Chris is Mr. A in the following accounts from jail, this is his history. The school called my son Chris “emotionally disturbed” from the time he was 4 years old, but we never received a clear diagnosis. In class, he struggled terribly in class and needed to be refocused all the time. Once he was treated with Ritalin for ADHD—it made him quiet in the classroom but did not help him focus, and at the end of the day, he’d become terribly hyperactive, moody, and unable to sleep. Around the age of 11, he became depressed, staying in the house and not eating. Treated with Prozac and Lithium, he improved much, joining the varsity hockey team and rising through the Boy Scouts to Life Scout, graduating 12th grade when he was 18.
After High School, he stopped the medicines, and in his early 20s, he showed some odd behaviors: his face would become completely blank, and he would stare but be unaware of his surroundings. Sometimes at night, we heard him sobbing, when voices he was hearing wouldn’t let him sleep. He became paranoid, convinced that someone was listening to us, or would kill his dog or would kill us in our home, and he hid knives in the house and in his truck. He moved into his truck, parking it near his job, until we convinced him to return home to help us. We begged him to get treatment, but he thought that he could fight this without medication.
Mr A was first arrested in 2006 when he was 24 years old. In a 6 AM raid, the police found child pornography on his laptop. This was discovered by an internet conversation he had with an undercover officer. A doctor who was the author of Megan’s Law tested Chris and thought his collecting child pornography might be related to his auditory hallucinations. Chris was convicted of Child Endangerment and sentenced to 5 years of probation, court-mandated medication, and therapy. He was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and treated by a psychiatrist, whom he came to trust. For several years, Chris was compliant with his medication, Lexapro and Risperdal, but when the dose was increased, he became lethargic, very overweight, and was losing his short-term memory. He worried about losing his job as an HVAC service technician, and he stopped taking the medications.
When his psychiatrist died suddenly, Chris had trouble trusting a new doctor. He admitted to hearing voices again but refused to resume medication. He described 3 distinct voices: mostly a harsh voice telling him to do things and that he is a bad person and doesn’t deserve to live, a more nurturing and softer voice, and one voice screaming above the others.
In 2018, he was arrested again and charged with trading videos of 10- to 13-year-old girls. He was fully psychotic then, and in jail, he was placed on suicide watch—he attempted suicide 3 times in the past, but was never hospitalized. Since August 27, 2018, he has been in the Forensic Unit in the Essex County, NJ jail.
In jail, his medications—Risperdal, Wellbutrin, and gabapentin—are working much better than his old medications. Chris now understands that he must continue taking the medication for the rest of his life. He is awaiting sentencing, which has been delayed by the pandemic. If found guilty, he could be sentenced to 15 years in prison.
Mr A—Diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder in 2007 at the age of 24
Written in pencil from the Essex County Correctional Facility, Newark, NJ
In here, I am locked in my little room alone for 22 hours a day. I do things to keep myself occupied and my mind stimulated. I do a lot of Origami and display it on my door. The Corrections Officers and other inmates comment on them and some inmates have asked me to make them for them to display or send home to loved ones. My family and friends send me a lot of books to read and do puzzles like Sudoku and crosswords. These things help me to focus and I feel badly for the ones in here who don’t have anyone, so I lend my books out and share my commissary goods.
Since being here, I have been taking my meds on a regular schedule. I now realize how important that is and how much more in control of my thoughts I feel. I see what happens to the people who don’t take them. There is a guy here who doesn’t take his medication, he fakes it in front of the C.O.s and nurses and they don’t ever really check or care most of the time. This guy then acts up and causes everyone problems. Once he started a fight with another guy because he said he was “taking in his health.” I feel badly for him because the other inmates in Protective Custody in this part of the jail who are in this section by choice (to keep out of the general population) and who don’t have mental health issues mess with him because they think it’s funny to watch him go off. For the most part in this section, the other inmates try to encourage or sometimes pressure him and others to take their medications. No one wants to be punished for someone else’s bad behavior and lose their free time.
Sometimes people act out or fight against the C.O.s. For those things, they bring in what we call the “Turtle Squad” we call them that because of all the protective gear that they wear. They bring in paintball guns loaded with Mace balls. One day one of the inmates (who doesn’t take his meds) wanted to use the computer, the C.O.s told him no. He got mad and refused to lock into his room. He started yelling and being loud saying he was going to “fight everyone” or “die trying.” The staff gave him time to cool down and talk to the mental health people, but he refused. They ended up just shooting him with the paintball guns like over 100 times. That shut him up… Sometimes It is entertaining to see the Turtles in action, but when it does happen, you know you are going to lose your time out of your cell. It takes a while for the mace to dissipate and get cleaned up.
When I was home, I used to carry at least 2 knives with me all of the time and had knives stashed all over my house. I have always been paranoid that someone was going to hurt me or my family. It is exhausting to live like that and always be looking around and be prepared. I always feel like someone is plotting to hurt me or my family and always feel like someone is following me. I always felt like I had to be prepared for the worst.
When I arrived at the jail I was scared, the voices in my head (there are 3 of them) were loud and yelling at me. I wanted to die and was so stressed out. I felt like everyone hated me and I would die alone, I hadn’t taken my medications for a long time because of the horrible side effects. I was extremely depressed, and the voices and paranoia were all really bad and had been for a while before this. They took all of my clothes away, gave me a smock and a blanket, and put me on a suicide watch for days or weeks. I’m really still not sure how long it was because it was kind of a blur. It was humiliating to be almost naked and on camera 24/7. Once the medications kicked in and I got my clothes, I felt a little bit better but slept almost all of the time.
We are all locked in for 22 hours a day in our rooms except for the worker inmates who clean and/or serve food. I asked to be a worker, but because of my mental health issues they couldn’t let me. We all get recreation time for about 2 hours a day. The guys all get along for the most part because no one wants to lose those 2 hours out. Everyone talks to each other and it can get loud when they shout from room to room. This makes it hard to hear if you are on the phone or watching TV while you’re out. The phone system sucks because there is only one and it imprints your voice, but it doesn’t always work correctly, especially with a lot of background noise. Making calls can be very frustrating, but many times if my account isn’t working the other guys will help by letting me use their accounts. If someone needs to make an emergency call while not out on their rec time, one of the guys that are out on their rec will bring that person a tablet so that they can make their call, someone will usually help if needed.
There are a few guys who don’t always take their medications, they act out usually by starting a fight and end up getting punished by being moved from this area, which has a TV. I have seen fights start with one guy spraying water on another and sometimes they throw pee or poop at other inmates. Some of the calmer inmates will try to stop this behavior before the C.O.s notice, so we don’t all lose our rec time. Rec time means phone calls to loved ones, TV and entering commissary orders so everyone values it highly.