Mentalization of shame in coping with self-coherence dysregulation during shame experiences

Abstract

Introduction

Shame is a fundamental self-conscious emotion that can disrupt self-narratives and identity coherence. This study explored how mentalization moderates the impact of shameful memories on self-narrative organization.

Methods

A qualitative design using thematic narrative analysis was employed. Six participants with significant experiences of shame were selected through purposive sampling. Data were collected via semi-structured narrative interviews, transcribed, and analyzed using MAXQDA. Trustworthiness was ensured through prolonged engagement.

Results

Findings showed that shame often leads to collapse of self-narratives, reduced agency, and regression to pre-mentalizing states. Resolution occurs through activation of mentalization, allowing symbolic distancing from emotion, narrative reconstruction, adaptive coping, and restored identity coherence.

Conclusion

Mentalization enables adaptive processing of shame, transforming existential threat into an opportunity for self-redefinition and coherent narrative identity. Enhancing mentalization may support clinical interventions for shame-related disturbances.

Supplementary Information

The online version contains supplementary material available at https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-026-05094-0.

Introduction

Shame is one of the most fundamental self-conscious human emotions, experienced and constructed within interpersonal contexts, with its primary function being the regulation of social bonds and the preservation of a sense of belonging. However, individuals’ narratives of shame experiences indicate that shame is not merely a transient emotional state or a situational reaction; rather, it is a developmental, interpersonal, and structural experience that is deeply linked to the quality of reflection within early relationships, the coherence of the self, and the organization of narrative identity [1]. In the experience of shame, the individual sees the self through the gaze of the other, and this act of being seen becomes an experience of threat to worthiness, acceptability, and belonging. Thus, shame is from the outset intertwined with intersubjectivity, attachment, and the formation of the sense of self [2, 3]. Within this framework, the significance of shame lies not in its elimination, but in the capacity to tolerate, represent, and regulate it; because attempts at complete eradication of shame, without reconstructing the meaning of the experience or transforming relational patterns, often lead to avoidance, maladaptive defenses, and the persistence of relational injury [1].

In classical psychoanalytic literature, shame for many years was primarily understood as an obstacle to the disclosure of unconscious desires, fantasies, and conflicts; however, later theoretical developments, particularly in interpersonal and developmental approaches, highlighted its central role in understanding psychopathology and therapeutic processes [2]. Although Freud did not conceptualize shame as an independent construct, he addressed it in relation to sexuality, nudity, involuntary urination, and in women in relation to the issue of “penis deficiency” (Freud, 1905, 1908, 1910, 1918, 1933; cited in 2). In continuation of this tradition, Levin [3] described shame as an internal barrier to libido and emphasized the role of experiences such as criticism, ridicule, and rejection as external triggers of shame [4, 5]. Within this view, the “ego” resorts to defenses such as restricting self-disclosure, repression of desires, formation of an ideal ego, reduction of libidinal investment in relationships, and discharge of aggression in order to escape the crushing experience of worthlessness [6, 7]. Thus, many classical defenses can be understood at a deeper level as attempts to avoid the experience of shame and the collapse of self-worth.

However, what has been less addressed in many classical readings is the link between shame and unconscious fantasies. The predisposition to pathological shame cannot be understood without considering the fantasies that, from early childhood, provide an interpretive framework for perception, memory, and emotional experience [8, 9]. Unconscious fantasies function as compromise formations between desires, superego demands, and ego functions [10, 11], and draw their raw material from bodily memories of early gratification and frustration [12–14]. During development, these memories are transformed into imagined interpersonal scenes that may activate shame or organize defenses against it [6]. From this perspective, shame is not only a reaction to external events but also an experience rooted in internalized scenarios and stable interpretations of the self in the gaze of the other.

In continuation of these theoretical developments, self-psychology and object relations theory linked shame to failures of empathic mirroring and disturbances in self-cohesion. Kohut considered shame as an affective response to failures in the regulation and integration of early selfobject needs [15, 16]. In conditions where parental mirroring is idealizing yet inconsistent, the child may develop a structure of a “grandiose self” that emphasizes apparent superiority while emotional vulnerabilities are neglected [16, 17]. Within such a context, narcissism can be understood as a defensive attempt to avoid the experience of foundational shame, and shame can be considered a central core in the development of narcissism [18–20]. Consistent with this view, attachment research has shown that caregivers’ misattunement to the child’s signals leads to the internalization of feelings of defectiveness and the formation of shame-based patterns [21], and deficits in mentalization capacity limit adaptive coping with threats to self-coherence [22].

In this regard, the central issue in shame experience is not merely the presence of this emotion, but rather how it is represented, meaningfully processed, and regulated. Theoretical and empirical evidence suggests that harmful outcomes are more strongly associated with maladaptive ways of coping with shame than with shame experience itself [23]. From this perspective, shame-proneness, when accompanied by adequate regulatory and reflective capacities, does not necessarily lead to psychological damage. In this context, mentalization—as a process that enables individuals to recognize, represent, and interpret their own and others’ mental states—can play a mediating and protective role [24]. Mentalization creates a symbolic distance between emotional experience and identity, allowing shame to be experienced not as an absolute existential truth, but as a transient, human, and understandable state [25–27].

The importance of this process becomes more evident when shame is examined within autobiographical memory and self-narrative. Shameful memories often share characteristics with traumatic memories, including intrusive recollections, flashbacks, avoidance, and high emotional arousal [28–31]. These memories are stored as meaning-making narratives in memory and are directly linked to the individual’s self-definition; in this way, they can generate negative models of self and others [32–34]. Although some researchers have emphasized the unique nature of traumatic memory [35], other perspectives suggest that general mechanisms of autobiographical memory can also explain the intensity and centrality of these memories [36, 37]. Furthermore, the mode of memory retrieval—field versus observer perspective—is associated with emotional intensity, reflective distancing, and the degree of congruence between the memory and the current self [38–42].

From a narrative perspective, shame can disrupt continuity, causality, and agency in the life story, reducing a dynamic and multilayered self-narrative to a fixed judgment about one’s “being” [41, 43–45]. In such a condition, the individual does not merely “feel shame” but becomes “being ashamed,” and this shift threatens the coherence of the self-narrative. From the standpoint of mentalization theory, this condition is associated with a return to pre-mentalizing modes, in which the boundary between internal experience and external reality collapses and emotions are experienced as absolute truths [46]. Conversely, individuals may resort to hyper-mentalization or excessive rationalization, in which the narrative becomes devoid of affect and the link between emotional experience and meaning is severed [47]. In both conditions, the integration of experience into the life story is disrupted, and narrative coherence is lost [48].

This process becomes even more complex in the context of attachment trauma. The collapse of mentalization in insecure attachment contexts is associated with the loss of differentiation between internal and external reality and a return to pre-mentalizing modes of experience [49, 50]. In such conditions, incoherent fragments and internalized “alien objects,” resulting from failures in containment and mirroring, weaken self-integration [51], and the likelihood of internal retraumatization, self-harm, or violent behaviors increases [48, 52]. Therefore, understanding shame without considering its links to attachment, memory, unconscious fantasy, and mentalization capacity would be incomplete and reductive.

In line with this perspective [53], demonstrated that the combination of mentalized affectivity and self-confidence is a significant predictor of perceived empathy from others when recalling shame experiences. Their findings indicated that the “expressing” component of mentalized affectivity, along with higher levels of self-confidence, plays an important role in increasing the likelihood of experiencing empathy, whereas mere emotion recognition or self-criticism were not significant predictors. These findings suggest that emotional expression—both internally and in interaction with others—can facilitate acceptance of shame experience, psychological distancing from it, and the creation of new meaning. Such a process may even activate new neural pathways and construct a different experience of self and relationships with others [54]. In addition, self-confidence functions as a protective factor that reduces the destructive impact of shame on feelings of worthiness and lovability, and encourages individuals to seek support and care from others [55, 56].

Furthermore [53], emphasize the role of cultural context in emotional expression and the perception of empathy. From this perspective, cultural norms or restrictions related to emotional expression can facilitate or limit access to empathic resources [57]. Therefore, shame experience and its resolution are not purely intrapsychic phenomena but are shaped within cultural, relational, and narrative contexts, and their understanding requires simultaneous attention to the individual’s narrative of self, other, and world.

Accordingly, the central aim of the present study is to examine how mentalization capacity may moderate the relationship between shameful memories and the disruption of self-narrative coherence, and what mediating mechanisms are involved in this process. In other words, can mentalization be considered a protective factor against the transformation of shame into a stable identity and an existential judgment of the self? These questions guided the present study toward a qualitative and narrative understanding of shame experience, in which individuals’ experiences are considered not merely as symptoms or variables, but as lived narratives of collapse, meaning-making, and self-reconstruction. From this perspective, a systematic examination of the links between shame, autobiographical memory, self-narrative disruption, and mentalization capacity represents a theoretical and clinical necessity for a deeper understanding of self-dynamics and for the design of mentalization-based interventions in dealing with internalized and traumatic shame.

Method

Research design

The present study employed a qualitative design using thematic narrative analysis within an interpretive–constructivist epistemological framework. In this approach, narratives are understood not merely as representations of events but as ways through which individuals organize experience, construct meaning, and develop understandings of themselves and others. The study focused on participants’ retrospective narratives of shame experiences that they perceived as having been worked through, coped with, or resolved. Accordingly, the aim was not to identify universal mechanisms of shame resolution, but to explore how participants narrated and made sense of experiences they themselves understood as involving movement beyond shame.

The analysis combined inductive engagement with participants’ narratives and theoretically informed interpretation. Concepts related to shame and mentalization functioned as sensitizing theoretical frameworks that guided attention to particular narrative features, while themes were developed through repeated engagement with the data and attention to the internal coherence of participants’ accounts. Mentalization was not treated as an empirically measured construct but as a theoretical concept used to support interpretation of the narratives. Thus, the final analysis emerged through an interpretive dialogue among narrative data, theoretical sensitivity, and ongoing researcher reflexivity.

The primary qualitative methodology was thematic narrative analysis. Psychoanalytic concepts were used as supplementary hermeneutic resources for understanding emotional and relational aspects of participants’ narratives where appropriate.

Participants

Sampling was conducted purposively. Because the study relied on extended narrative accounts, participants were required to demonstrate a willingness and ability to reflect upon and articulate their experiences. This criterion was considered necessary for the aims of the study, which focused on detailed narrative exploration of shame experiences and their perceived resolution.The theoretical logic of participan selection was based on the central problem of the study; meaning that individuals were required not only to have experienced significant shame, but also to have undergone some form of resolution of that experience. Since shame can inhibit individuals from entering dialogue, narrating experience, and constructing new self-narratives, shame experience without the possibility of articulation and resolution could hinder the achievement of the study objectives. Therefore, the researcher selected individuals from among volunteers who were thought to possess the capacity for reflection and narrative elaboration regarding their experiences and could establish a reflective link between their thoughts, emotions, and actions. In this regard, students—regardless of discipline, university, and academic level—who were assumed to have higher linguistic capacity, self-awareness, and psychological mindedness were selected as participants. Psychological mindedness refers to the capacity to perceive and understand the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in order to make meaning of personal experiences.

In contrast, volunteers who did not have a deep and authentic experience of shame, or due to limitations in linguistic ability, low self-awareness, lack of psychological mindedness, or resistance to self-disclosure, were excluded from the study. Given the intensive narrative design of the study, sample adequacy was determined primarily by the depth, richness, and informational value of participants’ narratives in relation to the research question. Recruitment and analysis proceeded concurrently, and by the later stages of analysis no substantially new conceptual categories relevant to the aims of the study were emerging from thata. Approximately 20 individuals initially expressed interest in participating. Recruitment and preliminary screening occurred concurrently with the early stages of data collection and analysis. Several volunteers either withdrew voluntarily, reported that the selected shame experience had not actually been resolved, experienced difficulty engaging in extended narrative reflection, or decided not to continue participation. Ultimately, six participants whose narratives were sufficiently detailed and relevant to the aims of the study completed the full interview prss. Table 1 presents the demographic characteristics of the study participants.

Table 1.

Demographic characteristics of the study participants

Participant	Educational Level	Gender	Age	Marital Status
Participant 1	Bachelor	Male	20–25	Single
Participant 2	Bachelor	Female	20–25	Single
Participant 3	PhD	Female	30–35	Single
Participant 4	PhD	Female	40–45	Married
Participant 5	Master	Male	35–40	Married
Participant 6	Master	Female	25–30	Single

Data collection

Narrative interviews were used for data collection. Interviews were conducted individually, online, and remotely. The total duration of each participant’s conversations was approximately 5 h on average, conducted non-consecutively across different days. Each interview process lasted approximately 30 days, which allowed the development of a trust-based relationship, gradual expansion of narratives, and deeper access to emotional experiences.

All interviews were conducted by the first author through individual online communication. Interviews took place across multiple asynchronous voice-based exchanges and were distributed over approximately 30 days for each participant. The cumulative duration of communication averaged approximately five hours per participant. This extended format allowed gradual development of trust, ongoing reflection, and elaboration of participants’ narratives over time.

Participants were informed that they could decline to answer any question, pause participation, or withdraw from the study at any point without consequence. Although discussions occasionally involved emotionally significant experiences, no interview required formal termination due to participant dress.

At the beginning, participants were asked to narrate their life stories spontaneously without direct intervention from the researcher. They were then asked to identify parts of their lives in which they had experienced shame and had somehow moved beyond it, and to share these with the researcher. Subsequently, participants selected one challenging situation of their choice and, while narrating it, responded to the researcher’s questions regarding the details of their experience.

To establish a shared understanding of the concept of “shame experience,” the researcher provided preliminary explanations using accessible language and concrete examples before the interviews began. Consistent with the theoretical foundations of the study, the focus of interviews was on the process of shame experience and its resolution. In this regard, exploration of shame experience began from the onset of the event and then expanded to participants’ self-evaluations, emotional experiences, thoughts about self and others, and the meanings attributed to the experience. Finally, the questions focused on how the process of shame resolution began, developed, and reached its conclusion.

The study of shame is associated with considerable methodological challenges; as several researchers have noted, one of the main consequences of shame is withdrawal from social interaction and avoidance of dialogue [58]. Individuals are generally reluctant to speak about aspects of their lives that involve shame experiences [59]. Therefore, shame in interviews often does not appear directly, but rather in subtle, indirect forms, sometimes through silences, pauses, changes in tone, or narrative shifts. For this reason, the present study attempted, using a psychoanalytic approach. Because shame is often communicated indirectly through narrative disruptions, emotional shifts, silences, and changes in tone, psychoanalytic concepts were used as supplementary interpretive resources for exploring possible emotional and relational meanings within participants’ narratives. These concepts functioned as hermeneutic tools rather than as objective clinical detenations.

Accordingly, in addition to explicit references to shame, the analysis attended to participants’ descriptions of emotion regulation strategies, attributional patterns, self-evaluations, perceptions of others, and narrative indications that could be interpreted through psychoanalytic concepts such as defensive processes. Such interpretations were treated as tentative and context-dependent rather than clinically verified clusions. The present study was conducted as part of a broader doctoral dissertation project.

Ethical approval

All study procedures involving human participants were approved by the Ethics Committee of Shiraz University (internal ethics approval code: Sep/14033/48/4225) and were conducted in accordance with the 1964 Declaration of Helsinki and its later amendments. Informed consent was obtained from all participants prior to data collection.

Data analysis

Narrative data were analyzed using the framework proposed by Hiles and Cermak [60], employing thematic narrative analysis within a categorical–content approach. Audio materials were transcribed by the first author with attention not only to verbal content but also to pauses, emphases, changes in tone, and other narrative features considered relevant to meaning-making.

Analysis began alongside data collection and proceeded iteratively. Transcripts were read repeatedly and accompanied by analytic notes and reflexive memos documenting preliminary interpretations, emotional responses, theoretical reflections, and emerging thematic patterns. Narrative accounts were examined from multiple perspectives, including experiences of shame, reflective meaning-making processes, and theoretical understandings of mentalization.

Initial codes were generated from the narrative material and progressively organized into broader conceptual groupings. Through repeated comparison across cases, related codes were clustered into subthemes and subsequently integrated into higher-order themes. Throughout the analytic process, alternative interpretations were actively considered in order to evaluate whether thematic constructions were grounded in participants’ narratives rather than imposed by pre-existing theoretical assumptions. MAXQDA 20 was subsequently used to facilitate systematic organization, retrieval, and management of the co material.

Trustworthiness

The present study, using in-depth and semi-structured interviews, focused on the theoretical and clinical nature of shame and mentalization. Qualitative studies generally face challenges in capturing and representing individuals’ emotional worlds [61, 62], and this issue becomes even more complex in the study of shame. As noted earlier, shame is an emotion that often leads individuals to withdraw from dialogue and conceal parts of the self; therefore, this emotion is not only difficult to observe directly, but also hides itself from conventional research methods through avoidance and silence. Thus, studying shame requires approaches capable of accessing the indirect, implicit, and less articulated layers of human experience.

In this regard, psychoanalytic concepts were also used to understand the emotional and unconscious dimensions of narratives. Data analysis was not limited to the manifest content of words; rather, the manner of narration, tone of voice, pauses, silences, emotional shifts, and nonverbal reactions of participants were also considered in order to better understand the hidden emotional meanings of experiences. In addition, the researcher’s emotional reactions during interviews were considered as part of the analytic process. This sensitivity to the researcher’s emotional experience is related in qualitative research to the concept of reflexivity and, within psychoanalytic tradition, to counter-transference.

To enhance trustworthiness, the study drew upon the criteria proposed by Guba and Lincoln [63]. Credibility was supported through prolonged engagement with participants, extended narrative interviewing, and ongoing interaction across the interview process. Diversity among participants in terms of age, gender, and educational background further contributed to the richness of the data. Member checking was conducted to clarify ambiguities and ensure that interpretations remained consistent with participants’ intended meanings.

An audit trail was maintained throughout the study. This included interview notes, analytic memos, records of coding decisions, thematic development documents, and reflective annotations recorded during transcription and analysis. Reflexive memoing was used to document evolving interpretations, theoretical assumptions, emotional responses, and methodological decisions. Informal consultation with experienced colleagues and repeated review of the developing analysis also contributed to the refinement and evaluation of emerging themes.

Confirmability was supported through systematic documentation of analytic decisions and continuous reflexive examination of the researcher’s assumptions. Dependability was strengthened through iterative analysis, repeated engagement with the data, and documentation of theme development over time. Transferability was enhanced through rich description, inclusion of direct quotations, and detailed presentation of participants’ livexperiences.

Findings

To address the research question, participants’ narratives of shame resolution were analyzed using a categorical–content approach within narrative analysis. From the rich and in-depth information shared by participants, themes related to shame and its resolution were extracted under the overarching concept of mentalization of shame. The results of the analysis are presented in Table 2.

Table 2.

Main themes, organizing themes, and subthemes of shame experience and shame resolution

Main Themes	Subthemes
Shame Experience	Collapse of narrative of self, other, and world
	Failure of mentalization in shame experience
	Disruption of balance in dimensions of mentalization
	Maladaptive coping
	Ambiguous and incoherent representation
	Weakness in perceived agency of self and other
	Collapse of self-coherence
Shame Resolution	Re-definition of self, other, and world
	Mentalization of shame
	Optimal balance in dimensions of mentalization
	Adaptive coping
	Reconstructed and revised representation
	Perception of agency of self and other
	Self-reflection

Analysis of participants’ narratives indicated that shame experience and its resolution were not merely emotional phenomena, but rather narrative and transformative processes in the organization of the self. In this process, shame, in the absence of mentalization capacity, led to the collapse of the self-narrative, disturbances in the perception of agency, and disruption in the balance of self–other representations. In contrast, the reactivation of mentalization enabled narrative reconstruction, redefinition of self and world, and restoration of identity coherence. Accordingly, the data were organized into two main themes: “Shame Experience” and “Shame Resolution.”

The findings of the present study should be understood as retrospective narrative accounts of experiences that participants themselves perceived as involving movement beyond shame. Accordingly, the study does not provide direct evidence regarding actual mechanisms of shame resolution, nor does it capture unresolved, partially resolved, ambivalent, or less narratively elaborated experiences. Rather, the findings illuminate how participants retrospectively organized, interpreted, and made sense of experiences they regarded as having been worked through over time. Therefore, the themes identified in this study should be interpreted as patterns of meaning-making within a specific group of participants rather than as universal processes of shame solution.

Shame experience: collapse of the narrative of self, other, and world

Narrative analysis revealed that for participants, shame was not merely a painful emotional experience, but rather a crisis in the meaningful structure of the self and the world. In this condition, the individual’s prior narrative of self, other, and world became destabilized, and the sense of identity coherence collapsed. Participants described shame with feelings of existential insecurity, emptiness, confusion, and loss of foundational meaning structures in life.

Participant 2 stated:

I was telling myself I am weak and the world is a bad place; the world had become unsafe, and there was no one to help… I had no belief in any higher power… I was saying there is no God….

In this narrative, shame not only led to negative self-evaluation but also to a collapse of trust in the world and the meaning system of life. A similar condition is evident in Participant 1’s account, where existential and religious destabilization led to guilt, weakened faith, and ultimately emptiness:

“The principles of my religion such as monotheism and resurrection… were becoming doubtful to me… I considered this as my weak faith and felt guilty, and in the end I reached a sense of emptiness.” (Participant 1)

At the narrative level, shame was associated with the collapse of the individual’s prior self-image. Participants experienced that their previous definition of self was no longer valid, and the shameful event became a criterion for redefining the entire identity. Participant 5 described this condition as follows:

It felt like the world collapsed on my head… I felt I didn’t recognize myself… all the knowledge I had about myself was wrong… the roof of the house I had built for myself collapsed.

In this narrative, shame led to a rupture in narrative continuity and invalidated the previous identity structure. The present finding is consistent with literature indicating that shame memories in autobiographical memory are stored as identity-forming and generalized narratives that threaten self-coherence [28, 30, 31, 34, 42].

Following this narrative collapse, participants developed negative identity generalizations about the self, as if a specific event turned into a global judgment of their “being.” Participant 6 stated:

I completely felt that I was not enough… I was not good enough… probably I was not a beautiful girl….

Participant 4 also reported:

I did not have a good view of myself… I used to say a person who cannot control their anger cannot be a good person.

These data indicate that shame, through internalization of the evaluative gaze of the other, leads to the formation of negative self and other representations, a process previously reported in shame and attachment literature [32, 64].

On the other hand, narrative analysis showed that in shame experience, mentalization capacity becomes impaired, and individuals lose the ability to reflectively represent their own and others’ mental states. In such conditions, internal experience is perceived as an unquestionable and absolute truth, a state consistent with psychic equivalence mode in mentalization theory [48].

Participant 5 stated:

Everything ended up being traced back to me… this made me angry.

And further:

We turn into a kind of numb human being who no longer has the ability to think or decide.

In this condition, the boundary between internal experience and external reality collapses, and emotions are experienced as absolute truth about the self and the world. At the same time, some participants reported states of dissociation, emptiness, and psychological collapse resembling the pretend mode [48]. Participant 1 described this state as:

I did not sleep for three days… I felt like my brain was hurting… a state I hope no one ever experiences….

The consequence of such mentalization impairment was the emergence of maladaptive coping strategies. Some participants responded through self-attack, self-criticism, and withdrawal. Participant 2 stated:

I had self-harming experiences… I wanted to kill myself… nothing except sleeping could make me continue this life.

Participant 5 added:

You are not a capable person… if you were, this would not have happened.

In these narratives, shame becomes a direct attack on self-worth, consistent with Nathanson’s model of shame coping strategies [65].

Conversely, some participants attempted to manage shame through attacking others, projection, or cognitive avoidance. Participant 4 stated:

I blamed his sister… if she had not provoked him, the situation would not have become so prolonged.

Participant 5 described changing both workplace and city as a way of distancing from shame experience:

I changed my workplace, and I also changed the city I lived in… I somehow protected myself from negative thoughts.

Although such distancing strategies were temporarily protective, at the narrative level they often led to suspension of experience and further disruption in self-narrative coherence [66, 67].

Shame resolution: reconstruction of narrative and re-definition of self, other, and world

Narrative analysis showed that shame resolution was a transformative and gradual process associated with reactivation of mentalization capacity and reconstruction of self-narrative. In this process, participants were able to represent shame not as a final truth of identity, but as a human, understandable, and reflectively accessible experience.

Participant 1 described this transformation as follows:

I was no longer engaging in self-blame, and I had become a more mature person… I had set goals for myself… I no longer cared about what conclusions others were drawing.

In this narrative, the individual moved from a position in which the other’s gaze determined self-worth to a more self-reflective stance, where re-evaluation and redefinition of experience became possible. This finding aligns with theories emphasizing the role of mentalization in creating symbolic distance between affect and identity [25, 27].

A significant part of this transformation occurred within a safe and reflective relational context. Participant 6 stated regarding psychotherapy:

After each session it felt like a light turned on in my mind… a knot in my mind was untied… these sessions gradually helped me stand on my feet again.

In this narrative, mentalization emerged through reflective dialogue and therapeutic relationship, helping reorganize the chaotic experience of shame. Raw and unstructured emotion was transformed into a nameable and understandable experience, enabling its integration into life narrative [24].

At the level of mentalization, participants gradually moved away from absolute certainties toward a more reflective stance. Participant 6 stated:

I was reviewing events and trying to reach a new understanding… trying to see why my previous worldview no longer worked.

This narrative reflects a transition from psychic equivalence to a form of reflective uncertainty, in which individuals accept the fallibility and revisability of their perceptions [68].

Following this narrative reconstruction, shame was no longer the defining core of identity, but became part of the life story. Participants were able to perceive their own and others’ roles more realistically, without falling into self-condemnation or total blame of others. Participant 3 stated:

My feelings toward myself became much more positive… I felt I had no bad intention… even the other person understood that I did not intend harm.

Participant 1 added:

I no longer had that feeling of being completely guilty….

At this stage, adaptive coping strategies also emerged, including self-reassurance, acceptance of experience, seeking support, maintaining relational ties, and efforts toward repair. Shame was no longer experienced as an indicator of inherent defectiveness, but was redefined as a shared human experience [64, 69].

Furthermore, narrative analysis indicated that religion played an important role for some participants in reconstructing the meaning of shame. Religious practices, prayer, repentance, and belief in divine forgiveness facilitated a more compassionate experience of self. Participant 1 stated:

God helped me to fix things… I felt that God was seeing me and understood my problem… I told myself God will forgive me.

In this narrative, shame was reinterpreted within a spiritual framework, allowing self-forgiveness and restoration of relational connection. This finding is consistent with studies emphasizing the role of culture and religion in facilitating empathy, self-reflection, and meaning reconstruction [53, 57].

Finally, participants’ narratives showed that shame resolution did not mean elimination of suffering or complete absence of difficulty, but rather the development of a capacity to tolerate, make meaning, and continue living. Participant 2 described this transformation as follows:

Everything is still bad, but it feels like I can handle all of this badness… the girl I used to be, who would become hopeless after failure, now fails every day but can still continue.

This narrative demonstrates restored agency, reconstructed narrative coherence, and the emergence of a more flexible self that integrates shame without being reduced to it. Accordingly, the findings indicate that mentalization is not merely a cognitive process, but a regulatory–narrative mechanism through which experiences of exposure and defectiveness can be transformed into meaningful and transformative experiences of self.

Discussion

The findings of this study indicated that shame experience operates at a deeper level than a transient emotion and can lead to disruption in the narrative organization of the self and collapse of identity coherence. Analysis of participants’ narratives showed that in shame experience, individuals are not only confronted with feelings of worthlessness or failure, but also the meaning structures that previously defined the self, the other, and the world become destabilized. A further interpretive consideration concerns participants’ accounts of how other people perceived, evaluated, or responded to them. Such narratives were treated as participants’ subjective understandings of interpersonal experiences rather than as objective evidence regarding the actual thoughts, intentions, or emotional states of others. Accordingly, references to changes in others’ attitudes should be understood as changes in participants’ interpretations of those relationships unless independent evidence available. This finding is consistent with theoretical perspectives [1, 2] in this study that conceptualize shame as an intersubjective experience formed within the evaluative gaze of the other and capable of threatening one’s sense of worthiness and belonging. Therefore, when experienced at an intense level or without regulatory capacity, shame extends beyond a situational emotion and becomes a crisis in self-organization [23, 29, 48]. Participants’ narratives showed that at the peak moments of shame experience, a form of collapse occurs in the narrative of self, other, and world; such that individuals feel that their prior definition of self is no longer valid and their image of the world has become unstable or threatening. This condition is consistent with what is described in theoretical literature as a threat to self-coherence in shame experience [29, 30, 37, 38, 47, 64].

As previously noted, shame, through its link to identity evaluations, can lead individuals toward global generalizations about the self, such that a specific experience becomes a general judgment about one’s “being” [34]. In the present study’s data, such a process was also observed; participants generalized specific experiences of failure or rejection into identity-based conclusions such as feeling “not enough” or “incompetent.” These identity generalizations were accompanied by the formation of negative models of self and others, which have also been reported in previous attachment and shame research [31–33].

From a narrative perspective, the findings indicated that in such conditions, life narrative becomes fragmented and shame experience becomes a central core in the life story [53]. This is consistent with studies showing that shame memories may share characteristics with traumatic memories and are stored in autobiographical memory with high emotional intensity [28–30]. In such conditions, the shame memory is not experienced as a limited past event, but as a marker of the self’s essence. Therefore, the centrality of the memory in identity can pose a serious threat to narrative coherence of the self [70, 71]. The data of the present study also showed that participants at the stage of shame experience often felt that their self-definition was reduced to a humiliating experience.

At the level of psychological processes, data analysis indicated that shame experience is accompanied by a form of failure in mentalization. In such conditions, individuals lose the capacity to reflectively represent their own and others’ mental states and experience their internal experience as a fixed and unchangeable reality. This condition is consistent with what is described in mentalization theory as psychic equivalence mode; a state in which the boundary between internal experience and external reality disappears [48, 50]. In the present study’s data, this condition appeared in statements in which individuals interpreted their emotions as absolute truths about themselves or the world. In such a state, shame shifts from an emotional state to an identity definition.

Furthermore, the findings showed that during shame experience, the balance between different dimensions of mentalization becomes disrupted. Some participants experienced a state of intense emotional–cognitive entanglement that prevented reflective distancing from experience, while others adopted forms of excessive cognitive distancing or emotional avoidance. These patterns are consistent with two recognized forms of mentalization disturbance: psychic equivalence on the one hand and hyper-mentalization or excessive rationalization on the other [47]. In both cases, the link between emotional experience and narrative representation becomes disrupted, and the individual is unable to integrate experience into their life story.

However, the second part of the findings showed that the process of shame resolution is accompanied by reconstruction of the self-narrative and restoration of mentalization capacity. In this stage, participants were able to reinterpret shameful experience not as the final definition of the self, but as an event in their life. This process was associated with the creation of symbolic distance between emotional experience and identity; a distance that allows individuals to experience shame without identifying with it. This finding is consistent with the theoretical perspective presented in the introduction, which considers mentalization as a factor creating distance between emotional experience and identity definition [24, 27].

In this process, re-representation of experience played an important role. Participants, through reconstruction of their narratives, were able to achieve more complex and multidimensional evaluations of self and others. Instead of global generalizations about personal defectiveness, they were able to consider situational factors, human limitations, or the complexity of interpersonal relationships. Such redefinition reflects the restoration of balance in mentalization dimensions and strengthening of perceived agency. In this condition, individuals neither see themselves as complete victims of circumstances nor as fully responsible for all outcomes; rather, they can understand their own and others’ contributions in a more realistic manner. Theoretically, these findings indicate that the central issue in shame experience is not necessarily shame itself, but rather its representation and regulation. As noted in the introduction, research has shown that adverse outcomes are more related to maladaptive coping strategies with shame than to shame experience itself [22, 23, 72]. The findings of this study also indicated that in the absence of mentalization, shame can lead to collapse of self-narrative and formation of negative identity generalizations; whereas in the presence of mentalization capacities, the same experience can lead to revision of life narrative and enhancement of self-reflection [44, 72].

Overall, the results of this study indicate that mentalization can function as a protective factor against the transformation of shame into a stable identity. Through reflective representation of mental states, individuals are able to situate their experience within a broader life narrative. This distinction not only contributes to reconstruction of narrative coherence of the self, but also enables psychological growth and identity redefinition.

From a clinical perspective, these findings highlight the importance of mentalization-based interventions in working with shame experience. Strengthening mentalization capacity can help individuals process shameful experiences in a reflective and symbolic manner and prevent their transformation into persistent identity judgments. Such an approach can play an important role in the treatment of disorders associated with chronic shame, attachment trauma, or collapse of self-coherence.

In sum, the present study shows that shame leads to collapse of self-narrative when mentalization capacity is impaired and emotional experience is transformed into identity judgment. In contrast, the restoration of mentalization enables reconstruction of narrative, redefinition of self, and restoration of identity coherence. Therefore, understanding the relationship between shame, self-narrative, and mentalization can provide a theoretical and clinical framework for a deeper understanding of self-dynamics and for designing effective interventions in dealing with shame.

Conclusion

The present study was conducted with the aim of understanding the lived experience of shame and examining the role of mentalization capacity in coping with it, and the results indicated that shame can extend beyond a situational emotion and become an identity-forming experience that affects narrative organization of the self. Analysis of participants’ narratives showed that in the stage of shame experience, individuals often encounter a form of rupture in their life narrative; such that a shameful event becomes a central core in self-definition and destabilizes individuals’ image of self, others, and the world. This finding is consistent with perspectives that conceptualize shame as an emotion directly linked to self-worth and one’s position in social relationships [34].

The findings also indicated that this narrative collapse is accompanied by disruption in mentalization processes. When individuals are unable to reflectively represent their own and others’ mental states, shame is no longer experienced as a transient feeling but becomes a stable judgment about identity. In such conditions, the boundary between emotional experience and identity definition becomes blurred, and individuals experience shame as a truth about their own essence; a condition described in mentalization theory as psychic equivalence [46].

In contrast, another part of the findings showed that activation of mentalization capacity can enable reconstruction of self-narrative. In this process, individuals are able to situate shameful experience within a broader context of their lives and, instead of global identity generalizations, achieve more complex and multidimensional interpretations of experience. This reflective representation helps create a distance between emotional experience and identity and facilitates integration of experience into life narrative.

Accordingly, the results of the present study indicate that the central issue in shame experience is not merely its occurrence, but rather how it is processed and represented at the psychological level. In the absence of mentalization capacity, shame can lead to collapse of self-coherence and formation of negative identity narratives; whereas in the presence of this capacity, the same experience can become an opportunity for life narrative revision and self-reflective growth.

Overall, this study shows that mentalization can play an important role in preventing the stabilization of shame as a fixed identity. By strengthening the ability to understand and represent mental states, individuals are able to process shameful experiences reflectively and integrate them into a broader framework of their life story. Therefore, attention to mentalization processes can play an important role in deeper understanding of shame dynamics and in designing effective clinical interventions for dealing with it.

Limitations

A limitation concerns the sampling strategy. Because participation required the capacity and willingness to engage in extended narrative reflection, the sample may have been biased toward individuals with relatively strong reflective, linguistic, and psychological-mindedness capacities. Consequently, the prominence of themes related to self-reflection, meaning-making, and mentalization may partly reflect characteristics of the sample itself. This possibility should be considered when interpreting the relationship between reflective narrative processes and perceived movement beyond shame.

Authors’ contributions

S.R. is the sole author and contributed to the study conception, design, data collection, analysis, interpretation, and manuscript writing.

Funding

This research did not receive any specific grant from funding agencies in the public, commercial, or not-for-profit sectors.

Data availability

The data generated during this study are not publicly available due to the privacy and confidentiality of the participants and are not available for sharing.

Declarations

Ethics approval and consent to participate

All participants voluntarily participated in this study and provided informed consent.

Consent for publication

Not applicable.

Competing interests

The authors declare no competing interests.