TABLE 2.

Themes, subthemes and phrases

Themes	Subthemes	Examples of CODED phrases
I. Being there for everyone	1. Carrying the burden	I was there for everyone else…no one for me Staff burnout—most concerned me I worried about them but I kept it inside The hardest thing is seeking help for yourself. I had to absorb all their concerns
	2. Reliance on me	My job was 24/7 without a doubt I had to go to work because I knew they (staff) needed me I felt guilty when I wasn't there If I wasn't there, I worried the staff would not have what they needed When I was home I was always texting to see if things were ok
II. Leadership challenges	1. A different kind of support	Making sure they knew they were supported Searching for the little things I could do for them Helping them with death and no time to grieve Supporting in death and their worries – ‘what am I doing wrong’
	2. Revamping my approach	Taking a patient assignment It doesn't have to be perfect—it just needs to get done My leadership style became situational
	3. Staff's resistance and fears	A new nurse left, I felt like I failed her Working with millennials is different—they are young Fear of contagion influenced staff ‘s resistance to assignments Accepting I was the punching bag at times
III. Struggles, support and coping	1. Physical and emotional toll	I was stress eating and gaining weight; The isolation was difficult for me; Depression set in I worried about my own family Anxiety at times overwhelmed me
	2. Professional support	The other managers were great—I had a good rapport I felt a lot of support from my director—she was there with me It meant a lot that our CEO came by
	3. Personal coping	My wife made it easy for me to concentrate on work The little things my fiancé did kept me going I got a puppy and that helped Individual counseling helped
IV. Strengthening my role	1. Reflections on learning	I have learned to delegate more It's not that I became callous, but I learned not to sweat the small stuff I found team nursing worked I can delineate my responsibilities better I honed my leadership skills
	2. Rewarding influences	For me, seeing patients recover added to my strength Positive feedback from staff definitely influenced me and my role Seeing what the travel nurses gave up helping us was inspiring
	3. Work that needs attention going forward	We need better organization in assignments Better communication with families Support services need to be accessible and available earlier on