The Lancet has broadcast the ultimate socialist message: “The lesson: even in the world's richest country, the right price for condoms is zero” (Lancet 2004;364: 1315234839).
The first step will be the erection of thousands of condom factories, financed by the Bretton Wood Sisters—the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.
The United Nations will need to discuss how to calculate the numbers of condoms required. Applying human rights criteria, every male capable of penile erection (including those who achieve this by means of mechanical props or chemicals) is entitled to condoms.
Of the six billion world citizens there are a little less than three billion males, and perhaps one and a half to two billion of these are capable of erection.
As to the annual requirement in sheathing this penile force, the Lancet should invite global studies such as “Cultural and health determinants of the frequency of coitus according to age sets.” It can be assumed that the highest requirement occurs in the third decade in life when the annual demand can reach, in certain countries (such as Hungary), a thousand pieces. In the second decade erection is frequent, but, for the lack of opportunity and courage, coitus is not. The World Health Organization might advise young people to practise condom use when masturbating. From the fourth decade onwards the frequency of erection declines. It is unlikely that any male would be capable of more than 25 000 copulations in his life.
In what proportion of the grand total of penile exertion is it appropriate—to use President Bush's words—to use a condom? What proportion of the total takes place in stable monogamous or polygamous relationships, the only situations when condom use may not be required? More research is needed.
Condom distribution will be the duty of WHO. The UN will bear the cost of production. There is only one remaining problem: disposal. Without draconic legal measures, the world will be littered with discarded condoms within a decade, and every hole, natural or artificial, will be plugged up. Recycling may be an option. To encourage men to save and surrender used condoms they will have to be paid. One way to recover costs would be to find a use for the contents.