Table 2.

Patient Perspectives on Spirituality

Theme	Example
Not interested in spiritual support	Do you know, I went to Catholic school for seven years…I went to church every single day and Sundays. but still have a hard time believing that there’s a heaven… When you’re gone, you’re gone– I mean, the heaven thing doesn’t…doesn’t make a lot of sense…so I don’t have a lot of, what’s the word, faith. Not on any extreme, but probably not. I mean, I’ve always been kind of a, I don’t want to say scientific-- I’m not a scientist but — I’m kind of more a, you know, ‘show me the evidence’ kind of person.
Grateful for spiritual support	…we come from a really strong, spiritual background. Not everybody has that, I understand. Our family is very close – are strong Christians, and so we have that, that tie that we’re very thankful for Oh, my goodness, a lot. It’s helped me have a better relationship with God and to be able to lean into Him for some peace because I didn’t have a lot of it when I was going through it. When you’re so gravely ill that you rely on people just for the basic necessities, to be able to just day-by-day know that he’s there and helping me walk through it. I think too it’s helped me bring family members to Jesus, to bring them into going to church and to lean into that. It’s been a full circle kind of thing for all of us. I try. I have an amazing pastor and family. I’m a recovering Catholic. Faith has a lot to go over and stuff. One thing that we talked about when we first started – I told Jen when we were sitting in the car after my diagnosis, “I’ve never considered myself a statistic.” I’ve always felt there was a greater thing that drove me than myself. I’ve always maintained my faith. Well, I just feel like there’s a superior being that is really in charge, and uh, that he’s watching over me. Well, actually…I’ve been very strong in my faith for many years. It just continues. So… this has also given me a real boost knowing that it’s not my time to go yet. Got more work to do.
Spiritual struggle	Spiritual wise I think that it just, it teaches me every moment, every day– that I have been blessed in so many ways…There are other people who are so much worse off, and I said, “If you give me the days Lord, I mean, I will find other ways to be more useful to you.” I have my ups and downs and I get – I would say on the surface, I’m very – I’m myself, I’m positive, I smile, you know, I’m normal, but then if I have to go any deeper than that, … try to be mindful and grateful and, and praying, but I also have a lot of anger. I’d say I’m, kind of, in the middle. One of the things I wish was that I was a very devout Christian, a very devout Catholic, a very devout Jew, a very devout Muslim. Those religions help people deal with this. They trust in God; I don’t. I’m not an atheist, but I don’t think that I can just hand it over. I need more of that. Do I think there’s a higher being that’s helping me and watching over me? Yes. Do I believe in God? I do. Spiritually, it’s kicking my ass because it’s saying to me, there’s a lesson in this.
Acceptance of Illness	I believe everybody has a purpose and, with this it seems like, okay… it’s a life-changing disease and, you have a long time to think about, … what’s my purpose with –– to me it’s a second chance, and, …what do I want, what do I want to do with that second chance that’s going to make it worthwhile…And so all those kind of questions comes up. I haven’t got the answers yet but we’ll figure it out as we move along.
Spiritual but not religious	Uh, I’m a Catholic. I’m not a, I, to be honest with you, I haven’t prayed a single prayer for myself. No, I don’t meditate. I accept the faith. I accept that, you know, when it’s time to go, it’s time to go. And that’s what it is It has, but I mean as far as believing there’s a higher power that’s going to make me better, I have a hard time with that because of all of the people that suffer and don’t have any intervention. It seems foolish to expect, well I’ll leave it in their hands, [I’ll be fine], but I have felt spiritual. I’ve definitely been feeling a lot… Yeah, I do yoga and walk and garden and trying not to be too stressed.