‘I have no desire to hurt a child’: prosocial navigation of sexual attraction to children

Abstract

Despite widespread erroneous beliefs conflating sexual attraction towards children and child sex offending, many individuals who experience attraction towards children successfully navigate their attractions without harming children. The present study aimed to contribute to the growing literature on prosocial navigation of sexual attraction towards children. Through an anonymous online survey, 86 adults who self-reported being attracted to children responded to an open-ended question about how they navigated their attractions. Utilising an inductive, reflexive thematic analysis, five overarching themes were generated: (a) ‘Not being a psychopath helps’; (b) ‘All those years in jail just wouldn’t be worth it’; (c) ‘I express my sexual feelings as fully as I can’; (d) ‘Making a positive community centred around being good people’; and (e) ‘Hard lines in clear territory’. Deeply held moral values were the main motivator for avoiding sexual crimes involving children, and many participants did not need explicit strategies to avoid committing such crimes.

Stigma against people who are sexually attracted to children is widespread, often rooted in the mistaken belief that such persons will inevitably sexually offend (see Lawrence & Willis, 2021). Stigma often dissuades individuals from seeking professional help, a problem that is exacerbated by some clinicians’ own prejudiced views (Grady et al., 2019). Moreover, stigma-induced emotional distress may impair coping mechanisms and elevate an individual’s risk of committing sexual crimes involving children (Cantor & McPhail, 2016; Jahnke & Hoyer, 2013). It is absolutely achievable to hold a sexual attraction without acting on it, yet little is known about how people successfully navigate sexual attractions towards children and avoid offending. Indeed, most existing literature has focused on forensic/correctional samples, limiting our understanding of prosocial navigation of sexual attraction to children.

Prevalence estimates suggest that enduring attraction to prepubescent children (i.e. paedophilia) manifests in approximately 1% of the male population (Seto, 2017), a rate that increases to 3.3% when attraction to pubescent children (i.e. hebephilia) is incorporated (Santtila et al., 2015). Few studies have examined sexual attraction to children in female samples, although in a large representative sample of Czech men (n = 5023) and women (n = 5021), 0.4% of women (vs. 1.7% of men) reported some paedophilic interest (Bártová et al., 2021). Thus, prevalence estimates for attraction to children – although rare – exceed estimates for more widely recognised mental health disorders such as schizophrenia (lifetime prevalence estimate 0.3%–0.7%; American Psychiatric Association, 2013). The dominant scholarly view considers attraction to children as stable and enduring across the lifespan (Cantor, 2015; Seto, 2012) and can include sexual, emotional and/or romantic dimensions (Martijn et al., 2020; Walker, 2021). Understanding how people navigate their attraction to children is important to help inform therapeutic/support services, when and if needed, to prevent child sexual abuse. A deeper understanding of this population may also help correct harmful, erroneous beliefs that underly public stigmatisation.

As speculated by Muir (2018), the association between paedophilia and assumed offending behaviour likely stems from sampling biases in the study of paedophilia, which has relied predominantly on forensic samples – people who have harmed children. Similarly, public narratives of paedophilia focus on people who have committed sexual crimes involving children; rarely do narratives about people attracted to children who have not committed such crimes reach mainstream media. Over the past decade, a small but growing number of studies have explored attraction to children using community samples (i.e. outside of forensic/correctional settings).

Sexual attraction towards children in community samples

Studies utilising community samples have often recruited participants via online support forums such as Virtuous Paedophiles (https://www.virped.org) and B4U-ACT (https://www.b4uact.org). In two of the largest such studies to date, Bailey et al. (2016) and Cohen et al. (2018) investigated variables differentiating individuals attracted to children who had committed crimes involving children and those who had not, and reported comparable findings. Older age, difficulty managing attractions, history of childhood sexual abuse and greater attraction to boys than to girls were associated with offending in both studies. Other correlates of offending included working in jobs with children, repeatedly falling in love with children, greater relative attraction to children than to adults and higher levels of antisocial behaviour. Although Bailey et al. did not find a relationship between cognitions supporting child sexual abuse and offending, Cohen et al. found that nonoffending individuals were more likely to perceive adult–child sexual interaction as harmful and immoral – a finding potentially obscured in the Bailey et al. data given their reliance on officially recorded offences to classify offending and nonoffending groups (Cohen et al., 2018, additionally considered self-reported offending to differentiate groups). Collectively, Bailey et al.’s and Cohen et al.’s findings align with psychologically meaningful risk factors for reoffending identified in samples of individuals convicted for sexual offences, including sexual self-regulation difficulties, emotional congruence with children, offence-related sexual interests, lifestyle instability and non-compliance with interventions (Mann et al., 2010; Seto et al., 2023).

A few studies have explored help-seeking experiences and treatment priorities/concerns in community samples and reported comparable findings (e.g. Grady et al., 2019; Levenson & Grady, 2019; Lievesley et al., 2023; Lievesley et al., 2025). Persons attracted to children commonly identify general mental health concerns (including managing stigma) and, to a lesser extent, attraction management as reasons for seeking help. Research is thus accumulating on therapy needs especially as they relate to risk for offending; however, less is known about people attracted to children who do not commit sexual crimes involving children, including how they navigate their attraction and whether they need or use specific strategies to avoid committing crimes.

Prosocial navigation of sexual attraction towards children

A handful of studies have explored how persons attracted to children successfully navigate their attractions and avoid harming children. Gillespie (2022) surveyed 95 people with sexual attraction towards children seeking to avoid offending about their engagement and/or disengagement with fantasies involving minors. Intentional fantasising was positively associated with self-efficacy and not associated with struggles to avoid offending or self-reported offending history. However, participants who fantasised about minors more than once per day were more likely to report ever struggling to avoid sexual contact with minors than participants who fantasised once per day or less often, suggesting that over-reliance on fantasising as an attraction management strategy might be contraindicated. Such a finding is consistent with sex drive/preoccupation increasing risk for reoffending in forensic/correctional samples (Mann et al., 2010; Seto et al., 2023).

A small number of qualitative studies have introduced a richer, more nuanced understanding of how people with a sexual attraction to children live with and manage their attractions than what is possible through quantitative studies. Schaefer et al. (2023) presented a qualitative analysis of 319 responses to a question contained in an anonymous online survey: 'What would you like the mental health field and the public at large to understand about your experience as a Minor Attracted Person? What do you feel is not understood?’ (p. 394). They identified several themes, some associated with how participants navigated their attractions and avoided harming children. Nurturing feelings towards children were common (including a desire not to hurt children and feelings of love and emotional connection towards children). Some participants detailed alternative sexual outlets, which included nonsexual activities (e.g. meditation), as well as fantasy, masturbation and pornography use. Walker (2021) interviewed 42 adults preferentially or exclusively attracted to individuals under the age of 18 who self-reported never committing a crime involving sexual contact with a minor. Interviews covered extensive topics, including participants’ motivations for not committing an offence against a child and strategies employed to resist offending. Data were analysed inductively to identify common themes. A strong desire to prevent causing harm and avoidance of legal repercussions were identified as primary and secondary motivators for avoiding offending, respectively. Strategies for managing attraction to children were complex; some participants reported that explicit strategies were not necessary because they presented no risk, whereas others reported explicit and sometimes contradictory strategies. For example, limiting interactions with minors was a specific strategy employed by some participants, whereas engaging in prosocial interactions with minors was a specific strategy reported by other participants. Seeking support from people with similar lived experiences, and from others, was also identified as an attraction management strategy. Some participants reported using animated images of children for sexual gratification, and some participants reported using child sexual exploitation material (CSEM). As emphasised by Walker, the use of CSEM cannot be considered a prosocial strategy despite any participant sentiments of harm reduction (i.e. deterring contact offending against children) given that the mere existence of CSEM incentivises child sexual abuse and perpetuates harm to the children abused in its production.

Muir (2018) interviewed nine adults self-reporting attraction to children who had never sexually abused a child. Semi-structured interviews covered several topics including how participants managed their attractions. Data were analysed utilising interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA), which explores a person’s unique perception of their experiences. Attraction management was most prominently attributed to internal qualities, namely prosocial values (participants’ innate sense of morality and recognition of the harm caused by child sexual abuse) and intact self-control. In addition, specific behavioural strategies were identified by some participants, including finding legal outlets for their sexual urges (e.g. masturbating to fantasies of children, engaging in sexual relationships with adults) and nonsexual social contact with children. Social contact with children was considered helpful by some participants through providing emotional fulfilment alongside humanising children and reducing any desire to cause harm. Also using semi-structured interviews and IPA, Dymond and Duff (2020) explored experiences of three nonoffending British men attracted to children. Despite the small sample size, their findings were consistent with findings from Schaefer et al. (2023), Walker (2021) and Muir (2018). A desire to avoid harming children motivated participants to avoid committing sexual offences involving children. Acceptance of paedophilic attractions was also identified as an important component of attraction management, whereas repression was identified as maladaptive.

Recognising the self-selection bias inherent in interview or survey-based research, two studies explored prosocial navigation strategies identified through analysing anonymous posts to online support forums for individuals with sexual attraction to children. Across findings from Jones et al. (2021) and Stevens and Wood (2019), strategies included acceptance of one’s sexual attractions, contact rules around minors, avoidance (including avoiding contact with children and installing software to prevent CSEM access) and use of legal outlets for sexual gratification. Legal outlets included masturbating to child fantasies, which was divisive amongst participants, and, as acknowledged by the authors of both studies, its effectiveness as an attraction management strategy is not yet well understood.

The small number of qualitative studies reviewed offer insight into how adults attracted to children navigate their attractions and avoid harming children. Previous studies have predominantly used semi-structured interviews and analysis of online support forum posts to offer insight into how some adults who are attracted to children navigate their attractions without harming children. However, stigma experienced by people attracted to children might understandably dissuade research participation by way of interview, or active engagement in online forums. The aim of the current study was to contribute to the small but growing number of qualitative studies exploring prosocial navigation of attraction towards children through an online survey. Surveys offer opportunities for sampling larger groups than interview-based studies and allow for anonymous participation. Thus, the current study aimed to capitalise on benefits of survey-based and qualitative research methodologies and contribute to emerging research exploring prosocial navigation of sexual attraction to children.

Method

Participants and procedures

The current study was part of a larger study exploring lived experiences of persons with sexual attraction to children via an online survey. The impetus for the survey was twofold: first, to help inform the development of online self-help resources for people with a sexual attraction towards children and, second, to generate narratives that might be used in future anti-stigma research designed to challenge widely held erroneous beliefs conflating attraction towards children and child sexual abuse. Adults aged 18 and older, with self-reported sexual attraction to minors aged 14 and under, were invited to participate in this study. A targeted recruitment strategy via specialised forums catering to nonoffending individuals attracted to children was employed, via Virtuous Paedophiles (https://www.virped.org) and B4U-ACT (https://www.b4uact.org). Data were collected over a four-month period in late 2022. The study attracted 195 respondents, 90 of whom answered the relevant section of the survey. Four responses were insufficiently intelligible to inform theme generation and were excluded from the analysis, resulting in a final sample of N = 86. Participants were aged between 26 and 63 years (M = 36.35, SD = 14.22) and identified mostly as White/Caucasian (77.22%, n = 61). Other reported ethnicities included Hispanic/Latino (12.66%, n = 10), Indigenous groups (7.59%, n = 6), Asian (1.27%, n = 1) and other (1.27%, n = 1). Ethical approval was obtained from the University of Auckland Human Participants Ethics Committee.

The survey was accessed through the online software platform Qualtrics, via a secure link. The opening screen provided a participant information sheet detailing the study aims and procedures. Anonymity was preserved by not collecting personal identifiers, including IP addresses. As an incentive for participation, participants were invited to enter a prize draw to win one of five NZD $50 vouchers. Participants wishing to enter the prize draw were asked to provide an email address, which was stored separately from the survey data to preserve anonymity. Participants were informed they could withdraw their participation by exiting the survey at any time before final submission, after which time data were not traceable.

Materials

The survey contained 10 sections. Each section consisted of an open-ended question with a free-text response box focusing on a different facet of sexual attraction to children, including when participants first recognised their sexual interest/attraction, whether their interests/attractions changed over time, who they shared their experiences with, challenges associated with their sexual interests/attractions, how they find a sense of self-acceptance and what other people can do to support them. The focus of the current study was on responses to the question: ‘What helps you not to act on your sexual interests/attraction?’

Data analysis

Survey responses were extracted from Qualtrics to a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet, and responses to the relevant question were then imported into a Microsoft Word document. The length of individual responses varied, ranging from two to 190 words. Data were analysed using thematic analysis within the framework of reflexive, inductive and critical realist approaches, as articulated by Braun and Clarke (2021). The analytic approach was consistent with the exploratory nature of the study and aimed to elicit nuanced, authentic insights from an under-researched population. Adopting an inductive approach allowed for the dataset to guide the coding process and identification of salient themes or patterns within the data, which differs from a deductive, theory-driven approach (see Braun & Clarke, 2021). Data analysis followed a sequence of systematic steps. The initial step entailed an in-depth immersion into the dataset, which involved reading and re-reading survey responses, accompanied by the annotation of preliminary observations. Next, initial codes were generated to encapsulate key features within the data, and related data were collated under these respective codes. Subsequently, we embarked on an evaluative process to sift through the generated codes and establish prospective themes. All data pertinent to each theme were compiled for further scrutiny. Following this, a dual-tiered review of these provisional themes was undertaken. At the first level, we assessed the relevance of each theme to its corresponding coded extracts. At the second level, the coherence of each theme was evaluated in the context of the entire dataset. This comprehensive evaluation culminated in the development of a thematic map, serving as an analytical blueprint. In the final phase of the analysis, each theme was refined and explicitly named. An iterative process was employed to fine-tune both the particular attributes ascribed to each theme and its contributory role within the broader narrative of the analysis. This culminated in a set of well-defined themes that collectively contributed to a deeper understanding of the subject matter under investigation.

Positionality statement

A reflexive thematic analysis requires consideration of the researcher/s positionality. The first author led the analysis as part of an Honours dissertation completed under the supervision of the second author. Positionality was thus most relevant to the first author and is summarised here. I (the first author) occupy dual roles as a practising criminal defence lawyer and mother to a young child. My legal professional background could enrich my thematic analysis by assisting me to readily discern legal or ethical considerations that surface in the data, but could also foster an overly legal-analytical approach that overlooks psychological and emotional nuances of participants’ responses. Conversely, my role as a mother renders children’s safety and wellbeing immediate concerns rather than abstract concepts. This raises the risk of emotional bias compromising a balanced and measured thematic analysis that empathically captures participants’ situated realities. To address these potential biases, I maintained a reflexive journal throughout the data analysis process to document cognitive and emotional responses to the data, and employed peer debriefing with academic colleagues, including the second author. Additionally, themes were discussed and refined with input from the second author and research group peers.

Results

Five salient themes were generated: (a) ‘Not being a psychopath helps’; (b) ‘All those years in jail just wouldn’t be worth it’; (c) ‘I express my sexual feelings as fully as I can’; (d) ‘Making a positive community centred around being good people’; and (e) ‘Hard lines in clear territory’. Each theme represented a single key concept or a cluster of closely related concepts further delineated according to subthemes, as overviewed in Table 1.

Table 1.

Prosocial navigation of sexual attraction towards children: thematic analysis findings.

Theme	Subthemes	General concepts
1. ‘Not being a psychopath helps’	‘I don’t have to do anything special’	Innate integrity/morality
	‘I have no desire to hurt a child’	Knowledge of harm caused by child sexual abuse, love and concern for children, desire to prevent harm
2. ‘All those years in jail just wouldn’t be worth it’		Fear of negative legal and social consequences
3. ‘I express my sexual feelings as fully as I can’	‘My thoughts while masturbating keep me safe’	Masturbation to child fantasies satiated sexual urges, provided satisfaction, decreased urges to offend
	‘My doll has been a huge benefit in my life’	Use of legally grey material for sexual self-regulation
4. ‘Making a positive community centred around being good people’	‘I’m open about my paedophilia with friends’	Socio-emotional self-regulation
	‘If I see someone I am attracted to, I do my best to let it wash over me’	Emotional self-regulation
5. ‘Hard lines in clear territory’	‘I hold myself to much stricter boundaries’	Implementing practical barriers to reduce motivation and opportunities to offend (contact and online)
	‘It distracts my mind and the feelings go away for a while’	Behavioural distraction strategies to divert attention away from undesired sexual urges

Theme 1: ‘Not being a psychopath helps’

Theme 1 captured participants’ expression that their moral values prevented them from committing sexual crimes involving children. As one participant noted, ‘Not being a psychopath helps’. Like others whose responses aligned with this theme, this participant did not need or use active strategies to avoid committing sexual crimes involving children; they simply did not do so because it would not align with their morals and values. The wry tone of their response may have reflected a dryly humorous reference to the popular conflation of sexual attraction to children with immorality. Participants’ responses were further delineated into two subthemes. The first subtheme, ‘I don’t have to do anything special’, encapsulated participants’ sense of innate personal qualities and prosocial morality coalescing to preclude any desire to offend. Similarly, the second subtheme, ‘I have no desire to hurt a child’, reflected that participants’ concern for children’s safety and wellbeing was sufficient to prevent them from committing a sexual crime involving a child, without the use of any specific strategies.

Subtheme 1: ‘I don’t have to do anything special’

Many participants reported that not acting on their interests did not involve the conscious, effortful exertion of control over urges to offend against children. These participants took issue with the survey question ‘What helps you not to act on your sexual interests/attraction?’, explaining that it contained an errant, implicit assumption that sexual attraction to children automatically confers a risk of engaging in harmful acts. Contrary to this assumption, participants reported lacking urges to offend, which they attributed to deeply held prosocial personal qualities and moral values, which one participant referred to as ‘general decency and care for . . . fellow human beings’. Accordingly, they did not need to employ any specific offending-preventative strategies. As one participant stated: ‘I hate this question. It frames the attraction as a predatory urge that must be restrained. It’s not. I don’t have to restrain an urge to victimise someone because I have no such urge.’ To further challenge what they perceived as the survey question’s mistaken conflation of attraction and urges to take harmful action, some respondents reframed the question as ‘What helps men not to rape?’ One participant explained: ‘Just like most men who are attracted to women are not rapists, so too I am not a rapist.’ In summary, this subtheme described participants’ beliefs that they possessed innate, egosyntonic integrity, which automatically precluded any desire to commit sexual crimes involving children, obviating the need to consciously employ offending-preventative strategies.

Subtheme 2: ‘I have no desire to hurt a child’

Many other participants acknowledged desires to act on their sexual attractions with children, but refrained from doing so due to their awareness of the harm caused by sexual abuse. A desire to avoid harming children was frequently cited as the motivation behind implementation of practical offending-preventative strategies. As one participant stated simply: ‘I have no desire to hurt a child. That is the main thing keeping me from acting.’

The desire to avoid hurting children was informed by three interrelated patterns of reasoning. First, many participants reported awareness of the expansive scope and severity of physical and psychological harm caused to victims of child sexual abuse. As one participant stated:

I’m fully aware of how sexual abuse and intergenerational relationships tend to affect youth, and that most real child pornography [sic] is gotten through abusive and coercive means and is not in the kid’s control at all; knowing that damage and abuse is always possible makes it easy to weigh the cons of such acts over the pros.

In considering the consequences of abuse to victims, many participants also explicitly acknowledged that children cannot consent to sexual activity with an adult. One participant explained:

Some paedophiles desperately need to believe that the sexual abuse of children could be a genuinely romantic and mutual act. I have no such delusions. What I truly want is, sadly, impossible to achieve with children due to their level of development. You could change a thousand laws, twist a hundred societies to allow for it and it would still be an inherently abusive act.

Second, many participants described profound love, care and empathy for children – closely associated with but separable from their sexual attraction – as fuelling their determination to avoid causing children harm. As one participant stated:

My love and empathy for children goes far beyond the purely sexual and romantical. This is a sentence that I embrace. I love all children because of their unique way of being. And I could never hurt one, even though I imagine it, I never could actually do it.

Third, several participants cited their personal experiences of sexual abuse as children as informing their understanding of its harmful consequences and their desire to avoid inflicting similar harms on others. According to one participant, ‘knowing that the interactions would most likely trigger trauma responses in minors and cause them harm. Having been sexually abused myself, I’d never want to inflict that trauma upon another person’.

In summary, Theme 1 elucidated the distinction between participants whose desires to offend were unconsciously regulated by inherent personal qualities and moral values and those whose desire to avoid harming others precluded any desire to commit sexual crimes.

Theme 2: ‘All those years in jail just wouldn’t be worth it’

Theme 2 captured an alternative motivation for non-offending among participants: fear of potential legal and social repercussions of offending. Multiple participants feared exposure of their attraction, leading to negative social judgments from their loved ones and possible estrangement, in addition to the obvious threat of apprehension, conviction and imprisonment. Legal and social consequences appeared equally important, but for most participants, were less important than morality in motivating their avoidance of offending. However, some participants saw themselves as rational actors, exerting control over their sexual impulses based on an unfavourable cost–benefit analysis of offending. As one participant explained: ‘I can control my impulses and balance pros and cons rational[ly] in general. I suppose it is the same thing stopping me from robbing banks. All those years in jail just wouldn’t be worth it.’ Accordingly, for a minority of participants, the decision not to harm children was driven less by morality and more by an intellectual balancing exercise weighing the desire to act against the fear of negative consequences.

Theme 3: ‘I express my sexual feelings as fully as I can’

Theme 3 described the strategies participants used to meet two interrelated objectives: satisfying their sexual arousal (i.e. fulfilling physiological needs for sexual activity) and achieving sexual gratification (i.e. deriving a sense of pleasure, contentment and satisfaction as a result of sexual activity), allowing them to experience sexual fulfilment without committing sexual crimes involving children. One participant described their attitude towards sexual expression as follows: ‘I express my sexual feelings as fully as I can, within parameters set by myself, the law and shared values.’ Participants reported using numerous different strategies for sexual gratification, which were organised according to two subthemes: (a) legal strategies (‘My thoughts while masturbating keep me safe’); and (b) strategies where legality was unclear or varied across jurisdictions (‘My doll has been a huge benefit in my life’).

Subtheme 1: ‘My thoughts while masturbating keep me safe’

Participants reported using strategies for sexual self-regulation that were legal in most jurisdictions. For many participants masturbating to sexual or romantic fantasies about children both satiated their sexual urges and provided a sense of sexual gratification. Importantly, multiple participants stressed that achieving sexual satisfaction and gratification in this way decreased, rather than increased, any temptation to engage in sexual contact with children. As one participant put it: ‘In my opinion/experience, a man while masturbating has the ability to expand his imagination. So my thoughts while masturbating keep me safe.’ Participants reported seeking out nonobjectionable and legal material featuring children, such as artwork, books and photographs, as source material for fantasy and masturbation. One participant explained:

My orientation is predominantly romantic and nurturing, but it’s also sexual, and expressing that aspect it might involve allowing myself to enjoy the sight of a naked child or an artwork featuring a child nude, or allowing myself to masturbate, without guilt, to explicit fantasies.

For participants who were also attracted to adults, masturbation and fantasising were complemented by sexual and romantic connections with adults, with one participant observing that they ‘have it easy’ because they ‘can find romantic connection in traditional adult relationships’.

Subtheme 2: ‘My doll has been a huge benefit in my life’

Participants reported using sexual self-regulation strategies that were legally ambiguous, or where legality varied based on jurisdiction. Such material included text-based fantasy scenarios obtained online from other people with a sexual attraction to children, ‘shoticon’ and ‘lolicon’ (Japanese anime and manga depicting boys and girls, respectively, with romantic or erotic undertones), and computer-generated nude images of children. In addition, two participants reported possessing child-like dolls capable of ‘sex’, which they used as a substitute for interaction with real children. One participant emphasised his doll’s broader contribution to his relational wellbeing beyond facilitating masturbation:

Most importantly are the child (four-year-old) sized companion dolls I purchased for my partner and I. I don’t call them ‘sex dolls’ because if you own one and care for it, sex will be only a secondary benefit, and my partner does not have sex with her doll at all. Most the [sic] time with my doll is spent keeping her clean, skin conditioned, dressed in cute clothes, cuddling, and maybe once a week I will have sex with it. My doll has been a huge benefit in my life, and I am looking forward to getting one more while they are still legal to import in my state.

Participants stressed the pivotal role nonhuman/animated material played in regulating their sexual behaviour to prevent contact or CSEM offending while acknowledging legal considerations. One participant argued strongly in favour of increased legal access to this kind of material to safeguard children from harm:

Having access to safe and legal sexual alternatives is absolutely critical. I don’t think I can stress that enough. I see countries trying to ban artwork, 3D CGI, text stories, and even plastic dolls. Not because they really believe doing so will make a single child safer, but as a means of further ostracising paedophiles without providing any means of help for their situation. It has become so out of hand that I really believe that many pushing for harsher laws against fictional materials would much rather see real children getting sexually abused than hear about a paedophile that has a fulfilling sex life with a doll.

In summary, Theme 3 captured the wide variety of strategies used by participants to experience sexual fulfilment without committing sexual crimes involving children. Although many participants were able to experience sexual fulfilment through explicitly legal strategies, others relied on legally ambiguous materials to do so and emphasised the need for these materials to remain available to keep real children safe.

Theme 4: ‘Making a positive community centred around being good people’

Theme 4 articulated strategies used by participants to regulate their emotional responses to their attraction and its correlates, with the aim of alleviating emotional distress, enhancing psychological wellbeing and increasing self-esteem. Participants considered that positive redefinition of their self-concept to incorporate their sexual attraction encouraged them to maintain law-abiding behaviours. These strategies fell within two distinct subthemes: (a) socio-emotional self-regulation (‘I’m open about my paedophilia with friends’); and (b) emotional self-regulation (‘If I see someone I am attracted to, I do my best to let it wash over me’).

Subtheme 1: ‘I’m open about my paedophilia with friends’

Participants reported improving their emotional wellbeing by seeking social support from both online forums and real-world social interactions. Online forums provided a virtual safe space where participants can anonymously discuss and understand their feelings, drawing upon the experiences and advice of others sharing a stigmatised attraction with minimal fear of incurring negative legal and social consequences. As one participant stated, ‘Support from fellow boylovers online helps by making a positive community centred around being good people’. Honest disclosure of the attraction to real-world loved ones was also reported as a means of finding a sense of acceptance and support to manage one’s attraction prosocially. For example, one participant noted that his friends’ knowledge of his attraction to children encouraged him not to ‘act out’ and become ‘that creepy guy’: ‘I’m open about my paedophilia with friends and I’m transparent in my conduct with their kids. I treat kids in the way I know their parents would want and expect me to.’

Subtheme 2: ‘If I see someone I am attracted to, I do my best to let it wash over me’

Participants described using several psychological strategies – learned formally through therapy or informally through self-learning – to regulate emotions linked to their attraction. As one participant explained:

Various forms of [B]uddhism talk about what they call the ‘second mistake’ – that you will feel bad about something, and then feel bad about feeling bad. This sort of behaviour pops up all over the place in my psychology. If I see someone I am attracted to, I do my best to let it wash over me rather than stew in it.

Therapy with a clinician well-informed about attraction to children was cited as helpful for working through a process of self-discovery and self-acceptance. As one participant explained: ‘What also helped me was therapy with an ATSA [Association for the Treatment and Prevention of Sexual Abuse] certified therapist. It was beneficial to have someone understanding who I able [sic] to discuss these matters with.’

In summary, Theme 4 drew attention to how participants alleviated emotional distress arising from their stigmatised attraction. Both socio-emotional self-regulation and emotional self-regulation strategies were employed, with the overarching aim of developing a positive, prosocial self-concept and acting in accordance with the associated values.

Theme 5: ‘Hard lines in clear territory’

Theme 5 captured some participants’ deliberate efforts to modulate their physiological state or external circumstances to curb sexual urges, or situational opportunities to offend, respectively. The well-planned nature of the various behavioural strategies employed emphasises the significant effort these individuals invested into developing and sticking to offending-preventative ‘rules.’ As one participant put it: ‘These hard lines in clear territory long before anything gets “grey” are very important to me’. Participants’ strategies were categorised into two distinct subthemes: (a) self-imposed barriers to offending (‘I hold myself to much stricter boundaries’); and (b) distractions from thoughts linked to potential offending (‘It distracts my mind and the feelings go away for a while’).

Subtheme 1: ‘I hold myself to much stricter boundaries’

Participants reported implementing a variety of practical barriers to reduce motivation and opportunities to offend. A few participants had taken the significant step of directly attenuating their physiological sexual impulses via surgical castration or testosterone-suppressing medication. As one participant explained: ‘I am castrated. To keep away from any possible way where it could go wrong’. Avoiding alcohol to prevent disinhibition was also cited, with one participant explaining that ‘I don’t drink like my father did when he abused my sisters’.

Many participants had developed sophisticated, self-imposed rules around social behaviour, distancing themselves from children or other people in general to varying degrees to avoid temptation. Some participants reported avoiding public places frequented by children entirely, such as schools and supermarkets. Others considered it necessary only to avoid extended private interactions. One participant explained how, out of an abundance of caution, he avoided contact with children more than he perceived as strictly necessary to avoid offending:

If I were alone with a child for a few minutes, I’m beyond certain nothing would happen. As that time stretches out into hours . . . days . . . weeks . . . I get less and less confident. Point being, instead of trying to draw murky lines somewhere along there, I hold myself to much stricter boundaries: I do not go to events or locations or whatever if there will be children present, unless there is no other option.

Online behaviour was another focus for behavioural rules designed to prevent offending online. One participant explained that he chose not to use encrypted messaging services or VPNs, as ‘it is easier for me to act right if I feel like someone is looking at me’. In this way, maintaining open, visible online activity appeared to deter online offending by invoking fear of legal repercussions and establishing a framework for self-accountability.

Subtheme 2: ‘It distracts my mind and the feelings go away for a while’

Participants also utilised behavioural distraction strategies to temporarily divert attention away from undesired sexual urges until they abated. Working, spending time with pets, gaming, exercise, seeing friends and absorbing oneself in media were all mentioned as helpful distractions. One participant explained: ‘When I get those feelings, I read a book, listen to music, watch movies, it distracts my mind and the feelings go away for a while.’

In summary, Theme 5 outlined ways in which participants intentionally manipulated their internal or external environments. Physical or environmental modifications were made to place practical barriers between participants and offending opportunities, while distraction was an alternative way to avoid high-risk situations. The comprehensive and well-considered nature of these strategies implied a strong commitment to reducing offending risk.

Discussion

The present study sought to contribute a nuanced understanding of how people with a sexual attraction to children avoid committing sexual offences involving children. Through thematic analysis of anonymous responses to an online survey question about attraction management, five key themes were identified: Theme 1 related to basic values and morals that prevented participants from committing crimes, Theme 2 related to a desire to avoid legal and social consequences associated with child sexual abuse, Theme 3 related to finding alternative ways of expressing sexual feelings, Theme 4 related to positively redefining one’s self-concept, and Theme 5 related to self-imposed behavioural boundaries and distraction strategies. Consistent with previous qualitative studies (e.g. Muir, 2018; Schaefer et al., 2023; Walker, 2021), findings highlighted the role of deeply held moral values in preventing offending behaviour. Within an overarching moral framework, a division was observed between participants with and without a conscious desire to offend. Participants without such desire did not require deliberate strategies to avoid offending, whereas participants acknowledging desire employed various preventative approaches.

A striking finding from the current study was distaste at the central research question, ‘What helps you not to act on your sexual interests/attraction?’ Although the question was intended to help generate counternarratives to stigmatising beliefs, for some participants it unintentionally reinforced stigma through inferring an assumption that participants needed conscious and well-planned strategies to avoid harming children. It was not until after data were collected that the authors learnt that Walker (2021) experienced a similar response to their interview question ‘Can you tell me what motivates you to avoid acting on your attractions?’ (p. 104). Through highlighting our poorly considered question, we hope that in future work researchers and clinicians can avoid making any assumptions that persons with sexual attraction towards children indeed need any explicit strategies to avoid offending. Alternative framing might explicitly recognise that many people attracted to children do not struggle managing their attractions, before enquiring about the participant’s experience. We encourage partnering with persons with lived experience of attraction towards children in the development of survey/interview questions in future research.

Consistent with previous qualitative studies (Dymond & Duff, 2020; Muir, 2018; Walker, 2021), legal and social consequences of offending were a salient, yet secondary, motivator for nonoffending compared to participants’ moral values. For a minority of participants, avoiding the negative consequences of offending informed a cost–benefit analysis of offending, the results of which represented their primary motivation to refrain. Such findings align with general deterrence-based approaches to child abuse prevention, which posit that individual decisions to offend rest on rational cost–benefit analyses and accordingly may be influenced by the threat of legal penalties (McCarthy & Chaudhary, 2014). However, research has found substantial individual differences in ‘deterrability’ (Jacobs, 2010), rendering the population-level deterrent impact of legal repercussions marginal at best (Paternoster, 2010). Individual differences in deterrability have been attributed to variations in sensitivity to risk (Jacobs, 2010). Since risk sensitivity and impulsivity are thought to be inversely correlated (Wright et al., 2004), the apparent ‘deterrability’ of study participants may reflect the superior cognitive control capabilities of nonoffending individuals compared to those of their offending counterparts (Kärgel et al., 2017; Massau et al., 2017). Accordingly, although legal and social repercussions appear to deter some individuals from offending, these findings may reflect innate qualities of these individuals rather than the broader efficacy of deterrence-based approaches.

Collectively, findings from research exploring navigating minor attraction in community samples can be interpreted through the lens of the motivation-facilitation model (MFM) of sexual offending (Seto, 2019): although participants held motivators for sexual offending as defined by the MFM (including paedophilia and/or hebephilia), they lacked facilitating factors (e.g. antisociality, sexual self-regulation problems, general self-regulation problems) associated with sexual offending. By contrast, individuals convicted of sexual offences demonstrate motivating and facilitating factors. Alternatively, findings can be considered through a protective factors lens. Many protective factors aligning with items in the Structured Assessment of Protective Factors against Sexual Offending (SAPROF-SO; Willis et al., 2022) were evident in the current sample and in earlier studies. The SAPROF-SO Resilience items appeared especially prominent: Adaptive Schemas (including finding a sense of self-acceptance), general Empathy for others, effective Coping and Self-control, and positive Attitudes Towards Rules and Regulations. Sexual Self-regulation also appeared prominent; however, its expression often differed to how sexual self-regulation is defined in the SAPROF-SO. Consistent with the SAPROF-SO definition, distraction and avoidance were considered helpful for some participants, with variations in the level of avoidance suggestive of divergent conceptions of situational risk amongst participants. In contrast to the SAPROF-SO’s definition of sexual self-regulation, masturbating to child-focused fantasies and use of legally ambiguous material were identified as effective sexual self-regulation strategies that helped some participants avoid offending. Such findings suggest that effective sexual self-regulation might look different for individuals who, despite an attraction to children, demonstrate prosocial values and do not commit sexual crimes involving children. Finally, social connections were also identified as protective across studies. In a cruel irony, although stigmatisation drove participants’ needs to seek social support for their emotional wellbeing, it also limited available sources of support, which was sometimes limited to the online support forums from which participants were recruited.

Implications

Findings from the current study and earlier studies hold several practice implications for clinicians, which are consistent with recent findings from Lievesley et al.’s (2023) survey of therapy goal prioritisation by adults attracted to minors. Lievesley et al. found that individuals attracted to minors prioritised general mental health concerns and living with stigma above therapy goals associated with managing one’s attractions. Collectively, accumulating research findings therefore stress the importance of therapeutic approaches that reaffirm deeply held moral beliefs, promote self-acceptance and reinforce existing protective factors. Clinicians cannot assume that clients will be at risk of abusing children or need explicit offending preventative strategies, meaning therapy with clients who have not committed sexual crimes involving children may contrast markedly from therapy with clients who have committed such crimes. Moreover, some clients might be deterred from reaching out to a perpetration prevention service and instead feel more comfortable presenting to a general mental health service – emphasising the importance of educating and upskilling the general mental health workforce to work effectively with individuals attracted to children. It is nonetheless important to recognise that some clients will need support managing their attractions and benefit from specialised perpetration prevention services (for a review see Stephens et al., 2022).

Where psychologically meaningful risk factors and/or poorly developed protective factors associated with sexual offending are identified, it follows that these will represent important therapy goals. Strengths-based approaches are implicated and encouraged, with the good lives model (Ward, 2002; Ward & Stewart, 2003) offering an overarching framework well suited to addressing potential sources of risk while also attending to client wellbeing. Acceptance and commitment therapy (Hayes et al., 2011) offers concrete strategies complementary with a Good Lives Model practice framework that are responsive to therapy needs identified by research participants, including promoting acceptance, psychological flexibility and cognitive diffusion of difficult thoughts and emotions. The diverse range of strategies adopted by participants to manage their attractions emphasises the importance of an individually tailored approach to therapy, which may involve offering clients a menu of potentially effective strategies and testing these out within a safe and supportive therapeutic relationship.

Beyond clinical implications, we hope findings from the current study and related studies help inform upskilling of clinicians to work safely and effectively with individuals attracted to children, and broader public-facing educational campaigns aimed at stigma reduction. It would seem prudent that clinicians are well informed of the range of offending-preventative motivations and strategies identified through extant research to avoid making erroneous assumptions that might alienate clients. For example, the offence taken by participants in the current study to the survey question’s perceived conflation of attraction and urges to offend underscores the need for clinicians to be aware of individual differences in experiencing conscious urges to offend and the role of moral values in precluding criminal behaviour. Findings hold implications for stigma-reducing public education campaigns, given stigma commonly precludes help-seeking that might prevent child sexual abuse (e.g. Grady et al., 2019). Both humanising (i.e. first-person narrative-based) and informative, fact-based educational resources have demonstrated some efficacy in reducing stigma (Lawrence & Willis, 2021, 2022). However, effecting changes in misconceptions around individuals’ ability to avoid acting on their attraction has so far proved resistant to intervention. Participants’ emotionally resonant explanations of their morals and values, as captured by the theme ‘Not being a psychopath helps’, may help challenge misconceptions that all people attracted to children would commit sexual crimes involving children if they could get away with it. Additionally, consistent with findings from previous research (e.g. Harper & Lievesley, 2022; Jones et al., 2021; Walker, 2021), the present research raises important policy questions concerning empirical justifications for laws banning materials such as animated or computer generated images of children and child-like sex dolls. Such materials appeared to support safe sexual self-regulation for some participants. Without evidence that these materials increase offending risk, together with the possibility that they may serve a protective function for some individuals, any policies restricting their use require careful consideration. Indeed, in his recent book on online sexual offending, Seto (2025) discusses the harm reduction potential for nonhuman/animated material such as child-like sex dolls:

It is possible that virtual CSEM [child sexual exploitation material] or child sex dolls could be part of a harm reduction approach to CSEM offending, since it can be sexually gratifying for at least some people who are interested in CSEM and does not involve the sexual exploitation and harm of a real child. A well-known harm reduction example is the prescription of methadone for opioid addiction: Methadone is still addictive, but it can reduce risk of lethal overdose, associated crime, and unsafe use practices (e.g. sharing needles) compared to street purchased opioids. In this context, a harm reduction approach would try to shift some CSEM perpetrators to virtual CSEM and other alternatives rather than expecting full abstinence, especially for the subset who are exclusively interested in children. (p. 229)

Strengths and limitations

The current study shares several limitations with prior research exploring navigation of attraction towards children in community samples. Identical recruitment strategies and potentially overlapping samples from a small number of people willing to respond to surveys may help explain the consistent findings across studies. A strength of the current study was its larger sample size relative to most prior studies, increasing the breadth of perspectives captured in the findings. However, the extent to which findings from a convenience sample of online forum users extend to adults attracted to children in the general community is not known. Also, participants’ prosocial values and motivation to avoid offending may reflect the general ethos of Virtuous Paedophiles and B4UAct, which both explicitly condone child sexual abuse. Although participants were intentionally recruited from these forums, insights from users of forums that do not explicitly condone child sexual abuse might extend the breadth and depth of findings. Indeed, Roche et al.’s (2022) recent examination of forum use highlighted the range of forums accessed by people attracted to children, with no single forum markedly more popular than others. Although generalisability of findings is not a goal of qualitative research (Drisko, 2024), we also recognise that the study sample and others like it were predominantly White/Caucasian, and little is known about the experience of attraction towards children in ethnic minority groups. Finally, although participants were recruited from forums advocating against child sexual abuse, we did not ask about participants’ offending history. Future research would benefit from recruitment outside of online support forums to better understand the population of adults attracted to children and their mental health and support needs.

Conclusion

The present research aimed to understand how individuals attracted to children navigate their attractions without offending. Deeply held moral values were the primary reason participants did not commit sexual crimes involving children. In some cases, these moral values precluded any desire to commit such crimes, and, in other cases, moral values led participants to enact preventative strategies, such as self-imposed boundaries related to being around or interacting with children. Future research must move beyond asking how people who have not offended maintain their sense of morality and avoid offending. Instead, future research ought to focus on how a vulnerable population can be supported to live authentic lives, free from stigma that can lead to destabilisation and potentially create the very risk we seek to prevent.

Declaration of conflicts of interest

Madeleine E. R. Phillipps has declared no conflicts of interest.

Gwenda M. Willis has declared no conflicts of interest.

Ethical approval

All procedures performed in studies involving human participants were in accordance with the ethical standards of the institutional and/or national research committee [University of Auckland Human Participants Ethics Committee Ref: UAHPEC23366] and with the 1964 Helsinki declaration and its later amendments or comparable ethical standards.

Informed consent

Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.