Table 1. Provisional normative statements to inform focus group discussions and interviews, developed from thematic analysis of anonymised client records, 2012–2015.

Violence	It is sometimes acceptable to hit a woman. Men do not think physical and sexual violence against their wives is an issue. Violence is often blamed on external factors like the woman’s parents. It is traditional for boys to pester girls. Boys will be boys.
Youth	A family, especially male relatives, are entitled to control a girl’s life. It is acceptable to pressure a woman to get married. A pregnant daughter-in-law is the responsibility of her natal family. Parents can assault their daughter if she transgresses acceptable behaviour. Parental control over an adult daughter is acceptable. Women should not have sex before marriage.
Arranged marriage	Arranged marriages are acceptable. A marriage may be arranged without disclosing to the woman’s family potential weaknesses in her husband. Dowry is appropriate, even if the woman is more educated and well-to-do than the man. Aggravated violence and threats to a woman’s life are acceptable if she brings insufficient dowry.
Love marriage	A woman should hide abuse from her natal family if they don’t approve of her partner. The natal family does not have to support a woman if she has had a love marriage and is then subjected to violence.
The good wife	It is a good woman’s duty to make her husband’s family happy. It is a good woman’s duty to make her marriage work, even by returning to an abusive husband. A woman should not react to violence. A woman should take back her abusive husband when he promises to behave in future. Marital rape is acceptable. A woman owes a man sexual pleasure. A woman’s physical mobility may be restricted. A woman’s contact with her natal family may be restricted. A daughter-in-law should listen to her in-laws. Male family members may feel entitled to have a sexual relationship with a woman who enters the family, and this may be acceptable to other affinal women. The natal family should support the couple when the husband is incapable of being the provider. A family may legitimately control the behaviour of a daughter-in-law and her husband. A husband should support his family over his wife.
Children	Abuse is justifiable if a woman does not conceive. Abuse is justified if a woman has a girl or an unhealthy child. A man does not have child-rearing responsibilities.
	A child may be used as leverage over a woman after she has left an abusive situation. It is acceptable for in-laws to retain custody of a male (grand)child after a woman separates from her husband.
Police	Police see domestic violence as a private matter and do not necessarily take it seriously. Police are reticent to take action that is challenging. It is acceptable for the police to call a woman’s parents, irrespective of her views.
Beyond the family	Community leaders have a say in issues such as marriage.