It was one of those dinner parties. At one end of the table, the men had bonded and were talking fast cars and weapons of mass destruction. At the other end, we women were politely discussing kitchen units and natural health remedies.
My opinion was being sought for a straw poll. Was I taking that new wheat-based alternative to hormone replacement therapy? I deferred, saying I didn't need any form of HRT yet. The lifestyle guru on my left corrected me: the latest research has apparently shown that the earlier everyone starts, the better. The notion that one's metabolic needs suddenly change at the climacteric is a myth scandalously perpetrated by male gynaecologists. I should start right now and take a glassful every morning, with natural yoghurt and linseed oil.
By way of apology for my wayward views, I confessed that I was a conventional doctor. A pause. Then three of them asked the same question all at once. Was I, or had I ever been, a member of any organisation that condoned the administration of the measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) vaccines to a vulnerable infant via a common needle? I admitted that I was.
A beauty therapist proposed the hypothesis that doctors would inject anyone with anything in order to make money. Absolutely, I said, knocking back my wine and warming to my demonic role. For fifty pence, I'd pump my grandmother full of genetically modified steroids and infuse my children with bovine tuberculosis.
Nervous titters, then someone announced that it was no laughing matter. The health risks of vaccination were enormous, which was why not a single parent in her postnatal yoga class had allowed their child to have the pertussis jab, let alone the MMR. A private paediatrician in Harley Street could provide exactly the same protection at no risk through a combination of homoeopathy and Chinese herbs. The lifestyle guru nodded approvingly and lit a cigarette.
The men's conversation drifted from the other end of the table. The United Nations weapons inspectors' report was due out any day, which meant that a bioterrorist attack was probably imminent. The women fell silent. Someone wanted to know if I did any private work. I replied that we all had our price. In that case, they asked, could I get them each a smallpox jab?