| Generalisations and Stereotypes |
45 |
Generalized statements and fixed assumptions. Explicit mention of the importance and universal validity of one’s ideas are pointed out. Mention of universal rules for relationships in general. Stereotypical statements about men and women or about sexual orientations. |
“… because, if the woman has a child, and the man works all day, then in my opinion, the woman is there for the child first and foremost. This I have to say. Out of the 100% of parenting, the woman takes 80%, the man 20% if at all”; “men die earlier because men drink too much, eat too much…” |
| Tolerance of ambiguity |
38 |
Mentions of positive and negative aspects, explicitly stating that both are part of good relationships. Viewing flaws and imperfections of the partner not just as acceptable but as potentially enriching and loveable. Emphasizing that there should be a balance between positive and negative aspects, instead of aiming for perfect harmony. |
“…and I think setbacks are part of life as well as good times are”; “you fall in love with this human being even because of their limitations”; “it is a give and take”; “there should be a balance between closeness and distance” |
| Personal Development |
34 |
Being interested in the individuality of the partner without trying to change him or her, seeing the partner as a chance to learn and grow, e.g., by trying to take his or her perspective. |
“to be curious about getting to know the partner”; “and trying to put myself in his position” |
| Individuality and Relativity |
31 |
Pointing out that there are many different kinds of relationships and not just one right way of living (in) a relationship. Describing one’s own relationship as individual and not generalizable. |
“This is my recipe [for a good relationship]. But of course there are thousands of other recipes” |
| Relationship as Dynamic Process |
26 |
Awareness that expectations, priorities, and needs in relationships change over time. |
“growing together”; “from a certain age on, some things are not so important anymore” |
| Considerate attention |
20 |
Considerate attention to and interaction with the partner. Focusing conscious attention on the relationship and the partner as a strategy in difficult times. |
“this should not sound automatic, you have to think about it and say it consciously: what’s going on, or what’s the news…” |
