Children Also Grieve is a book designed to guide adults in assisting children through the process of grief. Despite the title, it tells the tale of a dog who is sad because Grandad has died, and through this explains death, normalizing the process of grieving and the different ways that children may express their grief and adjust to their new reality.
The first chapter explores the meaning of death through the feelings and experience of Henry, the dog. Spaces are provided for the children to complete their own story, expressing their personal understanding of death and what it has meant to them, and exploring their feelings of sadness, guilt and anger. It encourages them to share their feelings with others and also to expect to be able to have fun and to feel better.
The second chapter covers the making of a memorial for the person who has been lost. Various means of doing so are explored, such as making a memory book or table, or a mural, collage or video. Different rituals and acts of remembrance are encouraged. Again space is provided for the child to fill in their thoughts about this, and to record what they have done and felt about it.
The third section contains a glossary of words, explaining their meanings in terms that a child would understand.
The final chapter is ‘For Caring Adults.’ This explains the ways in which people grieve, with particular reference to children, exploring the differences in the understanding of death and loss at various developmental stages. Adults are encouraged to use age appropriate but direct explanations about what has happened, avoiding clichés that can be misleading and consequently increase a child’s bewilderment, sense of abandonment and fear that the loss may be generalized. They are encouraged to talk when the children are ready to do so and to “create an oasis of safety” for them. The impact of past losses is recognized.
The book would be helpful to any adult struggling to meet the needs of their grieving child in an appropriate and caring fashion. It may have been more powerful to tell the story of a child, rather than using a dog as the proponent. Although the reactions of various children in the family are explored, their feelings are described in the third person, creating an impression of emotional distance. This, however, does have the advantage of making the book less painful for a grieving adult to use. Children who have a much loved dog at home would enjoy this approach, and other books by this author do directly explore grieving through the eyes of a child.
The spaces provided for the child to fill in are large enough, and despite the pages having a semi-gloss, the paper takes a pencil well. (Most children of this age write with a pencil.) I suspect that many children will not want to physically write as much as is requested of them, but an adult could always act as a scribe. It would be difficult to use illustrations to answer the questions, and the space provided is not really large enough for a picture, though this could be done.
Photocopying and reproduction of the book in any form are specifically banned. Consequently, the design as an interactive book, with spaces to be filled in by the child, makes it unsuitable for use in the office. Each time it is used a new copy would need to be purchased. This also makes it less likely to be used in a family where there are several children experiencing loss and grief. Although it would be a useful tool to guide discussion with a group of siblings, or children sharing the experience of grief, each would require their own copy. A clinician may wish to keep a copy to hand as a reference tool for parents, so that they may decide whether purchase of this book would be helpful.