Expectations held by foster caregivers compared to the reality of their experiences

Abstract

The experiences foster caregivers have while providing care are linked to important outcomes including placement stability for the child and foster caregiver retention within the child welfare system. Understanding the expectations prospective caregivers have about fostering, and how this compares to their lived experience while fostering, is important for building realistic expectations and addressing unmet needs. The current study used a phenomenological approach through semi-structured qualitative interviews with 45 foster parents (71% female) to assess their recollections of what they had expected fostering to be like, and their thoughts about their fostering experiences to date. Inductive coding revealed positive, negative and neutral expectation and experience themes, as well as a “no expectations” theme, with several subcodes within each. Participants were mixed in terms of whether they agreed their experience had matched their expectations. While a subset of foster caregivers felt their expectations were in alignment with what their lived experience fostering has been, many felt that there were multiple experiences they had not expected, both positive and negative. The themes revealing unmet expectations as well as unforeseen negative experiences have implications for foster care licensing agencies, who can work to assess and develop appropriate expectations for prospective caregivers.

Each year, between 175,000 and 200,000 children enter the foster care system in the United States, which results in the yearly total number of children in care to be between 340,000 and 400,000 (Children’s Bureau, 2025). Children may be removed from their caregiver’s home and enter the foster care system for a variety of reasons, including, but not limited to, child abuse, neglect, inadequate housing, caregiver drug use, or other circumstances that are deemed unsafe for a child (Children’s Bureau, 2025). Once a child is removed from their home and enters state custody they are placed in out-of-home care and a permanency plan is created. In recent years, 28% have entered non-relative foster homes, while 39% enter kinship care (i.e. family members or other individuals known to the child prior to their placement). The remainder enter therapeutic homes, some form of institutional care (e.g. juvenile justice, group home, residential treatment), or transition to independent living. Reunification with primary caregivers has been the permanency goal for nearly half of youth in care, while around a quarter have the goal of adoption. The remainder have other plans such as permanency with relatives or transitioning to independent living or do not yet have an established permanency plan (Children’s Bureau, 2025).

Prospective foster caregivers are required to undergo pre-service training before becoming certified to receive a foster placement. Pre-service training aims to prepare foster caregivers for the experiences they are about to undertake, although requirements for training vary from state to state. In Virginia, where the present study was conducted, mandatory pre-service training must address reunification goals, youth trauma exposure, navigating relationships with biological families, legal processes, and parenting techniques, among other related competencies (Virginia Department of Social Services, 2022). While these guidelines are established, there is not a singular standardized program that is followed consistently by all agencies; public and private agencies are able to adapt and implement their own pre-service training programs which poses questions about consistency in training received among caregivers across the state.

Retention of foster caregivers remains a high priority for placement agencies for several reasons; one is that with the high number of children in foster care, agencies need as many trained and safe caregivers as possible in order to place a child entering care into an appropriate home quickly (Hebert & Kulkin, 2018). In Virginia, there were 5,532 youth in foster care and 4,506 licensed foster homes reported in 2025 (The Imprint, 2026). While there may be multiple children in one licensed home, these statistics suggest there is likely not a large surplus of available foster caregivers. Further, not every home is an appropriate match for any child entering care, and so a deficit in placement options increases risk of an improper fit between child and caregiver or home. This reality stresses the need to retain as many licensed and trained caregivers as possible, to avoid poor match in fit which then jeopardizes the stability of a placement. Another reason retention is important is that a turnover in placement has mental health consequences for youth while in foster care, and so the maintenance of foster caregivers is incredibly important to reduce placement turnover and subsequent negative mental health consequences (Hebert & Kulkin, 2018; Maguire et al., 2024).

After receiving a placement, agencies are expected to maintain a collaborative relationship with resource families through providing all relevant information regarding the foster child, continuously assessing the needs of foster caregivers, and connecting families to support services (Virginia Department of Social Services, 2022). Unfortunately, foster caregivers may discontinue their involvement in foster care due to dissatisfaction with and negative perceptions of the child welfare system (Hanlon et al., 2021). Existing literature on foster care retention has cited material support (e.g. reimbursement, transportation assistance) from agencies as a key factor influencing the longevity of service due to inabilities to afford or access support services (Hanlon et al., 2021). Additionally, satisfaction with recruitment and certification workers and ongoing caseworkers has been found to positively influence foster carers’ intentions to continue fostering and recommend fostering to others (Engelhardt & Royse, 2025). Previous research has also indicated that foster caregivers report feeling unprepared for foster care and have highlighted the need for additional training and support from agencies (Asbury et al., 2024). Thus, it is crucial that pre-service trainings adequately inform prospective foster caregivers of what to expect while fostering in order to promote placement stability and youth well-being (Patterson et al., 2018).

Several studies have identified that one of the challenges that foster caregivers report after becoming certified and receiving foster care placement(s) is having unmet expectations of what foster care would look like (Christiansen et al., 2010; Daniel, 2011). Daniel (2011) conducted interviews with foster caregivers and found a prevalent theme of “unrealistic expectations” as participants noted difficulties navigating child behaviors, a lack of communication from agency workers during crises, and other challenges that they were not prepared to face. Similarly, in a study by Christiansen et al. (2010), foster caregivers expressed through an interview that they did not fully understand the responsibilities of the role, resulting in unrealistic expectations that the youth placed in their care should adapt to their families and behave in certain ways.

Previous studies have linked more realistic and less rigid expectations of being a foster caregiver with successful outcomes, including greater placement stability and permanency (Christiansen et al., 2010; Day et al., 2018; Vanderwill et al., 2021). Given that foster caregivers have reported that their expectations do not align with the realities of fostering, it is important to understand these misperceptions in greater detail to promote success and increase foster caregiver retention. Although there is a dearth of research in expectations among foster caregivers, previous studies of adoptive caregivers exist. Moyer and Goldberg (2017) interviewed a combined sample of private and child-welfare adoptive parents who reported having unmet expectations regarding placement preferences. Findings indicated that adoptive parents who reported feeling stressed about their unfulfilled expectations felt a lack of support and power to “mold” their children (Moyer & Goldberg, 2017). On the other hand, adoptive parents who did not report unmet expectations as a stressor expressed that their pre-adoptive training prepared them for the possibility that a child may not align with their ideal preferences (Moyer & Goldberg, 2017). These findings suggest that adequate pre-service training may help promote flexible expectations and positive experiences among adoptive parents, however, there is little research on the relationship between expectations and realities in foster care. Deepening this understanding within the context of foster care can lead to refinements to pre-service training with the goal of aligning caregiver expectations with the reality of foster caregiving, hopefully leading to increased retention of foster caregivers and placement stability.

Present study

This study sought to elucidate the expectations foster caregivers reported having before entering into their role as foster caregivers, and their impressions of the reality they experienced once they got into the role and began providing care. Additionally, we sought to understand whether their reality matched their expectations, or was different, and whether the differences were seen as positive or negative. By learning more about the perspectives of foster caregivers, we can identify the specific areas of support that are needed from their agencies—both in pre-service training before receiving a placement and throughout the duration of the placement.

Methods

Participants

The current study analyzed data from a larger mixed-methods project examining foster caregiver motivations, practices, and experiences. Participants were licensed foster caregivers in the state of Virginia, licensed through state or private agencies, currently caring for a non-kinship foster child between the ages of 3–17 years old, who had been placed in their care for at least the previous 30 days and who was anticipated to remain in their care for at least another 30 days. They were recruited through fliers distributed by a number of community agencies and service providers, including their local department of social services agency, private licensed placement agency, and foster care school liaison. Interested individuals were invited to complete a pre-screener online or via phone to determine qualification. To be included, caregivers had to speak English. Kinship foster caregivers were excluded as an attempt to control for the variability that exists between the experiences of kinship versus non-kinship caregivers. Kinship caregivers may have less advanced notice and planning before taking on the role of caregiver and therefore may have very different expectations than non-kinship caregivers who take months to become trained and certified. Additionally, they may have very different experiences in caregiving, due to proximity and emotional ties to the child’s biological family.

Procedure

Participants provided informed consent verbally through an online Zoom meeting, and in writing via a Docusign form. After giving consent, they were provided with a link to an online survey. A subset of the survey respondents (15%, purposively selected to capture a range of caregivers from varying backgrounds and experiences) was invited to complete a qualitative interview via Zoom. Demographic data from the survey including participant age, gender, relationship status, income, employment, educational attainment, and duration of time fostering were used for targeted selection. Interviews were recorded for transcription and analysis. Ethical review and approval for study procedures was obtained from the Virginia Commonwealth University Institutional Review Board.

Semi-structured interviews were conducted by trained interviewers (one licensed clinical psychologist and one with a masters in social work), scheduled at a time convenient for the participant. Participants were encouraged to find a private location without distraction during the interview. Caregivers were asked about a number of topics about their experience as foster caregivers, including their motivations to begin fostering, their relationship with the child in their care and the child’s family, parenting practices they use, and services or training they wish they had access to. Interviews were recorded, with participant consent, and then transcripts were created using the Trint software. Each transcript was checked by one research assistant and then verified by another to ensure accuracy.

For the purpose of the present manuscript, coding focused on a section of the interview that focused on participant’s retrospective reports of their expectations and reflections on experiences. Questions included “What did you expect fostering to be like,” “Have your initial expectations matched your experience,” and “How so?” Once the interview concluded, participants were compensated with a $50 e-gift card. Interviews typically lasted around 50 minutes but ranged from 20 to 120 minutes across all 45 participants.

Data analysis

This study took a hermeneutic phenomenological approach to exploring foster caregiver expectations about fostering, and their description of their actual experiences. This approach was decided on due to the goal of understanding the phenomenon of being a foster caregiver while taking into account the context and impact of the researchers’ perspectives and subjective experiences (Lopez & Willis, 2004). The coding team focused on the section of the interview that asked about expectations and reflections on experiences specifically, but read each transcript in full to capture all references to these topics in case participants addressed these content areas while answering subsequent questions, which happened frequently.

The coding team included the primary investigator, who is a clinical psychologist and has worked for several years with adoptive and foster families in a clinical context, as well as two research assistants with bachelor’s degrees in psychology, whose research interests are in family dynamics, child development, and trauma. All three members of the coding team were raised in their biological families and do not have direct personal experience within foster families.

The team used an interactive, inductive coding approach, following the methods outlined by Cohen et al. (2000). Data was coded and managed in the Dedoose version 10.0.59 software (Dedoose, (2026).). A number of methods were used to increase trustworthiness of the findings (Lincoln & Guba, 1985). First, to increase consistency of findings, the team independently coded transcripts but met weekly to discuss the emerging code structure. Codes were merged and nested into themes where appropriate, with the structure of the coding system evolving throughout the iterative process. Each transcript was double-coded, with discrepancies resolved by the third coder. Second, an audit trail of all decisions about coding was maintained to enhance dependability of findings. Third, to increase credibility, an additional team member external to the coding team engaged in peer debriefing in which she reviewed the coding structure and sample excerpts in order to provide feedback and additional interpretation to inform the final themes and codes presented. This fourth team member holds a master’s degree in social work, works as a foster parent coordinator at a licensed placement agency, and has lived experience as an international adoptee.

Results

Sample characteristics

Forty-five participants from the larger study were invited to complete the qualitative interview, and all 45 agreed to do so. Participant demographics are reported in Table 1. Demographic characteristics of the sample are consistent with the general population in the state of Virginia, where the study was conducted, with the exception that the sample includes a much higher proportion of single-parent households (23%) and a higher proportion of women (71%) than is typical across the state. Although all partners/co-parents of participants were invited to participate, we found that male co-parents were often not interested in participating, which contributed to our sample being skewed toward a higher percentage of female participants.

Table 1.

Demographic characteristics of study sample (n = 45).

Caregiver Characteristic	n (%) or Mean (STD), Range
Age	44.8 (10.6), 27–63
Years as Foster Caregiver	7.3 (8.3), <1–35 years
Self-Identified Gender
Female	32 (71%)
Male	12 (27%)
Non-Binary	1 (2%)
Marital Status
Single	7 (16%)
Married or Cohabiting Partner	35 (78%)
Divorced/Separated	2 (5%)
Widowed	1 (2%)
Self-Identified Race/Ethnicity (could select more than one)
White	30 (67%)
Black/African American	12 (27%)
Asian	2 (4%)
Hispanic or Latino	4 (9%)
American Indian/Alaska Native	0 (0%)
Native Hawaiian/Other Pacific Islander	0 (0%)
Other	1 (2%)
Household Income (excluding foster care stipend)
Under $50,000	3 (7%)
$50,000–75,000	13 (29%)
$75,000–100,000	5 (11%)
$100,000–125,000	6 (13%)
$125,000–150,000	8 (18%)
$150,000–175,000	4 (9%)
$175,000–200,000	4 (9%)
Over $200,000	2 (4%)
Highest Educational Attainment
Less than high school diploma	2 (4%)
High school diploma	3 (7%)
1–3 years of college	9 (20%)
4 or more years of college	9 (20%)
1–3 years of graduate school	14 (31%)
4 or more years of graduate school	8 (18%)
Religious Affiliation
None	8 (18%)
Christian	32 (71%)
Jewish	1 (2%)
Muslim	1 (2%)
Other	3 (7%)

Themes

Key themes were divided into two primary categories; Expectations and Experiences. Within those categories, themes were categorized based on whether they were positive, neutral, or negative. For the expectations category, a “no expectations” theme also emerged. Each theme included several sub-themes, which are presented in Table 2. When asked directly whether they felt their experiences had matched their expectations, 10 participants reported they felt they had, while nine indicated they hadn’t had any expectations before going into fostering, and the remainder indicated that their experiences had varied in one or multiple ways from what they had expected. Details of each theme and their respective subthemes will be discussed with supporting quotes from participants.

Table 2.

Qualitative coding structure.

Categories	Themes	Sub-themes
Expectations	Positive	Expected normalcy Hoped to make an impact
	Neutral	Anticipated that every child will be different
		“Knew what to expect” due to professional experience
		Had expectations about placement duration and outcome
	Negative	Anticipated difficulty
		Expected to have to navigate behavioral issues from the child
	No Expectations	N/A
Experiences	Negative	Encountered difficulties with social services
		Experienced difficult child behaviors/challenging placements
		Discovered fostering is harder than anticipated
		Endured emotional challenges
		Differences in placement logistics from expectations
	Neutral	Fostering as a learning experience
	Positive	Fostering promoted positive growth for the foster caregiver
		Felt that fostering is easier than anticipated
		Made an impact on foster child

Expectations

Positive expectations.

When asked to describe the expectations they held before fostering, approximately half of the participants reported having positive expectations. Foster caregivers expressed that they held optimistic thoughts about what fostering would look like for their household, as well as the potential impact that they hoped to make as foster caregivers.

Expected normalcy.

When describing how they envisioned their experience as foster caregivers, participants expressed that they held assumptions about how easily the foster youth will acclimate to their household. Several caregivers mentioned that they previously thought that their work providing care would go smoothly by simply loving a child. One participant stated, “I was kind of expecting … yeah, they’re here, you just love them and everything will be okay,” while others figured that parenting foster youth “would be just like parenting your own child.”

One caregiver expressed that she began her role fostering a year prior with a more idealistic mind-set: “I just expected that … it would kind of just feel like playing house.”

Hoped to make an impact.

Recognizing the importance of their role as foster caregivers, participants described that they had hoped to make a difference in the lives of foster youth. Foster caregivers shared their initial beliefs that, despite any difficulties that may arise, being able to witness positive change in foster youth would be worth those tough moments. One caregiver expressed how she imagined her role as a foster caregiver to feel personally satisfying: “I expected that I was just going to change the world and feel so rewarded all the time and everything was going to come down to me and I could just love everybody through it.”

Neutral expectations.

Given the variability of foster care, some participants expressed that they began their role as foster caregivers with a balanced mind-set or more neutral expectations. For some, this was influenced by previous personal or professional experiences with foster care which gave them a more nuanced and informed set of expectations which accounted for a range of experiences they anticipated they might have.

Anticipated that every child will be different.

Multiple caregivers recognized that each child who would come into their care would bring a different set of backgrounds, needs, and behaviors, and therefore acknowledged that they couldn’t fully predict what their experience as a caregiver would be like. One participant with a background in education noted how the expectations of a new group of students can be analogous to foster care:

It’s like your first day of school getting your first, you know, your group of kids in … You know what you want to instill in them. You know what you want to teach them and things like that. But how you go about it depends on what you’re given. You really don’t know ‘til you’re given it.

Participants also expressed how they recognized the need for open-mindedness to avoid rigid, unmet expectations. One caregiver explained this well, stating:

I tried to go in with an open mind because every child is different. You don’t know what kind of placement you’re going to get, so if your mind is made up before you get your placement, then I felt like it was just going to cause issues. It’s better to go in with an open mind and just kind of adapt with the child that’s placed with you.

“Knew what to expect” due to professional experience.

There were several foster caregivers that indicated having prior experiences with the foster care system from a professional perspective, whether it be volunteering or working with foster children as a caseworker. A caregiver who noted her extensive experience working with youth in foster care as a social worker stated, “I expected it to be intense. Because I work with them and I’ve seen their intensity up close.” Similarly, another foster caregiver “already knew it was difficult” due to previous experience as a volunteer in a group home.

While professional experience with foster youth can give foster caregivers confidence in what to expect, one participant who worked in social services expressed how she may have overestimated how prepared she was:

I thought that with my background and my experience working in child welfare, that I would just know how to handle kids that had trauma and I would just know the right things to do. But then, when you’re parenting that child twenty-four seven by yourself, it looks very different than what I had in my head.

Previous experiences working in the realm of child welfare may give foster caregivers insight into potential difficulty of fostering but can also highlight how to navigate common challenges. One caregiver discussed how her time as a foster care caseworker allowed her to recognize the importance of having strong support systems:

I already had a first eye experience of how challenging it can be being a foster parent if you don’t have your own supports. There are professional supports and then there are natural supports. And oftentimes, a lot of parents that I was working with when I was a foster care case manager, it was difficult for them because they always relied on a lot of the professional supports. They didn’t have their own natural supports.

Had expectations about placement duration and outcome.

Many foster caregivers began their role with certain assumptions about placements details. Some caregivers acknowledged that when they first started receiving placements, their end goal was to adopt. One caregiver explained how she and her husband approached their role as foster caregivers with “the adoption mind-set.” In contrast, other participants reported that they thought placements would be rather short-term or temporary and felt certain that the child would eventually reunify with their biological family; “I thought it would be like uh, having a kid for like a week or so. ‘Til they can go back with their biological parents.” A caregiver who is slated to adopt her current placement reflected on how she initially “expected [fostering] to be temporary”; her initial goals of reunification and what she envisioned for the level of communication with the child’s biological family were vastly different from what she experienced, which turned out to be a plan for adoption and no communication with the biological family.

Negative expectations.

At almost equal rates to positive and neutral expectations, many participants noted that they had expectations that were coded by our team as negative.

Anticipated difficulty.

The most prevalent sub-theme across all of the expectation themes was the expectation that foster care will be difficult; one-third of the participants in the sample endorsed this sub-theme. Several participants mentioned that they initially expected foster care to be “chaotic,” with one explaining that his agency told him that they get “kind of the harder cases,” such as teenagers, pregnant mothers, and children who are “hard to place.” Another participant explained that her past experiences watching her own parents foster informed her expectations such that: “I knew it would be tough. I saw my parents go through multiple, multiple stages of foster kids.” Another foster father who considered himself to be a young parent related that he expected foster caregiving would be:

Very, very hard and extremely foreign … I was young, I was barely out of grad school. I thought that I was making a very big mistake, but I was willing to risk [my own] youth, per se, and give up things.

Expected to have to navigate behavioral issues from the child.

While describing the challenges that foster caregivers anticipated going into foster care, participants reported being wary of difficult child behaviors, such as combativeness or emotional distress. One caregiver described how part of his decision-making process when contemplating fostering included a lot of time dedicated to learning about Virginia’s practices and searching online to find statistics on youth in care. Based on his prior research, he shared the various challenges that he anticipated: “My initial thought was lots and lots of behavioral issues, potentially lots of assault towards me, property destruction, and just a host of maladaptive behaviors and disabilities.” These worries about challenging behaviors may also stem from common misconceptions and stereotypes about foster children, as one participant said, “You always hear the horror stories that you’re going to get all the kids that nobody wants.”

No expectations.

While most foster caregivers had a variety of expectations of what fostering would be like, some caregivers reported that they entered their caregiving role without any concrete expectations. Several participants attributed their lack of expectations to their self-identified tendency for flexibility. One caregiver stated, “I don’t think I really had any expectations. I think because of the life that I’ve had … I know that you can never really expect anything. Anything can happen, always.” On the other hand, some participants indicated that they simply had no idea about what fostering would be like before they started. A caregiver who has been fostering for 29 years shared how she “had no clue” of what to expect when she first began fostering. Another participant noted how her lack of expectations led to feelings of uncertainty and discomfort: “[I] didn’t know what to expect. I was kind of scared.”

Experiences

Negative experiences.

When asked if their initial expectations have matched their experience with being a foster caregiver, participants reported a multitude of negative experiences that they have encountered throughout their time fostering. About two-thirds of the foster caregivers in the sample reported navigating challenges that they may not have anticipated, making “Negative experiences” the most frequently endorsed theme.

Encountered difficulties with social services.

Foster caregivers in our sample repeatedly expressed frustration with the lack of support from social services and with resources available for youth in their care. One caregiver shared how the beginning of her foster care journey was tougher than imagined, and she had expected to have more support during that stage; “I expected there would be a lot of support and resources at the beginning … um, that I did not get.” Participants also noted how support levels varied from agency-to-agency, or even caseworker to caseworker, and this inconsistency was frustrating for them to witness.

One participant relayed that she spent years trying to get proper mental health care resources for her foster child, and that during a team meeting, every person with the exception of one wanted to deny him of the resource he needed:

That one person was like, ‘This is ridiculous … you’re wanting to deny him the one place that will help him succeed. I don’t think so.’ And if we had not had that one person in the room, I would not be able to tell you that my son’s almost discharged. My son is finally doing well and it’s because of that one person who spoke up.

Another caregiver recalled that she felt “like the agency was more bound to their data requirements than the child,” which she did not anticipate when she first got into fostering. She went on to expand on her experiences, noting the way in which she feels the system inefficiencies cause harm; “the most challenging part that I didn’t anticipate was just the system and how it worked and how it moved rather slowly … I feel like some of the trauma is exacerbated by system requirements.”

Experienced difficult child behaviors or uniquely challenging placements.

Participants frequently described behaviors and unique circumstances that they did not anticipate navigating as a foster caregiver. A foster mother with 8 years of experience explained how she has cared for “really, really traumatized children,” and described her first placement as a “very tough child” who had made it clear to the participant that she did not want to be parented, but rather “to have a roommate.” Other caregivers outlined the circumstances specific to their placement that they were unprepared for, including one participant whose first placement she identified as a gang member, and another participant whose first 48 hours of foster care included several children with “stomach issues, super lice, [and] bed wetting.”

Discovered fostering is harder than anticipated.

Another negative experience that foster caregivers grappled with is that fostering was much more difficult than they initially expected. When asked if their expectations matched their reality as a foster caregiver, several participants quickly responded that they “expected [fostering] to be easier.” One caregiver of a 3-year-old boy stated, “I didn’t anticipate being as absolutely, utterly exhausted as I am” while another stated, “I didn’t expect it to be this hard. It is a true test of my patience, and I have a lot of patience.” A foster mother went further to explain that the level of difficulty has impacted her willingness to continue fostering: “it’s not been a good experience … I feel, like, kind of bad about myself at this point … I no longer feel like I’m doing a good job, and I feel … used up.”

Endured personal emotional challenges.

While many foster caregivers shared how they expected some degree of difficulty as a foster caregiver, several participants highlighted the emotional challenges that they themselves have faced while serving as a foster caregiver. They detailed that they didn’t realize fostering would “take as much of a toll on, like, [their] mental health as it has,” and one even went so far as to label her experience as her “own version of PTSD” from the demands of caring for a foster child with high needs. Another caregiver who has fostered 37 children described how the current foster youth in her care struggles with episodes of aggression and “mom issues,” noting that she “spent a lot of time crying” due to the difficulties of caring for the child.

Differences in placement logistics from expectations.

Participants reported feeling unprepared for the duration of placements (sometimes even resulting in their adoption of the child), the timing of when they would receive a placement, and how many children would be placed in their care compared to the preferences communicated to their agency. One caregiver said, “I was way over my capacity, especially for being a first-time foster parent,” as she expected only one child to be placed with her and ended up receiving four children at once. Several foster caregivers described their unmet expectations regarding the length of the foster placement, having presumed placements would not be as long-term, or that reunification would be the end result rather than a placement resulting in their adoption of the child. One participant who has had her first placement remain in her care for multiple years explained:

I knew it could go sideways time-wise. The extent to which it has gone sideways time-wise is, like, way beyond any of my expectations … I’d heard of cases taking years, but I was like, ‘I mean, it’s our first one … it won’t be like that.’

Additionally, caregivers expressed their frustrations with the timeline for receiving a placement from their agency. There seemed to be a mismatch in expectations, with foster caregivers not realizing they may endure long wait times for a placement, but also could receive placements in a sudden manner. Some seemed to expect a more gradual transition or forewarning that a placement was coming and so were caught off guard when that day arrived. One participant described waiting 3 months for his first placement, stating that “it just was wait around, wait around, wait around. Then we thought when we finally got the call … I think it was kind of like, ‘Oh, wow. Like, now we’re not ready.’”

Neutral experiences.

Many foster caregivers felt that their time in this role has provided them opportunities to learn about child needs as well as learn about themselves as individuals. Over one-third of the sample reported that fostering has been a learning experience, allowing them to further educate themselves and recognize the need for flexible expectations in foster care. Our coding team considered this to be a neutral experience overall, given that some of the lessons learned were negative, but the knowledge gained was useful.

Fostering as a learning experience.

Participants shared how their various experiences led them to discover that each child is different, thus it is hard to know what to expect in foster care. Foster caregivers described how they have learned to adjust to the needs of each child in their care; one participant explained how she discovered in her 13 years as a foster caregiver that there is no “one size fits all,” stressing that “each child is different and unique.” Relatedly, many participants reported that they did not take trauma into consideration when beginning their role as a foster caregiver but learned over time about trauma-related behaviors. One participant discussed the additional learning and information she sought out beyond her training, noting, “I [was] determined to educate myself so I could be a better parent and to help them through whatever their trauma is.”

While caregivers learned about the importance of adapting to the different needs of foster youth, some learned about their capabilities as a foster caregiver with an emphasis on discovering limitations. Several participants indicated changes in their preferences for the characteristics (e.g. age, sex, behaviors, disabilities) of children that they are open to fostering, which resulted from their experiences over time. One caregiver who initially had no preferences stated that her various experiences providing respite care led to her setting more restrictive preferences, whereas a caregiver who previously had narrow behavior and age-related preferences stated that her preferences had become less restrictive: “The kids that I work with now are kids that I would not have considered 35 years ago.”

Positive experiences.

Although many of the experiences relayed by participants were challenging, many of them shared positive experiences while providing foster care as well. The most prevalent themes fell into three categories; positive growth for the caregiver, feeling the experience was actually easier in some ways than they had anticipated, and feeling as though they made a positive impact on the life of a child.

Fostering promoted positive growth for the foster caregiver.

The most frequently reported positive experience was the feeling that fostering made a positive impact on the caregiver’s life by encouraging self-reflection, growth, and meaning-making. One caregiver illuminated these feelings well, as she said, “the expectation was, what can I give them? But I didn’t think about what they would do me in return … I feel that I have embraced humility and patience … the amount of love I get in return is beyond me.” When asked if his initial expectations matched his experience as a foster caregiver, a different participant described his newfound passion for foster care:

No, not at all. It was so much better … I tell everybody that my whole life was work and climbing the corporate ladder … I did not anticipate fostering being the initial stage of kind of changing my outlook on life and changing my purpose. I’m no longer just ‘I want to go to work and be the president of some big company.’ I don’t anymore. I want a very nice paying job that’s flexible enough to where I can care for my kids and spend as much time with them as possible.

Felt that fostering has been easier than anticipated.

While many caregivers felt that they have had to grapple with the demanding realities of fostering, others shared that their experience has been easier than initially expected. Some caregivers noted that they have perceived the foster youth they have cared for to have been well-adjusted or to have not been as high-needs as the caregiver predicted. One participant challenged misconceptions about foster care: “[Fostering] is tough, but it’s not as tough as what a lot of people make it out to be.” However, others were aware that their positive experience might not be typical:

We’ve had a really great experience. I honestly don’t think this is normal. I don’t think most of them go this smoothly … We’ve had no discipline problems … And I would like to advertise that they’re all like this, but I’m quite sure that there are some challenging ones out there. So, I wouldn’t want to false advertise that this is the norm.

Made a positive impact on a foster child.

Participants detailed the satisfaction they felt from positively affecting the children placed in their care. One caregiver said, “I feel like I have shown these kids what it means to have someone who unconditionally cares about you.” A participant who has fostered 12 children in just 2 years described how her experience as a foster caregiver led her to understand the importance of being a safe space for foster youth in order for them to open up and “heal from them scars.” She emphasized the positive impact that “making a child feel wanted, making them feel happy, [and] making them feel like they’re one of yours” has on a child. She detailed how rewarding fostering can feel, saying:

You have that bond now because they feel safe. They have that safety … and when they have that and you know that you have gained that with them, you feel like, ‘Oh I have accomplished my job. I have made it safe for them. I have made a child feel safe again. Made them feel like … they’re worthy again.’

Discussion

The present study sought to identify the expectations that foster caregivers in our sample recalled having when they first began fostering and explore how these past expectations compared to caregivers’ lived experiences once they began fostering. Participants had different levels of foster caregiving experience and captured a wide range of ages and backgrounds. The results of this study suggest that foster caregivers go into their role with a variety of expectations, such as hopes for normalcy and preparation for variability, and end up navigating a number of unforeseen, often negative experiences. The findings of this study highlight many feelings of unpreparedness that foster caregivers struggle with while caring for a child within their home, while also noting some of the perceived benefits caregivers experience.

Consistent with prior research (Christiansen et al., 2010; Daniel, 2011), participants reported that their expectations did not match their experiences thus far; less than a quarter of the sample reported that their expectations aligned with their experiences. When asked to describe how these expectations and experiences did or did not align, caregivers shared mainly negative experiences, such as frustration with their agencies, difficult child behaviors, and the demanding mental load of fostering. Many participants expressed how some of their expectations did match their experiences, and moreover, they struggled with numerous additional challenges that they did not anticipate. In line with Daniel (2011), foster caregivers in our study described difficulties navigating child behaviors and diagnoses and a lack of available resources for youth in care. Participants repeatedly raised their frustrations with agency workers and the foster care system as a whole, describing it as inefficient and inconsistent.

Some caregivers who reported having positive expectations felt that their experiences were almost the complete opposite of what they thought foster care would be like. Several participants discussed how they went into foster care expecting the youth in their care to be like an additional biological child and shared how they initially felt that they could separate their personal feelings from their role as a foster caregiver. However, many of these caregivers stated that they were met with a harsher reality of foster care than they initially anticipated, discovering the high trauma load of youth in care and encountering emotional challenges associated with demanding needs, aggressive behaviors, and placement transitions. Similarly, caregivers who reported having expectations regarding placement logistics discussed how their first placement(s) were the total opposite of what they anticipated. Caregivers who expected to have a single child placed with them ended up receiving multiple placements at once, and caregivers who expected short-term placements wound up with children placed in their homes for years. Given that existing research has linked foster caregiver dissatisfaction with poor retention (Hanlon et al., 2021), and that Virginia DSS guidelines specifically note that agencies must give relevant information about a new placement to potential foster caregivers, it is crucial for agencies to improve communication around and maintain transparency regarding the variety of experiences that caregivers may encounter while fostering.

On a more positive note, despite more foster caregivers reporting unmatched expectations and negative experiences, many caregivers reported having positive experiences, and felt that foster care had been similar to what they anticipated. Several participants discussed how they believed that fostering would be “chaotic” and incredibly difficult, but after reflecting on their fostering journey, they felt that fostering is actually easier than they initially thought. Some caregivers were quick to share the joys of fostering, emphasizing the positive impact that being a foster caregiver has made on their lives. Despite any difficulties that they encountered, many caregivers did note the satisfaction that they feel from making a difference in the lives of youth in foster care, and felt like it matched their expectation they would do so. Caregivers also expressed gratitude for the lessons that their foster children have taught them and mentioned how fostering is a newfound passion of theirs.

Additionally, many participants described having neutral expectations, with the most frequent one being “Anticipated that every child will be different.” This finding is notable considering that previous studies have highlighted the need for “realistic” and “flexible” expectations in order to improve placement stability (Day et al., 2018; Vanderwill et al., 2021). Foster caregivers who mentioned having minimal expectations and going into foster care with open-mindedness tended to report a lack of unmet expectations, due to not having any in the first place. It may be that the accessibility of trainings, especially online, the increased media presence about foster care, and the ability for current foster caregivers to share their experiences with others is allowing prospective foster caregivers today to be more well-informed about the variability of foster care and the different needs of youth in care.

Limitations

Although this study utilized a diverse sample of foster caregivers with a range of experiences and placement types, it is not without limitations. Since the data is cross-sectional, participants were asked to provide retrospective reports on their expectations that they held before fostering, which leads to the risk of recall bias. We have a wide range of fostering histories in our sample (<1–35 years of experience fostering), which is a strength of the current study but could have also reduced caregivers’ abilities to accurately recollect the expectations they held prior to becoming a foster caregiver. Some participants began fostering decades ago, and so their expectations may have also changed over time, or they may have had more opportunity for their expectations to have been met, as a whole, across time. This may have changed their retrospective reports, with either a positive or negative bias. In addition, kinship foster caregivers were excluded from the study. This was an attempt to control for variability that exists between the experiences of kinship versus non-kinship caregivers. Kinship caregivers may have less advanced notice and planning before taking on the role of caregiver and therefore may have very different expectations than non-kinship caregivers who take months to become trained and certified. Additionally, they may have very different experiences in caregiving, due to proximity and emotional ties to the child’s biological family. Given their unique experiences associated with kinship foster care, the present study’s findings may not generalize to this group of caregivers. A separate evaluation of the expectations and experiences of kinship caregivers is warranted.

Implications and future directions

The findings from this study have strong implications for policy and practice that could increase foster caregiver retention, thereby reducing the burden of continuous need for new foster caregiver recruitment. Given that foster caregivers in the current study reported feelings of unpreparedness and an array of challenges, it is crucial that child welfare agencies work to challenge stereotypes and myths that may fuel unreasonable expectations. Exposure to the foster care population through respite care or volunteering opportunities (e.g. mentoring, tutoring) was noted as motivators for fostering for a small subset of our sample. Adding this as an expectation for prospective caregivers could facilitate deeper learning about how to interact with a variety of different children in care, and children’s lived experiences while in care, before fully jumping into the caregiving role. This as a requirement could have the consequence of fewer caregivers enrolling to foster. However, this exposure may reduce the number who go through training and then quickly drop out given their level of overwhelm and discrepancies in expectations versus their lived experience. In addition, assessing expectations of prospective foster caregivers and educating them on the realities of the range of experiences they are about to take on would be helpful. Prior research on these constructs in the adoption literature have explored psychotherapeutic interventions for adoptive parents struggling with unmet expectations, suggesting that specialized support services should be available to help caregivers navigate unforeseen challenges (Tollemache, 2018). If caseworkers detect that experiences of the foster family are deviating from what they knew the family was expecting, interventions and increased support for navigating these challenges may help to reduce burnout and retaining qualified, well-trained foster caregivers in the system. It could be particularly helpful for agencies to facilitate methods to receive feedback from foster caregivers regarding areas that they feel their pre-service training did not adequately prepare them for in order to continuously revise and improve the curriculum. Given some of the limitations of the current study, an assessment of prospective foster caregivers’ expectations and then longitudinal follow up would be helpful to assess the true impact of aligned or mismatched expectations and experiences.

Conclusion

The expectations foster caregivers hold when entering into the experience color the lens through which they will perceive their experiences. Feeling as though the experience has been worse, or harder, than expected puts caregivers at risk of opting to disrupt a placement, or discontinue serving as a foster caregiver for future placements once one has ended. While a subset of foster caregivers felt their expectations were in alignment with what their lived experiences have been, many felt that there were multiple experiences they had not expected. Unexpected experiences were both positive and negative, but the unforeseen negatives warrant future attention from case managers and licensed placement agencies, who can work to assess and develop appropriate expectations for prospective caregivers as well as intervene to provide additional support when active caregivers report challenges they had not anticipated.

Biographies

Gina J. Chan is a post-baccalaureate research assistant with a Psychology Major whose previous work has focused on the examination of trauma and parenting on adolescent and young adult development.

Patricia A. Kinser is a Registered Nurse with a Ph.D. in Nursing, a Distinguished Professor, and the Dean of the VCU School of Nursing. Her research focuses on the overall vision of helping mothers, families and children thrive, with specific foci on biobehavioral mechanisms (including epigenetics) of perinatal depression and on the effects of psychobehavioral interventions and complementary health approaches for depression and related symptoms.

Ananda B. Amstadter is a Clinical Psychologist, Full Professor, and researcher whose research broadly focuses on understanding factors that affect post-trauma trajectory of symptoms among individuals exposed to a variety of potentially traumatic events (e.g. disasters, combat exposure, interpersonal violence).

Anna W. Wright is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Assistant Professor, and researcher whose work focuses on identifying risk and resilience among children who have been separated from their parents, including those in foster care, adoptive homes, or who have experienced parental incarceration.

Data availability statement

The data that support the findings of this study are available from the corresponding author, A. W.W., on reasonable request.