Table 3.

Themes, Subthemes, and Extracts

Theme	Subtheme	Code	Extract	Participant
Identity	Loss of self	Loss of responsibility	I was nursing for 38 years, you know, and I was in charge, I was in charge of people wasn’t I and now for people to tell me.	Val
		Loss of identity	[Being married], that’s all I’d ever known. I remember thinking about a week later, coming down the stairs, I thought, and I took my wedding ring off, and I thought “I’m not married anymore.”	Dot
Rethinking life	Life lived/life now	Rethinking of whole life	It came as such a shock when she did leave that I just had to re-think my whole life and as I say I’m just beginning to get it back together again, erm, so you have to find ways of coping with it, forcing yourself to make contact with other people.	Brian
		Regrets	Maybe it was a mistake; if I’d known that she was going to clear off we wouldn’t have moved here because we’re at the end ... all my family are about 240 miles away, so you know it’s a long way to go.	Brian
Fractured relationships	Loss of anticipated support	Family don’t care	Like you can imagine sitting here not seeing anybody, and your granddaughter passes you, and she’s 23, 24 and she’s pushing the grandkids down the bloody thing straight passed you, and it fell to my ex-wife, she has told her that what the hell is she doing walking straight past and don’t come here and everything, “oh I haven’t got time, oh I’ve got this, I’ve got three kids to look after and everything else.”	John
		She only comes for money	<daughter 2> I don’t see her from one day to the next unless she wants money, as soon as she wants to borrow and then I see her then. As soon as I see her I know she’s come for money “oh you don’t come to see me, it’s all you want is money.”	John
Mobilizing support	Friendships as support	Support of friends to socialize	We used to go out for a meal, so they still come and collect me for that, and they still come down on the Saturday, stay in the house with me, and I have another friend that comes every other Wednesday, and this is since my husband have died so that they’ve, you know, they’ve just supported me, and I have another set of friends that come at weekends now and again.	Val
		Always got each other	We all look after one another, and we’re continually, I mean the phone rang this morning, and I don’t have to wait for anybody to find out who I am or anything, you know, we are always with one another like you know.	Pat
	Family as support	Close and supportive	I’m close to my family, although they’ve got lives of their own, you know, I’ve got one neighbor that phones me twice a week, and he comes up when he can, he does shift work, he was here Saturday, and my niece was here yesterday you know, it’s that and the phone, my niece she phones me, or I phone her every day, you know.	Kate
		Emotional support	Told my eldest daughter, <daughter 1>, oh, “I’m feeling a bit down, feeling a bit depressed”—“oh what’s the matter dad, what’s the matter—get out, get out, go down the club, go down the club!” so she used to coax me like, you know, but she started taking me out on a Sunday to play Bingo, to get me out like, you know, and otherwise I wouldn’t go out.	Ivor