Box 2: Illustration of Intervention: Issue of ‘internet use’ [Session 3]

Father 1: I have a situation as well that I would like to put in the pool. There is a big challenge with internet. It’s a constant battle to try to control the time that they spend on internet and computers and to make sure they don’t get too influenced by the internet.

Mother 1: Yes, I am struggling with that as well.

Psychologist: ‘Let’s try this by acting out a role play.’

One father and one mother played an adolescent child and a parent. The father in the role of the child would be stuck on his computer and not listen to any warnings of the parent to get off the internet. During and after the role-play, the group reflected on what happened.

Father 1: The child is very stubborn and wants to stay on the computer, and when such things happen, we say: ‘don’t do this, don’t do that.’ We immediately go into that mode of talking. We become agitated and we get into a conversation of firing words, back and forward. So how do you handle this situation, when you’re getting agitated and you’ve got a child who maybe doesn’t react even to what you are saying? So then the frustration builds up.

Psychologist: I see, so we see that there is quite some learning to be had together because, as a parent in this, when a child usually doesn’t respond, and he is group chatting on the internet, it does something to us as a parent. And that can stimulate an emotional response within us. First, though, as a parent, could you tune into what the needs might be of that child? What do you think?

Mother 1: He just wants to chat.

Mother 3: He might have the fear to not be part of the group? To be left out?

Psychologist: Right, so you’re seeing that he’s trying to connect with other peers, which is very age-appropriate behaviour. So when we are thinking of that, what happens to our initial emotions about the situation?

Mother 1: I’m just thinking, at the beginning when a child answers to you in a certain way, you will not know how to respond to it because you would first think: ‘Hey, I would not have dared to talk like that to my parents!’ And you feel that he’s disrespecting you…