Responding to the stress of terrorism and armed conflicts: Taking care of our children and teenagers

The terrorist attack on the United States on September 11, 2001 and the current military actions are upsetting events for many children and teenagers. In fact, we are all deeply shaken. The ongoing investigations, the threat of more attacks and the armed conflict keep many of us on edge.

It is normal for children and teens to feel worried, confused, sad, nervous or frightened in these situations. Parents and other family members, caregivers, teachers, clergy and adults in general can help them understand their reactions. It is important to know that:

• you are capable of helping your children and teens cope;

• one of the most important steps is to make sure they know that they are safe and that you will help them if they feel upset;

• their reactions may be brief but also may reappear, depending on future events in the world or in the family; and

• how you handle the situation is key to how your child or teen will handle it.

The following information will help you understand the normal reactions of children and teens following such a stressful event. It suggests positive ways of helping them to express themselves so they can understand the events and how they are reacting to them.

YOUNG CHILD (AGED 1 TO 6 YEARS)

Young children are not as verbal as older children. They express themselves through conversations with adults and each other, self-talk, play, songs and drawings. Take time to listen to and observe your children. These activities are a window into their thoughts and feelings.

Here are some other ways your children can show you how they feel. Whining, bed wetting, thumb sucking, wanting to be held, clinging to caregivers, problems sleeping and eating, tantrums, being more agitated, fear of the dark, headaches and stomach aches are common stress reactions for this age group. Watch to see if these behaviours are more frequent than usual.

OLDER CHILDREN (AGED 7 TO 11 YEARS)

Older children are more able to tell you what they are thinking and feeling. They will have some understanding of the events, and the possible danger to themselves, their family and friends. There will also be much they don’t understand.

Children in this age group may have some of the same reactions as younger children, such as fear of the dark, bed wetting and thumb sucking. They can also become more agitated, not want to go to school, get into trouble at home and school, pick fights and not want to do as they are told.

TEENAGERS

Like children, teens are strong and can generally cope. They tend to respond in positive and creative ways to upsetting and tragic events. Nevertheless, they can also have doubts and fears that need to be dealt with.

Teens may pretend not to be affected or concerned in an effort to be cool. Don’t let this fool you. Talk to them to see how they are doing.

Teens can become moodier, less patient, argumentative, defiant and sad, and have difficulties sleeping, changes in appetite, stomach aches or headaches. They may want to be alone or with others more than before. They may feel uncertain about the world and the future. Most teens can understand the events very well. However, they may not be able to understand what caused this to happen and they may ask tough questions. They may not be able to understand the many different sides to the situation.

HOW ADULTS CAN HELP

Take your child and teen’s concerns seriously. Respect their thoughts and feelings. Try to understand them. It doesn’t help to argue or ridicule them by telling them that they are silly. It is important for them to know that it is normal to be upset. Check in with them to see how they are doing.

Ask what your child and teen’s reactions are. Give them lots of chances to tell you their thoughts and feelings about what has happened. Don’t wait for them to bring it up. Check in with them regularly. This will help them to better understand the situation and deal with their emotions. If possible, include the whole family in the discussion. Brainstorm, as a family, how you can help people affected by world events.

Tell children and teens how you feel. Be honest. They feel better knowing that they are not the only ones concerned. Be aware that they learn from your actions, both good and bad. Let them know that there are many things about the situation that you don’t understand as well.

Tell children and teens what you think. They need you to put the events in context. They will learn by listening to you talk with them and with other adults. This is a time to learn together about what is happening in the world.

• Communication – listening, observing, talking – is the crucial step in meeting the challenges presented by the catastrophic events.

• Talk to your children about racism. When people are afraid or angry they often want to blame and punish someone. Reflect on your own feelings and attitudes. Make sure that none of your words or actions gives the impression that you approve of racism.

• Reassurance. Children and teens need to know people are doing all they can to make their community and the world safe.

• Limiting exposure to television coverage can help. Watching the news together gives you the chance to talk about what is going on.

• Maintain family routines. This includes chores, bedtimes, mealtimes, homework, school, sports and lessons. Routines bring things back to normal, limit the amount of time spent thinking about the events, help them sleep better at night and improve their appetite.

• Spend family time together. This can help kids feel more secure. It may be more difficult with teens, but it is worth trying. Find something they like to do and that they will do with you or the whole family.

• Be patient. The added stress of world events can be hard on you. This can make it more difficult to be patient with, and to listen to your kids and teens. Be sure to look after yourself as well as them. You may also wish to read Taking Care of Ourselves, Our Families, and Our Communities <www.cma.ca/cmhsm>.

WHEN TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

Children and teens are amazingly flexible and able to cope. Parents and other adults are capable of helping them. There are many normal reactions following a disaster or other stressful situations. Most of these reactions can be dealt with at home and at school.

However, it is important to remember that current world events can make it harder to deal with other difficult or traumatic situations such as a death in the family, divorce, or a move to a new town or school.

Getting professional help is a good idea if children or teens show significant changes in their behaviour over two to three weeks. Some of these changes are:

• behaviour problems at home or school;

• learning problems;

• angry outbursts or tantrums;

• changes in usual social activities or play with other children;

• frequent nightmares or problems sleeping;

• ongoing physical problems such as an upset stomach and headaches;

• ongoing eating problems, weight gain or loss;

• feeling very anxious or afraid;

• sadness or depression;

• hopelessness about life or the future;

• increased risk taking;

• increased use of alcohol, street drugs or medicines; and

• suicidal thinking or behaviour.

Seeing a professional does not mean that you, or your child or teen has failed. Many people find it is helpful to talk with a health professional such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor, social worker or nurse.