The vital connection between emotional intelligence and well-being — Part 2: Strategies to grow your personal emotional intelligence competencies

People who are successful at work aren’t just smart — they have high emotional intelligence (EQ). Emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognize our own feelings and those of others, and to manage emotions effectively in ourselves and our relationships (1). It’s one of the most sought-after skills in the workplace and, in healthcare, has even been found to save lives (2). Research in a variety of fields has demonstrated a positive association between EQ and health and well-being (3). With the goal of supporting veterinary well-being, this article is the second of a 3-part series on EQ and well-being. The first article focused on understanding EQ and its relevance to well-being (3); this article offers a range of strategies to develop and improve EQ.

Drawing on the work of Goleman and Boyatzis (4,5), growing EQ is a matter of improving certain abilities known as “competencies,” both personal and social. The personal competencies enable us to recognize and effectively manage our own feelings. They include emotional self-awareness, emotional self-control, adaptability, achievement orientation, and positive outlook. In contrast, the social competencies enable us to recognize the feelings of others and effectively manage emotions in our relationships. They include empathy, organizational awareness, influence, coaching and mentoring, conflict management, teamwork, and inspirational leadership. This article presents a variety of ways to grow the personal competencies; the next will focus on the social competencies.

According to Bradberry (2014), “Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible” (6). That “something” is exactly what is needed in the highly emotive world of veterinary practice where so much is about emotions and relating well with others. So, let’s make the intangible tangible by delving into the strategies that can grow EQ. The ways in which we can grow each competency will be reviewed in turn.

Emotional self-awareness

The ability to understand your own emotions and their effects on you

Emotions are like messengers. They give us vital information about our needs, values, and sense of self. You can better your ability to notice, name, and understand your emotions by expanding your emotional literacy. There are various resources that can be helpful (7–10). It’s also helpful to stop thinking of emotions as right or wrong and good or bad. They simply are (11), and they are a natural part of the human experience (12).

Although it’s natural to shy away from negative feelings, to understand all your feelings (even the not-so-pleasant ones!), it’s best to “approach” rather than avoid them. Acknowledge them, be curious about them, and purposefully lean into them. They have something to tell you. You will be able to sense your emotions if you consciously tune into your body and pay attention to the physical cues. Strong emotions can have many effects, so check often (11).

Keep a journal describing the stories of your life and the emotions you experienced. Make connections, look for patterns, and ask yourself questions. Taking the time to reflect will deepen your understanding of yourself. It’s sometimes helpful to have a relatable example to understand how you’re feeling (11,13). Pay attention to the emotions portrayed in media (i.e., books, podcasts, shows, and movies). Imagine how you would feel in those circumstances.

Emotional self-control

The ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check and maintain your effectiveness under stressful or conflictive conditions

To grow this competency, first and foremost, practice self-care. Eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. And be sure to make time for play! Appropriate self-care will maximize your ability to maintain your self-control. The brain simply cannot function well when the body is run down.

Don’t suppress, deny, or compartmentalize your feelings to hold yourself steady (14). In other words, don’t “turn off ” your emotions. Just feel them — however difficult — in real time, and know they will pass (15). To manage the more challenging emotions, there are various in-the-moment techniques you can use (16). Figure out which is easiest and tends to be most effective for you. Remember that your emotions are separate from the emotions of others. Other people’s emotions do not have to be yours, meaning you have the option to not react to every feeling sent your way.

Practice transforming your emotions from one state to another. You can do this by overriding your negative feelings with “positive feeling-inducing thoughts.” For example, “This is difficult and it is an opportunity for me to learn something.” Practicing this will widen your emotional flexibility, which is especially helpful for times when you’re feeling stuck. Practicing mindfulness can also be helpful (17). It can improve your ability to both understand and govern your emotions.

Again, keep a journal. How do you manage your emotions? Do you shrug them off, get really upset but recover quickly, get upset and recover slowly, or squelch them? When do you manage them well? When do you not? What triggers you to “lose your cool”? Through answering these questions, you can reflect on what might serve you (and others) better and adjust how you respond (18). As has been said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” You can “choose” your response. And if you’re going into a potentially triggering situation, go in with a plan. Write down what you want to say ahead of time and, if, in the moment, you still find your emotions rising, step back, ask for time to think about it, and follow up later. Time-outs are better than less-than-optimal outcomes, or worse yet, regrets.

Ask for feedback. Everyone has blind spots — aspects of our behavior or personality that we’re not aware of, typically because recognizing our true feelings and motives would be uncomfortable. The best way to learn about your blind spots is to ask someone you trust, someone who can empathize with your situation and your desire for self-improvement. This could be a friend or family member, or a counsellor or professional coach. Asking may open you to some “Aha!” moments.

Adaptability

Flexibility in handling change, juggling multiple demands, and adjusting your ideas or approaches

In the words of the Buddha, “The only constant in life is change.” Even though it’s natural for us to resist change, it’s best to move past this, and even better, adopt a “can-do” attitude to change (19). The more you say “yes” and lean into change, the more adaptable you’ll become. Try something different. Be willing to learn new methods, approaches, and ways of doing things. Take on new tasks (19).

Unsurprisingly, adaptability is closely linked to perseverance and resilience. So, as well as being willing to take on new tasks, try to stick to the tasks you’ve started. Resilient people keep going even when the going gets tough. Perseverance will help you adapt to, and cope better with, setbacks (19).

Improvise. Practice spontaneity. Don’t overthink and second-guess everything you do (19). Free yourself to be creative, especially when problem-solving. Brainstorm solutions. Those who can come up with solutions are better able to cope with life’s challenges than those who can’t (19).

Achievement orientation

Striving to meet or exceed a standard of excellence; looking for ways to do things better, set challenging goals, and take calculated risks

To grow this competency, seize and create opportunities to be and do more. Chase your passions. Pursue the things that are personally meaningful and can have positive effects on the world (20). Find meaning in this by focusing on the value you offer, the purpose of your work, and how it helps others (21).

Make your goals public. Welcome feedback and support. And believe you have the skills and abilities necessary to achieve your goals. Believing in yourself serves as a self-fulfilling prophecy — it motivates you to try and try again to prove to yourself that you can do it (22).

To take on a challenge, visualize a time when you felt proud and accomplished, and then focus on those feelings as you work on the task (20). You can also look for the fun in the task or find ways to make it more engaging (21). And no matter how mundane the task may be, it can always be linked to something bigger and better — a greater purpose. This is referred to as “reframing your narrative,” (22) and can help you to stay the course.

Create a culture with a mastery rather than a performance orientation, with a focus on learning and improvement rather than demonstration of competence relative to others (e.g., trying to appear smart or avoid looking stupid). A mastery orientation enhances intrinsic motivation (23).

Positive outlook

The ability to see the positive qualities in people, situations, and events; persistence in the pursuit of goals despite the obstacles and setbacks

To grow this competency, focus on the positive. Persistent positive thinking will build the pathways between the parts of your brain that attend to the positive. This will build your capacity for seeing the positive (17). Do you see your glass as half full? Try to, because the way you define something becomes your understanding of it — or in other words, it becomes your reality. Write positive affirmations, such as, “My circumstances do not create me. I create my circumstances” (12). Put them in places where you’ll see them every day (e.g., on a mirror). Positive thinking leads to positive results.

Since emotions are contagious, surround yourself with positivity as much as you can. Choose upbeat environments and, as much as possible, maintain a positive attitude despite the negative emotions that may exist around you. Smile as often as you can. Putting a smile on your face can actually make you feel happier and more optimistic about the present and future (12).

Monitor your inner dialogue. Is it that of an optimist or a pessimist? Catch the negativity and turn it around (12). When negative thoughts take over, disrupt them with positive thoughts or a distraction. Even 2 min of distraction will reduce the urge to ruminate on the negative (17,18).

Failure can often drive us to focus on what we can’t do instead of what we can do. Instead of wallowing in discouragement, shift from focusing on the setbacks to focusing on the opportunities. Make a list of the things you could control were you to try again (18). Also, try mindfulness. Mindfulness reduces the chance that you’ll get hooked by the negative emotions, making it especially helpful in managing the more trying situations (12,17). Let go and breathe right.

Taking it from here

Growing the personal competencies is foundational to growing EQ. These competencies enable you to recognize and effectively manage your feelings. You have to be able to understand and control yourself before you can understand and relate well with others.

As we can appreciate, growing EQ involves not only expanding what you know, but also adjusting your thinking, feeling, and behavior. Change is not necessarily easy, requiring intention, motivation, and genuine effort. But when it comes to growing EQ, it is definitely worthwhile. In the highly emotive world of veterinary practice, the ability to understand and manage emotions is critical (24–26). It may be just as critical to your well-being and career longevity as the ability to proficiently carry out the technical aspects of your work (26).

Having reviewed the strategies that can strengthen the personal competencies, we will focus in the next article on strengthening the social competencies.