We are pleased to announce a new royal college, the first for almost three months. The Royal College of Lay People (RCLP) aims to bring together all those who make decisions on health care in the United Kingdom. Opinion polls tell us that the public still believes that such matters should be left to doctors and that quangos are less trustworthy than medical colleges. The RCLP has been founded to correct these misperceptions and invites applications for the following faculties.
Faculty of Campaigners—Sitting on the pavement with a placard is all very well, but you can reshape the NHS more effectively by joining a committee. Preference will be given to those with anecdotes from the last century about substandard care received by them or a member of their extended family. Please be assured that no professional will challenge your views.
Faculty of Health Economists—It has been suggested that this faculty is not needed because all NHS professionals are now more cost conscious than care conscious. Vigilance is essential, however, as outbreaks of nambypamby rule bending continue to occur.
Faculty of Chief Executives—CEOs! Do you still feel accountable to your board, council, chairman, or president? The faculty will help you lose those outmoded inhibitions. You will be enabled to wield power ostentatiously or discreetly, as you prefer.
Faculty of Media Editors—With so many medical organisations now employing public relations experts, stereotypes are an endangered species. The faculty offers regular get togethers (with refreshments) where you can reassure one another that all consultants live in London, work in Harley Street, and spend their afternoons playing golf.
Faculty of Statisticians—Bored? Let us show you how stimulating it is to investigate the bleeding obvious. Projects for 2010 to 2020 will address unsolved questions such as “Are rich people healthier than poor people?” or “Do asylum seekers receive above average care?” The results may lead to decisive government action as early as 2025.
Faculty of Politicians—Attempts to form this faculty have been abandoned. During the pilot phase large numbers kept promising to turn up, but they all sent their apologies just before each meeting.
Stop press! Senior members of the medical profession are eligible to join the RCLP, provided that they have seen less than six patients in two years. Don’t be shy. Coming out as a lay person is a liberating experience.