Guilt “[I had] misplaced guilt that I wasn't saying the right words, or feeling like I wasn't able to listen or really be present with patients when I was the only contact that they had. But, I also had 500 other things that I need to do.” “I felt guilty even describing the situation to people because I didn't want them to know that there were people in the hospital that weren't safe being cared for by me… I want them to feel safe when they come to the hospital. “ “I felt like I wasn't doing enough for them,… leaving work I was unsettled, because I didn't feel like I made a big enough impact on them, because I know they're lonely.” Public perception “… we were talking about how many nurses left the floor during COVID… because they couldn't take it. He said basically something along the lines of, Soldiers don't ask for it either, but they keep their head down and do their job". “[I was} going home for Christmas… was so hard for me because I would have people that were so blunt that would be like, “Do you not want to have kids someday? You got vaccinated?” Like, “Why? Do you not care about your future? Do you not care about how this is going to affect you?” There was such a gap of what I saw and what they saw. And I had people say that to my face. And that was really hard.” “So living [where I lived] most of them thought that masks were dumb, vaccines were dumb and that COVID was non‐existent. And so I was so frustrated and angry and so worn out that I just was more frustrated with my community, even that so many people were denying this thing that I was constantly struggling with.” Secondary traumatic stress “I think [this] has fundamentally changed me as a person, as it made me a good nurse. I think I'm a good nurse, but there are definitely times where I just feel less empathy towards people than I used to. And that scares me, that scares me a lot.” “…I feel we, as new grads have kind of become a little bit hardened, just with having this first year experience…zipping up body bags, seeing people die left and right…I feel disconnected when my patient passes, just kind of like, Okay, this is just another… It's more like a task to do all the post‐mortem things…if I was more connected would it cause more emotional upset…. Am I heartless and just have no feelings? That's kind of traumatic stuff.” “I knew that If I would've felt every death I've ever had, like deeply, I don't know if I would go back to work because it's sad… I feel cold almost, like, “Should I still… I don't feel super affected by this. Should I? Am I heartless and just have no feelings?”