having problems with our 15 year old daughter and the social services say it's all because of my mental health-I feel they're saying it's my fault and that's unfair.’ |
‘If my son doesn't gain weight the health visitor thinks it’s due to my mental health.’ | |
9) I am not listened to or taken seriously |
‘I don't feel the school listens to us as parents. I'm asking for a dyslexia assessment for my child but the school think it's something to do with my mental health.’ |
‘When I discuss the problems about my children, the doctors don't listen to me as a parent, because of my mental health.’ | |
‘When I try and reason with my ex husband he brings up my mental health.’ | |
10) I am undermined as a parent |
‘My diagnoses seem to get in the way of my rights as a parent.’ |
‘My ex-wife belittles me in front of children.’ | |
‘My husband threatens to tell the children I am mad.’ |
a) Examples recorded in the third person have been amended to the first person for consistency of presentation.