Living in a Paradox: How Older Single and Widowed Black Women Understand Their Sexuality

Abstract

The current phenomenological study explored how single and/or widowed older Black women understand their sexuality in the context of their Black matriarchal role and through their relational interactions with their children, families, friends, and their extended social networks. The women spoke about their sexuality in the contexts of Black matriarchy, concept of self, and communication. Black matriarchy was defined as the tenacity with which, as Black women and Black mothers, participants occupied a centralized role in their families, while concept of self reflected heavily on conflicting perceptions they held of their understanding of themselves as sexual beings. Regarding communication, many participants felt constrained in self-disclosing their sexual feelings and relationship status. Living in a paradox, exemplified the women’s struggles as they tried to balance the expectations of their roles they occupied in society with their own identity as a sexual being. Our findings offer a nuanced exploration of the various dimensions about how they understand themselves by providing invaluable insight into their world as older Black women. The implications for policy and practice pertain to assessing the fundamental historical and contemporary issues that older Black women face while simultaneously considering the convergence of race, gender, and sexuality.

INTRODUCTION

Adults aged 65 and older represent 16% of the total U.S. population, which equates to approximately one in every seven Americans, and their numbers are forecast to grow to 23% by 2060 (United States Department of Health and Human Services, 2016). This is also a general trend for Black populations because they too are living longer. In 2016, older Black persons accounted for 9.47% of the U.S. population, which is expected to increase to 14.17% by 2060 (Roberts et al., 2018). Since older Black adults, especially Black women, are living longer (National Center for Health Statistics, 2016), they will likely remain sexually active well into their later years of life. Studies have shown that many adults aged 65 and older still express their sexual desires (Kazer, 2013; Lindau et al., 2007; Ortman et al., 2014) and consider their sexual feelings to be a vital part of the experience of older adulthood.

Interest in the sexuality of older adults is reflected in the significant growth in the literature on sexuality and aging (Flynn et al., 2016; Syme & Cohn, 2016). However, most of the focus of these studies is on white people (Zeiss & Kasi-Godley 2001) and exclusively on older married people (Herbenick et al. 2010; Lindau et al., 2007; Madel, 2014; Morrissey Stahl et.al., 2018; Radosh & Simkin 2016) even though sexuality is not limited to this population. The scant attention paid to older Black women, especially the sexuality of older single or widowed women, is a disservice to this group due to their distinctive aging profile. For example, older Black women are more likely to be widowed, to not remarry, and to live alone or with relatives. Compared to older white, Asian, and Hispanic women (37%, 24%, and 23%, respectively), 43.3% of older Black women live alone. Additionally, second only to Hispanic women (34%), older Black women (30%) are more likely to live with relatives other than a spouse when compared to whites (12%) and Asians (26%) (Roberts et al., 2018).

Disparities in Black Women’s Sexuality Research

The disparities in sexuality studies regarding older Black women are further amplified because the few existing studies on older Black women have focused on how they have been portrayed in the literature (Collins, 1991). An examination of how older Black women portray themselves sexually is lacking, particularly in gerontological literature (Scherrer, 2009), even though social work recognizes the multiple layers of diversity in the aging population (Berkman, 2011) and the differences imposed by age, race, culture, and other factors.

While some Black scholars have questioned the lack of representation of the experiences of older Black women in sexuality studies (Dickerson & Rousseau, 2009; Rosenthal & Lobel, 2016; Sewell, 2013), others have provided reasons for the omission. For example, Dickerson and Rousseau (2009) put forward three explanations for the obscuration of Black women’s sexuality in research. First, society defines sexuality as the domain of white women rather than as a women’s or societal issue. Second, the separation of Black women’s issues from civil rights struggles means that women’s issues should be resolved within Black communities. Third, Black women accord more importance to race than gender or sexual issues (2009).

Other emerging scholars have reported the challenges inherent to recruiting older Black women for sexuality research (Author, 2020; Lagana et al., 2020) as plausible factors for the omission. While highlighting the difficulties and complexities involved in recruiting older Black women for sexuality studies, Author (2020) added that sensitive and personal topics such as sexuality are not areas that are naturally appealing to older Black people, and they are therefore not drawn to participate in such research. Hine (1986) further reasoned that past trauma and unnecessary and unfounded accusations against older Black women about their sexuality have discouraged them from talking about their sexual experiences. Another plausible explanation offered is that Black women recognize that they are often dealing with the reality that they are aging, female, and nonwhite in a society defined by youthfulness, patriarchy, and white dominance (hooks, 1990; White & Laganá 2013). They therefore sometimes adopt and internalize the images painted of them and dismiss their own sexuality (Dickerson & Rousseau, 2009).

Considering the above, the need for researchers to address this imbalance is warranted. The lack of U.S. studies documenting how older Black women understand their own sexuality limits access to the insights of older Black women on aging and sexuality (Battle & Barnes, 2006). It is also fundamentally misleading to assume a generic experience of sexuality for all older women (Collins, 2002; Staples, 1970) since Black women’s history of slavery and past trauma(s) may have made their experiences of sexuality different from those of their white female counterparts.

Understanding Older Black Women’s Sexuality Through Controlling Images

From the era of enslavement till the present, much of the literature on Black women’s sexuality has analyzed their sexual experiences using stereotypical labels and myths (Timberlake, 1992) or controlling images (Sewell, 2013; Stanford, 2018). Controlling images involve placing a group in a certain status through an oppressive order that naturalizes its subordination and influences how the people in the subjugated group perceive themselves (Farrar, 1997; Sewell, 2013). The controlling images used to portray Black women include the mammy, the Black matriarch, the jezebel, and the welfare queen (Sewell, 2013). Collins (2002) argued that these controlling images were created by the dominant ideology of slavery to justify the exploitation of Black women to legitimize sexism, racism, and poverty as a natural, everyday experience. These images were symbolic as they signaled the connection between the roles that women occupied in the society and political economy at that time. Collins (2014) suggested that such controlling images were used to reproduce the capitalist structure of the time and to exploit Black women throughout history, especially in terms of their sexuality.

An extensive analysis of each of the controlling images is beyond the scope of this study, but Dickerson and Rousseau (2009) and Collins (1991) provide detailed narratives of the controlling images of Black women in the context of the larger sociocultural, economic, and ideological frameworks on which these images were based. For the purposes of this paper, we examined these controlling images in relation to sexuality and categorized them into two domains: sexual and asexual images. Based on these categories, only the mammy offers an asexual image; the other three depict sexual imagery that is notably negative.

The mammy typifies the asexual image of a Black female slave who was deemed to be submissive and safe to serve white slave masters and their families in their homes (Sewell, 2013). Her sexuality was caricatured in the form of an overweight, unattractive, and unappealing dark-skinned woman who was incapable of satisfying her white slave owner’s sexual appetite. However, under the conditions of slavery, she would have been most preferred as she would have conformed to the ideology created by whites of what Black sexuality should be (Baldwin et al., 2019). The most popular media image of the mammy is that of Aunt Jemima, whose depiction of womanhood was embodied in the image of a housekeeper, a nanny, and a personal slave to the master’s wife. She was not envisioned to have or desire any attributes of beauty (Malveaux, 1979) nor perceived to be desired by white men.

In contrast, the jezebel, the Black matriarch, and the welfare queen are sexual beings. The welfare queen represents a woman who is in an impoverished state because of her low morals and uncontrolled sexuality; she is someone who manipulates the public welfare system. While the jezebel is usually portrayed as a promiscuous, lustful, sex slave (Rosenthal & Lobel, 2016) and the Black matriarch is portrayed as a sexually aggressive and controlling woman. In these three images, Black females’ control over their sexuality and fertility is conceptualized as antithetical to elite white male interests. Even though their sexuality is linked to fertility, these women risk being stigmatized because, rather than being domiciled slaves, they are nonconformists who withstand adversity for the sake of their families and communities (Beauboeuf-Lafontant, 2007).

Taken together, these four prevailing interpretative images of Black womanhood form a nexus of elite white male ascriptions of Black women’s sexuality and fertility. Also, this creates an organized hierarchy of sexuality, with some forms of sexuality being dominant while others are subordinate and marginalized (Weeks et al., 2003), the latter being more applicable to Black women. Moreover, by meshing smoothly with systems of race, class, and gender oppression, they provide effective ideological justification for racial oppression, the politics of gender subordination, and the economic exploitation inherent in capitalist economies ( 2003). Unfortunately, these stereotypes of Black women linger and continue to shape the expectations of Black women to this day (Field, 2018).

Among the jezebel, welfare queen, and Black matriarch, the Black matriarch was not an invention of the dominant group. Rather, it was an attempt to undermine the reality of the status of Black women by imbuing their image with historical and semantic inaccuracies (Staples, 1981). Traditionally, the role of the matriarch in Black culture arises from a combination of American social and economic positions and African norms that naturally force women to assume leadership positions (Jeffries, 1995). Black women have strived to survive in a society that created and has perpetuated an unequal system of social and economic deprivation of their Black husbands, in heterosexual relationships. In this context, the matriarch in a Black family is simply a Black woman who operates as the head of the household and is committed to the well-being of her children and family.

To serve the interests of the dominant group, the Black matriarch was depicted differently from the other controlling images—as a sexually aggressive woman who emasculates Black men and is ultimately responsible for the breakdown of the Black family. The Moynihan Report (1965) was tremendously influential in shaping the Black matriarch and Black sexuality myths held by the public. Of course, Black scholars have long attacked the depiction of the Black matriarch as a myth (Beauboeuf-Lafontant, 2007; Collins, 1991; Hicks 2009; Nelson et al., 2016; Malveaux, 1979; Sewell, 2013; Stanford, 2018; Staples, 1981). In fact, Staples (1981) called it a cruel hoax, a calculated attempt to add insult to injury to Black liberation and an attempt by the dominant group to blame Black women for the success or failure of Black children (Collins, 1991). Emerging studies on Black matriarchy are beginning to challenge the myth that a Black matriarch destroys her family, instead, they show that she is a strong woman whose energy is channeled toward sustaining the well-being of her family (Stanford, 2018). A qualitative study of six Black women by Stanford (2018) found that the participants were conditioned by their own female lineage to accept the role of the strong Black woman. These women embraced this role and frequently made sacrifices because their life choices were affected by those of their families (Stanford, 2018).

The Image of Black Women in the Literature

The portrayal of Black women’s sexuality is based on two perspectives: the pervasive and entrenched perspective of the dominant culture and the perspective of older Black women themselves. The former dominates the literature on Black women’s sexuality. The ideology of the controlling image has not only gained dominance and been perpetuated by the media (Malveaux, 1979; Staples, 2006), its pervasiveness is also evident in science and the sexuality literature (McGruder, 2009). Through a review of the literature on Black sexuality from 1998 to 2008, McGruder (2009) found that a subtle element of racialized science remains in the perspectives and interpretations of some studies of Black sexuality. It is further used to maintain the dominance of one group over another and to justify the policies that restrict the activities of the subordinate group. McGruder’s review revealed that most studies on Black sexuality in the US were focused on HIV and AIDS. However, since the studies failed to examine the contexts of the sexual behavior of the sample populations, they left the impression that something about Black sexuality (and implicitly, Black/African American culture) was the cause of the risky behaviors being researched. Presenting Black sexuality research without context gave readers and society the false impression that the sexuality of the Black sample population was the problem rather than attributing it to pervasive systemic racism.

The Unique Experience of Older Black Women’s Sexuality

The sexuality of Black Americans has often been fraught with controversy (Malveaux, 1979) because Black women’s sexuality is tied to the sociohistorical experiences of enslavement (Collins, 2009). A careful review of the literature describing the context of the controlling images of Black women’s sexuality showed how older Black women’s sexuality has been portrayed by the dominant group through the experiences of slavery, which continue to define sexuality for Black women. Because Black women were needed to breed other slaves, their sexuality was shaped around a system involving the commodification of their bodies (Battles & Barnes, 2010; Beauboeuf-Lafontant, 2007; hooks, 1981; Wooten & Branch, 2012). Women who were too old or who past the childbearing age, were stripped of any sexuality, considered worthless, and faced an increased risk of psychological and physical abuse (Dickerson & Rousseau, 2009).

The abolition of slavery and the movement toward an advancing technological era eroded the need for Black women to breed more slaves, instead they presented an opportunity to regulate Black women’s sexuality to prevent the overpopulation of the Black race. Black women’s sexuality, especially that of older Black women, is complex and shaped by complicated power relations. Undoubtably, the lingering effects of trauma from enslavement ensure that the experiences of Black women are in sharp contrast to those of their white female counterparts. Unlike the sexuality of older white women, older Black women’s sexuality cannot be understood outside their historical and social contexts (Attallah, 2016; Battle & Barnes, 2006; Foucault, 1990; Staples, 2006; Tiefer, & Beres, 2005; Traeen et al., 2016). Their sexuality must be examined in relation to the racial, gender, and class oppression as Black women in America. Such an analysis must consider the larger structural and institutional infrastructure associated with oppression to adequately reveal the structural factors associated with Black women and, more specifically, the sexuality of older Black women (Dickerson & Rousseau, 2009).

Current Study

Because of the lasting nature of these sexualized historical images of Black women, it is therefore imperative to examine how older Black women portray themselves sexually. Accordingly, the assumption that all older people’s experiences of sexuality are uniform is historically inaccurate (Author, 2020). This has also created a research gap that is discrepant with the growing number of older single and widowed Black women in the US, indicating that there is a strong need to explore their sexual perceptions and experiences. With this study we aim to fill this gap in knowledge.

In the current study, we explored and described how older single or widowed Black women understand their sexuality. It is important to comprehend how these women define their sexuality and to identify the sociohistorical context that has shaped their understanding of their sexuality. We sought to understand how older Black women based on their firsthand experiences rather than third-person, indirect accounts of their sexuality. With an enriched understanding of their sexuality, providers will be better informed about how to use culturally sensitive approaches and measures to address the needs of older Black women. This new knowledge will also provide guidance on how to effect improvements in older Black women’s quality of life, well-being, and ability to express their sexuality.

Black Feminist Standpoint Theory

Drawing on Black Feminist Standpoint theory, we explored the degree to which older single or widowed Black women describe how they understand their sexuality. Black Feminist Standpoint theory is rooted in the everyday experiences of Black women and rests on the assumption that their knowledge is socially situated (Bowell, 2011). Accordingly, older Black women, as a marginalized group, are socially situated in ways that make it possible for them to be aware of their sexuality and to define their sexuality based on their own realities rather than those of others. Black Feminist Standpoint theory was originally developed to give voice to the experiences of women as a marginalized group. As Collins (2014) explains, it includes a legacy of struggle and a variety of characteristics, such as racism and the social class differences among Black women, all of which influence how racism is experienced. In addition, sexism also impacts Black women’s experiences. Black feminist theory allows the analyses of these intersections via intersectionality, a perspective that extends to our combined analysis of gender, race, ethnicity, and class (Naples & Gurr, 2013). Intersectionality assisted us in evaluating how these concepts shape the complexity of Black women’s experiences (Williams, 2018). By including older Black women’s sexuality through an intersectionality lens, we can learn about older Black single or widowed women’s experiences that will enhance our understanding of their sexuality within the distinctive cultural and historical milieu of widowhood.

METHODS

We used an interpretive phenomenological method of inquiry to learn about the subjective experiences of older widowed or single Black women and the personal meanings that they attribute to their sexuality. Interpretative phenomenology is a scientific approach that evaluates common situations in the world from the viewpoint of the person experiencing them as a means to understanding people and human life (Applebaum, 2010). Essentially, according to Wojnar and Swanson (2007), interpretive phenomenology views the participant and researcher as co-creators of interpretation and is often conducted within a context of discovery rather than a context of verification (Gorgis,1985). We selected this qualitative method because it allows the interpretative phenomenologist to find meaning in the narrated essence of what the participant describes and the extent to which participants’ subjective experiences are shaped by their social, cultural, and political contexts. The aim of the interpretative phenomenologist is to uncover the nature of the experience while maintaining the integrity of the perceptions of the individual (Becker, 1992). Therefore, the application of interpretive phenomenology was the ideal approach to uncover firsthand how the women understood their sexuality and how their understanding influenced their behaviors and interactions with their partners, families, friends, and society.

Participants and Recruitment

From May to December 2018, we recruited a total of 17 women to participate in the study. In the end, only 14 women, aged 60–75 and heterosexually identified, were interviewed. Two women withdrew from the study because they found the questions “too sensitive.” Another woman was visibly upset because she found the questions about sexuality too intrusive and stated she no longer wanted to participate. The remaining 15 participants sat through the interviews, with one withdrawing after the interview was over for fear that she would be judged because of what she shared with the interviewer. Using a purposeful sampling strategy, the first author recruited for the sample by distributing of flyers at senior centers, community health centers message boards, churches, and by sharing information about the study via word of mouth. The first author also attended a women’s event in New York City, where she recruited two women for the study. For inclusion in the study, participants had to meet the following eligibility criteria: (1) live in New York City, (2) be assigned female sex at birth, (3) self-identify as Black or of African descent, (4) self- identify as a widow or single, and (5) be aged 60–75 years. Most studies in the literature on older persons cover ages 65 to 85 (Butler, 2005). However, since there is a wide gap relative to life experiences between the ages of 65 and 85, we selected 75 years old as the upper age limit in order to create a cluster of participants who shared the similar generational experiences. The City University of New York, Hunter College Institutional Review Board (IRB# 2017–1074) approved all study procedures.

Data Collection

The first author conducted the in-depth semi-structured participant interviews at locations that were convenient for the participants. For example, two of the participants permitted the researcher to conduct the interviews at their homes. Other interviews were conducted in libraries, but most took place in restaurants nearby to the participants’ homes. Initially, the interviewer asked to interview the participants in their homes, as this was deemed to be the most appropriate setting (i.e., private) for inquiries of a private and sensitive nature. To our surprise, 12 of the 14 women did not want the interviews to take place in their homes. Instead, they opted for a more neutral location in which they could talk freely without worrying about being heard by family members. Prior to interviews, the participants were assured that they could withdraw from or stop the interview at any time if they felt uncomfortable. Further, to protect their privacy, we assured that we would anonymize their identities by assigning them pseudonyms in the reporting of the findings.

The average length of each interview ranged from 45 to 90 minutes and was audio recorded. Although writing was also kept to a minimum, which allowed the interviewer to give her full attention to the participants, she took notes and made methodological notations to capture important points. We planned to conduct two interviews and all the participants agreed to two interviews, however, only two participants went on to participate in a second interview. The remaining 12 felt a second interview was unnecessary because they had nothing more to share with the first author who conducted the interview.

The interview guide was developed in consultation with the first author’s mentors, through feedback from senior colleagues, and based on research objectives drawn from previous studies found in the extant literature. Additional questions that were added to the guide emerged iteratively from the interviews. The interview guide was deliberately broad, to cover a variety of domains, and designed to encourage the women tell their own stories. We structured the guide to move from general to more specific questions. For example, after asking routine demographic questions, we asked specific questions relative to our research question. Such questions included: “One of the things I am really interested in (or curious about) is whether you think that being a Black woman affects your sexuality?” and “What does sexuality mean to you?” We also used a series of follow-up prompts and probes to encourage the participants to provide more details, to encourage them to open up, and in some cases, to give let them guide the interview. Our approaches also helped refine the focus of the interviews and guided their direction and flow.

Data Analysis

Data analysis occurred at different stages of the study. Data analysis was concurrent with data collection. We followed a multistep process. The first author transcribed the data with the assistance of a colleague authorized to review the participants’ data. Then, we reviewed each transcript for accuracy. For creating, updating, and revising the codes we used NVIVO (2018) as part of our data management process. Guided by Braun and Clark’s (2006) the step-by-step guide in thematic analysis, we repeatedly read the data set several times to build familiarity with the data and to identify the initial data-driven codes. Most of the codes were in vivo codes, meaning we generated them from words or phrases from the participants. We were particularly drawn to phrases that participants used repeatedly, as indicators of patterns of their experiences. The coders reviewed each code for consistency, preciseness, and shared meanings. In the process, we discarded some codes that were not relevant or for which we could not reach consensus.

By engaging in an iterative inductive process, themes began to emerge from the data. The themes were generated based on the direct quotations of the participants, enabling an analytical interpretation of the meanings behind the participants’ narratives (Larkin & Thompson, 2012). The themes were tabulated (which helped with organization), which was later used to illustrate significant statements. The tabulation of the themes also helped us to identify patterns of meanings and connections between themes and codes. We compiled a narrative account that highlighted what the participants had articulated, and this allowed us to determine the coherence and plausibility of our interpretations. Similarly, Black Feminist Standpoint theory provided a framework for the interpretation of the research findings. Additionally, we used several strategies to ensure the trustworthiness and credibility of the data, including prolonged engagement. Finally, we maintained rigor through analytic memo writing throughout the analysis stage. To ensure robustness, quality of the data, and trustworthiness, we linked detailed participant quotations to the emergent themes.

RESULTS

Participants

Fourteen older Black single or widowed women participated in this study. They ranged in age from 60 to 75 years (M = 65). Most of the women were U.S. born (n = 10). Three of them migrated from the Caribbean and one was from Africa. The sample comprised women who had been widowed or separated for three to 50 years and those who were single. Most of the women were widowed (n = 8); the others were divorced/separated (n= 4) or never married (n = 2). All the women had adult children and grandchildren of varying ages. Nine of the women were retired. Four participants were employed and one a student. Five of the women described being in steady relationships, and three reported being in what they described as “on and off” relationships. Two women reported they had “closed that chapter of their lives” and were no longer interested in dating. The remaining four participants were not in any sexual relationship at the time of their interviews, but they were open to and actively seeking a relationship.

Major Themes

Through our exploration and analysis of the participants’ narratives, three major themes emerged from their understanding of their sexuality. The women spoke about their sexuality in the contexts of Black matriarchy, the concept of self, and communication. Each major theme also contained multiple subthemes. In terms of Black matriarchy, having to ensure the safety of the family and having to choose between dating and maintaining the family’s respect were the women’s primary considerations. Concept of self included descriptions of the women’s “moments of amazement,” sexual pleasure, and reengagement in sexual activity. With respect to communication, they discussed avoiding conversation about sex with family and friends and joking as a method of communication. What uniquely tied the major themes together was living in a paradox, which exemplified our interpretation, and under- standing of the women’s struggles as they tried to balance the role they occupied in society with their identity as sexual beings. The paradox was also complicated by the mixed messages they received from their families and society. In situations where the women thought their roles and their status were clearly spelt out, their families’ reactions when they expressed their desire to date confused the women. As an example of this paradox, Agnes narrated an instance when she was forced to choose between pursuing her newfound love and meeting the (unexpressed) expectations of her family: “They tell you they want you to have somebody, but when they see someone with you, it’s a different story.” Overall, it was from within this conflicting stance and complex position that they defined their understanding of their own sexuality.

Black Matriarchy

The first theme that emerged from our explication of the women’s understanding of their sexuality was Black matriarchy. As older Black women, they all self-identified as matriarchs. Although being a matriarch was considered an important familial role, it also represented a barrier as it imposed an expectation that they would not date men. Historically, older Black women, especially Black mothers, have held a highly esteemed place in Black culture (Lawson, 2004). “Black matriarchy” has been defined as the tenacity with which Black women and Black mothers occupy a central and important role in their respective families (Stimpson, 2014; Willie & Reddick, 2010).

All the women described themselves as being powerful and influential decision-makers in their families. Even though their children were adults, the women continued to have significant decision-making responsibilities in their children’s lives. This was particularly true of those women who had raised their children as single parents. Their position as head of the household and the key decision-maker in their families adversely affected the women’s sexual identities. As these women aged, their sexual identities became sublimated because, in their matriarchal roles and as older women, there was little room for them to be sexual beings. Sharon explained:

I am 64. Should I even be considering having sex with anybody? Because some people think that when you are over 60, you are dead. Rather, they remind me that I am a grandmother now, and grandmothers don’t think about stuff like that.

The women conveyed that they had much to negotiate. In addition to their identities as sexual beings, they had to manage, figure out, and toggle their role as the matriarch as well as their interactions with their friends and extended networks. They identified a paradox between their multiple roles, which manifested in two ways: They had the responsibility of ensuring the family’s safety, and they had to choose between dating and maintaining the family’s respect.

Having to Ensure the Family’s Safety

The women in this study adopted the image of strength as a symbol to represent the Black matriarch whose role among others is to ensure that her family is safe. They had taken on this responsibility when they first became mothers, and now that they were grandmothers or in their old age, it had become their primary role. The idea of having to operate as the head of the household, as a strong Black woman, was a generational slavery legacy that had been thrust on them and required them to take on the responsibility of ensuring the safety and survival of their families. The women echoed their obligation to continue to ensure the safety and well-being of their families, which sometimes conflicted with the expression of their sexuality. For most of them, it was a necessary sacrifice, a lifetime calling, that suppressed their ability to become the sexual beings that they imagined themselves to be. Again, they were caught in a paradox between taking on the role of the family protector and being an older sexual being. For the majority, the two roles did not converge.

This was the case with Paula, who knew these two important roles of family protector and sexual being could not merge. She sacrificed her sense of being a sexual being to protect her family. For her, her sense of family responsibility far outweighed her individual pleasure because she had terminated a relationship when she had sensed a potential abuser:

I tried to see this one guy in the interim, but he just said something to me that “Oh, your daughter is beautiful.” The way he said it and how he said it got me thinking that this is not a good man and for me that was it. The only thing I have drive for is to keep on protecting my children until God take [sic] me. So yes, he has to go.

After experiencing this potential danger, Paula decided to close that chapter of her life by not exploring further relationships. Paula was not the only one who made this decision; most of the women did. The women had to decide between dating and protecting their families.

Sharon gave an example of this paradox when she described how she struggled to balance the pursuit of a relationship with a man and protecting her family:

Ok. I got kids. I got grandkids, and that is a big concern. I need to know this person is alright before bringing them into my family. I think [that’s] my biggest concern…They may be a crazy person; they may appear to be ok, and they may not be ok.

Sharon’s narrative also exemplified her struggle to maintain this balance. She did not want to risk her family’s physical and emotional safety by being in a relationship, especially if the man was emotionally unstable or a possible risk to the safety of her family.

Other women in the study lived in a similar paradox. Each woman who believed that being in a relationship might pose a safety risk to her family devised a plan to maintain a balance between being a protector and being a woman seeking male companionship. Paula was one of two women who was no longer interested in dating because she thought that her involvement with a man might negatively affect her children’s lives: “I do not want any man who might interrupt my kids’ lives.” Lumba shared how she would defer introducing her partner to her family until she was confident that he was the right man. She related the story of a friend who had been involved in an abusive relationship with an emotionally unstable man. She reported that the man’s abusive behavior drove her friend’s family away. She believed that deferring dating for the sake of her family’s safety was a necessary sacrifice. Based on her understanding that getting to know the man would take some time, she was willing to wait rather than to risk introducing a potentially abusive man to her family prematurely:

I think my greatest concern is [that I need] to spend time with the person [so we can] get to know each other and talk about what we want in a relationship together as a man and a woman and how this relationship [will] impact my family.

Having to Choose between Dating and Maintaining the Family’s Respect

Generally, older Black women are treated with great respect within their families as Black culture places a strong emphasis on showing respect to older persons and authority figures. These women enjoyed the respect they received as matriarchs. Again, the paradox for them lay in choosing between maintaining family respect and owning their sexuality. They gauged respect within the context of whom they dated. The fear of losing the esteemed respect of their families sublimated the women’s decision to date in their old age. They would stand the risk of losing the matriarchal respect if the family did not approve of or like their male partners. It was therefore imperative that they be highly selective about the type of men they introduced to their families. For example, Becky stated that she would not date younger men, especially men her children’s age, for fear of losing her family’s respect:

I don’t think I want to have a relationship with a youngster [who is] my son’s age or…my grandson’s [age]…. Respect [in a relationship] is one of the things that is key…so I should not be getting involved, and would not, with someone my son’s age…because then it would be like my son.

The preservation of familial respect was also important to Lumba. She simply stated that it was worth waiting to introduce a “respectable and acceptable man” to her family rather than to introduce him prematurely. She negatively predicted that her family would disapprove of her partner choice, and she would become the “laughingstock” of her family.

The women reported reminding their families of their position at every opportunity, providing a reminder that as the older matriarch, they must have the respect of the family. This reminder was best articulated by Becky who recalled an exchange with her older son about the possibility of her dating:

He said, ‘Mom?’

And I said, ‘Yes?’

He said to me, ‘Are you lonely?’

And I said, ‘What type of question is that? You don’t have to tell me how old I am. I brought you into this world.’

It can be seen from this exchange that Becky not only entrenched her prestigious matriarchal role by reminding her son that she was his mother. Her sharp departure from the question of loneliness to restating her position as a parent could be suggestive that she did not want to talk to her son about dating or, that she had taken on the identity that matriarchy be separated from intimacy in order to be treated with respect. The need for their families’ respect, which was symbolically tied to their standing as matriarchs, added to the conflict they experienced over the divergent perception of themselves as sexual beings who were eligible to date.

Concept of Self

The second theme, concept of self included descriptions of the women’s “moments of amazement,” sexual pleasure, and reengagement in sexual activity. The women discussed the concept of self, which means how they reflected on their sense of themselves as older Black women who are sexual. Most importantly, they dwelled heavily on the conflicting perceptions they held of their understanding of themselves as sexual beings. As older Black women, they struggled with the experience of living in a paradox; they had difficulty reconciling how they understand their own sexuality with the message of sexuality that society dictates to them.

Moments of Amazement

Many of the women entered old age with the assumption that sexuality was not characteristic of old age and they believed that it was atypical for older women to have sexual feelings and/or to feel sexual. Contrary to notions from society, their friends, and those based on their own internalized assumptions, there were those women who had encounters that challenged how they had internalized their sexual identity. Most participants were surprised that their sexual needs and desires had not diminished as they advanced from middle age to old age. They continued to have sexual urges. For example, Vicky (aged 74) spoke about a recent experience that she described as overpowering and surprising. She recounted an experience that we termed a “moment of amazement”:

But I am amazed because I didn’t think at this age I [would have] …sexual feelings, but they are there and alive. But to me, it is very surprising because I thought [that] once a woman gets [to] like around 60, they [pause]…that was done. I didn’t know. And the ones that said they did, I figured that they were lying because I had never had an open discussion. I never thought women at this age would have these feelings.

Nearly every woman felt similarly. As they entered their sixties, their thinking was that their sexual lives were over. However, the physiological responses they experienced (i.e., arousal) did not match the societal expectation and messages indicating that older women should be nonsexual.

The pervasive myth that asexuality in old age is inevitable was evidenced by Sharon’s (aged 60) account of her life before and after attending a course at a women’s weekend event. Prior to taking part in the course, Sharon had given up on her sexuality; she considered that chapter of her life was over. She said she felt liberated from having that mindset after attending the weekend program where she was taught to love and accept herself as “beautiful, fierce, and intelligent.” She was also taught how to maintain a state of mindfulness. She explained how she would not touch or look at her genitals previously, because she thought that they were “going to dry up” and she would never have sexual urges again. She confessed,

Before…this class, I did not even look at my pussy, ok? I did not touch it or wash it or keep it moving or look at it. But now I treat her nice[ly]. I soak her in a nice tub, I have my candle and aromatherapy, I get my little toys. I really don’t have any concerns like I used to. I thought I was going to dry up and never get it on again, but this class helped [laugh] [pause] me to get more sensual with myself. I just know that one day if I meet somebody and have sex with him, I hope I don’t kill him [laugh].

Sharon had learned how to reconceptualize her sexuality. By doing so, she reshaped and redefined it for herself as an older woman. Further, she redefined herself as an older, sexually active woman because her attendance in the course had empowered and liberated her. Her dormant sexuality was rekindled, and she began to look forward to having meaningful sexual involvement with men once again. Similarly, Tamika (aged 68) acknowledged that she had sexual feelings as an older woman and welcomed the realization that her sexual urges had not diminished. She wanted to continue experiencing her sexual urges: “I still have urges; I still feel sexual. In order not to lose it, I must be sexually active.” Staying sexually active was important to Tamika; satisfying her sexual urges was a precursor to the healthy enjoyment of sex.

Sexual Pleasure

Through the process of understanding their concepts of self, participants discovered and created images of themselves as sexual beings and (re)discovering sexual pleasure. For the women in this study, sexual pleasure and sexuality were distinct from one another: they separated sexual pleasure from sexual activity. To them, sexual activity produced children and having children was not an indication of having experienced sexual pleasure. Sharon stated, “I mean, I have three kids, but to say you have three kids [does not] mean you enjoy sex.” However, (re) rediscovering their sensuality with an eagerness to date, afforded the women an opportunity to explore sexual pleasure and to be in control of their bodies. Sharon described how she instructed her partner so that she could experience sexual pleasure:

Telling him what I like, where I want him to go, and how I want him to do [something]—it is going to be no problem instead of lying there or saying, ‘Oh, baby! Oh, baby!’ and it’s over, which [is what] a lot of us Black woman do.

In their prior sexual experiences, some of the women were unable to communicate their sexual desires to their partners, which caused them to neglect their own sexual needs and experience pleasure. Their prior sexual experiences entailed covering up their feelings instead of expressing their needs and/or desires. Sharon declared, “they would moan and groan like the sex is so great,” whereas in most cases, they often just wanted the sexual activity to end.

The participants described their development of sexual pleasure as a personal growth process. Conversely, they talked about how they equated their sexuality with giving in to their partners sexually. To obtain greater clarification, we asked the women to describe what sexuality meant to them. The women’s definitions varied. Some defined it as a natural coital experience with men. For example, Becky (aged 75) equated sexuality with “… sexual intercourse. It’s clean, not dirty. It’s clean; it’s normal.” Lumba (aged 75) described sexuality or romantic relationships—used interchangeably by the women in this study—as signifying an emotional connection that might or might not involve the use of one’s genitals. In response to the question “What does sexuality mean to you?,” Lumba replied,

I am going to answer this way. For me, to feel good, hugs would do for me; kissing would do for me; care, affection would do for me. And how about sexual [interaction]? That would have to be a reaction that comes, not something that I am going to think about or force…to happen. For me, affection…can be display[ed] just by hugs, holding hands, you know, making sure I am comfortable, that I am warm enough or cool enough or whatever.

Her story aligned with the experiences of other women in this study such as Marie. Marie ascribed the failure of her marriage to her adherence to perceived societal roles at the expense of personal sexual pleasure:

I mean, you know, growing up in the sixties, there were certain roles that women were supposed to follow, and certain roles men thought that was what you do when you got married. I didn’t realize what…you know, what marriage was about. So that is why we broke up.

Agnes (aged 60) narrated a similar experience:

I didn’t know what a healthy sex life was when I first got married. Even when I started having sex, I really did not enjoy sex per se. I did not enjoy it because it was…a quick thing that you had to do with your boyfriend, and you quickly dressed…and [went on with your life].

The women did not speak about their desire to experience sexual pleasure until later on in their lives. Most emphasized that they did not experience sensual pleasure either in their early years because they had been conditioned to believe that the purpose of sex was either to pleasure their partners or for procreation. For them, the latter was more commonplace: the societal expectation that they procreate and not derive any personal pleasure from sex (i.e., not expect to experience any sexual pleasure). Abigail, a 70-year-old widow, articulated this well when she described her sexual experiences: “Black women were actually expected to start breeding for no apparent reason; we had no choice.” In fulfilling the expectation to “breed,” any exploration of their own sexual desires remained unfulfilled. Most importantly, of the women were conditioned not to express their sexual feelings at all.

Reengagement in Sexual Activity

The third sub-theme of the concept of self, reengagement in sexual activity, illustrates how the participants’ understanding of their sexual identity was influenced by whether or not they believed they could engage in sexual activity in their old age. The women assumed that their aging bodies would inhibit their ability to perform sexually, therefore, sexual performance was a major concern. Vicky stated, “One thing I am concerned with is—not that I am unable to have sex—[whether] I can have sex comfortably anymore. I don’t even know.” Vicky’s belief about her ability to have and to enjoy sex were influenced by how she contended with her aging body as going through hormonal changes that included vaginal dryness, which caused her to experience pain during penetration. Thus, she internalized the pain as an indication that she could no longer have penetrative sex.

Other women did not share this belief. Tamika and Sharon (aged 68 and 64, respectively) refuted and challenged the ageist assumption that women lose interest in sex as they age and/or experience menopause and that they do not desire to have sex. Specifically, Tamika explained how she was able to overcome vaginal dryness and enjoy sex again. As she approached menopause, she began to experience discomfort during sex due to vaginal dryness, which made penetration difficult and painful, and even caused her to bleed. Initially, she reacted by deciding not to have sex anymore, refusing to let “the home dry,” as she phrased it. She sought a medical intervention and started using a prescribed medicated cream, but it was ineffective. Later, she found an inexpensive, over-the-counter water-based lubricant that remedied her dryness issue. Having discovered this product and no longer having to deal with vaginal dryness, her resilience increased, and she was able to enjoy penetration again. Tamika’s experience suggests that experiencing menopause and having an aging body are not synonymous with the loss of sexual desire that is expected of aging women.

Sharon, who was optimistic that she would connect sexually with someone soon, did not envisage any sexual problems once she started to have sex again. Because of what she learned from having attended the weekend event for women, she was confident that she would not encounter any sex-related problems as she aged:

I want to know how to make myself sensual…when I get into [a] relationship ‘cos I think and do believe that it’s coming, and maybe this year…that when I get all I need and more [in terms of] my sexuality, then being sensual to a man is going to be no problem. Telling him what I like…where I want him to go and how I want him to do it is going to be no problem.

Kate, one of the few women who was not interested in dating but still desired to have sex, held a disparate view about old age and sexual desire. Although she battled with arthritis and walked with a cane, she maintained that being sexually desirable was a state of mind and not dependent on the condition or state of her body. When asked if her physical condition inhibited her from seeking a sexual relationship, Kate snapped, “The leg [referring to her arthritis] has nothing with your body up here [pointing to her pelvic area]!” Kate maintained that if she were to have sex, her aging body would not be a barrier to her capacity and fulfillment. Tamika, who also was interested in being sexual, opinionated that sexual performance could be maintained in old age through vigorous exercise. Throughout the interview, she indicated that she regarded herself as physically fit and with considerable sexual energy:

I mean, I look good; I feel good. I am very energetic, and I am still sexual. So, you know, do I get a younger man and rock with that cause …men of my age, they are not doing anything?

For the most part, many of the women reported that they still considered themselves to be sexually active and continued to enjoy sex and intimacy.

Communication

The third theme, communication, was unexpected as there was no specific question regarding communication, but this theme came up in the women’s narratives to a surprising degree, and most of the women described it as important. How these women communicated about their sexuality was paradoxical. They wanted to own their sexuality because they recognized that they were sexual beings capable of having desires and engaging in sexual activities; however, they were aware of what was expected of them as older Black women, namely, the perception of them as strong, influential, and reverend maternal figures—a perception that contrasted with how they saw themselves. This perception created a deep-seated insecurity within them, and they found that there was no expression of those feelings for them. Since they had to present this image of prestige, they had to withdraw from expressing emotions that did not fit this caricature or image and, in effect, refrain from self-disclosing these sexual feelings to their friends and families. Having to negotiate between the image of themselves as sexual beings and the societal expectation that they be asexual created insecurities that eventually affected the ways in which they communicated and how they communicated with their children, families, and people in their inner circles.

In the interview, the women talked about their sexual feelings and thoughts and how this communication varied based on the relationship with the people in their lives. They felt constrained and unable to self-disclose these sexual feelings to their friends and families. However, they also reported shame and embarrassment when communicating their sexual feelings and desires to their families, friends, and medical doctors. They spoke in detail about avoiding discussions about their sexuality with family and friends and joking as a method of communication about sex.

Avoiding Discussions about Sexuality

The women’s conversations with their family members about their sexuality were also limited. In relation to sexual matters, the women felt shame and embarrassment because of their age, and they cited this as the most common reason they did not share their feelings with family members. For example, most agreed that they could not talk to their daughters about sex without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. In Tamika’s words:

For me, I don’t even know how to [pause] address that [sex] with my daughters; I wouldn’t even know how to begin. I would be ashamed to [discuss it with them]. And I really shouldn’t because it is [the] natural order of life. I can say that, but to really get down to it is [laughter].

Tamika recognized that as an older Black single woman and a sexual being, being sexual at her age was natural. Her statement suggests that she could not discuss her sexuality or desires with her daughters without feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

Aware of the societal constraints surrounding self-disclosure, the women continued to long for opportunities to discuss their feelings, even with their friends, although they did not know how this information would be received by their friends. Both Emmanuella and Vicky shared a common desire to talk about their sexual feelings with their friends, but they could not do so. Emmanuella was disappointed by the loss of this opportunity:

I have spoken to some of my friends. They are up in age, and man, they don’t want a man no more. I know that I like a man now and again. Most of my friends are up in age, in their seventies, eighties. They don’t want to be bothered by a man at their age, and they don’t want to talk about it. I’m happy to have a man in my life and sad that I cannot share my thoughts with my friends.

Vicky felt the same way:

In the same way that I didn’t know, I am sure there are other Black women that don’t know it, either because sometimes you just don’t discuss things like this. The older women I know never had this conversation. Never.

Vicky’s response was understandable and derived from her experience growing up in a culture and social milieu where discussions about sex were repressed. The women interpreted common phrases that they recalled, such as “hush, hush,” “under the table,” “keep your pants up,” “cross your legs,” “don’t let boys touch you,” and “keep your dress down,” as directives to suppress their sexuality. Tamika recalled a lack of sex education or discussions about sexuality while growing up. She stated, “I don’t know…I just was…at those times, there was no talking about sexuality. It was like nobody really spoke about it.”

In describing her own experiences, Abigail stated that if girls “attempted to talk or ask about it [sex], they risked being stigmatized or labeled as ‘dirty.’” Rose narrated a similar experience and recalled how her friends discouraged conversations about older women and sex. As a result, she kept her feelings to herself:

Well, for me, I think it is good if it can be maintained by every female [in] that age bracket. For me, it was good, but I notice that I don’t like to talk to other females about it because when I do, they kind of frown on it; they [are] like, ‘What?’

Abigail recollected how discussions about sex were conducted in secret, and any attempt to talk openly about sex was strongly discouraged.

The paradox between the women’s image of older Black women and their perceived sense of themselves as sexual beings also affected how they communicated with their medical doctors. Historically, because of mistrust stemming unfairness within healthcare institutions, many Blacks are wary of the healthcare system and prefer to keep their illnesses to themselves. Because of the intersection of mistrust, suspicion of the healthcare system, the stereotypes and conflicting messages regarding older adult sexuality, and the desire to keep their sexual activities private, how the women communicated and responded to their doctors’ inquiries about their sex lives differed. Some felt that their doctors were intrusive and made erroneous assumptions about their sex lives, while others were comfortable discussing their sexuality with their doctors. For example, Vicky stated that her sex life was private, and doctors should not ask her about it. Other women concurred. Paula was straightforward: “Because you are a medical doctor, and I am only coming here because I have a sore throat, it is not sore here [pointing to her pudenda], so you got nothing to [laughter]. You know, you know.” Vicky was similarly emphatic that her doctor should not have asked about her sex life when she presented with urinary tract infection symptoms. Here, Vicky a detailed conversation she had with a doctor at her last doctor’s visit:

So, I had a talk with the doctor and what not, but, uhm, I had a—what do you call it—a urinary tract infection, and she gave me some, you know, antibiotics for that. But it is funny, you know. I told her that I [had] a burning sensation, and I think that in her mind, having a burning sensation was [a consequence of] being sexually active because she said to me: ‘You know, as women get older…their bodies chang[e], and dryness comes [pause].’ And I was like, ‘[Why] is she talking about…dryness? Where is this coming from?’ I’m listening to her, and my mind is going…She says, ‘What I am going to suggest for you is that you get some, yeah, yeah, KY jelly.’ And I started laughing to myself, and I must have looked kind of funny when she said something like ‘because your body is losing’—uh, I forget what—’as you get older, your body no longer has estrogen… and…it causes your skin to get sensitive [pause].’ And I’m thinking, ‘She thinks something is going on.’ And she volunteered for me to get the KY jelly, and I am thinking, Ok…’

Kate’s expectations of her doctor were similar to Vicky’s. She also believed that her sex life was none of the doctor’s business. She declared,

He is not supposed to [ask about my sex life]. It is [none] of his business. Oh, but my gynecologist, you know, we will talk about that with her. But as far as he is concerned, he never crossed that line with me. He will give me a breast examination and that…[pause].

Alice concurred. She said, “I say ‘no’ when they ask me if I am sexually active. They should not be asking me about that; it is personal. If they ask me, I am giving them no answer.”

While most of the women did not want their doctors to initiate a conversation about their sex lives, some women, particularly those in a relationship, spoke with their doctors about their sex lives. For example, Tamika consulted her primary care physician for a medical intervention regarding sexual concerns (i.e., vaginal dryness). Agnes also had a good relationship with her doctor, and they talked about her dating activities. She said,

He advises me about my age. We are the same age. I am 60 [on] September 28, so the doctor told me, ‘It’s about time [you started] having a relationship, for [you] to have a boyfriend’…something like that…If you have a boyfriend, [it] is not about sex; [he’s] a companion, someone you can visit, drink with … basically that [is] it.

Abigail also discussed her sexuality with her doctor whom she saw regularly: “Oh yes…I would discuss stuff with my doctor if I had any sexual problems [and] my gynecologist.”

The women who were not dating did not want their medical providers to ask them questions about their sexual activities. Marie was uncertain about whether the doctor should ask her questions about her sex life and her willingness to discuss her sex life with her doctor. However, Sharon confirmed that she would talk to her doctor if she were sexually active so that she could address any age- or physiological-related issues that might affect her ability to have sex. While most of the women indicated that their doctors did not inquire about their sexual activities, they differed in their perceptions of whether doctors should ask them sex-related questions. Although most of the women felt that their doctors had no right to invade their privacy, many seemed to want to talk to their doctors in the right circumstances and with the right types of questions.

Joking as a Method of Communication

The ways in which we communicate varies depending on our culture, power relations, and environment. Older Black women have suffered multiple oppressions—sexism, ageism, and racism—and as such are more wary of opening themselves to being judged or labeled, especially in their communication or expression of their sexuality. Unlike their white counterparts, older Black single or widowed women may struggle with self-disclosure of their involvement in old age intimacy. Since sexual expression in old age is not censored, these women used jokes as a protective factor to share their feelings about their sexuality. To protect their vulnerability, jokes had become a mechanism of sexuality communication as a substitute for direct statement.

Rather than communicating their thoughts, understanding, desires, and sexual needs to their friends or peers directly, most of the women joked about it in conversations. Vicky tried to talk to her friends about her sexual feelings:

Well, oh, one of them is too straightlaced. You don’t want to…you know. But then I have one girlfriend, we just talk about men in general. It is more in the teasing way but nothing with no [sic] depth. I don’t know. I think most of my friends are Christians, and they love the Lord, so most conversations just—they don’t go that way, you know? They…just lightly…[touch] the surface, don’t get into no real details.

Lumba (aged 75) also explained that she could not fully disclose her sexual feelings to a close friend. Instead, they joked about it peripherally:

I sometimes have [a] conversation with my friend who has five grandchildren; she married and [got] divorced. Every now and then, we joke [about] it as opposed to say[ing], “This is what I feel or [am] going through.” We joke [about] it.

Although the women used jokes to communicate their thoughts and sexual experiences, this communication method was limited to their friends and people in their inner circles. They simply did not discuss these issues at all with strangers. Instead, they kept their thoughts to themselves as they risked being judged by people or questioned about their morality.

DISCUSSION

This interpretive phenomenological study yielded rich and detailed information about how older single and widowed Black women understand their sexuality. We explored firsthand the various dimensions of how they understand their sexuality by using direct accounts. Our approach strengthens the ongoing discourse that older Black women’s sexuality can only be understood from the perspective of their lived experiences, as narrated by them, which is supported by Black Feminist Standpoint theory. The application of this theoretic framework was particularly useful in illuminating how marginalized groups, such as older single and widowed Black women, understand their sexuality within both intimate and a broader sociocultural context. Furthermore, by applying Black Feminist Standpoint theory, we were able to analyze and interpret older Black women’s experiences and perspectives through the lens of intersectionality (i.e., race, age, and gender).

Three major themes emerged from the study, namely, Black matriarchy, the concept of self, and communication. These themes were unified through the women’s experiences of living in a paradox. This paradox was exemplified by the conflicting perceptions of themselves, as the women struggled to balance the role they occupied in society with their identity as a sexual being. It was from this conflicted social position that the women defined their understanding of their sexuality.

The women maintained their esteemed status as the matriarch of their Black family. Their occupation of this status was tied to perceiving themselves as the protector of their families and needing to maintain their families’ respect. This study adds to the emerging empirical evidence that challenges the myth of the Black matriarch (Stanford, 2018). The Black matriarch, rather than institutional and structural racism that imposes social, political, and economic barriers on Black families, has been blamed for the failure of the Black family (Collins, 2009, hooks 1980). In this study, the women did not conform nor represent “the problem”: They exhibited the attributes of strong Black women dedicated to the success and prosperity of their families. Our finding further supports the work of others who have equally challenged the myth Black women as a cause of “failure” of the Black family from philosophical and historical perspectives (Beauboeuf-Lafontant, 2009; Collins, 2009; Hicks 2009; Malveaux, 1979; Sewell, 2013; Stanford, 2018; Staples, 1981).

The concept of self-highlights how the participants in this study discovered and created images of themselves as sexual beings. We recounted how they experienced “moments of amazement,” which served as a reminder that their sexual feelings had not diminished with age as they had erroneously assumed. This finding aligns with those of studies of older women who revealed that they still have sexual desire into old age (Lagana, 2013), which highlights the common biological determinism of sexuality (DeLamater, 2012; Lindau et al., 2007; Pazmany et al., 2014; Tiefer, 2000). The amazement of the women in our study was also due to their possible internalization of the stereotypical construction that they are asexual beings (Hicks 2009; Hughes et al., 2015; Naik et al., 2009), thus highlighting the complex nature of the contradictory messages and prevalent misrepresentations that older women experience as a result of living at the intersection of ageism and sexism. The fear that they would lose their femininity may have been partly influenced by their aging bodies and hormonal changes. It is also likely that this fear stemmed from a deep-rooted perpetuation of the time when women’s sexual health was largely defined by their ability to conceive and give birth (Hinchliff et al., 2008; Murtagh & Hepworth, 2005; Vincent, Riddell, & Shmueli, 2000).

Communication emerged as a third theme in this study. Many of the women had not shared their sexual thoughts or sexual feelings with their families, friends, and peers because they did not know how they would be received. They were unable to find any organizational support or acknowledgment in this regard nor were they able to identify other older women with whom they could share their experiences. They grew up in a culture and social milieu where sexual discussions were not discussed openly. Rather than face the consequences of having serious conversations about sex and sexual feelings with their friends, many of them turned the conversations into jokes. Others simply did not engage in open discussions on the subject. Mader (2014) reported similar findings. Six of the participants in Mader’s study indicated that they typically spoke about sex in a joking manner. Given its humorous tone, Mader questioned the quality of this type of discussion but deduced that humor was used as a defense mechanism to protect the participants from the reality of their situation, which was too much for them to bear. Although the women in the present study used similar tactics to communicate with their peers about their sexual encounters, their motives were different to those of the participants in Mader’s study. In our study, the women used humor as a communication tool because of learned behaviors. They grew up in a time when people were expected to be non-expressive about sex and their sexuality. Most of the women in this study were part of a generation for whom the discourse on sex had to be conservative.

We interviewed a generation of Black women who were born between 1945 and 1960, the era at the height of the sexual revolution, civil rights movement, Black Power, and the legalization of abortion. We learned from the women’s stories that Blackness matters—Blackness matters in their assumptions about reproduction and in their images of themselves as sexual beings. The women analyzed the relevance of race in a personal way. They brought up their Blackness when they linked their experiences to slavery and the age of plantations. Blackness was also evident in the women’s attitudes towards reproduction (e.g., “It’s so readily accepted [by] Black women, we were expected to breed for no apparent reason”). Blackness also mattered to these women when reflecting upon their moments of amazement that they could still be sexual after the age of 60. Once the women felt they had ownership of their bodies, it affirmed their independence, and they were no longer afraid of becoming pregnant. Of course, white women may have similar wonder, and Blackness may not necessarily be a dominant factor here.

Limitations

This study is not without limitations. Our sample was limited to cisgender, heterosexual, older single and/or widowed Black women in a large, northeastern, metropolitan city. All older women face a collective experience of contradictions between their sense of themselves as sexual beings and the various roles ascribed to them by society. The sociocultural factors specific to our sample may render their sexuality and their experiences of singlehood and widowhood different from other older widowed and single Black women (e.g., sexual and gender minority women, non-urban residents, etc.). Another limitation of the current study was the exclusion of women older than 75. It is possible that the specific historical trajectory of this older age group, whose life experience would likely have differed from those aged 60–75, may have provided another dimension of experience that would have further expanded our knowledge of the sexuality of older Black women. Despite these limitations, this study revealed several significant insights into the meanings that older single and/or widowed Black women ascribe to their sexuality and the impact of sociocultural factors on their understanding of their sexuality.

Implications

It is pivotal for clinicians and the academicians to understand the perspectives of older Black women and how they understand their sexuality. The implications for policy and practice pertain to social workers and other mental and healthcare providers who must assess the fundamental historical and contemporary issues that older single and widowed Black women face while simultaneously considering the convergence of race, gender, and sexuality.

We did not explore the women’s sexual behaviors because it was not the focus of our study. However, we obtained a glimpse of their divergent views about sexual behavior. We found that the women were inclined to discuss their sexuality in relation to sexual behavior. If given the opportunity, we encourage professionals working with this population to discuss sexual behavior with them. Although other studies have focused on an exploration of older adults’ sexual behaviors via biological determinism, there is a gap in our knowledge in this regarding older Black women’s sexual behaviors. Older Black women may have a different story to tell.

In our experience, older Black women may be more comfortable disclosing personal information regarding their sexuality or sexual behavior to someone whom they perceive to be, sensitive, nonjudgmental, experienced, and/or empathetic toward them. Using the first author’s experience as an example, the combination of shared identity and experience may have influenced the successful interactions with the participants. We speculate that researchers who share sociodemographic characteristics with older Black women are likely to have significant success eliciting information about sexuality from this population than researchers of differing sociodemographic backgrounds.

Conclusion

We achieved the objective of this study by obtaining a novel understanding of the participants’ actual experiences by relying on the stories that they shared about their lives. Their narratives enabled us to acquire essential insights into various aspects and dimensions of their sexuality, and the study findings can therefore be understood, recognized, and used by others.

While the current study provided insights into the sexual experiences and sexuality of older single and widowed Black women, there are many areas requiring further investigation. For example, the influence of Black matriarchy on the sexuality of older Black women needs to be replicated in other settings and among other older Black women in the Black diaspora if an interpretation of the understanding by older Black women of their sexuality is to be fully realized. Given the extent to which the sexuality of older Black women has been overlooked in the literature, opportunities await researchers to unravel the myth of Black matriarchy and sexuality and to determine how older Black women’s understanding of their sexuality influences their perceptions and behaviors.

Researchers must demystify the current derogatory images through which Black women and older Black women in general are portrayed. The only way to achieve this is to bring the invisible lives of Black women to the forefront of the body of knowledge. Their voices should dominate the literature on Black sexuality. Finally, how Black women communicate about their sexuality is an understudied theme that should be the focus of future research.