Coping with the culture of praise

Did you ever read an article that described a phenomenon you have experienced with some of your younger associates, employees, or clients, but could not quite articulate? An article entitled “A new ‘greatest’ generation,” by Jeffrey Zaslow (1) had just that effect on me. Zaslow discusses how the culture of praise, in which children have been raised in the last 3 decades, is changing the workplace.

No one questions that all parents do, or should, consider their offspring special and their achievements worthy of praise. Traditionally, such praise was considered one part of the supportive parental environment, with the ultimate goal being to prepare children to successfully handle the full range of adult experiences. But a strange thing happened to what began as a broad-spectrum, family-centered responsibility designed to provide children with a wide variety of coping skills. Somewhere along the line, the responsibility for positive reinforcement fulfillment not only moved out of the family and into the public sector, it broadened both in scope and intensity, in addition to extending well beyond childhood.

Although no one doubts the value of teaching young children self-esteem, there are those mental health professionals who wonder if, instead, this trend might be creating a population of self-centered narcissists. In a multi-university study of 16 475 students, San Diego State University Professor of Psychology, Jean Twenge, has watched scores on the standardized narcissistic personality inventory gradually increase since she began testing students in 1982 (2). The average college student in 2006 was 30% more narcissistic than those to whom the test was given 24 years previously.

In practical terms, however, what does this mean for veterinarians? For those 40 years old and older, it means recognizing that younger associates and employees may need a lot more praise than they themselves have either received or are used to dispensing. Needless to say, that may be difficult for some. Practice owner Robert Jaffe can barely find time to fulfill all his medical and administrative duties without adding the burden of dispensing routine obligatory praise for his 3 young associates and staff members.

“Why should I bother?” he grumbles. “I pay them well and provide better than average benefits. Isn’t that enough?”

As it turns out, no, not if you want to keep these employees. Unlike previous generations, those raised in the culture of praise need frequent assurance that they and their work are appreciated. If they do not receive it, regardless of the pay and benefits, they will leave. In the long run, making the effort to up the praise quotient will take less time and energy than hiring and breaking in a new employee.

Only semi-convinced, Dr. Jaffe discusses the problem with his sister, the chief executive officer of a company with several hundred employees. When she shares some of the suggestions offered by the employee retention consultant she hired, the harried practitioner feels his blood pressure rising.

“Are you seriously suggesting that I should ignore my associate’s chronic lateness and instead, compliment her when she shows up on time?!”

His sister nods her head in agreement, then laughs. “Why don’t I think the recommendation to appoint a vice-president in charge of recognition and rewards, like the Bank of America, will appeal to you, either, Rob? Still, if you want to retain your employees, you need to think about this. Certainly not all members of the younger generations are like this, but enough are, so that, as a business owner, you should know how to deal with them.”

Admittedly, there is a difference in scale between the Bank of America and Dr. Jaffe’s Oak Creek Veterinary Center. However, in some ways, that makes recognizing this change in orientation more critical: the unhappiness of 1 employee can have a much greater impact on a small business than on a very large business. If Dr. Jaffe’s 20-something year old receptionist not only thrives on, but needs, frequent praise, his failure to provide it may leave her feeling disgruntled and insecure. Does he really want a person like that to be the first contact his clients have with his practice? Would he want a similarly attuned young veterinarian interacting with his clients?

Of course, the answer is no. But while the big business solution to this dilemma consists of bestowing an array of gifts and honors spanning the inane-to-pricey spectrum, that probably is not enough to ensure workplace harmony in a busy veterinary practice.

“You mean there’s more?” asks a dumbfounded Dr. Jaffe.

Dr. Jaffe assumed his praise was the only praise that mattered to his employees, because he owns the practice. However, for those raised in the culture of praise, praise that comes only from the top might not be enough. If he praises his new associate, but his other associate does not, the new associate may take this very personally. In the worst scenario, the practice employs multiple praise-seekers, all seeking praise from those only interested in receiving it, not giving it to others.

“I just want to provide quality care for my patients and clients,” groans the practice owner. “What can I do to make it work for everyone?”

Regardless what names and etiology the social and behavioral scientists assign to this shift in employee expectations, successfully addressing it boils down to a familiar concept: quality communication. Dr. Jaffe has a head start if his primary goal truly is to provide quality care for his patients and clients, because even the most praise-hungry employees may be willing to put their own needs on hold, at least temporarily, when there are animals and clients whose needs are greater. On the other hand, if his goal is a 25% increase in his gross income during the fiscal year, the employees might not be so understanding.

By initiating a discussion on the topic before a crisis arises, Dr. Jaffe shows he is concerned about his employees’ well-being, as well as his own. He opens the discussion (for which he cheerfully provides suitable refreshments) as follows:

“I belong to an era where a reliable paycheck and benefits were all the thanks anyone received or expected for doing a good job. I’m not saying that was right, just that that was the way it was and I got used to it. Now I realize that you all might have different ideas about this and I’d like to hear about them, so that we can make working here enjoyable for everyone.”

Notice how Dr. Jaffe does not define the problem and its solution and then present this as a fait accompli to his employees. This is a wise decision on his part, because his employees may not share his definition of the problem or even that such a problem exists. Even if they do, the more he involves them in the solution to the problem, the more committed they will be to its successful implementation. While always a good practice, this is particularly the case when part of the solution may involve the praise-seekers agreeing to do unto others in the praise realm as they expect others to do unto them, which may be a new concept to them.

As the discussion progresses, Dr. Jaffe uses the stated goal — quality care for their patients and clients — as the reference point. When 1 of his associates suggests a routine Friday afternoon “Thank You Hour,” he asks what they should do on those Fridays when a busy schedule leaves everyone scrambling just to get home at a reasonable hour.

“Should we put off those clients and patients until after our gathering?” he asks, nonjudgmentally.

Once again, those of a certain age or older might consider such an option so ridiculous as to not even warrant mention: Who in their right mind would put off clients and patients to party instead? But when Dr. Jaffe poses the question, he discovers at least one of his associates has a different view of the situation.

“I wouldn’t mind skipping some down time for a legitimate animal emergency,” says the young man thoughtfully. “What bothers me is busting my tail late Friday afternoon for a client who calls, or just shows up, and wants something routine done immediately.”

Dr. Jaffe acknowledges this as valid, and then asks, “But what if these folks think they’re doing their part just by seeking care for the animal? Shouldn’t we reward them for that?”

If Dr. Jaffe gleefully, but mentally, added a “gotcha!” to that response, his adversarial stance could set the stage for a breakdown in communication with younger staff members raised in the culture of praise. On the other hand, if he sincerely desires to engage them in an objective analysis of what constitutes praiseworthy behavior, and what does not, for clients and employees alike, all will benefit.

Like questions related to any new workplace phenomenon, no concrete answers to the question of praise exist. But by preemptively recognizing its existence and objectively addressing its effects, practice owners, associates, and staff in all positions together can prevent the breakdown in communication that ignoring this question can create.