The role of father neglect and abuse in the romantic relationship and mate choice experiences of young women: a phenomenological analysis

Abstract

Background

For girls, the father is the first man they meet and also the first opportunity to recognise the characteristics of the opposite sex. Within the scope of this research, aims to examine the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of young women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse.

Methods

In line with this purpose, semi-structured interviews were conducted with 25 female participants selected by purposive sampling and snowball sampling in order to examine the phenomenon in detail. Considering the analysis of the interviews and the uniqueness of the participants’ experiences, Smith and Osborn’s Interpretative Phenomenological analysis steps were followed.

Results

As a result of the analyses, it was seen that four main themes, namely ‘Characteristics of traumatic experience, relationship with the father, women’s partner preferences, and coping resources’ and fourteen sub-themes explaining these themes emerged. The findings provide an opportunity to understand the role of paternal traumas in women’s choice of romantic partners and mates and to explore the resources they can use to cope with these traumas.

Conclusion

In line with the results obtained, suggestions are presented to improve the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of young women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse and to increase their mental health by establishing healthy relationships.

Supplementary Information

The online version contains supplementary material available at 10.1186/s40359-025-02943-2.

Introduction

In order to understand the formation of romantic relationships in adulthood, it is very important to analyse the bonds we form with caregivers in infancy [1]. Because, in terms of attachment theories, the healthy bond established between the caregiver and the infant greatly affects the relationships that the person will establish with others in later life [2]. According to this theory, the father’s role at home is necessary for the child from an early age [3]. For girls, the father is the first man they meet and also the first opportunity to recognise the characteristics of the opposite sex [4, 5]. Because a daughter has the chance to establish a relationship with someone in the outside world for the first time through the father, as the opposite sex, therefore, the relationship experienced with the father can leave important traces on the daughter [6]. Girls who can establish a basic trusting relationship with their fathers are likely to trust themselves more and believe that they are more desirable by other men [6, 7]. At this point, the relationship that girls establish with their fathers, who are the first men they know, may become a criterion for girls to evaluate the behaviour of the men they will encounter in the future as good or bad [8].

Girls’ healthy communication with their fathers has great importance in their healthy personality development [9, 10]. Because girls’ unhealthy relationships with their fathers may cause them to feel incomplete and have difficulties in their relationships with others [11], Alternatively, poor development resulting from the loss of the father’s role over the child may negatively affect the child’s life in adulthood [12]. In this context, girls with emotionally unavailable fathers are likely to choose emotionally unavailable boys to heal their childhood wounds [13]. On the contrary, increasing the level of approval of the daughter by her father and establishing good relationships with her father may positively affect her sexuality and her tendency to get close to other people later in her life [14]. Studies show that young women’s healthy communication with their fathers and their development of secure attachment positively reflect on young women’s interpersonal communication, relationship satisfaction, and psychological well-being [15, 16]. At this point, it can be assumed that the relationship that women establish with their fathers in the early period plays an important role in their choice of mate and romantic partner in later life [17–19]. However, it is reported that the influence of fathers on the development of their daughters has not been sufficiently investigated in the literature and that this influence is an important issue worthy of research, taking into account cultural dynamics [20].

One of the important decisions that people can make in their lives is the choice of romantic partners [21]. Making this choice correctly can be an important factor in the satisfaction and life satisfaction of the person from the relationship [22]. Examining the partner selection experiences of individuals in their romantic relationships may enable them to see the factors affecting these preferences and make more accurate choices [23]. Romantic partner selection is a complex process influenced by many factors. Bonds established with caregivers in the early period and early adverse childhood experiences are among these factors [24–26]. Adverse childhood experiences are considered to be traumas that are difficult to heal due to the fact that they occur in a vulnerable developmental period, usually as a result of neglect or abuse by caregivers [27]. The incidence of childhood traumas, which include all events that have the potential to harm the child, is quite high worldwide [28–30]. However, the effects of childhood traumas are not limited to the period in which they are experienced, but also significantly affect later life periods [31]. As a result of these traumas, the person may experience various identity problems, decreased self-esteem, anger towards their or the person who caused the trauma, guilt and shame [32, 33]. Additionally, individuals who are neglected and abused by their caregivers in the early stages of life may develop unhealthy attachment patterns [18]. As a result, the negative self-perception that develops as a result of this may negatively affect the future relationship quality and relationship preferences of the person by causing the existing mental structures to deteriorate [19, 34].

One of the criteria affecting the choice of a romantic partner is the culture in which the person lives. In societies dominated by a patriarchal culture, mate and partner selection criteria may differ from others [35]. In a patriarchal society, daughters may see their fathers as role models and may demand their fathers’ support, permission, and guidance in choosing a spouse and partner [36]. Through social representations, the ideas, beliefs, and attitudes of societies become more understandable, and behaviours are reorganised according to the commonly reconstructed reality [37]. In this sense, within the framework of social representations in Turkey, it is important to examine the role of fathers’ neglect and abuse in young women’s experiences of choosing romantic partners in order to describe the current situation. At this point, a limited number of studies have been conducted on the attachment styles of young women with a history of neglect and abuse in Turkey [19, 38, 39], and there is no qualitative study examining the role of paternal neglect and abuse in young women’s preference for romantic partners. Moreover, although academic interest in fatherhood has been growing for nearly two decades, there are still several gaps in the understanding of father-child relationships, especially with daughters, outside Western countries. Therefore, further research is needed on whether the links related to the father-daughter relationship can be generalised to Turkish culture [40]. For this reason, it is thought that the results obtained from this study will fill a gap in the field. In this context, the study aimed to examine the role of childhood traumas in the romantic relationships and mate selection experiences of young women with paternal neglect and abuse through phenomenological analysis. The sub-objectives created within the scope of this purpose are as follows:

• What are the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of young women with paternal neglect and abuse?

• What are the themes that explain the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of young women with paternal neglect and abuse?

• What are the themes that explain the resources that young women with parental neglect and abuse use to cope with their traumatic experiences?

• What do young women who have experienced parental neglect and abuse need in order to get rid of the effects of their traumatic experiences and establish healthy relationships?

Method

Research design

Within the scope of this study, interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA), one of the qualitative research methods, was used to examine the processes affecting the spousal and partner choices of young women who were exposed to various experiences of neglect and abuse by their fathers, also sensitive to cultural factors. In this approach, there is no goal of confirming or falsifying hypotheses, and the main aim is to elicit the participants’ unique experiences on a particular topic. Interpretative phenomenology is considered to be the most appropriate method for examining how a girl understands and makes sense of the experiences of neglect and abuse her father exposed to her, the first man she knew, and for exploring the romantic partner selection processes of young women by taking into account the context of cultural values [41, 42]. The research was conducted to reveal the themes about the existing experiences of the participants through the interpretative phenomenological design. In addition, only the physical and emotional neglect/abuse experiences of the participants were analyzed in the study. People with a history of sexual abuse were excluded from the study, and interviews were conducted.

Participants

The study group consists of young Turkish women who were exposed to paternal neglect or abuse. The women who make up the study group were selected from the province of Istanbul, taking into account their ease of participation in the research. In order to examine the phenomenon in detail, purposeful sampling and snowball sampling were preferred, and semi-structured interviews were conducted with 25 young women. The reason for preferring these sampling methods is the difficulty of reaching participants who can represent the research population and answer the research questions sincerely [43]. The mean age of the women was calculated as 𝑥̅= 22.16; Sd = 1.79. While forming the study group, it was aimed to ensure homogeneity among the participants by limiting the experiences of paternal neglect and abuse experienced by young women to physical and emotional dimensions, and thus to reveal the similarities and differences of the partner selection experiences of women with similar traumatic stories. In addition, while forming the study group in the research, it was tried to create participant diversity within the scope of variables such as young women’s age, how they define their socioeconomic level, occupation, whether they have a romantic relationship/marriage, the duration of romantic relationship/marriage, whether they have children and whether they receive psychological support or not, and to see the effect of differences on experiences. In addition, receiving psychological support at the time of the interviews was accepted as a reason for exclusion from the study group, and young women who were not in an active psychological support process at the time of the interviews were included in the study. The women who participated in the study stated that they had never received any psychiatric diagnosis before. Although the number of participants in this study was within the range determined for phenomenological research, the participants declared that they did not receive any psychological support during the research, did not use medication, and that this study was conducted in a non-clinical sample. De-identified raw data can be accessed upon reasonable request from the corresponding author.

Measures

Semi-structured interview form

The interview questions prepared by the researcher were sent to four other academics who can be considered experts in the field of trauma and women’s studies and asked to evaluate them. The prepared questions were revised twice in detail as a result of the evaluation of the experts, and the statements that were thought to be directive and unclear were revised. Then, a pilot interview was conducted with a young woman with experience of paternal neglect and abuse. The pilot interview lasted approximately 70 min. As a result of the interview, some expressions in the questions were changed, and the number of questions determined as 6 was increased to 10 in order to obtain more understandable themes and to reach explanatory information. Then, the 10 questions were sent to the same four academicians, and they were asked to evaluate the questions separately and give feedback. In line with the feedback received, the content of two questions was changed and revised, and the interview form was made ready in its final revised form of 10 questions. The researcher created this interview content, and it has not been used in any previous study (shown in Annex A).

Data collection

The interviews conducted within the scope of the research were conducted face-to-face with 16 women and with 9 women through online applications. The duration of all interviews varied between 90 min and 40 min, and the average duration of the interviews was calculated as 46 min. Before the interviews started, a written consent form was obtained from the participants who volunteered to participate in the study, taking into account ethical values and the fact that a sensitive issue, such as trauma, was being investigated. In addition, the participants were explained in detail how the confidentiality of their data would be ensured and how the data obtained would be destroyed, and a signed consent form was presented by the researcher stating that the researcher guaranteed these situations. In face-to-face interviews, voice recordings were taken after obtaining permission from the participants, and then these recordings were transcribed. The consent form, which should be signed by the female participants who were interviewed online, was sent by email. The participants signed and scanned this form and sent it back to the researcher via email. All ethical rules required by scientific research were followed in data collection.

Data analysis

Smith and Osborn’s Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis method was used to analyze the data obtained in this study. According to this method, the analysis process starts with the first interview, and the researcher dynamically takes part in the process at every stage [43]. In this context, firstly, the interview documents obtained were read several times by the researcher. As a result of these extensive readings, each interview output was first analyzed separately, and then the results of the analyses were compared with each other and then combined. Thus, the analysis was made on the basis of an idiographic approach. All verbal and non-verbal statements were noted in detail during the interviews in line with the analysis steps of Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis suggested by Smith and Osborn [42]. After the interviews, all these expressions were deciphered one by one, and codes were determined first. The list of codes was re-examined in detail, and the relationships, similarities, and differences between them were analyzed and checked by returning to the text again and again. Then, themes were formed by defining the relationships between the codes. During this whole process, the researcher analyzed the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse and checked the relationship between the comments he made for what the women said and what the women said, step by step. Although the MAXQDA 2020 programme was used while creating themes as a result of the analysis of the data, all the control of the analysis process was done by the researcher. The researcher undertook the whole role of coding the data obtained and transforming them into themes by naming them conceptually. This program was only used to make the data more systematic. The themes obtained in this context are summarised in Fig. 1.

Fig. 1.

Themes and subthemes (Note: The numbers given in brackets show how many participants reported codes belonging to each sub-theme)

Role of the researcher

The experience of the researcher, who is fully active in the research process, is very important for qualitative research to reach valid and reliable results. The researcher of this study has eleven years of working experience in the field. She conducted her doctoral thesis in the field of childhood traumas with a mixed methodology with an interpretative phenomenological design and has published studies in international journals on trauma. In addition, the researcher participated dynamically in the entire process, took very detailed notes throughout the interviews, and shared these notes with other academics who were coders. In addition, after transcribing the interviews, he read them over and over again and began the necessary analyses.

Reliability and validity checks

Some criteria must be met in order for the results of qualitative research to be considered valid and reliable. Credibility and transferability are one of these important criteria [43]. In order to ensure credibility in this study, three academics working as faculty members in the department of psychology and psychological counseling who have studied in the field of trauma and women’s studies were assisted within the scope of inter-coder coding reliability. The academics independently coded the interview reports by reading them in detail. The coding made by the three academics was compared with the coding made by the researcher. It was seen that there were codes that could not be agreed upon between the two academicians, and peer review and participant control were utilized at these points. The subthemes of “inconsistent preferences” and “avoiding relationships”, which constitute the theme of women’s partner preferences, were handled differently by the two coders. Within the scope of this disagreement, participant confirmation and expert opinion were used. In line with the feedback received, it was assumed that these two themes could accurately reflect the participants’ views. In addition, in order to examine whether the final version of the themes reflects the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of young women with father neglect and abuse, the themes created were shared with three female participants, and participant confirmation was obtained in detail. In this context, two main themes and three sub-themes were corrected in line with the feedback received from the women. In addition to all these, the most recurring participant views were included in detail, making it easier for readers and other researchers to understand the analysis process and contribute to the transferability of the data. In this study, the interviews were conducted in Turkish. Then, the coders completed their analyses, and the researcher finalized the themes and subthemes. This final form was translated into English by someone who had studied psychology in English as a native language. This translation was checked by a translator who graduated from the English language and literature program. Then, it was translated into Turkish by a coder who graduated from psychology using the back translation method, and it was seen that the themes were understandable. When a second translator checked the final themes, it was seen that both translators had a consensus on the English version of the themes. Finally, it is assumed that the fact that the researcher conducting this study is experienced in qualitative studies in the field of trauma and interpretative phenomenological analysis will contribute to credibility and transferability.

Results

These themes were formed as a result of analyzing the romantic relationship and mate selection experiences of women who were subjected to neglect or abuse by their fathers through their views. Participants were coded as W1, W2, W3…, W25 within the scope of confidentiality. As a result of the interpretative phenomenological analysis, four themes emerged as ‘characteristics of the trauma experienced, relationship with the father, women’s partner preferences, and coping resources’, and these themes are shown in Fig. 1.

As a result of analyzing the experiences of women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse in romantic relationships and partner choices through their opinions, it was observed that they frequently mentioned the characteristics of the traumatic experience they experienced. Examples of the interview contents that explain the theme of the characteristic features of trauma and contribute to the formation of sub-themes by being repeated are presented below:

Type of trauma: “I was a girl who her father constantly beat. If I had only been subjected to emotional violence, maybe I would have coped more easily, but the fact that I had also been subjected to much physical violence made everything difficult. I used to wear make-up to hide the bruise on my eye and the busted lip while I was in middle school. I was very ashamed of my surroundings. I wanted no one to understand. I was used to his shouting, but physical violence was very embarrassing during adolescence. I think the magnitude of the event is important in the effects of these traumas (W25).”

“My fa ther was born and raised in such an old-fashioned place… It is very normal to beat a child and shout at a child. He does not even understand that what he did was a mistake. When you look at the place he grew up in, you would think that this is how children are raised (W19).”

Trauma perception: “I think what you perceive as bad is very important in determining the effect it has on you. My brother was beaten a lot, just like me. A chair broke on his back, and sometimes his bones broke. However, in my opinion, he got through all of them much easier. I do not know if it is because I am a woman, but even though I was beaten much less than him, I could never get over what my father made me go through, neither yesterday nor today. If what was done to him had been done to me, I would probably die. He got married and established his life, but I still cannot establish healthy relationships due to the effects of my childhood traumas. My relationships with men are very weak, problematic, and toxic. That is why my brother and I interpret our experiences very differently (W5).”

“I think it is very important how you perceive it. We were beaten a lot by my father, but it seemed very normal to him. At first, he had a look like father loves but also beats. Then everything got worse (W18).”

Duration of trauma: “I was subjected to various forms of bullying by my father. This continued until I got into university and moved to a different city. Each time, I was subjected to both verbal and physical violence. I was saying that I had grown older and become a big girl, but it was not ending. In fact, I wanted to forget and erase everything that had happened, but the fact that these traumas inflicted on me by my father lasted for so long prevented me from recovering. Then I went to college to run away from home, but I did not continue, and I married the first person who loved me. I wanted to escape from home and what I was going through. Moreover, I have a child (W3).”

It is observed that women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse have differences in their relationships with their fathers after the trauma they experienced with their fathers. Examples of interview content that explains the theme of relationships with the father and contributes to the formation of sub-themes through frequent repetition are presented below:

Dealing with trauma: “I have always tried to cope with the traumas my father inflicted on me. I read many books on the subject and received psychological support. I confronted what the traumas had caused me to experience and what I felt. I did not run away from them. I believe that as I confront my past, I become healthier, establish better relationships with people, and become more successful in my business life. I think people should definitely confront their past traumas and try to cope with them (W10).”

“I coped with the traumas my father inflicted on me. I made much effort. I did not say that this is my fate, like many girls in our country do. I succeeded on my own (W18).”

Forgiving the father: “I forgave my father. I saw that I could not silence the voices in my head, and I could not answer why my father made me go through this; I decided to understand him in the best way. My father grew up in a family where he did not see any love; he was always like a child, not like a father. He could neither handle marriage nor being a father. He made life miserable for both me and my mother. Of course, a person cannot give love that he cannot receive. However, I attribute these to his bad childhood stories, and I am not angry with him forgive him in my heart. I do not want these bad child-rearing attitudes to be passed on to my children through me anymore. I have a younger brother, and I always advise him to do the same (W2).”

Ignoring trauma: “I do not know how true it is, but I ignore my childhood traumas and the relationship I could never establish with my father. In other words, I do not tell anyone; I do not seek psychological support on this issue. Every time I think about those times, I feel like I am reliving them over and over again, and I ignore them. I act like I do not have a father. I got married, but I do not even tell my husband much detail; I say we are not close and do not see each other much (W9)”.

As a result of the interviews, it is observed that the choices of partners and mates for romantic relationships of young women who are exposed to paternal neglect and abuse differ. As a result of the interview analyses, the results caused by these differences were examined under the title of women’s partner preferences, and some frequently repeated expressions that constitute the sub-themes of this theme are presented below:

Partner opposite of father: “I completely avoid men who are like my father. I can no longer tolerate loud noises, insults, or humiliation. My father has always abused me and my siblings emotionally, physically, and financially. I really do not know how to be a family, what it means to be loved, or how to manage a relationship. However, I know what not to do. A girl should not be constantly humiliated, beaten, or shouted at. I am 23 years old now. I have taken up my profession, and I cannot stand the slightest loud noise. I want to be with someone who is the complete opposite of my father. I want a partner who can empathize, is open to self-improvement, knows how to get psychological support if he has a problem, and does not hide behind his traumas. Many of my girlfriends who are victims of their fathers, like me, think the same way. We are now technologically advanced, it is possible to improve ourselves, and it is easy to access information. We have no tolerance for men who do not change or develop (W19).”

“I think people should not be angry with themselves and life. I have tried very hard for this. That is why I have always imagined someone who is not like my father (W11)”.

Inconsistent preferences: “I still do not know what I want. I got married and divorced. At first, I thought I was not affected by my adverse childhood experiences and my father’s abuse. However, when I got married, I saw that was not the case. I cannot trust men. They all seem false and bad to me. I feel like they will harm me because they do not love me. I said I wanted to marry someone who was not like my father, and I sort of married someone who was not like him. I could not make this marriage work. I could never imagine my husband as a father. I cannot make the right choices and establish healthy relationships with men. Maybe I need to get psychological support before starting a new relationship again (W6).”

Avoidance of establishing relationships: “I swear I am so disgusted with men that I avoid having relationships with the opposite sex because of my father. My father is a man who sucks the life energy out of people. He is like a bad movie character. He spewed his hatred and anger at me and my sister for years. He married my mother without loving her, and my mother was in love with him. My father hated her, and this hatred was reflected in all of us. My sister got married early to escape the blasphemous apocalypse. I went to a university outside the city. Men are not even sexually attracted to me right now. I do not think I want to have a relationship with the opposite sex for a very long time (W14).”

Father-like partner: “Even though I do not want to, I find myself hanging out with people who are like my father. At first, I told him that he should not be angry like my father, that he should be understanding, speak in a low voice, and value women, but then I realized that I had never found such a calm man attractive. I had a relationship with a calm, polite man before, but this time, I was always angry. I accused him of being passive and weak-willed. Maybe I am looking for a middle ground, but I cannot find it. I cannot escape this cycle. I have had many lovers, and over time, I have noticed that I found aspects of my father in all of them. I am currently in a relationship, and he is a very tough man who is similar to my father. He did not use violence against me like my father, but sometimes I feel like he has a hard time controlling himself (W4).”

The resources used by women who have been subjected to paternal neglect and abuse to cope with these negative experiences are presented under the heading of coping resources. Some frequently repeated expressions that explain how coping resources are used and that constitute the subthemes of this theme are as follows:

Social support: “My father was never there. He beat us and beat us and eventually threw us into my grandmother’s house and ran away with another woman. After all these experiences, the biggest factor in my holding on to life is my family, cousins, grandfather, grandmother, and friends. If it were not for them and their financial and moral support, I would not have come this far. I would be weak, like a little girl who is still mourning her father. I think no matter what you go through, if you have a strong social circle, you can get back on your feet. Thanks to them, I studied, became an engineer, and got married. I held on to life again, and there is no place for my father in this story (W18).”

Psychological support: “I think childhood experiences are important. Especially for a girl, a father is very important. Being loved and spoiled by her father means being a princess. Girls who cannot be their father’s princess approach anyone who shows the slightest affection. Maybe I will be his princess; maybe he will find me worthy of love, they think. However, it is not always like that. Being so hungry for love is very dangerous. You can be fooled by anything. That is why I think everyone with childhood trauma should seek psychological support before entering into a serious relationship like marriage or deciding to have children. They should complete their unfinished stories in some way and not beg for love from inappropriate men. I got married at an early age, and I have a child. Since I do not receive psychological support, I feel that I cannot cope with many things, and sometimes I feel very inadequate. Like running away from your father and taking shelter in your mate, running away from the rain, and getting caught in the hail. I wish I had not left my future in the hands of these men. I wish I had gotten psychological support, worked, and been free (W1)”.

“I think it would be best for me to accept this whole process and forgive my father by getting psychological support. I think that by getting help, we can digest these experiences and be full of hope (W2)”.

Sense of achievement: “I coped with all these negativities by working. My father beat me and my mother. He did not come back for months, then he came back. When my mother got sick, everything got worse. After my mother’s death, my father said he did not have the financial means to support me and my sister and sent them to a foster home. I am glad he did. Otherwise, I was sure he would have made us sell tissues on the street. I was desperate and had to use what was given to me well. I studied and became a lawyer. I am young, but I earn well. I received psychological support for a while, and I have a boyfriend who understands me and also values his mental health, empathy, and values people. So if you ask me how I got rid of the negative effects of my father, I would say that I worked hard and succeeded (W22)”.

Mother’s support: “My father always neglected us. He supposedly took refuge in his workload, but it is a lie; I never believe it. If I am mentally healthy and can relate to people, I owe it entirely to my mother’s support. My mother is both a mother and a father to me. I learned how to be a good person entirely from my mother. My biggest dream is to be a mother like her and to raise a child in a beautiful and healthy environment. Of course, it took me a long time to reach this awareness; I received psychological support for a long time (W11).”

“I felt very sorry for my mother. My father was constantly torturing her, but her support for us was very important. My biggest dream was not to make the wrong choice of romantic partner like my mother (W14)”.

Discussion

The study aimed to examine the romantic relationship and partner selection experiences of women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse, taking into account cultural elements. As a result of the interpretative phenomenological analysis, it was seen that four main themes emerged that explain the romantic relationship and partner selection experiences of young women: “Characteristic features of traumatic experience, relationship with the father, women’s partner preferences, and coping resources.” When the participants’ views constituting the subthemes were examined, the women participating in the study stated that the type of trauma they experienced, how they perceived this traumatic experience, and how long the trauma lasted were important in establishing relationships with the opposite sex and finding a partner. Similar to the results obtained from this research, studies show that some groups perceive some physical and emotional intervention content as a part of the culture rather than as neglect and abuse, while some evaluate the same behaviors as neglect and abuse [32, 44]. Studies also show that those who were exposed to physical violence in childhood tend to feel inadequate in their future relationships and thus continue these cycles, while those who were exposed to sexual abuse become individuals who cannot establish relationships or have extreme relationships [45, 46].

The sub-themes are examined, and the relationship that women establish with their fathers after experiencing neglect and abuse by their fathers is important. Studies have shown that women who have a healthy relationship with their fathers are able to establish closer and better quality relationships with their romantic partners or mates in later life and are more self-confident [47, 48]. When the participant views are examined, it is seen that the relationship preferences of young women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse are in the form of preferring partners who are the opposite of their fathers, establishing inconsistent relationships, exhibiting behaviors that avoid establishing relationships, and preferring partners that are somewhat similar to their fathers. It has been reported in the literature that the relationships that girls establish with the opposite sex are related to the bonds they establish with their fathers in the early period [3]. In a study, it was reported that the father role variable is effective in choosing a romantic partner, that girls take their fathers as role models in their relationships with the opposite sex, that if they have a healthy father role, they are more assertive in their relationships with their partners and may prefer to choose a partner like their father [49]. Therefore, the unhealthy the relationship with the father, the lower the ability to choose mates and romantic partners is likely to be in early adult women [50]. In a study using qualitative analysis, it was reported that women’s satisfactory and secure relationship with their fathers affects their choice of spouse, and women prefer reliable people who are similar to their fathers. The same study showed that women look for what they see as lacking in their fathers in the men they will marry, and this affects their choice of spouse [51].

Many things are learned from fathers. It is the first male-female relationship, and the girl first gains a reflection of herself as a woman who is ignored or valued, and then gains acceptance and self-esteem [52]. Studies show that childhood traumas and early life play an important role in choosing a romantic relationship partner or mate [25, 53, 54]. According to a recent study, women pay more attention to the importance their chosen spouse places on their personal development, whether he will be a good father, and whether he will live in a peaceful home [5]. However, it can be said that there are still few studies in this field [9]. Suppose the father has a problematic personality structure and reflects this to his daughter through undesirable behaviors. In that case, it will affect the daughter’s personality and affect her experiences in choosing a romantic relationship partner and mate when she becomes a young woman [5]. A phenomenological study examining women’s perceptions of their relationships with their fathers in the context of a childhood in which there was no father found that growing up without being able to bond with their fathers as they desired caused them to feel hurt [55]. Another phenomenological study conducted to examine father-daughter relationships concluded that young women who grew up emotionally distant from their fathers did not receive enough love and attention from their fathers, which affected their emotional relationships with other men. On the other hand, most of the studies examining neglect and similar traumatic experiences, such as father absence, were conducted in Western countries [56]. Therefore, it is thought that it is important to examine what the absence of a father leads to in non-Western cultures and that this study will contribute to the field.

Conclusions and recommendations

Although studies have recently shown that the patriarchal family structure in Turkish society has weakened compared to the past and the value given to daughters has increased, it is seen that despite increasing urbanization, fathers’ intense responsibility for providing for the household causes them to take less responsibility for child care [40, 57]. As far as is known, although there are a limited number of studies examining the mate selection experiences and factors affecting the choice of women who have unhealthy father-daughter relationships due to early experiences [5], there are no studies in Turkish culture that affect the romantic relationship and mate selection preferences of young women who have problematic early experiences with their fathers. It is assumed that the results obtained from this study will contribute to filling a gap in the literature. In addition, it is recommended to conduct qualitative studies that take cultural values into account in order to talk about the effect of paternal trauma on young women.

Limitations

This study is limited by the responses given by the participants to the questions. Considering the statements given by the participants themselves, it was assumed that they had experiences paternal neglect and abuse. The lack of longitudinal follow-up and results, including more than one interview, is accepted as a limitation of this study. Another limitation of this study is that it may negatively affect the mental health of the participants by triggering their traumatic childhood experiences. In order to prevent this situation, measures were taken such as selecting the participants from non-clinical samples, showing the necessary care in order not to start a therapeutic process in the interviews, reminding the participants that they could leave the study by terminating the interview whenever they want and sharing the contact information that will enable the participants to reach the mental health specialist free of charge for three months following the interviews. On the other hand, the fact that the effect of demographic variables on the choice of spouse and partner was not evaluated can be considered a limitation of the study. The fact that the study does not distinguish between types of neglect and abuse can be considered a limitation. In addition, considering that being a spouse and a lover requires very different dynamics, it can be considered a limitation that the experiences of women with a history of paternal neglect and abuse in mate selection and romantic partner selection were not addressed separately. The limited number of culturally based studies examining the romantic partner and mate selection preferences of young people with a history of paternal trauma constitutes the originality of the study, but it can be assumed that it causes limitations in the discussion of the results obtained. In addition, the factors influencing the choice of a mate may be different, whereas the processes influencing the choice of a romantic partner may be very different. Therefore, examining the mate choice and romantic partner choice of young women who were exposed to paternal neglect and abuse in a single study can be considered a limitation.

Electronic supplementary material

Below is the link to the electronic supplementary material.

Author contributions

ÖET: Designing the research, Investigation, Methodology, Doing analysis, Validation, Visualization, Writing, Review, and Editing.

Funding

No funding was received for conducting this study.

Data availability

De-identified raw data can be accessed upon reasonable request from the corresponding author.

Declarations

Ethics approval and consent to participate

The approval of the ethics committee, dated 02.10.2024 and numbered E-35592990-050.04-4011639, was received from the Research and Publication Ethics Committee of the National Defense University. All procedures performed in these studies were by the APA ethical guidelines, the ethical standards of the institutional research committee, and the 1964 Declaration of Helsinki and its later amendments. Informed consent was obtained from the participants before starting the study. In this consent, the purpose of the study, the confidentiality of the data, and the method of destruction were mentioned, and if they were willing to participate in the study, they were asked to fill out this consent form, and the interviews were started. All participants signed the consent form and voluntarily participated in this study.

Consent for publication

Not applicable.

Competing interests

The authors declare no competing interests.