I recently learned about a new term that I thought has relevance to our interactions with patients. I thought I would alert you to it.
For many years I have heard individuals with a cancer diagnosis talking about family members and friends not communicating with them after they share the diagnosis. I learned recently that this phenomenon has been given a new label – cancer ghosting.
I am certain you have heard the term ‘ghosting’ as it relates to the world of dating, when someone abruptly ends all communication without any explanation or warning. In the cancer world, the term is being defined as a phenomenon that describes how family members and friends disappear and cut off all communication or contact after a cancer diagnosis is revealed. According to recent reports (see breastcancer.org) up to 90% of individuals diagnosed with cancer experience at least one person ghosting them.
The result of cancer ghosting can be distressing to the person living through cancer and its treatment. The already distressing experience is further heightened by the loss of support and friendships at a difficult and distressing time. I would suggest that most of us would expect to feel a drawing together of family and friends around us to be present and helpful. Individuals with cancer who have experienced cancer ghosting have described a range of reactions from anger, disappointment, sadness, confusion, shame, pain, and grief. For some, the resulting isolation and feelings of abandonment or self-blame can have long-term emotional scars (see CureConnect). Some have felt a loss of self-worth and esteem. According to a 2023 survey of cancer survivors by the American Cancer Society, 60% reported feeling socially isolated and lonely after their cancer treatment.
This phenomenon of cancer ghosting is one that is not often recognized as a side effect of cancer or acknowledged by health care professionals. The lack of validation can leave the person with cancer uncertain why the ghosting has happened or how to deal with it or even distressed that they are feeling as they do about it. They could think it was their fault, that they did something wrong and feel abandoned at a time of vulnerability, I see this is a topic that oncology nurses are in an ideal situation to recognize, acknowledge, and provide information about the phenomenon.
Granted, the reality can be complex, and the reasons people ghost the person with cancer are varied. Often it is linked to a friend or family member being unable to deal with their own fears. The person could be uncomfortable with illness, think they will say the wrong thing, feel uncertain how to talk to the person with cancer, or worried about death, They may think the person wants to be left alone or even fear contagion. Later, they could feel guilt or shame or embarrassment about ghosting the person with cancer and not know how to reconnect.
As oncology nurses, we need to focus on the person with cancer. Allowing that individual to voice their reactions to being ghosted and explore their thoughts about how to cope with it is an important step. There may be no clear answers about why it happened or the reasons for the friends’ or family members’ behaviour. But for the person living through a cancer experience, it is important for them to consider how they will invest their energy and seek support as they move forward. They may need to think about investing their time and energy in making new connections and focusing on the people who are supportive for them. Focusing on self-care can be most helpful. For some, linking with support groups, either in person or on-line, can be helpful to appreciate further they are not alone. For others, talking with a counsellor about their responses may be helpful and a referral may be required.
I encourage you to read more about what I am calling a side effect of cancer. I hope you will incorporate its consideration into your care of individuals living through a cancer experience.