Table 3.
Tone identified | n (%) | Example responses from data |
---|---|---|
Unhappiness | 85/158 (54%) | Participant G – ‘Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be. As I watch my friends and family see their children graduate from high school, college, get married, have their own children, I feel a profound emptiness. I will never experience these joys. I feel my advanced years will be lonely having no family of my own. My life has a certain emptiness.’ Participant H – ‘Lost. Hurt. Alone. Excluded. Not fitting in. Condescended to. Disregarded. Thought less of. Ashamed. Embarrassed.’ |
Acceptance | 43/158 (27%) | Participant I – ‘I am more at peace with it but it is still very painful when I think too much about what we went through. This questionnaire has dragged up some memories and emotions that I have managed to put in a box most of the time. I have learned to enjoy life without children. I realized we had a disposable income which we would never have had if we’d had kids. So retiring at 60 and going on amazing holidays, now I see as benefits of being childless – but it took me too long I think. I see how my husband loves kids and that still breaks my heart. I had a great career which I threw myself into and got a fellowship award for outstanding contribution to my profession which I am very proud of. But I fear for the future, fear being old and with no family to do the things we have done for our parents in their 80s.’ Participant J – ‘I have learned to accept it. However I believe our society falsely believes the most important thing a woman can do is be a mother. I can be all kinds of impactful towards society without ever being a mother.’ |
Happiness | 30/158 (19%) | Participant K – ‘Yes, now I’m very happy with myself and my life and this is because I’ve taken the initiative myself, worked on my grief and found the appropriate support.’ Participant L – ‘I have accepted it. Life must go on. As we had the treatments, there are no regrets because we did try. My life hasn’t turned out the way I imagined it would do, but I honestly think that it is better in terms of having spare time to do almost anything that I want. I love and appreciate my many friends – some of whom are also childless, but certainly not all of them.’ |