| I started taking them [codeine tablets] 'cause I'm working hard, long hours, and I'm having leg pains and a back pain, and I'm having cramps real bad. So I started taking the codeine.18
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I realized that when I would go out and hang out with my friends, I wouldn't be afraid to approach girls... I would feel a lot more confident. And I ended up hooking up with girls that sober I wouldn't even approach because I'm a shy kid... There's just something about that confidence... ! sincerely believed that I did things better on opiates.32
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It took me two years to go from a quarter to a whole one but it took me a couple months to go from one to five, six, seven, eight a day... If you're taking that much for that long, you're not even taking it to get high. You don't get high anymore... You just get okay. You can function. And if you don't take, you get really sick, really sick. It was funny, because everybody always thinks they're not going to withdraw. Nobody thinks they're going to withdraw. “Nah, I'll be fine.”21
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I had a couple of root canals and I was prescribed some Hydrocodone for pain relief. I remembered it was one of the most wonderful feelings I had ever experienced. But it really did not take hold at that time. Later, when my life was unraveling in other areas, medical mal-practice suit, and financial problems, I remembered how good that made me feel. And I needed help. I was going to help myself by taking this medication.
25
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I was raped five years ago, and I went through a very bad depression and everything. And I wanted to get messed up. I went to a friend's house. They're like, “oh, these new pills are out, ” and they were just a little blue pill. So cute. You know? It was tiny and blue. It was just to numb myself and what I was going through from being raped.28
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The doctor started giving me pills, and you know, my leg, I was still in pain. It was like a double-edged sword, you know, and then from there I started using heroin, to help me with my pain. And that really helped in the beginning. I would feel no pain for the whole day sometimes. I wound up getting hooked and it took me from living in a house to living on the street. It just destroyed my life. I didn't intend on becoming a junkie, I didn't intend on catching the habit-nothing like that. I just wanted to get the pain over with, but it was so excruciating. That's what happened like a downward spiral, everything from there just went down.30
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| When I came home there was a huge argument and... from my head to my toes I wanted nothing more than to get high, and I knew that once I got high I would be able to deal with the situation in a better way.17
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After my son died [unexpectedly], I hit the [hydrocodone/acetaminophen] pretty hard... the prescription was for four a day... for pain. And I was taking quite a bit more than that. You know, I was self-medicating... it just kind of numbed me to what was going on around me. I was able to kind of deal with my wife and her problems, and everything else.31
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If I didn't have it in my system, I was throwing up, I was extremely sick... If I didn't have the [oxycodone hydrochloride] or the [oxycodone] or the methadone, I was dope sick... I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Your heart races, you're shaking... as long as I had it in my system I was okay.28
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| There ain't nothing to do. And I think that's why we, a lot of us do them because we're so unhappy in our relationships and with our lives.26
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They made me feel better-it took the pain away, 'cause I lost my mom, and my father, and my sister in the same year, and I was hurting at the time... 18
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[Withdrawal] is like experiencing what it might be like to be insane... I totally hated it, and I wanted to use drugs so I wouldn't feel it.27
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| For escape and relief for myself. I don't know why I get very depressed a lot of times. Escape is always a part of it for me. You know? I have a lot of problems out there. I have a lot of issues out there. I'm always looking over my shoulder. I have people calling my mother's house saying they're going to cut my throat. I have, you know a fiancée that's pregnant who her health problems far exceed mine. So that's nerve-wracking. Just through this drug use—the amount of people I've lost. I have had a girlfriend die in my arms—things like that. I want to escape those feelings.28
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Drugs treated a rather overwhelming anxiety and not being comfortable in my own skin, being shy, being uncomfortable around other people, being worried all the time about things, just an angst and malaise that, fortunately, I no longer have.25
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So we started doing them [oxycodone hydrochloride], and we, like, got so high. It was, like, the best high, and so we kept going back and getting more and more. I just wanted them 'cause I liked the high from them, but then it became about maintaining.28
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| It helps mentally... your mind's thinking of other things and you don't' have time to sit and maybe dwell on things you shouldn't be... it helps.17
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It just kills everything. It even numbs your mind—to um sad things or emotional things.26
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So I wouldn't have withdrawals. I hated taking them so much to that point that I started to cry every time I took a hit.47
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