Acculturation and the Family: Core vs. Peripheral Changes among Korean Americans

Abstract

The traditional cultural characteristics are challenged and negotiated in the process of acculturation; some characteristics are discarded, others are maintained, still others may get strengthened, new characteristics from the new cultures are adopted, and possibly a new hybrid of a culture of family socialization may emerge. The focus group interviews conducted with Korean-American parents and their children attest to the complexity of this process mixed with core and peripheral changes. The study findings show that Korean-American families appear to live more distinctly in the Korean culture than the mainstream Western culture, and the parental cultural adaptation is, at least at this point, minimal. Korean immigrant parents show reluctance and resistance to change, except in some of the areas that they believe are necessary and potentially helpful to their children. Family values are core values that parents are eager to maintain and transmit to their children. Korean-American parents are also deeply concerned that their children are growing up as a racial and cultural minority, which, they believe, is likely to impede children's development and future prospects. To protect their children, parents focus quite intensely on ethnic socialization within the family – a pattern that is shared among many Asian subgroups, particularly among Chinese and Vietnamese immigrant families, because they strongly believe that a clear sense of ethnic identity and the deliberate preservation of the tradition helps buffer the risks and negativities derived from being an ethnic and cultural minority in the U.S. Youth, mostly second-generation immigrants, have internalized the Korean traditional family values and behaviors, probably more than their parents think that they have – a sign of successful enculturation. Unlike parents' fears, children do not seem to suffer greatly from identity confusion. The overall responses suggest that Korean-American youth are aware of their minority status and cultural differences but have a positive and strong sense of ethnic identity as Korean-Americans, which also might be a sign of successful familial ethnic socialization.

I. Introduction

Acculturation is a major issue confronting immigrants to the United States from non-Western countries. They must learn a new language and new sets of behavioral, social, and cultural norms. Scholars in the early to mid-twentieth century (e.g., Gordon 1964) predicted that, through urbanization, industrialization, and subsequent acculturation, the culture and ethnicity of immigrant groups would slowly erode and immigrants would gradually assimilate to the dominant culture (Keefe & Padilla 1987), which in the United States is the “middle-class cultural patterns of, largely, white Protestant, Anglo-Saxon origins” (Gordon 1964: 72). Contrary to this prediction, ethnicity has undergone a global resurgence (Keefe & Padilla 1987; Song 2003). It has become evident that Americans are not a single and uniform “American” (Alba et al. 2000). Instead, many individuals and groups have deliberately maintained their ethnic community and culture of origin (or were forced to maintain because of rejection by the mainstream society) (Alba et al. 2000). Furthermore, as racial prejudice, stereotypes, and discrimination persist, purposefully conserving one's culture of origin and ethnic identity has emerged as a crucial pivot (Alba et al. 2000) and as a potential buffer to risks, particularly among immigrant children (Nguyen et al. 1999).

However, acculturation is inevitable at least to a certain extent among the first generation of immigrants, and more so among second and later generations. Even if reluctantly and slowly, immigrants and their offspring alter their cultural pinning (Berry 1997; Ward 1996). However, the changes do not occur uniformly across all aspects of culture, but selectively and disparately (Laroche et al. 1996; Mendoza 1989; Ward et al.1998). In other words, culture has a wide range of domains (Berry 1997; Birman 1994; Felix-Ortiz et al. 1994; Laroche et al. 1996; Mendoza 1989; Ward 2001), and some cultural domains are discarded quickly, others may persist, and still others may even intensify over time and generations (Keefe & Padilla 1987; Mendoza 1989). Rosenthal and Feldman (1992), for example, distinguish “core” elements and “peripheral” elements, suggesting that the core elements are less likely to change over time than the peripheral ones. The multiple domains of acculturation encompass roughly two distinct subsets of domains. The first relates to the behavioral/cognitive elements (e.g., behavior traits and knowledge of one's culture) and the second to psychological/affective elements (e.g., cultural values and attitudes, and ethnic identity and affiliation) (Laroche et al. 1996; Ward 2001). One's psychological/affective domains tend to be the core elements while behavioral/cognitive domains are the peripheral elements. The two subsets are related but distinct (Ward & Kennedy 1999). Changes in one domain can also happen independently of changes in other domains (Laroche et al. 1996). In other words, changes in external behaviors and language do not necessarily reflect the extent to which a person has adopted societal norms and values of the host culture (Marino, Stuart & Minas 2000). For example, in Rosenthal and Feldman's study (1992), the second-generation Chinese-American youth similarly perceived their Chinese ethnicity as distinct, important, and positive as equally as did their first-generation counterparts, while also demonstrating significant language and behavioral assimilation.

This article examines how changes across multiple domains of acculturation are reflected in Korean immigrant families and the family socialization process. Family and family socialization are important to examine for many reasons. The family is the crucible of socialization for children and youth, in which one's character and conscience are built and parental authority and disciplines are practiced. In addition, family is regarded as a primary representation of culture and ethnicity (Sodowsky & Lai 1997). Children often form their cultural identity largely on the basis of family relationships (Sodowsky & Lai 1997). However, our current knowledge is limited and lacks specificity on how family and its socialization process change (or not) across multiple domains of family culture. Accordingly, this article investigates the cultural aspects of family socialization that Korean immigrant parents are eager to maintain (core) or willing to modify (peripheral) and the possible challenges in this process.

The majority of existing studies have focused largely on Latino immigrant families. When Asian families are the focus, they are often viewed as a monolithic group, despite the considerable diversity among Asians. The efforts to fill this gap have been sporadic and largely recent (e.g., Kibria 1993; Louie 2004). Korean immigrant families are uniquely well situated for this present study, given their strong sense of ethnic attachment and solidarity. Although this distinctively strong ethnic solidarity has made it possible to build a cohesive and fairly successful immigrant community (Hurh 1998; Min 2006; Park 1997), it has also contributed to cultural and social segregation, particularly among the parent generation (Min 2006; Park 1997). The rapid globalization and advances in communications technology have made it possible for many contemporary Korean immigrants to remain connected to their culture of origin. However, even though the Korean immigrant community has devoted significant efforts to deliberately preserve their culture, changes and negotiations are bound to affect the traditional and culture-specific behaviors and values of family among Korean immigrants, and it is possible that any changes observed within this community are likely to occur in other groups. This extension of the effects can help identity the peripheral cultural traits of acculturatio n.³ The limited number of studies on Korean-Americans are concentrated on social and economic integration of the community with limited examination of family aspects (for an exception, see Min 1998). Thus, we know little about how Korean immigrant families adapt and reconstruct family socialization. In other words, we need to better understand which cultural characteristics are maintained or discarded, how the pattern of changes is similar to or different from other immigrant groups, and whether Korean-American families have formed a hybrid of two cultures that is uniquely Korean-American.

Acculturation among immigrant families occurs often in the context of complicated family relationships. Immigration to a foreign country is one of the most significant life-altering events and is likely to exact physical and emotional tolls on the family (Chung 2001; Sluzki 1979). Intergenerational cultural conflict—a clash between parents and children over cultural values—occurs so commonly among immigrant families that it is almost normative (Lee et al. 2005; Sluzki 1979; Ying et al. 1999). Typically, immigrant parents adhere to their traditional cultural beliefs while their children endorse dominant Western values, resulting in a clash. Although many immigrant families successfully adjust and make a positive transition to the new environment (Chan & Leong 1994), many other families struggle in the process of renegotiating and adjusting. For example, high levels of intergenerational cultural conflict can result in serious family conflict; parents may lose their authority and confidence as parents; and children may exhibit maladjustments such as mental health and behavioral problems (Choi et al. 2008; Foner & Kasinitz 2007; Kibria 1993). The clash between parents and children is likely to be more serious within families from those cultures more removed from Western culture (Min 1998), such as Korean immigrant families (Ying & Chao 1996). Parent-child cultural conflict is the most frequent problem among Asian American youth and young adults who seek counseling (Lee & Yoshida 2005). This conflict is found among all Asian-American subgroups (Ying et al. 1999).

In contrast to the individualistic culture of the larger U.S. society, Korean families are collectivistic, culturally. The traditional values of Korean childrearing, influenced by Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism, include the virtues of filial piety, a strong familism characterized by a deeply ingrained sense of obligation and orientation to the family, and emphasis on collective needs, interdependency, and conformity (Hurh 1998). In addition, traditional Asian societies uniformly place scholars high in the social hierarchy, leading to tremendous emphasis on education. Thus, education is a virtue not only for personal development and social status, but also for the family glory and status. A strong adherence to these cultural values among Korean parents combined with parental cultural and societal isolation could exacerbate intergenerational conflict with their children. Thus, more so than in other Asian groups, the family socialization process among Korean immigrants can be seriously complicated by potentially pronounced inter-generational cultural conflict.

Despite their resistance, parents may have to change the family roles and their parenting practices, which may create added stress (Min 1998). Korean-American adults report higher levels of stress associated with acculturation than any other immigrant groups (Berry et al. 1987), which may be, in part, derived from inter-generational cultural conflicts with their children.

II. Study Design

From March through June 2006, our research team conducted several focus groups with Korean-American families with adolescents aged 11 to 14 and living in Chicago and surrounding areas. We conducted five parent focus groups (three with mothers and two with fathers, for a total of 43 parents) and four youth focus groups (two with boys and two with girls for a total of 26 youth). Participants for the focus groups were recruited from three Korean ethnic churches in Chicago. We restricted parent participants to those who were born in Korea and have lived in the United States for more than five years. This allowed us to target families that have advanced beyond the initial settlement and are likely undergoing acculturation. For youth, at least one parent had to be born in Korea to be eligible to participate. On average, parents had lived in the United States for 18.3 years. The majority of youth's schooling and socialization had occurred in the United States, and these youngsters would likely be more similar to U.S.-born, second-generation youth than first-generation newcomers.

The focus group script for parents focused on changes (or no changes) in family socialization (childrearing goals and parenting practices) and formation of a new family socialization process in response to acculturation. For youth, the focus group inquired about their perception about the culturally unique characteristics of their family socialization and their understanding of those characteristics, including centrality of the family, family obligation, and bonding to parents—these are widely considered common characteristics of Asian family socialization. For more detail on the questions and sample, see Appendix A.

This focus group study was a part of the Korean American Families (KAF) project. The KAF project was funded by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and several institutions at the University of Chicago. The KAF project is examining whether and how Korean-American parents maintain the traditional Korean childrearing practices and beliefs while adapting to mainstream American cultural expectations. It also examines whether maintaining traditional Korean practices is beneficial to youth development and their behavioral and psychological indicators. The KAF project conducted the focus group study in 2006, the first survey in 2007, and a follow-up survey of approximately 300 Korea-American families in 2008. The survey was conducted with primary caretakers (mostly mothers), secondary caretakers (mostly fathers), and youth.

III. Results

Before moving into the results, we should note that changes in several domains, although categorized as core vs. peripheral, are relative to each other. In other words, peripheral domains may still include some core traits, but in general they are changing more readily than others, relatively speaking, and vice versa. This typically occurs because the lines that define the multiple domains are imprecise at times; for example, some behavioral traits are more of an indication of emotional traits than the behavior per se, although they are categorized as a behavioral domain.

Peripheral Domains: Cultural Traits That Are Changing

A key complaint of parents was the ineffectiveness of relying on absolute obedience to parents in this new context as one mother reveals:

I tend to think that if we force them [children] to do things and although we were told to obey and we did [when we were kids], that just won't work here. So, I make suggestions first [to my children], listen to their thoughts, and we talk… Then, they can do what they want and they need to explore options on their own and develop the sense of responsibility… These parenting methods for my children are quite different from how we were raised.

They feel uneasy when their children challenge parental authority and constantly struggle with the different cultural expectations. They often feel frustrated and pressured to change parenting behaviors and practices. For example, they feel that they need to grant autonomy and express affection physically and verbally to their children to a much greater extent than they would deem appropriate. They also feel the need to change disciplinary practices. Parents try to navigate news ways of parenting, but they are often are at a loss. Their understanding of Western parenting tends to be superficial at best, and they do not know specifically which behaviors to adopt.

In general, children perceive “American” parenting as more positive, complimenting, and rewarding (e.g., giving lavish gifts to children for a small achievement), and they sometimes envy it. Such envy, however, is often coupled with ambivalence as they also view Western parenting as potentially problematic. The following is from one of the girls' groups.

“American parents baby their children.”

“Yeah!”

MODERATOR: They baby their children?

“Yeah, they take care of them a lot—not like over-protect, but, like, …`You got a C on a test, here's your [huge] dinner.'”

Moderator: So you feel like American parents treat their kids like…

“Very well”

“Spoiled!”

“And she doesn't get disciplined if she gets like an F or a D on her test or grade.”

MODERATOR: Do you think that's a good thing?

“No, it's not good but they tell her to do better the next time …but I would rather be in the family right now”

In the following, the results are grouped into the areas of disciplines/management, affection and praise, and autonomy. Within each of these, there are areas that parents are more readily willing to change. Across all areas of parenting, however, parents were frequently resistant or reluctant to change, and they held tight to certain aspects of tradition.

Disciplines/management

The use of corporal punishment as a disciplinary practice seems to significantly abate among parents. This pattern is shared among other Asian groups such as Vietnamese and Cambodians (Harachi et al. 2006). Parents identified corporal punishment and their specific methods⁴ as uniquely Korean. Yet parents are well aware that corporal punishment is against the law in the United States. However, as a sign of the general reluctance to give up such punishment, several told stories about taking their children to Korea in order to use corporal punishment (“beat them up as soon as they landed at the airport”).

The changes are also, in part, in response to their children's age. Many of the participants stated they had used corporal punishments to discipline their children in the past when they were younger but as children age, such punishment becomes ineffective, particularly during adolescence. The issue of corporal punishment and its effectiveness as a disciplinary act was quite controversial among participants. Parents were almost equally divided whether corporal punishment was effective in any cultural context. The majority of parents, however, did not frequently (if at all) use corporal punishment with their adolescent children.

Youth largely corroborated their parents' views. They were familiar with the Korean corporal punishments used and knew the terms in Korean as well, i.e., mem-mye. Although they might have been disciplined with corporal punishment when they were younger, they, too, agreed that those methods were largely ineffective and little used, as this male participants says: “Like for me, when I was little, I was practically, like, the same size. My mom would hit me, like, crazy if I did something, but my dad would just not care. My mom wouldn't hit me but now, since I'm older, and they just ground me and take away stuff.” Another male agreed, saying “Physical punishment doesn't work when you are older. It's more of a mental thing.” Girls also agreed, as this young woman reveals. “When I was younger, my punishments were pretty harsh… she made us stand to the wall and, like, raise our hands and then sit on our calves. But that was how it was back then. But then as we got older, we obviously stopped and then she got older, and she was laid back. She eventually stopped.”

The most frequently mentioned disciplinary techniques were explaining and reasoning, and taking away privileges and grounding. Parents seem to think that these are Western techniques that American parents (that is, white parents) use and should be effective with their children. Although the majority of participants believed in explaining and reasoning with their children, they often found these techniques hard to implement owing to the language difficulties. Also, taking away privileges and grounding were quite “foreign” techniques to Korean parents, and they often feel ineffective in employing them. Attesting to this difficulty, the majority of youth participants thought their parents simply do not know what grounding actually meant. A father elaborated:

When kids were younger, parents would do the Korean way. I did that too, I mean hitting them. … [But now] it doesn't work, and I don't have the courage either. It may work among kids under 10 but it won't work any more and, as others have said, what works the best is grounding. So, for kids too … instead of physically punishing, I take away what they like. When they lose what they want, it gives them a chance to think. But then, we, Korean parents, are not tough so that even when we know that kids sneak around the punishment, we just knowingly ignore it. You know, I won't go out to cut the internet wire to punish my kids. So, just leave them as it is and then it gets a bit fussy. So, just give them a bit of stress, maybe, that is all.

Affection and praise

Another area that parents feel pressured to change was in showing affection and offering praise. Specifically, parents believe that their children expect them to express affection more physically and verbally than they would normally do or feel comfortable doing. Overt expressions do not come naturally to these parents. They were not raised in an emotionally expressive cultural environment. Therefore, it takes a conscious effort to openly express affection. Some parents try new behaviors and feel fine about them (particularly with younger children and girls), but others feel very uncomfortable and awkward. Parents are also concerned that too much verbal praises may spoil children. Between mothers and fathers, mothers feel more at ease in expressing physical and verbal affection (e.g., hugging, kissing, and praising). As this father says, “Of course, I do not want to be that, but want to casually play with my son, but it must be so ingrained in me that I just cannot do it.” Or as this mother says, “If you grew up like that, it would be easy to do it. But we have just heard about it but haven't practiced it, we just cannot do it. Really…. You cannot do it even to your spouse, never!” Interestingly, youth do not feel comfortable with the American ways either, and some parents, like this mother, sense this. “I try to keep close with my kids, so I hug and kiss them. I still do. Always. …. But, when we are outside, they [my kids] are more Korean. I would like to do it [hug and kiss], but they do not want them. They said they are embarrassed.”

The majority of parents feel more comfortable with, and thus more frequently use, implicit and indirect expressions, such as cooking a child's favorite food, waiting for their children when they come home late, checking on children when they are asleep, working hard and sacrificing for the family, or helping children know that parents believe in them. One mother's story is a good example of this:

When my child leaves for school, I always sit in front of the window and wave my hand to her until the school bus leaves. She sticks her head out to check whether or not I am still there, always. And when it is about time for her to come home, I sit there at the same spot before the bus comes. Umm… If I am in the kitchen, I run to the window to show me. I need to because if I am not there, she would wonder why mom is not there for her. I think she would wonder. So, I try my best to make sure I do that. Then, I realize that that is how I do it, sitting there and waving my hand, without really saying or not knowingly, I feel it.

Probably more than what parents expected, youth reported that their parents verbalize their affections, telling them that they love them, for example. However the range of this expression varies. For example, some youth thought that hearing “I love you” from their parents was just unheard of. “You gotta be kidding me!” said one. Others say that their parents always tell them that. Nevertheless, in general it is not just parents who feel foreign to the overt expressions. In fact, many of the youth called these overt expressions a “white kids' thing.” There are many other ways than verbal and physical expressions that parents express their love. Youth sensed their love and affection, for example, when they feel they can trust and rely on their parents, when they feel their parents listen to them, when they feel supported, when they feel their parents are seriously concerned about their future, when they feel able to talk with parents, when they spend time together, when they understand parents' sacrifices (e.g., working long hours), and when they are granted autonomy. For youth, it is often “more actions than words.”

What seems crucial in terms of parent-child affective relationships is the youth's perception. For example, it is often not the behavior itself that is defined as affective or controlling but rather how youth interpret that behavior. For example, parents may restrict or allow a sleepover and both of these actions might be perceived as a sign of affection if youth view either as a sign of caring or trust. Thus, even when youth are disciplined or yelled at for getting bad grades, youth may interpret this as evidence of their parents' concern for their future, and thus as a sign of parental affection and care, as this participant explains: “They are, like, mean but then they care about you—something I didn't believe that. Now I'm starting to see why. So they yell at you and they make you get good grade. They discipline you. …And now, I'm understanding it.”

Autonomy

All mothers and fathers expressed ambivalence, reluctance, and sometimes resistance surrounding the issue of autonomy, yet parents share a common perception that they need to change their attitudes about autonomy. Parents have different views on autonomy depending on how they define it. If parents equate autonomy with the Western idea of individualism and independence and the separation from parents and the family, they feel forced to accept the autonomy of their children. On the other hand, parents who define autonomy as self-sufficiency and the sense of responsibility, this may not necessarily be viewed as Western. Even in the latter, however, parents often are mixed about the possibility of having to live distantly from their grown children. This may be because, in Korea, it is common (or even expected) for grown children to live together with their parents until they marry, or sometimes even after they marry (Min 1998). This custom is gradually changing in Korea as more single adults prefer living by themselves, but the majority of parents in this study emigrated prior to these recent changes. The prospect of having to live far from their children still seems unsettling for some parents.

More often than not, the two definitions of autonomy seem enmeshed, and parents feel frustrated by not knowing how to instill the sense of independence without severing family ties with their children. However, even for parents who are reluctant to become accultu-rated, living separately with their grown children is a reality, even though it is against their wish, as this mother reveals:

Well, we, the first-generation parents, would like to live closely to our children, but the second-generation children think that they have their own life… after all, parents have their own life, separately, and since children will have to eventually leave home anyway, we have to acknowledge…It is not so much that we are getting acculturated. It is just the reality, although it is not what we like. Although not ideal, we have to respect their own life and since it is not like the relationship is severed, we keep the ties by, for example, making phone calls or visits…

Youth believe that their parents do grant autonomy, to an extent. Youth stated that their parents are likely to respect their decisions in important matters, such as in deciding a college major or future career or marriages. Parents are still influential in those decisions, however, by “strongly suggesting what they [parents] think is right,” as one male participant said. Youth said that they do not make decisions solely on the basis of their parents' suggestions, but the parental guidance is important in making those decisions.

Two areas, parental financial support for higher education and children's economic autonomy, are treated as a separate issue in regard to autonomy. The majority of parents seemed to think that it was their duty to pay for college if they could afford it, and some were willing to make sacrifices for children's education. Even when they say that they will not support their children “all the way through” college, it is frequently because they cannot afford it, not because they expect their children to be financially independent during college years. The willingness of parents to pay for higher education, even if it is burdensome, likely stems from the cultural emphasis on education. In addition, youth noted that parents emphasize education because it is one of the few ways to compensate for their disadvantages as an ethnic minority and parents are willing to sacrifice for that. Parents also said that their children seem to integrate the cultural norm about autonomy from the mainstream and many of them plan to work to pay, even if partially, for their own education, which they see as a positive thing.

Core within Peripheral: Cultural Behaviors That Tend to Linger

Despite some of the changes described above, certain parenting behaviors are present that are still culturally unique. For example, it is notable that the majority of parents, both fathers and mothers, talk often about non-verbal and implicit parenting behavior. Parents teach children by demonstrating the desired behaviors to children rather than explaining them to children. For instance, by working hard, parents expect to teach a work ethic and sense of responsibility and integrity. By taking care of their aging parents, parents hope their children internalize the value of family obligation and the respect for elders.

Parents use this parenting style in building relationship with their children as well. Many feel more comfortable in expressing their love, care, and trust to their children nonverbally and indirectly. Some parents said that even if there is conflict and misunderstanding, their children will, albeit slowly, understand and know how much parents care for, love, and trust them. They just must be patient.

This nonverbal, implicit, and indirect parenting style worked for some children. Youth reported being strongly influenced by their parents and what they do about the importance of family ties, including taking care of elderly parents.

Core Domains: Cultural Traits That Parents Are Eager to Maintain

Family Values

Parents selected close family ties, respect for elders, filial piety, and Korean etiquette that reflects familial hierarchy and respect to elders as the most important cultural aspects they strongly wish to safeguard.⁵ These are largely Confucian family values (Min 1998). Although parents acknowledge that their children are American and are growing up in different cultural context, their efforts to transmit and maintain the Korean cultures are evident and often intense.

Examples of parents' comments include:

Father: The most important value that I want to pass on is that, a bit revised, but respect [to adults or the elderly]. I believe, even after we die, if children learned to respect, they would learn to communicate. Being able to listen and speak… thus… the most importantly, the value of respect…

Mother: Respect for parents was very important for my generation. Thus, I wish my children grow up with that. Not that they don't respect, but because they are growing up here, children behave and express differently than how we did, then I just get flustered. I easily misunderstand them and assume that they do not respect and that is how conflicts get started…The bottom line is that even though my kids are growing up in this country, they should have the Korean culture and while I would accept theirs, I tend to push my value.

Father: As I indicated earlier, even though children would, inevitably, need to follow the American system of being economically independent and all, I wish that they would maintain the close tie between parents and children, even if they have to live far away, physically, because of the job or something else.

There is also a wide range of parental behaviors in their endeavors and the degrees in which parents emphasize the traditions. Parents actively teach culturally appropriate manners and etiquette, which they see as signs their children have maintained important cultural values. For example, one of the mothers said that:

When we sit down together at the dinner table, the elders [or adults] should start eating first before the young [or children]. But, for our children, they get hungry and want to start eating, before their father comes to the table and starts. So, I tell them to go get their father first. I am trying to plant this value in them. When the family eats together, we should gather first and then adults should start the dinner. You cannot eat first only because you are hungry. I am trying to emphasize this.

Parents often encounter difficulties in their endeavors and many become disappointed. Parents who are recent immigrants seemed more frustrated than those who have lived in the United States for a longer period, as this participant reveals:

What is a bit disappointing is that children become ill-mannered. The Korean etiquettes, manners, and manners toward parents [are disappearing.] She would say “Why not?” Man, I just lose it! That is just a good example, her saying “why not!” to her father! Her first immediate response is in English. It has been five years but that is very disappointing too. Koreans have the traditional etiquette and manners, but people who were born here, they just think that it is OK. It just saddens me. And calling her mother “you.” It irks me. Don't say “you.” Say mom and dad, alright? What is “you”? Don't say “why”! Take that “why” out!

Several youth reported how much their parents emphasize the Korean etiquette, particularly toward other Korean adults in the community. A young male participant offers an example of such etiquette: “Respect your elders even if you don't know them. Like at church. Like if you see an adult that you don't know, [and my parents say] “In Sa De Ryo (give them the greetings).”

In regard to filial piety, parents unanimously said that they do not expect their children to have the same level of filial piety they have. For example, although they feel that they are responsible for caring for their own aging parents, they do not expect their children to do the same when they get older. However, they would be pleased if children internalized this value or disappointed if they did not. For example, one of the mother participants said,

We were passing a nursing home and I asked my child, “That is a place for the elderly, and would you live with us [mom and dad] when we get older or would you put us in a nursing home?” My son replied, he was younger than now, he said that if you are there, I will go visit you every day. (Participants laughed together) I felt disappointed. Of course, I didn't expect living with him [when I get older], but then, I would have felt good if he said that “Why would you live there? You should live with me!” I didn't expect him to say that he would visit me everyday…

Probably because parents do not want to explicitly impose on their children the responsibility of taking care of them when they get old and yet they want their children to cherish the value, the teaching is often indirect. The following comments from a young woman reveal this:

“Like my mom, she always asks me when she gets older, am I going to take care of her, and I always say, “Yes.””

MODERA TOR: And when you say yes, does she look pleased?

“Yeah, she always smiles at me and hugs me.”

MODERATOR: Do you feel like that is sort of indirect message? She doesn't tell you this but then that's how…

“But that's how my dad and my mom are, like, they ask and then my dad starts adding jokes into it—like, they are going to buy me a car.”

Youth also talked about filial piety. They seemed to understand the value well and some have internalized its importance. As these young women said:

“Well, they brought us to this point and we should do the same for them because if you just let them take care of us right now, and we just abandon them, just like don't take care of them, that's not fair. Well, it's completely your choice but I doubt that no one would.”

“It's more Korean.”

“Yeah”

“We [Koreans] care about our parents more.”

The pressure on parents to acculturate to these family values is also apparent. Although they think that the traditional values are important, parents, especially those who have lived in the United States for some time, feel they must adjust their expectations, mainly because their expectations may not be appropriate or realistic for their children. Thus, some parents modify their expectations and come to terms, for instance, by realizing that the values are still alive in their children but the behaviors that express those values may get adjusted and revised. Other parents decide to shed some of the cultural behaviors and gradually give up on certain Korean etiquette. For example, several parents in the group have given up on demanding their children use the terms of address among siblings. When there are multiple siblings, children tend to speak primarily in English to each other and the younger ones do not address the older ones with the “proper” addressing terms, like hyung (the form of address for an older brother by a younger brother), nuna (for an older sister by a younger brother), unni (to an older sister by a younger sister), or oppa (to a older brother by a younger sister). They, instead, call each other by first names. These changes are an inevitable reality of acculturation rather than something parents aspire to. Some parents said that having to watch their children address each other with first names was “heart-breaking.”

Even if parents modify their expectations for behaviors that express the values, many parents seem to hold on to the critical and fundamental values to the culture, for example, the emphasis on strong family ties and respect for the elders. For example, children may express their respect differently (e.g., they may not be able to say greetings in Korean with a bow, but instead, may hug their grandparents to greet) but parents put effort into instilling the values of respecting the elders.

To transmit these values as well as the language, parents often, again, use indirect methods. Examples include sending children to the Saturday Korean schools, watching Korean videos together, observing Korean traditional holidays or customs of celebrating ancestors, eating primarily Korean foods at home and when they eat out, maintaining frequent family times, speaking Korean at home, and making visits to Korea. Some of these methods are well received while others meet children's resistance. Many youth complained about having to attend the Korean schools on Saturday, making their parents feel that they are adding more stresses on top of the already busy and stressful academic schedules. Also, certain techniques are expensive, such as visiting Korea. Yet, several parents, as the following comment by a father attests, still strongly insist on the values in their home despite the resistance and protest from their children.

When I send them to the Korean school - I sent all of my kids, son and daughter, to the Korean schools, although I wished that they would learn the culture, they weren't really responsive. They often asked why they had to go. “Why do I have to go when I am American?” They were born here, so, when they ask, “Well, your father is Korean and your mother too. So, won't you need to learn the Korean culture?” “Why do I, American, need to learn the Korean culture? You and mom are Korean but not me” They would say that. Then, the reality is that we would have to respect their opinions. Parents… you know the old saying that parents cannot bend kids' will. But kids would follow your wish once or twice. I asked them finish the school, so they did. But, we should teach them the Korean culture. They question why but there is so much to learn… they won't learn. They won't really….

Distinct Ethnicity

One of the major themes that emerged from the groups was parental concern about the minority status of their children and its impact on the development, quality of life, and future careers of their children. Specifically, many parents talked about identity confusion, cultural conflict, and the sense of isolation from the mainstream society, and they were also concerned about the impact of their children's minority status and disadvantages it infers. For example, they were worried that their children would not be able to make friends with white youth, which they see as potentially limiting their future prospects in society, as this mother says:

My child won't be able to have close friendships with white kids, you know, that close relationship that we had in Korea with peers. They are disconnected from such and those relationships are important first stepping stones toward forming social relationships later. But since they can have only superficial conversations and relationships, they may not get integrated later when they graduate from schools… and won't be able to move up the social ladder…

Another mother was concerned about discrimination: “Only because my children are [racially] `different,' they get discriminated… they would find out on their own… that just saddens me so much. So, what I did was to teach them that they are Korean and Koreans are excellent in many things and everyone is different and that they are special. I think that has worked for my children.”

Youth also talked about feeling their minority status when with peers. For example, as this young man conveys, they had a sense of identity confusion (or feeling of not belonging to either place) and being singled out. “In America, you're not Americans here. You're Korea n.…. But, when I go there [Korea], I always get ripped out because they can tell my accent is not perfect and they hate white people in Korea.”

Another young man is embarrassed about his inability to speak Korean. “If people come up to you and they say, “How do you say `stupid' in Korean? … Like, I feel kind of stupid if I say, `I don't know,' and they are like, `aren't you Korean? Don't you know how to speak Korean?'

Parents also identified this dual cultural context as a source of conflict and stress, as this father reveals. “That is the stress and conflict for our kids, the second generation…. Two cultures co-exist. When they come home, they are Korean. When they go out, they are American… there must be identity or self confusion as they grow… it would get just worse and serious as they get older.” Also, some parents took children's strong sense of affiliation with Koreans, e.g., enthusiasm for the Korean soccer team in World Cup, as a sign of the unconscious stress related to minority status.

Although the focus groups did not ask specifically about minority status, parents seem to interpret the word “culture” as one of race and ethnicity. Any discussion of cultural differences and values evoked discussion of race and ethnicity. In general, fathers expressed concerns more frequently and strongly than mothers.

Parents seem to believe that a strong sense of ethnic pride and close family ties will buffer the risks of being a minority. The assumptions were that children with a strong sense of clear and proud identity would be able to withstand the negativity of racial discrimination and cultural differences. For example, one of the mothers talks about the potential pitfalls of not establishing a Korean identity: “There was this mom who is 1.5 generation. She was saying that she had had such a hard time during her high school years, not knowing who she is, neither Korean nor American. She also was saying that we should teach our kids that they are Korean even though they are growing up in this country.”

Youth confirmed a sense of pride that their parents instilled, and they were well aware of the ethnic solidarity in the community. One young man told the group that his parents told him, “Oh, you have to be proud of your Koreans.” “That's like a national…. Nationalism,” said a second male, to which the first young man replied, “Korean Americans really have the Korean pride, they call it Korean Pride, and it's called KP.” Two other young men added:

At my school they think Asians are tough, they are very aggressive, they, like, fight a lot of people. Then all of the white and black people want to be like Asians, “what are you talking about, I'm Asian, I can fight, I'm tough.” And then at our school, if anyone makes fun of Asians, all of the Asians people will beat them up.

[I] took class Korean…but I feel like the rest of us here, I still think that it could be important that still we learn Korean; because if you don't, you lose it and what are you now?

Several youth flexibly identified themselves as American or Korean, depending on the context. Youth also were keenly aware that their parents (and youth themselves) are immigrants and culturally distinct.

Added Challenges

One of the primary challenges that parents face is the language barrier, a challenge shared by other immigrant groups as well. A majority of the parents were frustrated with their limited ability to communicate with their children. Because parents generally concur that the language is fundamental to communicate and important to maintain the tradition in their children, they feel even more frustrated with their inability to speak English fluently and children's struggle with Korean, as this father reveals:

I think that this is common to most of us. With only few exceptions, we cannot freely communicate with our children, because of English… Thus, children are frustrated and we, parents, are frustrated and the stress must be pretty high on both sides. We just cannot communicate… So, when there are things that we cannot satisfy them, well, then, some of us try to solve the problem with money, like buying stuff for them. We know that it is not the best way to do, but then, what else can we do? I don't see any other way…

A mother adds:

When I came back from work, things are just so hectic - we barely get to eat and have to leave early in the morning. Even when I have chance to talk with kids, I don't understand the half of what my boy says. He speaks so fast and in English. My daughters are different. They speak Korean and understand what I say, so we can talk, but with my son, he speaks English and rarely Korean. When our talk is blocked, then it just stopped. [He says] “Never mind, never mind”. It is not that he is looking down on me. It is just heart-breaking for both of us.

Youth also shared their frustrations in communicating with parents. They said that they often mix Korean and English to talk to parents but this doesn't work all the time. Even children who are fairly good at speaking Korean did not feel like they can freely talk with their parents, especially to describe complex situations or to express subtle emotions. Most of them said that they have given up on talking to their parents at the sophisticated level.

Parents complained that their children rapidly assimilate into the American culture, and although they clearly see the need for learning the mainstream culture, they feel they have limited contact with and understanding of the dominant society. In addition, as immigrants they often lack necessary resources, typically work long hours, and feel too physically and psychologically drained to put any extra effort in learning the dominant culture and language. Their cultural and linguistic isolation, parents said, might have created a sense of embarrassment among their children because children often complained to their parents of strong accent in English and culturally awkward behaviors. Girls in particular talked being embarrassed by their parents, frequently owing to language and behaviors.

From youths' perspective, the most difficult challenge was parents' excessive emphasis on education. With only few exceptions, youth participants said that parents' emphasis on excelling at school, which they said is often excessive, was uniquely Korean (or Asian). They also felt strongly that parents cared too much about school performance, and they were often frustrated by that pressure. The general messages that youth perceived were that all A's (if not A+) are the expectation and doing only fine at school (e.g., getting A− or B's) was not good enough, as this conversation among several boys in the focus group reveals:

“Straight A's that ail they want.”

“If you study hard, you can get into a good college and make a lot of money and become a doctor.”

“Yeah”

“Like a doctor or lawyer.”

“They just say that never go into business.”

“If you get a B on a test, they go like, `you should get A.'”

“If you get straight A's, they are like, `you're supposed to get that.'”

“A plus”

“My parents just talk to me and tell me to do better next time or, like, `I'm going to take away your computer.'”

“Like, if I get an A, like, in an honor class and, then, I get like a B in gym or something, they emphasize on the gym.”

“Yeah, yeah!”

“Just because it's a B!”

Several girls wished their parents would offer praise more often:

“No rewards.”

“Reward? My reward is McDonalds or money or clothes. And, that's it.”

“My parents would say] Just do it again!”

“If I'm doing that really really good, they will get me something. Or, like other times, they will just say like `Oh, good. Keep on doing that.' They will be just, like, praise me. I will be like `Ok, whatever.'”

“I think it's sad how some parents—they are not proud of their children—but they say, `Why couldn't you have done it better?' I think that's really negative for a child.

“That just like tears down your self-esteem.”

Interestingly, parents generally did not talk about education other than their willingness to support the education if their children wanted to pursue higher education. Many parents, in fact, stated that there are many other things more critical than doing well at school, including children's health and happiness.

Academic achievement also influences friendship, dating, and future marriages. Parents prefer marriages with Koreans, but if a prospect friend/spouse has good education or good job, parents may allow a multiracial marriage.

IV. Conclusion

The traditional cultural characteristics are challenged and negotiated in the process of acculturation (Foner 1997); some characteristics are discarded, others are maintained, still others may get strengthened, new characteristics from the new cultures are adopted, and possibly a new hybrid of a culture of family socialization may emerge. The focus group interviews conducted with Korean-American parents and their children attest to the complexity of this process. It is often argued that, in the process of acculturation, elements of cultures (both original and host cultures) can coexist. Although this was true to an extent among Korean-American families, they appear to live more distinctly in the Korean culture than the mainstream Western culture, and their adaptation is, at least at this point, minimal.

Acculturation is a difficult task for the Korean parents. They showed reluctance and resistance to change, except in some of the areas they believe are necessary and potentially helpful to their children. The resistance was common across genders with an exception of expressing affection in which mothers find it easier than fathers.

As pointed out in the literature, acculturation among Korean-American families was occurring differently and selectively across various domains. The patterns also support the notion that behaviors tend to change first, as indicated by the majority of youth who speak English or parents who have changed some parenting practices, while the fundamental values (family values in this case) are maintained and the sense of ethnic affiliation is strengthened. Specifically, the behaviors that may draw immediate sanction from the mainstream, such as corporal punishment, are the first to abate.

Family values are core values that parents are eager to maintain and transmit to their children. They were traditionally Confucian values that are viewed as fundamental to maintain order in the family, and thus protect the family (Min 1998). These traditional family values survived many generations in Korea even through the high level of urbanization and industrialization (Min 1998) and they seem likely to survive among Korean-American families.

Overall, the majority of parenting practices and values landed in between the core and peripheral: some changes are observed but limited, and there are remnant traits that are uniquely Korean, especially indirect and implicit parenting styles.

One of the recurrent and major concerns among parents was that their children are growing up as a racial and cultural minority, which, they believe, is likely to impede children's development and future prospects. They are afraid that their children might be culturally and socially marginalized, as they themselves are. To protect them, parents focus quite intensely on ethnic socialization within the family – a pattern that is shared among many Asian subgroups (Goodwin 2003), particularly among Chinese and Vietnamese immigrant families (Kibria 2002; Louie 2004). They accept the reality that the language and some cultural behaviors are likely to eventually fade away in the next generations, but parents work even harder to keep ethnicity and identity distinct because they strongly believe that a clear sense of ethnic identity and the deliberate preservation of the tradition helps buffer the risks and negativities derived from being an ethnic and cultural minority in this country. The sense of distinct ethnicity and minority status has intensified in recent years as Korean-Americans experienced the Los Angeles uprising and other racial conflicts (Min 2007).

Parents believe in biculturalism and want to biculturally competent, but learning a new culture and language is difficult. Parents want to be effective and want to learn and adopt the mainstream parenting, but often they do not know what those mainstream cultures are. Parents are isolated from the mainstream society primarily due to cultural and language barriers and the immediate needs to support the family (typically working long hours).

Youth, mostly second-generation immigrants, have internalized the Korean traditional family values and behaviors, probably more than their parents think that they have – a sign of successful enculturation. It was interesting to hear from youth who felt uncomfortable with overt expressions of affection when many parents thought their children wanted them to be more expressive, and these youth were largely born in this country. They know what their parents value the most and respect those values. They may envy their white peers occasionally because they perceive Western parenting as lenient, but they are well aware of their parents' sacrifices and want to fulfill parental wishes. Unlike parents' fears, children do not seem to suffer greatly from identity confusion. It is possible that youth who participated in this focus group study are too young to seriously ponder this issue of being an ethnic minority and ethnic identity; it is often not until late adolescence that the issue of ethnicity becomes salient (Choi et al. 2006), but the overall responses suggest that Korean-American youth are aware of their minority status and cultural differences but have a positive and strong sense of ethnic identity as Korean-Americans. This finding is consistent with what Lee (1996) has found among her samples in Philadelphia. A typical source of stress was the pressure to excel at school. Although they understand the reasons and the importance of academic work, they see their parents' emphasis on education as excessive. This seems to be a common pattern found among Asians who share a similar cultural background, such as Chinese and Vietnamese (Louie 2004).

Although there are many signs of cultural preservation and the strengthened ethnic identity among this group of Americans, it would be interesting to see whether the current pattern remains. It is only recently that Korean-American second generations began participating in labor force and becoming parents. It will be interesting to see which aspects of the culture the second-generation Korean-American parents want to maintain and which aspect they hope to transmit to their offspring and how they would accomplish that. They will not have language difficulties that their parents had and they know much more about the mainstream culture. With the numerous signs of the enculturation among the second generation and the clear sense of distinct ethnicity, it is unlikely they will be easily assimilated into the mainstream white culture. However, the second generation of Korean-Americans, especially women, are marrying interracially at an increasing rate and the rate of multiracial birth between Korean-Americans and other groups is growing rapidly (Min, 2006). It will be curious to see whether and how the cultural traits, particularly the core ones, are maintained among the new generation of Korean-Americans.

Biographies

Yoonsun Choi is an Associate Professor at the School of Social Service Administration, University of Chicago. Her research seeks to understand the ramilial and environmental processes that influence ethnic minority children and serves to inform the development of culturally appropriate interventions to prevent youth problem behaviors. A recipient of a Research Scientist Development Award (KO1) from NIMH, she is the author of a dozen articles, including those in Journal of Youth and Adolescence and Social Service Review.Her current research investigates the determinants of adolescent behavior among Asian and multiracial youth. Her email address is yoonsun@uchicago.edu.

YouSeung Kim is a doctoral student at the School of Social Service Administration, University of Chicago. He graduated from Seoul National University (B.A.) and the Washington University (M.S.W.). His area of research revolves around the role of religion, specifically how it helps immigrants and their second generation children. In his doctoral dissertation, he seeks to examine the role of Korean ethnic churches on youth development, specifically how churches buffer risks of youth problem behaviors and mental health problems. kimy@uchicago.edu.

Appendix A: Study Details

We excluded multiracial youth because their experiences would be unique and different from those whose parents are both Koreans. We chose locations that were convenient for participants, and we paid participants $40 for adults and $20 for youth. The research team phoned families the night before to answer any questions they might have and to confirm their attendance at the group. Written consent for parents and parental consent and youth assent for youth were obtained at the start of the focus group. The focus groups were facilitated in Korean for parents and in English for youth. With the permission of the participants, we tape-recorded the sessions and transcribed them, removing all personally identifying information. The size of the group ranged from 5 to 14.

Sample Characteristics

Mean ages of parental participants were 44.3 (SD = 3.28) for mothers (n = 24) and 48.4 (SD = 3.39) for fathers (n = 19). About 80% of the parent participants reported annual income greater than $50,000. With the exception of two, parents had graduated from least high school, with approximately one-half having graduated from college or more.

Mean ages of youth participants were 12.9 (SD = 0.88) for boys and 13.2 (SD = 0.87) for girls. Seventy-seven percent of youth (n = 20) were born in the United States. For those who immigrated (n = 5), the average number of years of living in United States U.S. was 8.8 (SD = 3.77).

Focus Group Questions

The focus groups asked open-ended questions on childrearing goals and parenting practices among this immigrant parent group. Examples of questions included: “What are the most important values that you want to impart to your child?” “Values differ across cultures. What will be the Korean values that you think are the most important for your child to maintain? What do you do to transmit those values to your child?” Parents were also asked about the process of negotiating parenting due to different cultural expectations and the difficulties that they face in this process. Youth were asked similar open-ended questions that were revised to gain their perspectives and experiences, for example, their perception about culturally unique family socialization and their understanding of centrality of family, family obligations, and bonding to parents. Examples of questions for youth included: “What are the Korean values that your parents emphasize the most?” “When and how do you feel that your family is culturally different from other families in terms of what your family value or do?”

Analysis

Data analysis was guided by a modified version of the system developed by Morgan and Krueger (1993). Transcripts from each group session were reviewed first to develop a list of themes and concepts. We then further reduced the data and coding manually and with ATLAS computer software. Themes and patterns regarding each of the main focus group topics were identified using established coding procedures. For example, a preliminary set of analytic coding categories (closed codes) on the basis of conceptual relevance was developed. Next, transcripts were reviewed to select chunks of text in which relevant data are contained (open coding). The analytic coding categories were used to categorize initial coding data and were expanded to accommodate new findings. Two authors did these analysis steps independently and compared the results. The analyses went through several iterations until reasonable consensus was reached. Groups were analyzed in languages in which they were conducted and transcribed.