Table 1.

‘How to’ definitions and other related concepts for parenting strategies

Strategy	‘How to’ definition
WARMTH	Relationship time, empathy, reflective listening, circles of communication, comforting when hurt or afraid, giving affectionate greetings and goodbyes, showing interest and love even when the child has done something wrong, paying attention to positive behaviours (7,12,14,15)
Relationship time	Daily one-on-one time wherein the parent focuses solely on showing interest in child’s interests and following child’s lead; this time can be preset or (9+ years) as it arises when child is enjoying play alone; even five minutes of uninterrupted time can let child know that parent cares (9,13–15)
Giving empathy	Asking and understanding child’s perspective, even when one doesn’t like their feeling, and mirroring that through facial expression, tone of voice, and reflective listening (4,8,14,25)
Reflective listening	Using words to show one has heard or seen child’s feelings and thoughts (“You’re feeling tired, that sounds frustrating, seems like you’re sad”). This teaches child to use emotion words (16)
Circles of communication	Communication child → partner→ child created by exchange of actions, body language, words, and thoughts; let child (not parent) break the circle (8,14)
Paying attention to positive behaviours	Praising child for the socially-expected behaviour which you want to see replace the problem behaviour; praise should specifically describe the behaviour to help child understand exactly what it is that he/she has done well (“You played what your friend wanted – that’s caring”) (13)
STRUCTURE	Basic physical needs, i.e., safe environment (food, shelter, healthy parents, childcare), predictable routine (awake-, meal-, and bedtimes), nutrition (Canada Food Guide), sufficient sleep (wakens in morning acting rested) and exercise (60 min daily play that increases heart rate); skills teaching to replace problem behaviours, coping statements to internalize for self-talk (“He didn’t do it on purpose; it was an accident”), clear expectations and reasons (“house rules”), and consistently enforced limits to feel calm and safe (12,37)
Coaching self-regulation	Using a calm voice, help child recognize early body signs of dysregulation (warning signals), then stop trigger, help child name feeling and, if necessary, give additional measures to calm (take a break, change tasks, do sensorimotor or cognitive activity) (4,8,10,24)
Coaching empathy	Give empathy, point out other person’s body language and facial expressions, ask child what other person is feeling and why, if this happened to child what would make him/her feel better (4)
Perspective-taking	Understanding other person’s thoughts and feelings (3)
Problem-solving conversations	At calm times, repeatedly help child anticipate difficult situations and plan ahead how his/her behaviour will meet his/her values. Discuss or role play causal event for problem behaviour, child’s feelings, body language and perspective of other person, natural consequences of behaviour and plan desired response. Eventually, problem-solving conversations will help child pause to think in the moment instead of giving an immediate aggressive response (4,14)
Tangible reward system	For a difficult-to-learn expected behaviour, immediate sticker or poker chip (4-7 years), points (8+ years), traded in for reward prechosen by child; phased out when automatic habit (9,13)
Family meeting	When family is calm, a specific time set aside to make house rules and review rules for clarity, child helps decide consequences so that he/she knows he/she is responsible for his/her behaviour choice and won’t feel resentful, assess how solutions are working, and plan daily schedule; discussion and consequence need to be respectful, not degrading or painful (13,15)
Ignoring	Ignore child while staying nearby to monitor safety, turn attention to child as soon as he/she stops, then redirect to something else to think about or do, praise the expected behaviour that is the opposite of the one you are ignoring (13)
Time-out (>10 years may prefer other term, e.g., time to ‘chill’)	Time by him/herself to calm down and reflect on better decisions, in a predetermined quiet place, with parent nearby to support child in his/her stress; 1–5 min (<10 years), 2–15 min (older) are usually enough; some children may need parent with them in time-out, to help calm (8,13,15,24)
Natural consequence	For recurring problems, a natural consequence is one that would result from child’s action if there were no adult intervention (13)
Logical consequence	For recurring problems, a logical consequence is designed by parents as a negative consequence; if possible, it is inherently related to the misbehaviour (13)
Processing the event	Immediately after the problem behaviour, once child is calm, process the event by giving empathy and coach problem-solving to prevent recurrence; when mutual conflict, help child problem- solve with the person he hurt. If needed (time-out with parent or for more serious aggression), assign predetermined consequence after time-out (4,13,15).
Coaching problem-solving	See child’s perspective (help verbalize emotion and what event caused the feeling), help brainstorm better solutions and their outcomes to prevent behaviour next time, help choose the best one to try, and later review what worked. When helping resolve conflict, have both children problem- solve together (7,13,15).
Restitution	Child makes it up to person hurt by problem behaviour, to self-heal and repair the relationship; restitution should be relevant to the situation where possible (rebuild project, act of kindness) (4,11)
‘EAT’ reinforcers	Behaviour may be inadvertently reinforced if the following occur: Escape from work (command not repeated after time out), attention from parent (instead of proactive one-on-one time), tangible reward (getting purchase from tantrum) (32)