TABLE 4.

Key behaviors and affective expressions derived from the ABCS and RATS.

Asymmetric Behavior Coding System (ABCS)
Positive approach/joining	Abbreviated coding descriptions/examples
• Maintaining/deepening	“Tell me more”
• Disclosure	“This is what I am thinking/feeling”
• Validation	“I hear you and I understand”
• Repair	“I’m sorry for what I just said/did a second ago”
• Collaboration	“Here’s what we can do to fix/solve x”
• Intimacy building	“I want to be closer/more connected to you”
• Justification	“Here’s what’s going on with me/why I did what I did”
• Requests	“Here’s what I want/need”
Positive avoidance/individuating
• Accommodation	“Never mind, we don’t have to talk about it”
• Tough love	Holding partner accountable for actions without being judgmental
• Reassurance	“We’ve got this because we can handle it”
• Minimization	“We’ve got this because it’s not a big deal”
Negative approach/joining
• Defensiveness	“It wasn’t my fault”
• Emotional protests	Whining
• Blame	“It’s your fault”
• Pressures for change	“You need to do this”
• Domineering	“This is what you think/feel”
• Belligerence	Taunting
• Contempt	“I don’t value you”
Negative avoidance/individuating
• Controlling the conversation	“I’m talking right now”
• Withdrawal	“I don’t want to be here”
• Avoidance	“I don’t want to talk about this”
• Stonewalling	The kind of things you do on a plane/train/bus when you don’t want to talk to someone
• Submit	“Fine, whatever you say as long as we can be done talking about it”
RELATIONAL AFFECTIVE TOPOGRAPHY SYSTEM (RATS)
Flat emotion
• Boredom
• Indifference
Positive joining emotion
• Warmth
• Appreciation
• Kindness
Positive individuating emotion
• Happiness
• Enthusiasm
• Amusement
• Satisfaction
Hard negative emotion
• Anger
• Disgust
• Frustration
• Outrage
Soft negative emotion
• Sadness
• Fearfulness
• Loneliness
• Guilt
• Vulnerability