Table 2.

The disclosure process.

Process	n (%)	Illustrative quotes
Started the process of disclosure	33 (83)	“We've always talked about [surrogate] and who she was. So there was never a start time. It just was always been part of ongoing conversation.”
Stages of disclosure
Two dads need help to have a baby	25 (76)	“We explained how you know, there's a nice lady. Daddy and Papa can't have kids and there's a nice lady who helped them- helped us do it. And, actually two nice ladies.”
Babies carried in women's bellies/tummies	25 (76)	“He knows that two men can't have a baby without help, only a lady can have a baby and he grew up in [surrogate]’s tummy and he was born to her but he was our baby and we loved him always.”
Specific reference to the surrogate	23 (70)	“What we said is like that they were in [surrogate]. The last time she was pregnant and I made that a point. I told all of them that they had been in there as well. That's how babies are created.”
Disclosure of the donated egg (n = 36)	12 (36)	“We haven't gone into the genetics of there being an egg donor separate from [surrogate]. He hasn't asked about it and I feel like at this stage the whole idea of genetics seems complicated, but I don't feel we're keeping it a secret, I feel we're waiting until he's older.”
Disclosure of whose sperm was used	7 (21)	“It hasn't come up that genetically, biologically they're both mine. We haven't talked about that at all yet and I think I want to make that story clear and at some point I'm going to start getting some questions and we'll kind of round the gaps from there.”
Materials
Children's books about families/reproduction	14 (42)	“We have books about India. They are Indian. I feel like I need to celebrate their heritage, which we know nothing about.”
Photos of the surrogate	9 (27)	“We've always spoken of the surrogate as being a very important person, in the role, we've had a picture of her, we moved here about a year ago and in our old apartment we used to have like dozens of pictures up and one of them would be of the surrogate.”
Homemade books/photo albums/videos	5 (15)	“We show them the birth book, you know, of the day they were born, and there are pictures of [surrogate] and her family in it.”
Children's understanding
None	3 (8)	“She understands the surrogate part, but not the egg donor bit. She knows that she came out of [surrogate] and she knows [surrogate] has other children and that's probably about it (some understanding).”
Some understanding	20 (50)
Understands all	8 (20)
Don't know	7 (17)
Missing	2 (5)