“Good Enough Mother”: Accepting the Imperfections of Motherhood in Medicine

Abstract

Description

This article draws attention to Winnicott’s concept of the “good enough mother” and how it can be applied to those in medicine. It emphasizes that no one is perfect, and our children learn best from our imperfections. I was reminded of that while kayaking on the Lost Spring Lake in Ocala, FL, and took this picture. If we can find beauty in nature’s imperfections, we can also find it within our own imperfections.

While in residency, I was introduced to the concept of the “Good Enough Mother” as a mother of a 4-year-old son and a newborn daughter. Motherhood was much harder than I expected.

I thought, “Things will get better once the baby sleeps through the night…once she becomes more independent…once I become an attending.” As these milestones came, so did additional stressors. My expectations were unrealistic. And to make up for my imperfections, I was overbooking my schedule with activities for the kids. I was overwhelmed.

I now remind myself of the “Good Enough Mother,” a concept coined by Donald Winnicott, a pediatrician and a psychoanalyst. He not only believed that the mother needed to understand that perfection is unachievable but that children benefit from disappointments now to better adapt to life later. “He suggested that no child needs the perfect parent. They just need the decent, good-intentioned, sometimes grumpy mother or father who loves them limitlessly.”¹

I am not a perfect mother nor will I ever be. When I get reminded of this, I give myself grace. My family will always be my priority but it’s okay to miss a field trip (or 2). I cannot get it right 100% of the time for I am human. I will fail my kids (even if I never plan to) and that’s okay. They too will learn from it. I am not perfect. I am a “Good Enough Mother.”