Many things have happened to me in my life till now, but this is the worst one. Going a few years back I was very upset of not getting a free seat in the undergraduate course. By God’s grace the next year I could grab a management quota seat. This was distressing to me as it partially created happiness that I got a seat somehow, but exaggerated the feeling of sadness to attain a management quota seat.
I turned myself into a stone forgetting the misery as life should go on. Working hard I completed 3 months of the first year successfully. Then appeared the internal assessment of the first year which was the exam I waited for. I followed a regular basis of studying in the college hours, then taking a break for an hour and rushing into the college library for study. I would then come home at 2 in the morning probably and would sleep for just 4–5 hours. This became a regular habit of mine, and it was chilling winter all around.
Then a day began which was the initial day of my illness. When I was traveling in chill weather alone in the moped with rare vehicles running from college to my home, I saw a snake 8 feet long crossing the road. I was shocked! Suddenly my hand went into the brakes pressing them tight to avoid the monstrous snake. I somehow calmed down and drove my vehicle home. The next night, as usual, I was about to go home, then in the dark by recalling that incident, I drove my vehicle. During that time I felt some cold thing crawling inside my pant. What’s that! I stopped the vehicle. I thought that would be a snake for sure. Then without checking in that strange place, I went home with fear. I searched in the home with extreme fear, but nothing was found. This was my first symptom of schizophrenia. It is called a tactile hallucination.
Then came the next day with ideas of flight what had happened yesterday night. I left the ideas as a lonely bird and started preparing without haunting thoughts. The day went on as usual, and I came home studying in the library. The day after the early morning rise, I went to the library even though there was a holiday as there was an exam on the next day. Then the problem aroused, suddenly my heart pounded by lack of remembrance of some of the answers. I could have taken rest that time but by viewing other friends studying hard made me to study still. My mind ceased, and the words in the book became blurred and then I could no longer study.
I suddenly called my mother that I will not study the course anymore and even I cannot study others too. My mother was devastated hearing this and told me to come home immediately. Then she asked with a broken heart, what happened? I could not speak a single word about it and was as a blank paper. I was like a stone. She cried heavily, but I was unable to express my feelings in front of her. My father and sister hurried home hearing this strange news. I slept for a while and then said what had happened in the library to all. They could not believe, even I did not know what happened to me. This is called alogia and avolition in medical terms which is a symptom of schizophrenia.
I felt as if I was controlled by someone; I thought that the conqueror is a ghost as I used to travel late night home alone. This condition is called a delusion of control. Next day came in, the day of internals. My parents woke me up in the morning to get ready for the exams somehow. I was afraid that I will fail for sure. I told to excuse me this time and did not go to the exam that day. My parents left me undisturbed calling my grandfather home. He is a man with a solid heart. Next day my condition became worse; I forgot the materials to be carried to the exam. I lost my senses during that time. My parents helped me in every aspect for getting ready to exam. My grandfather forced and pushed me to the exam hall like a school kid. In fact, my condition was worse than a school kid.
I left a blank paper and came home with grief. This method followed till the end of exams. All my dreams shattered. At the end of exams, my parents were upset of my sufferings. All they did was enquiring others about my condition and how to overcome it. People gave suggestions that it might be a depression which usually the students suffer from and guided to take for a jolly ride. They told that the change of place would help me in overcoming stress. My parents took me to Madikeri which I still remember. But it was of no use as the symptoms were aggravating.
Some people suggested going to temples for worshipping God. I prayed to god by going to temples early morning, taking bath in cold water but nothing gave a fruitful result. Rather my condition became worse; I could not do my daily activities with ease. Some nights there were a sensation of something crawling all over the body, the tactile hallucination. I could hear some abnormal sounds of low intensity which were not communicating with me, the auditory hallucination which is a classical symptom of schizophrenia.
I thought that I would hardly survive. During that time my parents went to the priest for asking what had happened to me. Mine was an orthodox family. He said that it is all happening due to witchcraft. I was shocked to hear that news. My paternal grandparents are agriculturists. They are irrational. When they heard the news, they scolded me thinking that the evil was inside my body. I did not know what had happened, hearing that my heart started pounding and I was blank. Then all the rituals told by the priest were done, but my condition did not improve.
My parents were fed up of seeing all these things. Then we went to a psychiatrist. We told about all these issues, and he gave medications and diagnosed it as schizophrenia. He told it runs in families. My parents were under dilemma as none had it. My father told that he was quite suspicious of some of the matters during his childhood days and the dilemma was solved. Then the treatment started, and the doctor had advised me to go to college as I was away from college for 3 months.
Then I started going to college; it was as if I was seeing new faces. My doctor suggested me that you could not be able to understand the lectures for some days. I felt fear of my situation when I could not understand and answer to the questions asked. There was peer pressure too. I was really fed up and started bunking classes. My parents met all the lecturers about the condition, and I still remember, one of my lecturers scolded me for bunking classes. Some days went on, but I could not understand the lectures still. Then by assessing my condition, the psychiatrist told to do an electro convulsion therapy (ECT). Then before doing he took a consent form and told that it might make me worse or good depending on my severity.
But it was worse in my case. The doctor advised to leave the course. My parents, I and my sister cried. But fate should be good we thought and returned home. The next day we went to the temple. For the first time, I said to my parents, “Please don’t worry about me from now on. God has created me to live on this earth and it is his wish to take me from this earth. But until my death I will survive with strong will power”. That was the day I set my mind.
I took it as a challenge and went to another psychiatrist, explained my condition. I was medicated there regularly. I went to the NLP programme which is a neuro-linguistic program and started my work as a child. I told them about my condition. They supported me in every aspect. I worked hard to regain understanding. In college, I told my condition to lecturers and about my will to succeed. They too supported me in every aspect, rectifying my errors and correcting them. I tried to pick up the already completed topics and practiced them. My friends helped me by providing all-round support. One of my lecturers counseled me. I also started doing yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises. I got moral support from my parents. I started jogging in the early morning.
My senses regained back. My strength regained. By regular counseling and appointment with a psychiatrist, I could overcome all my symptoms. I was regularly taking medications without fail.
Finally, I could overcome schizophrenia and defeat it with solid will power. Some may think that schizophrenia is a fatal disease which is unable to overcome, but there are ways of overcoming it by taking regular medications and determination. My parents, teachers, and my friends are happy with this issue. I would like to appreciate the doctor who brought my usual life back. I am leading a happy life now, enjoying the blessings of God. Anything can be possible if all of us have solid will power and determination. The only aspect for depleting human is fear. “Overcome fear and lead a happy life.”
Schizophrenia: New hope for recovery
Here are some of the tips involved in the treatment and self-help techniques which I followed for the recovery of schizophrenia.
My attitude towards schizophrenia treatment was as follows:
I took prescribed medications and attended medical and therapy on time.
I took my illness seriously and communicated with the doctor by being honest in telling the symptoms.
I did not rely on medications alone but worked hard by regularly exercising, improving my focus, relieving from stress, and sleeping well.
By cultivating all these, I found out some ways to overcome my illness which I followed:
I turned toward trusted friends and family members.
I had a goal and worked on it properly managing time.
I met new people and was busy in my schedule to avoid useless thoughts.
I had a supportive family who kept me happy all the time and encouraging at my work.
In diet issues, I had a healthy and balanced diet.
Finally, by regular medication and self-effort, I could overcome schizophrenia.