Table 2.

Categories of HIV-positive men’s desires for children

Normalization

Fatherhood as a social obligation and legacy.

Any man wants to leave a legacy. . . . I guess that’s just a man thing, you know? Yeah that’s my offspring, that’s me, you know? (144: age 42, Black, seroconcordant)

I’d like to have my bloodline. . . . You know, seeing somebody in your image. . . . I could just picture myself in the future, old, watching something that I helped raise. You know? . . . It’ll make me feel comfortable knowing that if I die that, you know, I left the world something—my reflection. (182: age 36, Black, seroconcordant)

Procreation as a demonstration of virility and able-bodiedness.

I want my baby inside my wife, not somebody else’s. It’s somebody else’s sperm: it’s not my baby. I want to be the biological father 100%. . . . Regardless of my HIV status, I wanted a family. I got married to have a family. You understand? Reproduce. (102: age 46, White, serodiscordant) I had wanted to get a sperm count, because I was wondering why over the past 18 years . . . nobody was coming up to me and telling me, “Yo, I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” (103: age 52, Black, serodiscordant)

Normal progression of a relationship.

Because I know she’d be a great mother, and, it’s just the love that I, you know, that I have for her, and I believe, you know, this is what I deserve, and this is what I want, and this is what she wants. . . . And, you know, I would be a good father with our kids, and I believe she just wants to because she loves me. (163: age 49, Black, seroconcordant)

The reason I wanna have a child with her is because she would be a good mother. And it would give us an opportunity for the both of us to raise a child. Our child. (178: age 47, Hispanic, seroconcordant)

Existential

Give meaning and direction to one’s life.

I’m at the age now, I feel something’s missing. I feel I shortchanged myself enough. I believe in . . . a God. . . . I just feel that that’s . . . the missing piece of the puzzle. I don’t have any children of my own. . . . I don’t know, you know, what my — really my purpose is, and if I did have a child, I would try to just be a better person for that child. (151: age 48, Black, seroconcordant)

At my age now. [Having a child] would be something to stop a whole lot of things and, you know, make my life complete. At this age I am now, it would make me real happy to see a little lady in my world. . . . It would give me something more to really live for, to care for. You know? It would make me more stronger. I think it would make me more stronger. (106: age 55, Black, serodiscordant)

Redemption.

I wouldn’t mind having another child if I was able to keep that child home with me and not . . . have something go wrong and my kids be taken away. . . . My kids from my second relationship, the city took. . . . I always wanted to just, you know, have my kids or, you know, that shows the world, you know, I’m not a bad father. (101: age 27, Black, serodiscordant)

Well actually it [not having raised his daughter] makes me want to have more. . . . Because it’s something that I missed out on and I wanted to see what it was, you know, I want to have that experience. . . . I’m a good person, you know, and I’m good with kids, even. (119: age 45, Hispanic, serodiscordant)

Overcome difficult family circumstances.

Because I wanted to give love that I don’t think I received from my mother and — or definitely didn’t get from my father and still don’t get from my father. (140: age 45, Black, seroconcordant)

It’s like I don’t wanna be like my father. My father made kids everywhere and he doesn’t care. . . . Being there. What my father didn’t do for me, I would wanna do it for him, you know? I mean taking care of his, you know, schooling and future, you know. Planning for his future and everything. (169: age 50, Hispanic, seroconcordant)

Altruistic

Give a sibling to another child

My daughter—I only got one, one daughter. . . . We trying for the boy. You know, for my daughter could have a brother. (105: age 30, Hispanic, serodiscordant)

Her [his partner’s] daughter said she can’t wait to have a little sister or little brother. So I guess that’s sign that they [his partner’s family] gonna receive the baby with open arms also. (178: age 47, Hispanic, seroconcordant)

For the partner who wants a child.

Sometimes things are done because of the partner. Sometimes you, in reality, for you, you don’t want it but, you know what, you accept it because your partner wants it. So, you know, it’s about pleasing your partner. (120: age 49, Hispanic, serodiscordant)

She’s enthusiastic about it. She’s the one that’s always, unlike me, . . . she wants to be a mother. She wants to be a mother. I mean, she never got a chance really to raise her other two boys, you know, and it’s like, you know, she missed that. . . . And then, she starts to get sad ‘cause, you know, she wants a child of her own. (151: age 48, Black, seroconcordant)

For family (parents)

Because my mom get on my case about having a child every day, “I want a grandson! I want a grandson! . . . You can have — I want a grandson!” . . . Like, it’s taking too long or something. . . . I know it’s her right to want a grandchild. (182: age 36, Black, seroconcordant)

My mother is harping on me already about “I’m not gonna have no grandchildren!” (136: age 31, White, serodiscordant)