Table IV.
Reflections on and reactions to surrogacy as a path to parenthood: illustrative quotations.
| Feelings about surrogacy | |
| Mostly satisfied | ‘For us it was, we just lucked out, it was such a wonderful process for us, and I'm sure it's not for other people, and I'm sure it's hard for other people to go through the process and not get pregnant and all that… It would be hard to have anything negative to say about the process at all. For us, other than the fact that it cost a lot of money, it was all wonderful…’ (Non-genetic father) |
| Neutral | ‘I don't really think about it more anymore, it's just sort of like, I don't know, I just never even think, like I never even think about the fact that we're in a same-sex couple, I don't even think about the fact that we had them in an unconventional way. I think we lived in a region where people were constantly asking us about it, maybe, you know, I don't really think about it.’ (Non-genetic father) |
| Mostly dissatisfied | ‘I thought it was painful, arduous for us personally, I think it could be a lot less if things that happened to us hadn't happened to us. So I think it's person dependant, I think it's experience dependant.’ (Genetic father) |
| Feelings about whose sperm was used | |
| Mostly satisfied | ‘I love it. I couldn't imagine being closer to [child's name] if he was biologically my son.’ (Non-genetic father, satisfied) |
| Neutral | ‘It's not something we give a whole lot of thought to.’ (Non-genetic father, neutral) |
| Mostly unsatisfied | ‘It's very painful for me as somebody that didn't even want to have children, let alone bio children, this makes no sense at all but it hurts my spirit that neither one are mine. I can't help that.’ (Non-genetic father, unsatisfied) |
| Reaction of family of origin | |
| Mostly supportive | ‘Well, I mean my father was unconditionally supportive, he was thrilled that we were going to have children, he felt as though it was the thing he had hoped for me and now it was happening, he paid for the cost of doing it very generously, offered to do that and then did that, so he was terrific.’ (Genetic father) |
| Mixed | ‘They just had a lot, my family, my parents, had a lot of questions. They didn't understand at all. And it was, it was a little annoying actually I remember because I thought they were just going to be you know unbelievably excited, and instead of unbelievable excitement it was… I would probably characterise the reaction as confused, and a bit tentative, like we were doing some sort of crazy science experiment, and did we really understand what we were doing and was this a good idea… Yeah they were concerned and confused at first, and the unbelievable excitement eventually set in for them.’ (Genetic father) |
| Reaction of friends | |
| Mostly supportive | They were all very supportive, and happy for us, and loving (non-genetic father) |
| Mixed | ‘They were very excited and supportive I would say, with the one possible exception of our gay friends. We didn't, and we don't, have a lot of gay friends, but the ones who we were friends with at the time, these were the same people who when [partner] and I decided to get married they were, they seemed to be the least excited, as though we were somehow changing our lives to conform to society's norms in a way that they didn't think was you know necessary… So ironically it was our gay friends who I would say, it wasn't that they weren't, but they certainly seemed the least excited about what we were doing.’ (Genetic father) |