Table 2.

Tone identified from participants’ responses to how their feelings about being childless have changed since they stopped trying to have children.

Tone identified	n (%)	Example responses from data
Unhappiness	88/150 (59%)	Participant A – ‘Childlessness has accompanied a generally challenging relationship story. Therefore, I never was in a relationship which felt settled enough to bring children into. I have become more aware of the grief I carry around not being a mother. The loss has affected me more than any physical need to have children I experienced.’ Participant B – ‘Still devastated and heartbroken. It is a silent grief which I carry with me always. I am living with this and trying to come to terms with it.’
Gradual acceptance	37/150 (25%)	Participant C – ‘Mostly I’ve accomplished acceptance. But every so often I go back and forth on using donor eggs. It helps that I have many childless friends.’ Participant D – ‘Yes and no. I am still so disappointed and sad that my husband and I never had kids. It will always be a huge loss. But I can’t live forever in grief and I really try to focus on the gifts I have. My husband is an amazing man.’
Embraced their circumstances/ happiness	25/150 (17%)	Participant E – ‘I’ve come to terms with not having children, it doesn’t hurt as much any more. In fact sometimes I think that maybe it was for the best as my husband and I have a good life. I feel bad for saying this, it’s like saying maybe I never wanted them badly enough…’ Participant F – ‘Yes but it has taken MANY years 5 + since stopping trying to conceive to grieve the loss and finally accept that it wasn’t meant to be, life can go on AND having children is not the only way to find meaning, contribute to society or play an important role in children’s lives.’